Chapter 4: The Old Regime (Is Falling)

Safe in her bedroom with all of her body parts, Margaret exhaled with relief; her failure had hardly been fatal. Even so, the girl had thrice failed, so she longed to return with thrice the intensity. Still unsure of where her mind was to take her, however, she surrendered her sleep to God Almighty. "Good evening, My Lord. It is I, your servant Margaret. Thank you for helping me earn my daily bread, but please, Lord, allow me to return to Equestria..."

To Margaret's horror, God's answer was affirmative.

FOURTH DREAM

"Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor..."

Margaret was back at the wedding, Manurhin revolver and ear plugs in hand. Celestia's words began to fade, and mentally, she heard this advice Princess Luna: "Good things come to those who wait, Margherita." That was it! She needed to wait, and Chrysalis would show herself without interrogation.

Then again, Margaret was lucid dreaming, so as if she were watching a video, Margaret set events to play in fast motion.

"Faustabundantlyblessesthislove. Now, sheenrichesandstrengthensyousothatyoumayassumethedutiesofmarriageinmutualandlastingfidelity. InthepresenceofthecityofCanterlot, Iaskyoutostateyourintentions."

Margaret giggled at the high-pitched voices and the speed with which the characters moved about the apse. She especially giggled at the high-pitched laugh of the queen as she kissed Shining Armor.

"Whatfools! Everyoneofyouhereisafool! IamChrysalis, queenofthechangelings, andIhavecometofindfoodformysubjects!"

Alas, it all had to come to an end, so Margaret returned all events to normal speed.

"Oh, you sweet little simpleton. Every moment, Shining Armor grows weaker—and so does his spell! Even now, my minions are chipping away at it."

Margaret inserted her ear plugs. She entered the chapel's center aisle as Chrysalis looked at the ceiling and laughed. Margaret had the queen in her sights—specifically, the queen's giant head—and she also began to squeeze the trigger.

Suddenly, Antony Cannon happened. "I DON'T LIKE THIS EPISODE!" he shouted. His jump scare caused Margaret to leap, and she fumbled her weapon and dropped it. Cannon scared Chrysalis, too, who also leapt up with the fright of her life. "Oh, dear..." Cannon said to Margaret. "Did I scare you? I'm terribly sorry about that. But I mean it; this episode is bad. Why not live out your fantasies in Season 1?"

"Well..." Margaret began, "...perhaps you have a point, Mr. Cannon. The changelings were awfully overt, and Twilight seemed to act a bit stupidly."

Cannon grinned. "Finally, someone gets it!"

"I'll tell you what," Margaret continued. She took a moment to gather her thoughts. "...If you let me shoot the queen in the face...then we'll celebrate at Donut Joe's with Season 1 Twilight Sparkle."

Antony Cannon did a double take. "You...You're going to shoot Chrysalis...in the face?" Margaret nodded, so Cannon continued. "...and we're going to meet Season 1 Twilight Sparkle?" Margaret nodded again, so Cannon squeed like a schoolgirl. "You don't need my permission, Margaret! Shoot that terribly written character straight to Hell."

"What? Shoot me?" queried the queen. "Are you primates also magicians?"

Margaret retrieved her revolver, barely hearing the queen through her ear plugs. "Uh...At the squeeze of this trigger, your head will disappear. Does that count?" Margaret asked the queen. Once again, the girl raised her weapon, and once again, she began to squeeze the trigger.

Then, a different reviewer popped up: a pretentious young man named Tommy Oliver. "Shining—" was all that he could say before the double-action trigger broke and Margaret's weapon fired. The hollow point bullet sailed straight into his forehead and effectively blew it to pieces.

Margaret's eyes went the size of dinner plates. It was her first time shooting a human being, even in the randomness of dreams.

"Tooooommmmmmmyyyyyy!" Antony shouted. In slow motion, he reached out and ran to his fallen compatriot as the rest of him collapsed. Upon reaching him, his eyes began to tear. "No, no, no, oh, God no! Oliver, please! Tell me you're alive."

But Oliver's corpse did not respond.

"Noooooooo! Why, God, why?"

Margaret took a look at her surroundings. No longer was Margaret in Canterlot, but rather, at the Wilmington convention center. The pastel-colored ponies that surrounded her had turned into neckbeards and little girls with mothers. It appeared that she was at a brony convention.

"You!" Mr. Cannon snapped. "You did this, you...murderer!"

The little girls cowered behind their mothers, who in turn proactively sheltered them. The neckbeards, however, partook of Cannon's anger. "Why'd you have to do that, you heartless bitch?"

"What did Tommy ever do to you, huh?"

"Fuck love and tolerate. Honorable rules for honorable men!"

The neckbeards began to shout at once, advancing as a mob without a break in their ranks. Among the things that Margaret heard them shout, this was the line that stuck with her the most: "You Christians are the worst!" Hyperventilating and hugging her weapon closely, Margaret looked down to see a change in her wardrobe. She wore a T-shirt from Fayetteville Homeworks, a Catholic mission that repaired damaged homes.

"All you ass backwards Catholics can all kill yourselves!"

As the neckbeards enclosed, Margaret noticed someone: someone fat, but oddly in shape. It was former commando Eddie Stone, wearing a brightly colored pony-themed T-shirt. "You must be able to draw your weapon quickly—get it up into the aim—but you must pause before firing off that shot." Stone's voice seemed to drown out the shouting. "If you don't, you're liable to start shooting innocent bystanders..." Then, in two swift motions, Stone relieved Margaret of her weapon. "...which is unacceptable." He finally pistol-whipped Margaret, waking her up once again from her nightmare.