Fastest Mare Alive?

by Reading4HalfMyLife

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Power Ponies, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2228

Rainbow Dash challenges Pinkie Pie to a race, and Pinkie gets to pick the place and time . Word to the wise: NEVER let Pinkie Pie pick the place and time

Rainbow Dash remembers how once, before Pinkies birthday, Pinkie Pie managed to keep up with Rainbow Dash, even after she had a three second head start before Pinkie started chasing her.

Feeling like her title as fastest mare in all of Ponyville, is being threatened, Rainbow Dash challenges Pinkie Pie to a Fastest Mare Alive Showdown [also known to ponies who aren't in The Fastest Mare Alive Official Club as a race.] And as the rule book for a Fastest Mare Alive Showdown states, the pony being challenged gets to decide when and where it's being held.

Rainbow Dash really hates that rule.

Published 2016-06-14 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-15 00:46:13 UTC

Fastest Mare Alive

All was well in Ponyville, the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, thanks to a particular cyan colored Pegasus, who was sleeping on a tree branch in the park right next to her pet tortoise-not turtle- Tank. Or at least she WAS sleeping, but this annoying zipping sound woke her up. Rainbow Dash sat up and looked around her. No mosquito or bees, and nopony was around. "Weird,huh, Tank?"She petted her pets shell absently.

Rainbow Dash heard it again, a sound similar to the one that is made when zipping something up. She groaned and flipped herself over, trying to use her pillow to block out the offending noise .Z I I I I P. In a rage, Rainbow Dash threw down her pillow and flew up into the air. "What are you?!" She screamed at the noise.

This time the Zipping noise was nearer. It was getting closer. Rainbow Dash swallowed. She had angered it. Rainbow raised her hooves as i to defend herself. "Look, I'm really sorry if I offended you" she said, eyes wide with fear. The dreaded zipping noise was coming closer to it's target.

Rainbow Dash looked down and gasped. It was Pinkie Pie, and she was running so fast she was making a zipping noise and leaving a trail of pink behind her.She must of have been going very fast for Rainbow to hear her from the other side of town. Rainbow Dash slowly floated towards the ground.

Landing in a sitting position, Rainbow puzzled over this new piece of information. Pinkie Pie was just as fast as her? Impossible, she was The Fastest Mare Alive, just check her resume. It must be just a one time thing, a fluke. And yet, even as she thought those things memories came flooding back. The way Pinkie Pie always managed to beat her to the spot she was going when she was running away, the way she managed to outdo Rainbow as Mare Do Well, and, time and time again, the memory of when Pinkie Pie chased Rainbow Dash down the mountain on her birthday.

"Could it be true, Tank?" Rainbow asked her beloved pet. "Could Pinkie Pie REALLY be faster than ME?"

* * * * * * *

Rainbow Dash knew what she had to do. It wasn't going to be pretty, but it was necessary.

She found Pinkie Pie in Ponyville's Square, right in front of the town hall. Rainbow landed beside Pinkie Pie as dramatically as possible, yet the pink party pony didn't even flinch. Damn her Pinkie Sense, Rainbow cursed."Pinkie Pie" Rainbow Dash began, only to be interrupted by said mare.

"Hey Rainbow Dash! Hey, I was wondering, why do they call this area a square?" Pinkie Pie began bouncing in place as she spoke.

"Wah? Pinkie Pie-"

"I mean, it's really more of a circle, so shouldn't we call it that?"

"Pinkie-"

"Although now that I really think about it, it's more of an egg shape. Hey! Like an Easter Egg! Speaking of which, for Nightmare Night I'm planning on going as a bunny this time. Fluttershy will appreciate that. Or maybe an Easter Egg. Oh! A chocolate bunny! A chocolate bunny!"

At this point in the conversation, Rainbow Dash did the smartest thing anypony could do if they wanted Pinkie Pie to stop talking; she put her hoof in her mouth, and held it there until Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing, a sign that she had calmed down.

"I, Rainbow Dash, the pony who proved that The Sonic Rainboom wasn't just an old mares tale, challenge you, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Birthaversery Extraordinaire, to a Fastest Mare Alive Showdown!" Everypony in the crowd that had gathered around them gasped, as did Pinkie Pie.

"It shall be at the exact time that the sun sets in Ghastly Gorg-"

"Hold on there, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash was interrupted by Twilight Sparkle who was holding an old, slim book with the picture of two hooves with wings on them. "It says here in the Fastest Mare Alive Showdown Rule book, that the pony being challenged gets to decide the date and place, not the one challenging."

Rainbow Dash scowled and rolled her eyes but admitted defeat. "Okay Pinkie Pie, when and where should we do this?"

Pinkie Pie sat back on her hind legs, with a hoof to her muzzle, thinking, before somehow clicking her hoof and exclaiming. "I got it! Meet me at Twilight's Castle tomorrow morning!" And with that she ran away.

"Ah'm confused, isn't A Fastest Mare Alive Showdown the same as a race?" Apple Jack asked, and others around her nodded.

Rainbow Dash, who was preparing to take off froze, and turned to Apple Jack. "I don't even know you anymore." She said,before taking off.

* * * * *

"Rainbow Danger Dash, do you accept the fact that if Pinkamena Diane Pie wins, you can't blame it on the environment she picked, even if you felt it was unfair?" Twilight had copied the agreement paper from The Fastest Mare Alive Showdown Rule Book.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. "I do."

"Great sign here. And here. And initial here, here and . . . . here. Great! Okay, I will be overseeing who wins so . . . . where are we going exactly?"

Instead of answering, Pinkie Pie turned around and punched air. Slowly a crack began to form, and using crowbar Pinkie Pie got from who-knows-where,she managed to break open a giant gaping whole. "It'll fix itself up afterwards, don't worry" she assured her two friends stepping into the swirling vortex. Rainbow Dash was the first to recover. Picking her jaw up from the ground, she shrugged and followed Pinkie Pie into the strange area. Twilight started towards it, then grabbed some paper and a quill and followed the elements of laughter and loyalty.

"So Pinkie Pie, how do you know this place so well? Actually where is this place?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking around at the little moving pictures that kept popping up as they walked.

"Oh, right, Twilight, Dashie, I would like to welcome you to my humble abode, though other ponies call it time and space" Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs and waved her front hooves around like a showpony.

Twilight glanced up from her furious writing. "You make it sound like you live here" she remarked. When Pinkie didn't answer, Twilight gaped "you do don't you? Live here I mean."

"Yeah, you see, I see other dimensions having SO much fun, and right now there's no parties to be had in Ponyville so I think- Don't touch that!" Pinkie Pie broke off from her explanation, seeing that Rainbow Dash was just about to touch a screen depicting three girls, all in different colored dresses, blue green and pink. But what was really weird was that they were flying.

"But I just wanted to see- WHAT IS THAT?!" Rainbow asked, pointing at a screen showing giant hairless apes sitting in front of a box.

Pinkie Pie frowned "They're some kind of weird species. The stallions are called 'Bronies' and the mares 'pegasisters.' Whats weird about these ones, is that some of the mares consider themselves 'Bronies.'"

Twilight frowned, trying to figure it out. "So . . . . some of the mares believe that they're stallions? That's weird."

Pinkie Pie nodded, then stopped as one more image came popping up. "Here we go, come on!" She bounced into it, Twilight and Rainbow following afterwards. Only to find themselves in unimaginable pain. Go on, imagine it.

The last thing Twilight remembered was thinking 'Oh Celestia, why me?" before blacking out

* * * * *

When Twilight came to, she found that she was in the middle of a street. "Pinkie Pie, tell me you didn't!" Rainbow Dash's voice behind her exclaimed. A giggle from Pinkie Pie confirmed whatever she had done.

She blew up a city street! She turned Rainbow Dash into the slowest Pegasus alive so she would win! She turned her into a slug! Calm down Twilight, the reasonable part of her brain soothed. It's probably not that bad.

The voice of reason was right. It wasn't bad. It was so,so,so much worse.

Rainbow Dash was in the air, arms crossed, glaring down at Pinkie Pie. Or rather, glaring down at . . . . Filli Second, The Fastest Mare Alive. "Pinkie Pie!" Dash exclaimed, furious. "You can't do that!"

"Sure I can, Dashie" Pinkie Pie said, completely unmoved. "The agreement was if I win, you can't blame it on the environment she picked, even if you felt it was unfair, and this is the environment I chose."

"Wait, why didn't I turn into Zapp?" Rainbow Dash asked, clearly confused.

Pinkie Pie shrugged "I didn't know how fast she could fly, so I stopped the transformation" seeing their shocked looks, Pinkie pointed a hoof at herself. "Time and Space. Home. Not a lot I can't do with it. I also turned Twilight into the Masked Matterhorn." She added a few seconds later.

Rainbow Dash turned to Twilight and, sure enough, she was wearing the exact same outfit she had worn when they got sucked into the comic book moons ago. "Okay" Rainbow turned to her pranking buddy. "Let's do this."

* * * * * *

The two ponies were lined up. The Fastest Mare Alive Showdown was very simple. Two or more ponies would compete to see who can reach a certain landmark first. In this case, it was a mountain in the far distance.

"Ready set, Green!" The Masked Matterhorn shouted. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash took about three steps before turning around and staring at Twilight who giggled nervously."Foaling, Foaling, GO!"

In exactly 2.8 seconds, Rainbow Dash was on the mountain, side by side. Rainbow Dash hoof bumped the air "Yeah! I knew I was faster than her! I just knew it!"

Twilight prodded her shoulder. "Actually Rainbow, you didn't."

Rainbow Dash stopped celebrating "huh?"

Pinkie Pie stepped out from behind a boulder. "I got here a good eight seconds before you."

"B- Burt- That's not fair! You had the advantage! You were Filly Second! I would of have won!" Rainbow Dash whined.

Twilight frowned "Rainbow Dash, you signed an agreement stating that if Pinkie Pie won, you could not blame it on the environment around you."

"But-"

"But nothing" Twilight interrupted sternly. "You broke the agreement, so your punishment is in Pinkies hooves."

Pinkie Pie smiled and, in a flash of light, she and Twilight were back in Twilight's Castle. "Where's Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked,looking around.

Pinkie giggled "Don't worry, Twilight, she's in good hooves!"

* * * * * *

Rainbow Dash woke up with a start, to find herself in a very strange world. There were earth ponies,unicorns, and Pegasus, but their faces were all like the ones Pinkie clone had made when they were watching paint dry.

A group of ponies walked up to her. "Hey" one of them giggled. "Do you want to play dress up?"

All over the dimensions, creatures of all shapes and sizes could hear the tortured screams of a Pegasus.

Fastest Mare Alive; Alternate Ending

SHOUT OUT TO CHEIGHLUND, FOR POINTING OUT THAT PINKIE PIE DIDN'T TECHNICALLY WIN. THIS IS FOR YOUU!!!

The place Pinkie Pie had chosen was basic; a rock farm. But not just any rock farm; HER rock farm.

Twilight stepped up in front of the two ponies lined up, and her horn flared. "Three, two one, GREEN!" She screamed. Pinkie ad Rainbow ran and flew for about two seconds, before turning back, to stare at Twilight, who giggled nervously. "Foaling, foaling, GO!" This time she shot a beam into the sky.Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash took off, blowing up an entire boulder as they went.

Rainbow Dash was flying, flying faster than she ever had before. She had already done three sonic Rainbooms in a row, and yet, she knew, instinctively, that Pinkie Pie was keeping pace.

Ignoring the cramping pain in her wings, Rainbow Dash pushed on wards, and was rewarded by two more Rainbooms. Smiling triumphantly, Rainbow glanced down, only for the smile to be ripped of her face.

Pinkie Pie was keeping up with her. And she was . . . bouncing? Yeah, she was, just like the way she hops around town. Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth. "Come on Pinkie! This isn't a stupid game! Stop bouncing and actually run!"

As soon as the words were out, Rainbow Dash regretted saying them. Pinkie glanced up, and, even though Rainbow Dash couldn't hear what she was saying, thanks to the roaring in her ears, Pinkies lips seemed to say 'Okie-Dokie-Lokie.' And then she ran.

Rainbow Dash was blown back from the wave that Pinkie Pie left behind. A millisecond later, Twilight teleported beside her. "Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah?"

"Pinkie Pie won."

"Yeah, I got that."

Pinkie Pie appeared beside Twilight ad offered Rainbow her hoof. Gratefully taking it, Rainbow Dash pulled herself up. "So . . . . Think you could teach me how to do that?"

Pinkie Pie, Twilight and Rainbow Dash all started laughing, until Rainbow stopped and said "no, I'm serious." Pinkie and Twilight laughed harder and walked away. "Hey guys, wait up!" Rainbow whined, following them.