Author's Note
This story was brought to by the unrealistic consumption of apple whiskey.
Open mic night
Dear, Princess Celestia
Last night, I learned that racism is only funny when you're on a stage with a microphone. Though, it should be noted that you should not flirt with a pony who's the race of the joke you just made of. If that pony is of the alicorn descent, they will throw you at the top of their castle. Hence the reason I'm writing to you. I saw you come over about ten minutes ago. I was screaming to get your attention but you never looked up, but that's okay, Ponyville's loud and I know it's pretty hard to know distinct between child's play and a scream of terror.
I don't want to say anypony's name and get them in trouble. So, I'll make up a name. Princess Twilight Sparkle knows I'm still up here, not just because she's the one who threw me, but I remember seeing her close her window while I was screaming for help. Also, another pony saw me, and actually spoke to me while I was up here. Again, I don't want to get anypony in trouble. So, I'm making up another name.
Rainbow Dash flew up to where I was and told me to shut up because the neighbors were complaining about my noise disturbance. Number one, I that was a lie, because I'd only seen one other pony besides her and her friends, and that was you. When I caught her in her lie, she told me she and the other Elements of Harmony were trying discuss some important matters about a map or something, and I was disturbing them.
I told her that I would love to come down if I hadn't broken my wing when I got tossed.
What hurts the most is that Rainbow Dash is the one who encouraged me to tell the alicorn joke, and also a good friend of mine. After taking one look at my broken wing, she was possessed with laughter, then called me lame and left me up here.
I apologize for this letter being so long, Princess, but this is literally the only thing taking my mind off the amount of blood I've lost in my wing. It's been about 12 hours now, I think. I really can't since I don't wear a watch and my eyes can't see past my hoof due to my dehydration.
After about another four hours, I finally got somepony helpful...well, sorta. He's kind of a dragon. I would make up a name like usual, but I don't even know his real name to begin with. I didn't even know we had a dragon in Ponyville. How long has that been a thing? He was cleaning the windows when I saw him. He says he could help me.
Hopefully this letter reaches you, Princess, and I can finally be saved from this peril.
Yours Truely,
Your Royal Subject
My hooves were shaking like an old beggar's when my new friend swiped the crunchy piece of paper from me. The little dragon quickly read it over. "There's a lot of mistakes in here." I guess when you're living in a castle with a Princess who reads more than she breathes, grammar checks come to you naturally.
I rolled my eyes at the speed of a turtle falling down the stairs. "Yeah, my attention to detail is a bit rusty after baking in the sun for sixteen hours." I scratched at one of the several hot spots in my coat and under my wings. "Can you just send it?!"
"You don't know my name?" The little dragon crushed my letter in his little baby hands that he calls "claws".
"I barely know you." I honestly replied.
"We've met five times!" The little dragon crossed his arms and gave me a glare that was more adorable than threatening. "I'm not sending this until you say my name."
Well, I knew I was for sure going to die up here if I didn't at least try to think of a name on the spot. Far as I knew, dragons named themselves after a distinct feature about themselves, or at least I hoped. Looking over the dragon very quickly and noticing the spike all down his spine, I quickly blurted out the first name that came to mind. "Is it Spike?"
The dragon's face dropped even lower than it already was. "Lucky guess!"
Praise Celestia, Praise Luna! I was finally going to go home.
I watched spike climb back in through the window he came out of. My face was still stained on the outside where I tried to get his attention. Putting my ear to the top of the roof, I could hear somepony walking into the room Spike arrived back in. "Spike, where you talking to somepony?"
There wasn't any verbal response, but I did hear a rustle of paper followed by a few seconds of silence. A surprised "Oh" broke the silence below. I didn't have to look to see who the pony was inside. My ear twitched at the sound of the window reopening to my left.
"Hey..."
I looked over to see Twilight Sparkle looking at me with a smile. I thought she had finally calmed down and was going to help me. That was until I watched her lift my S.O.S (or S.M.S if you want to get technical) over her head and stab it with her horn. Creepily lowering herself back inside she waved "Good night" to me and left me to die.
I fell back on my wings and accepted my new home/death bed. Before I was able to shut my eyes. I felt something plush hit me gently. I looked to the area it was thrown and saw a purple hoof waving to me one last time.
I giggled and hugged the pillow to my chest, while I sang "She likes me."
