Author's Note
AHHHHHHHHH MY FIRST FANFIC I'M DYING.
Its bad I know but I am trying to spread a message
Thank you for deciding to read this 
I'm sorry
Cut after cut the pain was his only escape , the pressure went away every time the sharp blades cut his scales as blood ran down his claws onto the bathroom sink. He felt amazing to feel something other then heartbreak and depression it did not feel painless but felt soothing to him.
Spike spent hours cutting and sometimes burning with his own fire breath it felt like the flames gripped his arm firmly as if they were capturing him and taking him to a faraway kingdom. Pain seemed to have a voice it told him the only way was pain he would constantly whisper that in his head.
"SPIKE, I NEED YOU" Twilight shouted from downstairs.
Spike scrambled to put a clean bandage on and wipe down the bathroom sink with a damp paper towel, he thought of where to put the knife and placed it in a drawer in his bedroom. Spike then sprinted down the flights of stairs to the gargantuous kitchen where twilight stood.
"Spike?"
"yes?"
"Are you okay spike"
As she said this Twilight gave spike a concerend look
"I am as fine as ever !" Spike cheerfully said in a sing song manor.
Twilight giggled " Okay you have some floors to sweep then." she handed him the broom as she trotted towards the library in the castle.
Spike was amazing at faking ever since rarity turned him down he cut himself and no one really noticed the scars that covered his two scaly arms. He knew he would someday have to tell twilight what he put himself through but he could never tell her in person it would be to risky she would think it was her fault spike could not stand her being sad.
Spike gently swept the sparkling but surprisingly dusty floors he hummed while doing so spike found chores to be somewhat relaxing excluding taking care of Owlicious that was the worst.
Intirupting his peace and quiet the door slammed making him fully alert but the broom somehow slipped out of his scaly claws, standing at the door was Starlight, Spike started to feel hot and sweaty, if there was one thing he couldn't hide was his major crush on Starlight.
He soon found the broom back in his claw but embraced in Starlight's soft blue aura this silent moment soon stopped as starlight asked a question.
"What is that cut on you're arm are you okay"
Spike had no words instead he muttered "Yes"
Starlight began to trot out the door to head out to the hall.
"Starlight"
"Yes"
"Never mind"
"okay..."
Spike sat slightly curled on the windowsill staring into the snowy night sky. The flakes rested on the ground instead of its usual green appearance it looked like a white blanket on the most giant bed ever. The winds blew long and hard it howled like a pack of hungry timeberwolves. It would take so many ponies to plow all this snow.
He now saw how he can end all the pain and misery he now saw it he thought with tears of mixed pain and joy yes I will be gone I will end the constant suffering no more knives no more tears no more burns no more scars no more blood on the sink it would all go away and tonight was the perfect chance.
He got his writing materials together and placed them on a chipped wooden table he lit a small candle and began to write letters on a yellowed paper.
Dear Twilight,
Thank you for bringing me to life. Thank you for being my mother even thought you never let me call you that, but you are my mother for sure. My whole life you where there you walked with me on the journey of life it was so special. I don't tell you but I love you like a son. My life is mixed up and cold but you were my warmth, now I must tell you I was never complete. I found my pain through cutting and burning myself. I am sorry Twilight I shouldn't exist. I put you through endless hoops now I give you freedom you wont have to put up with my stupid self the pain I went through was for you. As I go into the Everfree forest don't fear I was not meant to be, as I freeze to death don't panic I am going to end my constant suffering I will be free. Please tell Starlight I love her though I did not deserve to. I have feelings for her ever since she became reformed, please tell her do not be afraid you won't have to pretend to love me. I love you Twilight my mom
For the last time
Spike
The dragon tucked the letter snug in an envolope and nailed to the door.
Twilight and starlight read books in the library it was silent except for the ocassional yawn or page flipping. The fireplace heated the room creating a comfortable environment.
Twilight soon broke the silence
"Spikes been acting a bit weird lately"
Starlight nodded
"Should I check on him"
"Sure Starlight"
Starlight opened the door the room was empty and all she could hear was her breath she walked around the room looking for him. "Maybe he went into another room" she thought until a envelope caught her eye.
The envelope was plain white and had a few words written neatly along the top.
"A final letter for Twilight"
"SWEET CELESTIA" she shouted
Starlight soon galloped down hall after hall trying to find the stairs finally she reached the stairs she ran so fast she almost tripped amugst the what seemed like thousands of steps.
"Twi...light"
Starlight was panting heavily, she handed Twilight the envelope.
Twilight gasped
"Should I read it"
"Yes" Starlight responded
Twilight began to read the long letter out loud to her student each line her voice began to tighten more and more until tears came flooding out her eyes she could not believe the pain he went through.Starlight couldn't believe he liked her.
Twilight soon stood up
"WE ARE GOING TO FIND SPIKE"
Starlight nodded.
As soon as they closed the castle front doors the warmth slowly drifted away from them. The harsh wind blew all around them making them want to go back inside but they needed to find spike.
They set off towards the everfree forest. In ponyville no one was out all shops were closed and the only light came from inside houses.
Carrot top saw the two mares trotting to the everfree forest.
"What are you two doing out" the earth pony asked
"Trying to find spike" Twilight replied
" Be safe girls its dangerous out"
"We will"
" I hope you find spike"
"Thank you"
Soon they came on a gravel path leading to the everfree forest, the wind howled at them as if telling them "turn back" it set chills down their spines snow tingled their noses and their hooves as they trotted around the mysterious forest the light storm slowly turrned into a flurry.
The two mares checked under every nook and cranny they could find. It was hopeless. Snow piled everywhere it was so difficult to step the flurry made seeing difficult and the wind was all they could hear.
Starlight started to burst into tears
"ITS HOPELESS"
Twilight ave her a confident look
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GIVING UP"
"To not give up ?"
Twilight noded
A purple figure layed on the snowy ground
Starlight gasped
"I FOUND HIM"
Twilight galloped over
"I think hes dead"
"But hes breathing"
Twilight picked up spike in her hooves the dragon slowly inhaled and exhaled his body was lifeless and cold. All these years she loved him but never told him how could she have payed so little attention to him. She examined his skinny arms scars covered him. She whispered gently to the dragon.
"I love you"
She could hear a faint whisper back
"I love you to"
He stopped breathing
