Two Changelings, Three Questions

by Winged Cat

Rating: teen
Tags: Changelings, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sex, Random, Slice of Life, Main 6
Length: 2514

A pair of changelings have a trio of questions for the Princess of Friendship and her friends. Cultural misunderstandings result.

Can there ever truly be peace after war? Queen Chrysalis's actions have emblazoned, in the mind of many ponies, the image of changelings as monsters out to enslave and enthrall all ponies as love-starved food stock. But not all changelings agree with her. Two changelings, having foresworn loyalty to Chrysalis, seek out Princess Twilight Sparkle in an effort to begin peaceful relations by asking three simple questions about liquid fear, irrigating ponies, and cupcakes.

Yeah, the ponies don't get it either at first.

Totally not written in one stream of thought session, honest.

Published 2016-06-18 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-18 22:40:01 UTC

And One Fight

"You think she'll still be mad about Chryssie?"

Two changelings — seemingly clones like most changelings save that one was a little smaller, while the other wore back armor carved from black marble — stood in front of Twilight's castle, craning their necks up to take in its impressive height as the midday sun glinted off its spires.

"Nah," the smaller one replied. "She's the princess of friendship. Even if our queen did try to ruin her brother's wedding, and take over Ponyville, and...alright, maaaybe, but we're just asking."

Just then, the door opened. Twilight stood behind it, her five best friends behind her having been talking in the hall. "Hi, can I help — YOU!" Upon recognizing her visitors, her expression flipped from smile to scowl.

"Uh, hi," the smaller one answered. "We want to ask if EEEK!"

Rainbow Dash missed her flying tackle by an inch, having given the smaller changeling just enough time to duck. She pulled up and arced backward into a dive. "I've got 'em!"

Without looking, the larger changeling shoved her smaller companion aside with both right legs, sending both of them rolling away from Rainbow Dash's projected impact point. They came out of the roll flying, soon weaving around Rainbow Dash, pegasus and changelings trying to knock each other out of the sky.

This lasted all of ninety-three seconds before Applejack's lasso snatched the smaller changeling out of the sky. Barely did the changeling hit the ground when a cocoon of rope appeared around her in a violet flash and tightened, immobilizing her.

"ANNA!" The larger changeling ducked under one more blow aimed at her head and dove for her companion. "Anna! Hang on, I'll get you out of there!"

Anna coughed twice. "No. It's...too late...Belle..."

Belle tore at the rope to no avail. "Don't speak like that! You've still got so much to live for!"

Twilight blinked. "It's just yarn."

Anna's breathing grew shallow. "No time...sorry...Belle, I...I never told you, but...even if we're not like pony families...I've always thought of you as...the best sister a changeling could have."

Belle ceased her efforts and blinked back tears, sniffing once. "Anna...no, p-please..."

Twilight looked around for anything she might have missed. "Nooo, seriously, it's just yarn."

"It doesn't hurt," Anna continued in a near-whisper. "Do me...one favor?"

Belle grimaced, wide-eyed, forelegs now hugging Anna's cocoon. "Anything."

Anna smiled as her eyes unfocused. "Don't...die angry. Live until...you can...forgive...Twiii..." She went limp.

"Anna?" Belle gently shook her. "Anna! NOOOOOOHOHOHOOO..." Tears blurring her vision, she buried her eyes in the cocoon, muffling her sobs.

Twilight just stared at the scene, open-mouthed.

Rarity flinched. "Ow! Twilight, please, make them stop!"

Twilight shook her head and lit her horn. "What are they doing to-"

"Make them stop that horrible acting!"

Twilight unlit her horn, expression neutral.

"Actually, I thought their acting was very good," Fluttershy commented, before clapping gently. "Bravo!"

Applejack smirked next to Fluttershy. "They're changelings. Ya gotta expect they're good at actin'. Stop bein' such a drama queen, Rarity."

Rarity glared. "I am NOT a drama queen!"

Pinkie Pie nodded. "She isn't! The Drama Institute of Equestria only rates her a drama duchess."

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "There're raters for that kinda thing?"

"Sure," Pinkie Pie supplied. "I used to be a junior member, before I got my cutie mark. Mom approved of me 'telling ponies what they are'. They use fake noble titles for all their ratings, though I thiiink they only hand out 'drama empress' as a lifetime achievement to dead ponies. Don't worry, I haven't rated you: you're not allowed to rate anyone you know, so all the ratings are fair and impartial. Anyway, the point is, there are MUCH more intense sources of drama than Rarity!"

Rarity's eyebrow twitched.

Pinkie Pie continued smiling. "Aaand I just remembered why you're not supposed to talk about it in the ratee's presence."

"Anyway." Rainbow Dash had, by now, landed next to Belle and placed a leg around her — partly to hug, partly to pin her should she attempt escape. "Cut the waterworks. What are you up to?"

Anna opened her eyes and giggled. "We just came here to ask some questions. Though, mmm, this rope is a little snugly. I haven't been cocooned like this since before we left the hive. Mind if I take it with me, Twilight?"

"Sorry, it's just a magical construct." Twilight willed the yarn out of existence.

As Anna dropped through the half inch the yarn had occupied and landed with an "oof", Applejack tossed the other end of the lasso still around Anna to the changeling. "You want rope, here, y'all can have this one. I got plenty."

Anna cuddled the lasso end. "Yaaay, thank you!"

Belle smiled and rolled her eyes. "You and snuggling. Anyway, the questions. First, is fear a good cooking ingredient?"

"Whaaat?" From the sudden shrinkage of Twilight's eyes, it was clear she was processing the question and did not like the answers that immediately came to mind.

Belle wriggled out of Rainbow's hold. "You heard me. Fear. We saw some ponies in Fillydelphia drinking it. One of them said he wanted to try cooking everything in fear. We'd never heard of anyone trying that before, but we figured you'd know."

Rainbow gave Belle a flat look. "You saw. Ponies. Drinking fear."

Anna nodded, wrapping her rope around her midsection then getting to her feet. "Yeah! They even shared a glass with us. When I gave it a lick...blech, fear tastes bad but this was just foul! Must've been some super-concentrated form."

Twilight blinked. "So...this was liquid fear, not 'served in a scary atmosphere' or anything?"

"Yep! Kiiinda..." Anna looked around, then pointed at Applejack. "Kinda the color of her coat, only yellower and a bit transparent. With a white bubbly layer on top when poured, but that went away if you let it sit there. And the ponies who drank a lot sure weren't afraid of anything. One of them asked us both on a date with him, right before he passed out, though I think he was having trouble with his tongue."

Applejack glanced at her coat. While she knew what color she was, she also knew the light could change exact hue. Sure enough, at this time of day the light struck her just right to suggest something, so she looked at Anna and guessed, "This's the same pony who told ya it was 'fear'?"

"Wait, you know him?" Twilight smiled. "I've never heard of anyone distilling raw fear! That kind of alchemical breakthrough..."

Applejack shook her head. "Nah, but I know when someone's slurrin' their words. He meant 'beer'. It ain't fear; if anything, it's liquid courage. Or liquid foolishness. Hard to tell the difference sometimes. An' to answer the question, sure, there're ways of cookin' in beer."

"...oh," Twilight finished, much less enthusiastically.

"Ohhh," the changelings chorused. Anna continued, "That makes sense. Okay, next question! May we irrigate Ponyville's love?"

"Whaaat?", the five non-Twilight ponies answered in unplanned synchronicity, right down to their wide-eyed stares.

"Well, I mean, we're going to," Anna clarified. "But it's polite to ask first, right?"

"Now hold on just a gosh darned minute." Applejack frowned. "Ain't nopony...or noLING, gonna be irrigating nopony."

"Told you they'd object," Belle sighed.

Anna just smiled and waved a hoof. "I've got it. Trust me."

"No, you don't 'got it'," Applejack continued. "Ponies ain't yer crops."

Belle shrugged. "It's an imperfect analogy. But Ponyville can use some councilors and therapists who have a very good reason to see ponies psychologically healthy enough to keep producing love day after day, can't it?"

"Not if you're just going to leave us love-drained zombies." Rainbow Dash tried to lean into Anna's face, but Belle interposed herself between her fellow changeling and the pegasus.

"That's Chryssie's — er, Chrysalis's game," Belle objected. "Honestly, that's why we left. Drink a town dry and move on, so we're soon starving again and they're dying...do we look like monsters?"

That earned her a long moment of awkward silence.

Belle facehoofed. "...don't answer that. Anyway, we'd like to move in and help out, earn our daily love. Help ponies talk through their differences, maybe a little matchmaking, make sure Rainbow Dash gets privacy on her dates..."

The other five ponies blushed and looked away, then gradually caught each others' eyes. Dawning realization melted into five stares directed at Rainbow Dash — some hurt, some just curious.

Before she could speak in her defense, Belle piped up, "She really is an energetic pegasus, and trust us, when she's with you she's thinking of you. Just following her around one day — the one day we COULD keep up with her — and soaking in what she shared kept us fed for a whole week."

After another prolonged silence, Twilight broke the tension. "Well, I'm actually relieved. I figured I was sharing her with somepony. I was worried it might have been Spitfire."

"Schyeah, c'mon," Rainbow retorted. "I'm way too awesome to have to sleep my way into the Wonderbolts."

Twilight shook her head. "I'm not questioning your talent. I was just worried that Spitfire might have seen in you what I did, and been unable to resist the temptation to, well..."

"...tap that flank?", Fluttershy squeaked, blushing so hard her face almost looked pink and pink instead of pink and yellow.

Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight stared as Pinkie nodded and affirmed, "Mm-hmm!"

Belle coughed. "Okaaay, before we wade too deep into that chasm..."

Applejack coughed, her eyes suddenly wide and looking anywhere that would avoid eye contact.

Belle facehoofed. "That was not meant as innuendo. Anyway, third AND FINAL question! This one's for Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie shrugged. "I said before, we walled off the pool, and when I had the remains analyzed it didn't look like you could have fed off my clones anyway. I mean, I'd've been upset that Twilight popped them all but it turns out they didn't have souls or minds or anything like that. That's what I guessed at the time and I was right, because I knew Twilight was too smart to become a mass murderer without an alibi or some sort of plausible deniability and that was all out in public."

Twilight's eyes slowly widened as her pupils dilated. "I...never thought about that..."

Pinkie nodded. "Of course you didn't. You may be smart but some of your best stuff has come right from your heart, before your mind had a chance to filter it. It's like that with most ponies but it's especially noticeable for you 'cause you have such a big mind. You're so smart even your heart is smart, but it has to make like Rainbow Dash to get past your mind sometimes, only I don't think your heart can pull off sonic rainbooms, but-"

"Ah-ahem," Belle interrupted. "Pinkie." She smiled deviously, making eye contact with her subject. "What...is the true purpose of the cupcakes?"

Pinkie blinked, then grinned. "Ahh." She sat, put her forehooves together, and bowed slightly. "A worthy question. I will tell you, but first you must pledge never to use this information for evil. I was unaware there were changeling Knights of the Oven."

Applejack tilted her head. "Knights of the what now?"

Anna smiled, idly playing with the rope still tied around her. "It's an ancient order. Pinkie can tell you about the pony side, but for us...have you ever had a rough day away from home, then you come by some restaurant you've never heard of and they make your favorite dish just the way you like it?"

Applejack stared. "That's you? I mean, changelings?"

Anna paused in her play, eyes unfocusing as she sighed. "Not always. Not as often as we'd like. Chrysalis has somewhat, ah, 'focused' ideas about what type of love we should eat. But yeah, Belle and I have done that sometimes." She tilted her head, as if suddenly noticing Applejack. "Liiike...last Thursday, around 4 in the afternoon, blueberry pancakes as you were pulling an empty cart home?" Anna winked. "That was some good appreciation."

Applejack tipped her hat to hide her expression. "Aheh, consider it a tip well earned, 'cause those were some mighty tasty pancakes."

Belle took in a breath, closed her eyes, and slowly exhaled. "I swear, on the hungers I have sated, on the honor of what I am cooking now, and on the tastiness of what I have yet to prepare, never to use your secrets for evil, honored Roseus Cocus."

Twilight smirked. "'Pink Chef'?"

Pinkie looked sideways at her, teeth gritted. "Don't ruin the gravitas." Then at Anna, smiling. "You have sworn well and truly, Mutata Cocus. The true purpose of the cupcakes is..."

Twilight froze. She could feel in her bones the ancient and fundamental nature of the secret about to be unveiled. Almost on their own, her ears perked to listen closely, as her mind slipped into analysis mode.

"Multiple. Independent."

Twilight nodded to herself. Cupcakes were made in batches. That it was their purpose only made sen...

"Frosting."

Twilight's carefully honed and tuned analytic processes slipped several gears at once, quickly piling up into a miniature mandala of malfunctioning mental machinations, the beauty of which could only be appreciated by someone reading her mind at the time. Discord took a snapshot and framed it, then resumed being nowhere in the vicinity that anypony could prove.

"Delivery. Vehicles."

Belle put a hoof to her chin. "I see. So that is their true power. I thought they were just easy to smuggle."

Pinkie nodded. "This was known even at the time of the banishment a thousand years ago. We were only able to prevail upon Nightmare Night's return because Luna was never a baker."

Twilight blinked, still trying to recover her train of thought. "Frosting?"

Pinkie leaned into Twilight's field of view, blocking it and making swirling motions with her eyes and forehooves. "Shh, Twilight," she whispered, "you don't need to know this. Forgeeet, relax, empty your mind..."

"Cupcake?" Belle offered, pulling said treat out of a pocket in one of her hoof-holes and holding it up to Twilight.

Twilight ate the snack and chewed. "Hmm...not bad! Err, what were we just talking about? Something important..."

"You were just going to MMMPH," Anna started, as Belle quickly levitated the rope across her mouth as a gag with speed and precision that spoke of much practice.

"They're going to stay in town a while," Pinkie chimed in, "under MY supervision." She eyed Belle. "It looks like we've got a few things to teach each other."

"Oh?" Twilight tried to focus her eyes; despite being just after noon she suddenly felt tired. She resolved to take a nap once this conversation was done.

"Yeah! Jokes, party tricks, ancient recipes of power, maybe a few new ways to twist balloons, that sort of thing." Pinkie shrugged. "I'll go get them settled in. C'mon, walk this way!" She began poinging off.

Anna and Belle looked at each other then poinged off in perfect imitation, following Pinkie's hoofsteps exactly.