Where in Equestria is Carmen Sandiego?

by hazeyhooves

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 1032

Rarity and Rainbow Dash must track down the world's greatest gentlemare thief.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash must track down the world's greatest gentlemare thief.

Published 2016-06-28 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-28 05:00:01 UTC

Istanbul! Of cooourse!

Canterlot
Tuesday, 3:52 AM

The first guardspony to notice was stunned speechless.

Though he did soon come to his senses and sound the emergency alarm, he knew it was all futile.

Like ants swarming their disturbed mound, the Royal Guard frantically scurried over every inch of the castle, trying to figure out how the crime had been pulled off. They could find no evidence of sabotage or tampering along the outer perimeter. Each guard on patrol swore they neither saw nor heard anything all night. The security wizards were baffled at how their hidden enchantments had completely failed to detect the intruder.

The only clue anypony could find was the calling card left behind in the vault: an autographed glossy photo of an infamous mare wearing a red trenchcoat and wide-rimmed fedora.

Ponyville
Tuesday, 8:10 AM

Rarity and Rainbow Dash arrived in the main hall of Chief Twilight's Police Station of Friendship.

“Good morning, gumshoes. As you may have noticed from the buzzing, the Cutie Map has a mission of friendship for the two of you.”

Rarity brushed her mane back with a hoof. “I can't deny we make quite a formidable team at solving mysteries.”

“This isn't just an ordinary mystery. Get ready for the big one. Carmen Sandiego has stolen the sun from the sky, and we need you to get it back!”

Rainbow beamed. “Woah, awesome! We're gonna meet Carmen herself?”

“The sun, you say?” Rarity looked out the window at the bright summer sky. “Um...?”

“Temporary spare,” said Twilight with a shrug. “As usual, you two will have exactly seven days to solve the case, or you're fired. And then you'll be banished from Equestria. And then thrown in a dungeon in the place you're banished to.”

“Chief, if this is so important to all of Equestria, couldn't we have longer than the usual one week?” asked Rarity.

“Oh no,” said Rainbow. “Our tickets for Camelton are for next week. We'll never get to see our show! Do you know how hard it is to reserve these?”

Baltimare
Wednesday, 6:31 PM

The operator of the amusement park's concession stand hummed thoughtfully. “Now that I think about it...”

Rarity fluttered her eyelashes. “Yes?”

“I remember seeing a pony in red who happened to be carrying a big ol' sun around. Maybe she's the one?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Gee, ya think?”

“She bought two quartz of Gem Cola, then said she was crystal clear on visiting a long-lost empire in the Frozen North.”

“We found our clue! Let's go!”

Vanhoover
Thursday, 2:15 PM

“We've searched this entire city,” said Rainbow. “How come there's no friggin clue?”

“We're obviously in the wrong location entirely,” said Rarity. “I asked at the local library. It would appear that the leading producer of horseshoes in Equestria would actually be Baltimare, not Vanhoover.”

“Hey, I figured it was another one of her wacky puns. You know, Hoover? Horseshoes? Get it?” Rainbow Dash shrugged dismissively.

“Every name in Equestria's geography is pun-based.” Rarity lead the march back to the train station. “This is supposed to be an educational adventure. Next time, we check facts instead of following your sense of humor.”

Griffonstone
Friday, 7:02 AM

“We've got you cornered, Carmen Sandiego!”

“Nuh uh uh!” Carmen shook her head. “Aren't you forgetting... the warrant?”

“Oh, come on! We already know it's you!”

“Rainbow Dash! Rules are rules. We must retrace our steps and find all the evidence to get our warrant.”

“Grumble grumble.”

Griffonstone
Saturday, 9:35 PM

“Aaaand she's gone,” Rainbow said “Of course she bailed while we're fetching a stupid piece of paper.”

“Wait! She left a clue!”

“A sandwich wrapper. She wrote: The sand of the sand is sandy sand.”

“She's not really trying anymore, is she?”

San Palomino Desert
Sunday, 1:08 PM

“You've done well, sleuths.” Carmen Sandiego greeted the pair on top of a dusty hill. “But first, I have something important I must show you. Hidden beneath our hooves. This concerns you— neigh, all of Equestria.”

“Really? Show us.”

“There's two kinds of ponies: those with loaded pies, and those who dig. You dig.”

“But Rarity has a loaded pie too.”

“Why, I do! That leaves only you to do the digging. Have fun, dear!”

Rainbow facehoofed.

“There's nothing but piles of old E.T. game cartridges.”

“Keep digging!”

“Woah, girls. I just hit something big down here. It's.... it's.... another sun?”

Rarity looked down into the hole. “No, more than that. There's hundreds of suns down there!”

Carmen nodded. “Burned-out artificial suns. Somepony stole the original sun, and has been covering it up by replacing it with these fakes. They can rise in the east, but get stuck after being set in the west, so a new one is needed every day.”

“But who's behind this?” asked Rainbow.

“I can only think of one culprit who would have the opportunity,” said Rarity.

All three of them cried out in unison, “Princess Celestia!”

“That's right,” said Celestia, stepping out from behind a cactus. “You meddling little ponies just had to poke your snouts into my grand conspiracy.”

“Woah there, we're not meddling,” said Rainbow. “The Cutie Map assigned us. We have to do whatever it says.”

“True,” said Celestia. “But you're a loose cannon, and now you're off the case!”

Rarity shrieked, “Look out!”

Celestia's pie whizzed past Rainbow's mane, grazing it with traces of apple filling. Her aim had been thrown off just slightly, thanks to Carmen's quick cherry pie smacking her face. The alicorn slumped to the ground, covered in delicious fruit pastry.

“Wow, thanks Carmen. You saved my life!” Rainbow turned around. “Hey, she's vanished! And she took the real sun with her!”

Chief Twilight teleported to the scene and hoofcuffed the princess. “Good work, gumshoes. Now we can put this V.I.L.E. criminal behind bars where she belongs.”

Rarity spoke up. “Rainbow, there's one more thing I want you to do. Would you like to do the honors?”

Rainbow Dash smiled. She punched a hoof up and yelled, “Do it, Rockapella!”

Author's Note

All geographic information was accurate as of the date this fanfic was recorded.