Not from round here

by NottaRobot

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Nightmare Moon, Romance, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Queen Chrysalis, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex, Anthro, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5228

A human male wakes up in a strange foreat to the sounds of screaming and crying

I'm Johnathan Westwood but please call me "Johnny". I'm pretty sure there wasn't human/horse people where I'm from .......so.....WHERE THE F*** AM I?!?!?

Published 2016-07-16 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-14 11:55:18 UTC

Hell of a Wakeup

Author's Note

So this is my first ever chapter of my first ever story, please give me any pointers on where to improve on my writing and I hope you enjoy :pinkiehappy:

This is what Johnny Looks like till I can get an artist to draw him all art belongs to the artists

Hell of a Wakeup

God Damn... my everything… never drinking… again

A man groaned as he covered his eyes to prevent more sunlight from hitting his face but to little avail as he was now awake.

“I thought I closed those blinds before bed”

The man then rolled over to release something was strange about his king size bed, apart from the cold air hitting his prone form, instead of feeling his comfortable bed beneath him.

He felt cold, damp, rocky grass and also a branch stabbing him in the back of the neck.

“What the fuck? Why is my bed covered in wet grass… wait this isn’t my bed” The man thought before he sat up quickly and looked around only to be dumbfounded by the fact he wasn’t in his room, wasn’t in his apartment… he was in the middle of a dense, dark forest.

“Holy Shit I am in a forest, how did I get into a forest… the closest forest to my place is 30 kilometers… oh shit, oh fuck… Johnny came your shit” He said slapping himself only to groan as he remembered about his bad hangover.

“Fuck, I am never drinking… again… ever” he growled as he climbed to his feet and stretched resulting in several pops and cracks. “Okay John, what did you did you do last night mate?” he asked himself as he ran his hand through his charcoal black hair.

“Okay so first, pre-drinks at Mark’s place… then we took the train to Doug’s place to celebrate the new year, had some more alcohol… ummm then Doug started the barbecue just as HE turned… I left and then… fuck did I black out and go walkabout?”

he asked as he looked around at his surroundings before noticing that there was in a small clearing by a river so John walked over to it and knelt down by it before he removed his aviators and placed them in his pocket before he cupped his hands and used them to scoop up some of the ice cold water and wash his face to wake him up more before he replaced his glasses.

“Best check what I got on me,” Johnny said as he felt around his pockets and pulled out his mobile phone which he checked to see it had 79 percent battery, no reception and that it was 3:30 pm.
"Majorly overslept" he grumbled as he placed the phone by him before he pulled out his wallet and checked to see if everything was in order.

“Bank card, Licence, roughly three hundred and ninety five dollars and my house key” he muttered before placing it down by his phone before he unslung his backpack and opening the first pocket it to find a change of clothes, Phone charger, Headphones, Inhaler, Painkillers, Empty water bottle, candy bars, Antihistamines, Gum and two bottles of whiskey.

After inspecting the bag's outside, he nodded and pulled out the painkillers, bottle and gum before he refilled the bottle and took some of the painkillers to help with his headache and some gum after he downed the pills before he refilled the water and placed the bottle and painkillers back in his bag and grabbed his phone and wallet. " I think all my important and fragile things are in the second pocket" he mutters to himself but didn't open to check.

“Okay, let’s check if I got any texts last night,” Johnny said as he unlocked his phone and checked but shook his head. “Nope nothing new” he sighed before placing the device and wallet back into his pocket and pulled his bag on before he rose to his feet.

“Okay let’s follow this river then” Johnny muttered as he began walking along the bank downstream while he tried his best to remember the night before only to have a surge of pain rush through his head causing him to drop to his knees and hold his head in pain from overworking his sore head.

“WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER GODDAMMIT !” He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"I wasn't even that drunk....unless...” He was saying before a loud snap was heard causing him to quickly turn towards the sound to see a large rooster.

“Now where did you come from?” Johnny asked the farm animal as it hissed at him. “Wait, what? Chooks can’t hiss” he said as it rose up on its crocodile-like tail and hiss again.

“OKAY WHAT THE HONEST FUCK!” The man shouted before the beast launched itself at him and tackled him before it glared into his eyes through its blood red eyes straight into the man’s soul only for the creature to blink in confusion as it moves it’s face closer to Johnny’s aviators only to quickly hop off him and squawk at him. Feeling bold the man got to his feet and spread his arms out wide.

“You want some Colonel ?” He growled at the bird as it suddenly bolted into the depths of the forest leaving the man confused, pissed off and slightly hungry.

“If the guys new I just got tackled by a mutant chicken, I would never hear the end of it” he groaned before checking himself over to find the bird had sliced his jacket slightly causing him to growl.

“YEAH YOU BETTER RUN, OR NEXT TIME I’LL FRY YOU UP!”

Johnny shouted before his stomach growled so he unslung his backpack and pulled out one of the candy bars and quickly consumed it and placed the empty wrapper back in his bag.

“So now what? Should I wait for rescue? No, I doubt I am anywhere local seeing as that doom Chicken is around, um make camp? No, I have fuck all supplies so I guess I should continue following the river and hopefully, I find someone… and hopefully, they speak English” He said as he continued to follow the river.

(Half an hour later)
“Ahh fuck that is the stuff” John moaned in relief as he ‘Watered’ a bush before he pulled up his pants and zipped them up making sure he didn’t get his junk, as he was busy fixing up his attire, he heard a faint noise to his left causing him to look up and listen carefully to the sound of silence, no birds, no bug just the sound of the river gently flowing. “I could have sworn…”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

“The fuck?” He asked himself as he took off towards the female scream, ignoring a small voice in his head telling him to run in the opposite direction.

“Fucking Christ my chivalry is gonna get me killed”

He muttered as a second scream was heard but this time sounded like one of Terror and pain causing Johnny to double his efforts and run faster before he burst through the tree line to see another river and above was a glistening white castle carved into the very mountain itself high above.
“Okay, it’s official, I am somewhere far away from home"

(Within said Castle)

Sitting upon the throne room of the castle sat a tall Alicorn mare, her coat was that of fresh snow, her eyes violet diamonds, elegant swan-like wings adorn her back fitted through the beautiful silk with a dress that gently hugged her form in a failed attempt to hid her massive bosom and wide hip.

Her mane flowed in a none existent wind gently waving the blue, green, lilac and pink that made it up, an ivory spear-like horn adorned her forehead with a magnificent golden crown resting atop her head. A golden yoke-like necklace around her neck completed the secret meaning behind the two, One to show her of noble birth and magnificent wealth, the other to represent that even though she was royalty she was also a servant to her people.

Many knew not of the symbolism of the two aside from her fellow princess....her family, Celestia Lux Solaris was at her wit's end.

Since day court had started it had been filled to the brim with greedy nobles demanding this and that. Every day it’s like this she mentally sighed Everyday they come in here and demand this or that with not even a thought about who or what it might cost.

It's days like this that I just wish for something to happenThe elegant Princess.

As if on cue a ripple of magic passed through her making her shiver.

What was that? She whispered to herself curiously

What ever it was it was enormous

"Auntie?" A whiny voice snaps her from her train of thought “Are you listening to me?"
The princess of the sun stared down at the stallion in front of her with a gentle smile “I’m sorry Blueblood but something has come up".

The stallion in question gave a look like she had just issued his execution "WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME?" He shrieked ignoring her nephew’s outburst she turned to the guard at the base of her throne.

"Corporal Forge," The Princess asked the unicorn guard causing the guard to turn and salute her.

"Remove every pony from the throne room even the guards then inform my sister, the captain of the Wonder bolts as well as Discord to meet me here within the hour."

"What of you your highness" the guard questioned nervously

Celestia smile turn to a grim frown "I will see if I can find the location of the anomaly" All the guards saluted as the cleared the nobles from the throne room, once the room was clear, Celestia summoned a pair of scrolls and used her magic to write down to different letters before she rolled them up and sent them away, once away she looked out the window and sighed loudly “Please" she begged quietly " Can this not be a threat for once!"

To The Rescue... Sortof ... maybe

Author's Note

Sorry it took so long, I still getting use to writing and had to change it several times. Shout out to Hattrixn for the help and have a look at his work

also Chrysalis

and Princesses

Changeling Soldiers

And Frog monster

all pictures belong to their respected artists. I own nothing

To The Rescue... Sortof ... maybe

“This has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever done”

John groaned as he leaped over a branch, only for his leg to get caught and for himself to face plant before pushing himself off the ground kept running, his muscles screamed from overuse, lungs burning from lack of oxygen, his body covered in scratches from branches and thorns.

After another few minutes of running, Johnny stopped and panted from exhaustion “Fuck this, maybe I should head back to the castle and get help… why the fuck didn’t I do that first?” he asked as he took out his Inhaler before he heard another scream. “Oh that’s why,” he said before taking a puff as he continued to run again only to jump over a log and discover that it hid a cliff.

"WHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTT TTTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!" he screamed as he fell through the trees and into the murky water hidden beneath.

As Johnny came back up to the surface and gasped for air, he saw that the lake surrounded a large muddy hill that was littered with large bones and ruined trees, but what made him pause was.....a frog, a massive frog thing, a massive Frog with arms like a gorilla, the beast was close to fifteen feet tall and made Johnny look like midget.

Its slimy skin was a tan brown with dark brown splotches here and there, puss yellow eyes watched the human with hunger all the while a deep purple crystal sat smack damn in between them, Long black barbs adorned its back like a hedgehog.

"Shit” he muttered as he ducked back under the water as the Amphibian turned it’s gaze to where he was before it turning it's gaze down to the water as Johnny swam to the edge of the island and climbed onto it so he could get a better look at the monstrosity which was when he saw that it was sitting on top of a crying female… green and black thing, sort of a mix between a horse and an insect but with a little bit of people thrown in.

“Is that the one who was screaming?” He muttered as he watched five smaller versions of the female burst free of the tree line with swords and spears.

The frog suddenly opened maw and shot it’s tongue out, spearing two, splitting one in half, ripping the head off another, sending the last into the water as the as the headless body landed near John’s position causing the Female bug horse to cry out while the beast devoured the two impaled bug horse people.

“NO!!!!!” she cried as the toad hopped into the water after the last bug.

“Okay how does one deal with that thing?” he muttered before he got an idea and opened his bag, once open he retrieved both bottles of the whiskey and moved to the dead bug and very carefully ripped parts of its top off.

“I’m sorry,” he said sadly as he opened both bottles and torn strips from the top and stuffed them into the bottles completely before pulling the now whiskey-drenched rags out as he took the dead bug’s sword and sheath and strapped it to his back.

Once strapped, he searched his bag for a lighter that he hoped he had just as he heard something come out of the water making him turn to see the Amphibian come out of the water with the bug/person hanging still alive in its mouth before it consumed it.

"Bastard!” The female sobbed just as Johnny found a lighter and tested to see it worked so he grabbed a Molotov and rose to his feet as he ignited it.

"Oi, legs!” Johnny shouted, gaining the frogs attention. As the turn to Johnny, the man hurled the firebomb at the Beast, hitting it in the face, causing glass and flames to cover its face as it roared in pain while Johnny prepared the seconded firebomb and ran forward before hurling the second flaming Molotov into the monster’s open screaming mouth.

The bottle shatter on impact with the beasts tongue and send burning whiskey down it’s throat while Johnny drew the sword and pointed it at the frog as it was roasted alive inside and out before the beast collapsed dead on the mud as it’s flesh bubbled and sizzled before he turned to the female bug woman and took in her appearance, she was covered in what looked like a black carapace like a and with a green cobweb-like hair, she had a snout like a horse only short… small with big , green cat-like eyes that looked into your soul and a long jagged horn curved from her forehead.

She had only what looked a yukata, her yukata was probably a beautiful black silk weave with pink flowers but had been reduced to a muddy torn rag that barely covered her enormous bust. She looks terrified as she glanced between Johnny and the dead frog thing.

“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you” Johnny said in an attempt to reassure her as her horn glowed for a moment before the light faded and she panted in pain which was when the man noticed that she was injured so he quickly moved to her and checked her over to discover where left wing was torn badly and her leg was pointing the wrong was at the knee causing him to wince at the sight .

“Shit,” he said before opening his bad again and looking around before pulling out some painkillers and water bottle, which he popped two free of the packet and offered them to the mare along with the water, which she looked at them confused.

"They are painkillers,” he said to her as she nodded and took the two pills and placed them in her mouth before she used the water to wash them down.

“T-thank you,” she said softly as Johnny nodded before looking around the muddy, where he saw a discarded spear, which he quickly retrieved before returning to her before removing and pocketing the head and snapping the four-foot-long stick in half.

“Okay, this is going to hurt” he said to her as her very carefully rotated her so her injured leg was in front of him before he removed his top and tore it into long strips before straightened out her leg as carefully as he could before he used the strips to tie the wood to her leg to create a makeshift splint. “There, that should help,” he said to her smiling softly as she looked at him with a confused expression.

“Why are you being so kind to me? Don’t you know who and what I am?” She asked him

“Not really, but do I need a reason to be nice ?” He asked as he removed his surprisingly dry trench coat from his bag and handed it to her. “Here, you a little exposed,” he said to her as she turned bright red and quickly took the Coat and wrapped it around her form, though it did little to hide her curves which made Johnny blush slightly.

“Thank you,” she said again softly as she rubbed her sore leg.

“No problem, now what’s your name?” he asked her as he grabbed a bunch of dry sticks and put them in a pile before opening his bag and found some paper to use as kindling.

“My name is Chrysalis… and what is your name?” she asked as she watched the man start a fire and sit next to her.

“Johnathon but you can call me Johnny,” He said to her as he offered his hand to her in friendship, which she hesitantly took.

“Nice to meet you,” She said as the man nodded to her as he extracted a pair of chocolate bars and offered them to her, which she took and quickly consumed as Johnny rested against a log.

“Best make camp, we have pretty far to go tomorrow,” He said to her as she cocked her eyebrow at him.

“We?” She asked him confused.

“Well yeah, your hurt and I'm pretty sure I'm not even on the right continent. kinda surprised we speak the same language, besides I saw a castle on my way here, so hopefully, they have someone there who can fix you up and at the very least give me directions back to home ” He explained while the mare nodded.

"First things first," the man said grimly " I'll need to burn the bodies or whats left of them."

"What!? Why!?"

" well id prefer to bury them but it's too muddy, partly to keep away anything that's looking for a free meal, but mostly I thought it'd be more respectful than leaving them letting them sink into the swamp

"Okay," Chrysalis half whispered half sobbed not looking at him as she hugged herself while the human began the grim task of collecting the remains.

"It's gonna be night soon" he muttered as he looked towards the sky only to suddenly realize....

"Shit" Johnny growled looking at the muddy water "lost my sunglasses"

Canterlot Castle Throne room

" It's no use" Celestia huffed as she broke from her trance " I can not get a clear location on it"

For the past three hours, the princess of the sun had tried to locate and identify the anomaly only to be blocked by the Everfree forest's chaotic magic, all she could get was a general area of its location and even that was over 1000 acres of trees.

"Maybe I should ask Discord for help" she pondered before wrinkling her nose " No....even if does comply, he'll either try to use it against Equestria for his own amusement or give up halfway.

"You wound me Celestia" came a pompous voice that slowly drew forth a migraine " not wound more like lightly grazing me with a blade of wet grass made of jello.......mmmmmmm jello"

"Discord" Celestia growled "how long have you been watching me"

"Somepony thinks too much of themselves, I mean really as if I didn't have better things to do than making fun of your cake obsession.

Celestia quickly scanned the room magically " Where are you?" She muttered thou it didn't escape the notice of the disembodied voice "As much as I'd like to be there in pony I'm currently spending time with my bestest buddy buddy Fluttershy, The sweet dear offered to make me dinner and I simply adore her spaghetti, but I thought I might give you a heads up on what this anomaly of yours is.

Celestia attention was now 100% Discords "You know what it is? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She growled

"Two reasons, one I love seeing that vein in your forehead pop" chuckled the mad god resulting in another growl for the sun princess "Two I was still observing him".

"Him? Him who?" Ask Celestia worryingly

"Why the human of course, now I must be off dinners almost ready and I need to pick up some milk TTFN Tata for now" with that the throne room was plunged into death-like silence, the only sound was a heartbeat slowly getting more and more frantic.

In an instance Celestia left her throne and sprinted across the room to the doors each hoofstep leaving an imprint in the white marble floor, the hyperventilating mare cared not for the ruin throneroom floor or the stone doors she smashed through with ease, nor the ponies that had to dive out of her path as she sprinted down the hall.

"LUNA!!!!" She screamed in her Canterlot voice, shattering all the window in the palace "WAKE THE BUCK UP AND GET YOUR FAT FLANK OUT OF BED, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!!

Manipulation

“Fuck my back”

Johnny grumbled to himself as he awoke. " I really shouldn't drink, I only end up sore and confused" as he attempted to get up off the ground only to be weighted down by something heavy on his chest causing him to open his eyes and look at the being using him as a mattress.

"Why is she lying on me?” He muttered as he stared at the Changeling nestling into his bare chest.

What happened to my shirt?....... oh right the bandages for the splint

Slowly scanning their "camp" Johnny quickly spotted the frog monsters charred skeleton as well as a blackened hole where he cremated the bug people.

As he shifted he gained a groan of disapproval from the body on him as she shifted to get comfortable only to squash her damaged wing causing her to yelp in pain and push herself up off Johnny as she removed the trench coat and rubbed her damage wing before noticing that John was awake.

“Before you freak out, I was sleeping on you in order to collect some of your emotions,” she said to him causing him to cock an eyebrow making her sigh.

“Changelings eat emotions in order to survive,” she continued as John nodded before she hissed in pain and placed her hand on her leg, sickly green cracks are visible along the black carapace on her leg but that's not what worried Johnny.

"That doesn't explain my why I'm topless, or lack of one"

Chrysalis twitched before looking him in the eyes " I need skin on carapace contact for it to work" she muttered blushing.

"When was the last time you had some… well, love?" Johnny asked looking at her form as she stiffened at the question and refused to look at him before tears began to drip from her face before she buried her face in her hands which was when Johnny noticed the holes riddling her body.

“What the fuck happened to you!” John asked alarmed as he looked at the holes as Chrysalis raises her head, sniffs sadly and looks down at them

"Nothing" she sighs “Just my body eating itself"

“Well, stop it please,” he asked concerned about her

"I CAN'T, I NEED LOVE TO REPAIR MYSELF" she screams burying her head back into her hands once again while crying.

"Can I help you then?" he asked

"What?" Her voice mumbled by her hands.

"Can I help you please?" he asked concerned while staring at her, while she raised her head from her hands and looked at him with a confused expression.

"Why would you honestly help me? Is are trying to mock me? Because this is far from funny" She hissed at him.

"Just call it kindness and accept it," John said as she glared at him causing him to groan. “Fine, don’t take my help,” he said lifting her off him and turned to leave her, only for her to grab his wrist.

“Okay… please don’t leave me alone” she begged as Johnny moved back to her side and sat next to her.

“So what do we have to do?” he asked her as she placed her hands on his shoulder and pulled herself on to his lap.

“There are multiple different ways to do this but all but two ways take too long, and well I am in no condition to have sex,” she said causing the man to turn bright red. “So I’ll have to do the least enjoyable way,” she said as she put her muzzle against his neck.

"You smell nice,” she said making Johnny fidget.

"Ok, really not hel~MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!" He yelled as Chrysalis bite into his neck moments before she removed herself from him and coughed violently.

"Next time, warn me when you're going all queen of the damned would yah" he growled as he rubbed his sore neck.

“You should have warned me about, I nearly drowned!” she coughed as her body took on a green aura, the holes on her body began to seal and her wing and leg began to heal.

"What? Drown? How? "He sputtered as he watched as her body repaired itself.

"You honestly don't know do you?"

“Know what?” he asked her as she stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and closed her eyes while her horn began to glow before she made buzzing noises while her lips moved as if she was speaking to someone before her horn stopped glowing and she opened her eyes and looked to him.

"We're going to Ponyville" she stated as she rose and stood on her healed legs while discarding the split on her leg.

“Where? Why are we going to a place called Ponyville?” He asked her as he climbed to his feet and realized that she was about a head and a half taller than him. Shaking his head he pick up his jacket he had used as a pillow last night an put it on.

“I’ll tell you when we get their Johnathon,” She said to him as he walked over to the frog's corpse.

"Give me a sec ok?" He yelled back as he stared at the beast's blacked skull. Sitting in the middle was an enormous purple crystal that shines beautifully even after being bathed in fire and alcohol.

"Spoils of battle" he muttered as he as he pulled the spearhead out of his pocket and pried the gem out of the skull before walking back to his bag. Placing the stone into it then putting his bag onto his back hewalk back over to Chrysalis.

She gently grabbed his wrist and teleported the two off the small island and onto the bank leading into the forest.

"Alright," he grumbled, mildly disoriented from the sudden change of location "I am only following you because I have no idea where I am.” He added as she smirked. “What?” he asked her.

"Technically you'll be carrying me" she states grinning at him. "The damage done to my legs and internal organ is still being repaired so if I start moving they will heal wrong"

“Can’t we just wait for them to heal?" He asked her as she placed her hands on her wide hips

"What’s the matter? Monkey boy not strong enough to carry little old me?" She teased him as her tail flicked slightly.

"Care to repeat that insect" he growled annoyed as she slowly ran her hand up her body, groping herself before she placed them behind her head, pushing her chest out making her large bust move closer to the man’s face while never breaking eye contact with him or her removing the seductive grin from her face.

"battered and staved while trapped in a monster-filled forest oh won't some dashing hero save this damsel in distress" she stated in mock distress as she winked at him as Johnathon’s resolve broke under to seductive spell

“Fucking hell, fine I’ll carry your fucking fat ass” he growled as he removed his pack and strapped it to his chest before dropping to his knee as the Changeling looped her legs under his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Please and thank you John” she purred as she nuzzled the man’s neck before she grabbed his hands and moved them to her bountiful ass while pressing her bust into his back.

“For a better grip, you don’t want me to fall and break something” she whispered into his ear causing him to shiver slightly as he pushed himself to his feet.

“You are surprisingly light,” he said to her as she giggled.

“I can change my weight whenever I want.” She stated as she pressed herself more into him. “I really appreciate this, like really, really appreciate this,” she said as she licked the wound on his neck, making him shudder and blush as she smirked.

“Stop that or else you are going to become very wet” he growled as she smirked and blushed slightly.

“Oh? Is that a challenge or a promise?”

“Oh so you do want to go swimming?” he asked her as she released what he was saying and tightened her grip.

“Fine, I shall stop… for now” she said as she pouted.

“Alright, well let’s go to this Ponyville” he grumbled as started to walk.

"Other way" she sang smugly.

so far

ok so I'm in the middle of finishing chapter four( I know its taking for even but I'm getting there)

so as I finish up and go through it for spelling mistakes I've also gone over my previous chapters as well as add parts to make them seem less clogged up and more smooth.

so part four should be out in the next few days so until then (if you want) you can reread the previous chapters as well as leave a comment if you feel it doesn't make sense or if you just want to.

till then seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyah:pinkiecrazy: