Writing letters

by Background_Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random
Length: 1634

After a mistaken identity incident, Quill the mail pony finds her self wrapped up in writing letters

Dear Miss Ditzia Esmerelda Bulla Hooves,

That's all it took.

One simple introductory sentence.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-01 00:51:53 UTC

Chapter one

Quill the pegasus woke up to a loud banging on her small cottage door. As she lumbered out of bed and to the door, her head was pounding like some pony was hitting it over and over again with a jack hammer.

"Hrello?" the turquoise mare grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and brushing back a part of her straight, lavender mane.

"YOU'RE SLEEPING IN AGAIN!!!!!" First Class screamed into a bull horn. "A MAIL PONY MUST BE PUNCTUAL!!"

"YOU'RE YELLING AGAIN!!!!!" Quill yelled back, plugging her ears. "A MAIL PONY MUST BE COURTEOUS!!!"

"Up and at 'em, Quill. You've got around ten minutes to get ready," he looked down at his wrist expecting there to be a watch. "DON'T BE LATE!!" With that, he took to wing and darted off, leaving one of his pieces of mail behind. Quill bent down and examined it closely. It was tearing at the edges and had no stamp. She sighed loudly and picked it up with her mouth.

As soon as she sunk into her stout wooden chair that sat patiently behind a cherry-wood desk, she took her embossed letter opener and carefully tore it open. The hoof writing was barely legible in some places, but she could make out the bulk of it. The signature was that of First Class, so she could assume that it was okay to rewrite it. Quill glanced down at her wing and thought for a moment. I have plenty of quills already. I don't need one from my 'personal collection'. She craned her neck outwards to grab a new quill from the leather tray with her teeth, dipped it in the sticky black ink, and began to write.

Dear Miss Ditzia Esmerelda Bulla Hooves, Quill paused. Sounds pretty fancy for a letter so dingy, she thought, pushing a button on the silver coffee brewer. The turquoise pegasus shook her head and moved her eyes back to the tattered scroll of parchment. She surveyed the page, trying to make words out of hasty scribbles. Finally, the messy scrawlings lined themselves up and she could read the rest.

We regret to inform you that there is yet another Ditzy Hooves.

Since the royal wedding, we've been trying to not jump to conclusions. Quill snorted. Yup, that's First Class alright.

If you ARE the actual Ditzy Hooves, then pay this letter no heed.

If in fact you are NOT the muffin-munching mail pony, then please write back right away.

Best Regards, the mare paused for a moment. She brought her fore hooves to her face and tipped them about, acting like they were scales.

"Right name, wrong return address," she said out loud to herself. "wrong name, RIGHT return address." After a moment's thought, she finally decided to finish off the letter with her signature.

Quill the pegasus.

"That should do it!" Quill happily twittered, glancing over at the clock. Her jaw dropped and her eyes shrunk to the size of specks as she saw how close it was to 7:00. "Oh pony feathers, I took too long on the letter!!" she shot out of her chair and to the kitchen, snatching an apple from the bowl on the counter. As the clock hands ticked ever closer, she ripped a brush through her mane and tied it up in a messy bun. With a few hasty beats of her wings, she skidded into the living room and snatched the rugged, brown saddle bag from the couch cushions.

Three minutes to go! thought a determined Quill, racing back into the kitchen and nearly pushing the coffee pot off of the marble counter as she shoved the lip of the pot into a tall mug. After the drink had been poured, she took a moment to catch her breath.

Like lightning, her hoof shot out and she quickly folded the letter up. With her other hoof, she grabbed an envelope and crammed in the letter. She bundled up her breakfast in a small bag, glanced behind her, and scrambled out the door.

-_-_-_-_

As Quill jetted through the middle of Ponyville, the candy colored residents didn't know what to make of the turquoise blur that zipped through the air above them.

"Lyra?! What was tha-" Bon-Bon started to say.

"It could either be a time traveling Ylyck'gmorph from the future, or it could be the mail pony running late again," Lyra nonchalantly responded, leaning back on the wooden park bench.

"Yyyyeah, probably the mail pony running late again."

-_-_-_-_

"HibosssorryI'mlateagaintotalywon'thappenanothertimeIpromise!" Quill breathed, crashing headfirst into the post office.

"Jjjuuusssttt aaasss Iii eeexxpppeeecttteeeddd," the plump receptionist drawled, taking a full thirty seconds to finish what she was saying. "Hhheee jjjuuusssttt llleeefffttt fffooorrr Cccaaannnttteeerrrlllooottt." she blinked and lazily raised her bubble gum pink cup of coffee to her lips, and after a moment removed it. She shivered and her eyes snapped open as if some pony had dumped a bucket of cold water on her head. "BUTIREMEMEBERHIMSAYINGSOMETHINGABOUTYOUORFIRSTCLASSNEEDING TO LIKE DELIVER A LETTER TO SOMEPONYNAMEDITZIAESMERELDABULLAHOOVES!!! SHESOUNDSREALLYFANCY!!" Words flew out of the receptionist's mouth like bullets, and after she had finished rambling, she sunk back into her chair, and her eyes drooped like she had gone a week without sleep. "Ttthhhaaattt iiisss, Iiifff Iii rrreeemmmeeemmmbbbeeerrr cccooorrreeeccctttlllyyy."

"Uh.... Yeah, no thanks to you Espresso!" she shouted, stomping a hoof. "I'm late with an important letter and you aren't helping. Tell Barcode Bundle that I was running late and could work double time as a punishment."

And with that, she was gone, just as she arrived.

-_-_-_-_

Quill sighed heavily and pressed the lightly illuminated doorbell. It sang a small chime and the door was shoved open.

"What is it?!?" An irritated pegasus grumbled, leaning her weight against the painted door frame.

"Special delivery, Miss Ditzia," Quill responded, showing gratuitous amounts of artificial cheerfulness.

"Mrph," the pegasus groaned, tossing her purple and red mane to the side as she snatched the envelope from Quill's teeth and slammed the door shut.

"What's her problem?" questioned a disgruntled Quill. "What is it?" she mocked, scrunching up her face and making her voice sound nasally. "Oh, I dunno, just a letter that I spent half my morning on, thank you very much!!"

With one final glare at the house behind her, she trotted off and began to deliver the rest of the mail.

-_-_-_-_

"Got all of the packages delivered, boss!" Quill chimed, flying cheerfully into the post office.

"Ah, you're back," he glowered, casting the pegasus a dark look.

"Wh-What's the problem, B-barcode Bundle?" she stuttered, raising a hoof to her mouth.

"We got a report of a certain some pony pilfering with a letter,"

"Woah, wh-what? That's c-crazy!" Quill giggled, hiding her hooves behind her back and flashing him a large smile. "T-tooooatally wasn't me!!"

"Are you sure? The caller said something about a turquoise mare," he paused, leaning forward. "Quill, you can either be honest about this and get a 7-day penalty or lie to my face and get fired."

"F-fired?" Quill echoed in a small voice. "in that case..." she gulped and looked downwards. "Yes. It was me."

"WHAT?!!?" Barcode Bundle exploded. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU OPENED A PRIVATE LETTER THAT WAS SENT TO A PONY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT!?!"

"Barcode, y-you make it sound so much worse than it a-actually was... I couldn't even read it in s-s-some places," Quill was shaking by now, her hooves pressed together and her head hung low.

"I DON'T CARE WHETHER YOU COULD READ IT OR NOT!!" Barcode Bundle screamed, taking to the air and holding his hooves above his head. "IT COULD HAVE BEEN SENT TO A BUM AND WRITTEN BACKWARDS IN RUSSIAN, AND YOU STILL SHOULDN'T HAVE OPENED IT!!!!"

"I-I'm sorry," she squeaked, hiding her face in her hooves. "I-I'm sorry for being such a bucking failure..."

Barcode Bundle's angry expression drooped and he looked tired. With a hefty sigh, he raised a hoof and  pressed it to his forehead. "Quill, you're fired." he said in a low voice, massaging his skull in an attempt to calm himself down.

"I'm sorry, c-could you r-repeat that?"

"I SAID YOU'RE FIRED!!" He barked, lunging at Quill and bringing a large hoof across her face. She quickly reacted to the impact and swung a back hoof in between his legs. He crumpled onto the floor, occasionally squirming in pain.

Tears were brimming Quill's eyes as she held a careful fore hoof to her stinging cheekbone. "Y-you can't fire me."

Barcode Bundle looked up at the mare from his place on the floor and shot her a searing glare that could kill a small dog. "WHY. NOT." he snarled from in between clenched teeth.

"Because..." Quill took a deep breath and looked him dead in the eyes "because I quit."

Barcode Bundle let a sigh escape from his lips. "Fine. You'll get your paycheck on Friday. I'll double it, since you won't be back here any time soon."

The turquiose mare's blood boiled. She had had enough of this. "KEEP YOUR STUPID PITY MONEY!!" she shrieked, throwing her mail bag onto the crumpled heap of stallion on the floor.

Before he could react, Quill stormed out of the door and into the driving rain that had picked up while they were fighting.

As soon as she was out of earshot of Barcode Bundle, now standing in the double doors, she pressed both of her fore-hooves beneath her lavender mane and started sobbing openly.

The umbrella-covered passerby couldn't tell whether she was crying or not; after all, it was raining. She woke up late, had barely any breakfast, a letter-recipient had been unthinkably rude to her, she had gotten screamed at by her boss, been hit, and fired.

Life wasn't being very kind to her, it seems.