Santa Breeze

by kooarbiter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1431

When Zephyr Breeze resorts to becoming a conpony, it backfires spectacularly.

Zephyr has a flawless plan: sell a fake air conditioner, hide inside until everypony is asleep, and steal their stuff, after all, 'tis better to receive than give, right?

Made in an hour or so on a whim, co authored with riskybingo I guess

This would be less confusing is Zephyr Breeze had a character tag but all in due time.

Published 2016-06-18 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-18 04:50:01 UTC

Woosh, woosh

Zephyr has tried to start a new life by being a door to door air conditioner salespony, although he does work hard to

provide for himself, it isn't enough. Zephyr has sunk so low that he decides to sell fake AC units, and tries to get

away with it. One such house is decided as his first target, and so he begins his scheme.

"Hello sir and or ma'am, I'm here to represent the thriving new business venture: Zephyr's breeze, can I interest you in

an air conditioner?" He asked.

It was the dead of July, the heat was bearing down on everyone, and lemonade stands stretched on

as far as the eye could see, Zephyr himself was trying to keep himself from sweating too hard by wiping his forehead

every couple of seconds. Eventually his charisma and a good bargain got him a sale, but little did they know that he had

a plan: stay inside the fake unit, simulating the various noises and feel of an air conditioner, until the family

fell asleep. Once they were all in bed, Zephyr would emerge from the faulty unit, stealing all of the food and

valueables he could get his hooves on. His plan was flawless, but one aspect of it was not accounted for:

A little girl silently staring at him crawling out of the air conditioner during the dead of night. It could be worse,

he surmised, maybe she hadn't seen him entirely, and was trying to decipher the situation, but what she said made it infinetely worse.

"Santa hooves?"

He swore, it was the dead of summer for pony's sake! Although stranger things have happened in this land,

it was kind of a stretch for this kid to expect somepony infiltrating the house as silently as possible to be Santa,

yet here she was, doing that very thing.

"Uh yes, little filly?" He replied. If he could keep up his theatrics long enough to escape the perilous situation

to plan and prepare an even better flawless plan, then he might have a shot at this again.

"Now little girl, Santa has been real busy this year, looking at the layout of all the good and bad pony's houses for

the big night, and with more ponies showin' up every year, it gets harder and harder to do my job. So to jog my memory

a bit, could you tell me your name?"

"Festive, I love holidays, and hearth's warming is my favorite!"

well that explained her thought process, luckily for zephyr she seemed easily manipulated, and so he concocted

a bold face lie to get away with tresspassing and burglary.

"Well festive, you know what they say, if you stay up all night to look for Santa, you won't get onto his nice list,

good little fillies and colts stay in bed until morning, So why don't you tell me what you want for hearth's warming,

and when it is time for me to make my rounds, I'll make sure you get it."

"Oh boy, you mean it? really?" the child was ecstatic, a guaranteed spot on the nice list, just by going back to bed?

Now she knew that mom was being silly when she told her not to stay up to look for Santa hooves, all of her hard work

and vigilance paid off and she was glowing like a hearth's tree decoration.

"For hearth's warming, all I want is for my family to be together this year, everyone has been fighting so much,

and we don't have as much money as we used to, but I know if you can get everyone together for hearth's warming,

we will be a big happy family again!"

Well darn, that wasn't expected. He felt slightly guilty about getting her hopes up, but time was money,

and he was already in too deep so he decided to send her off to bed, and left through the front door after nearly tripping over a lamp.

He tried again the next day, by waiting until everyone in the house left to market, he slowly crept inside(with a santa suit, of all things),

and started the waiting game.

Hours later, after he had taken a quick fill of whatever they had in the kitchen, he heard the door slowly creak open,

and the family returned. After a bit of argueing about groceries and a salary, they went their separate ways

and Festive stared at the AC unit longingly until she started towards what Zephyr assumed to be her room.

He awoke several hours later in a daze. No one else seemed to be in the room from what Zephyr could see through

the small slits in the fake AC machine, and so he decided to relive himself once more of their food

and maybe their clean toilet while he was at it. He made it half way to the hallway when he noticed a plate

on one of the tables labeled (for Santa, happy hearth's warming, love, Festive) with cookies

as well as a small glass of milk. Zephyr wasn't picky, and quickly devoured the lot, it wasn't bad,

but the offerings were found a bit wanting. He continued down the hallway to begin his looting spree

when he heard somepony yell.

"HEY SANTA" with enough force to startle an ursa minor, he quickly turned around and knocked the table down in his panic.

As excited as he became, it didn't come close to the level of pure intensity of Festive. She was twitching, shaking,

and likely stirring and she watch with trepidation as Santa Hooves returned for another night!

"Festive, what did I tell you about being up? if you keep doing this I might have to put you on the naughty list"

"Sorry Santa, but after last night I never thought I'd see you so soon, what are you doing here again?"

Yet another lie was quickly constructed in a time of need, and with a response and a face so crooked as to suggest

subtle traces of fear in the emotionally aware.

"Sorry Festive, but if you want me to help your family, I have to have time to know them to know what to do,

I might have magic, but sometimes the old fashioned way of spying is best, err not spying just observing, of course that's what I said"

"Little girl, I really need you to go to bed, it would make it much harder to do my work and you won't get any sleep,

and you wouldn't want to be tired when hearth's warming is only a couple months away would you?"

His question was met with a gasp as well as the sound of many impacts on carpet, as the little kid galloped

as fast as possible to get a wink of shut eye before the big day. It took her a while, possibly even an hour,

for her to realize a grave mistake

"That wasn't Santa"

Indeed, the first night he didn't have his robe and hat, he didn't remember her name the first time even with magic,

and he didn't come in through the chimney like she knew he always did, but by the time she chose to do something

about it, "santa" was already gone. She tried to explain it to her parents, but was met with dismissal,

she was prepared to cry herself to sleep (again) when she heard a very feminine sounding noise outside.

"MY THROAT, MY BUCKING THROAT, WHAT HAPPENED?" phony hooves was writhing in pain

on the sidewalk outside, clutching his jugular, and crying for help.

Normally Festive thought of herself as a nice pony, if someone needed help, she would be the first to jump up,

any one needed sharing and she was there for it, but this?

she felt nothing.

Instead, she left Zephyr lying on the sidewalk suffering from a severe case of an allergic reaction.

It took a long night and lots of explaining, but by the time Zephyr had tried to tell them why there was a pony

dressed in a Santa suit, carrying a bag full of plunder, choking to near death after everyone had fallen asleep,

crying like a little foal,

the news had already reached the Ponyville Confidential.

Needless to say, Fluttershy wasn't pleased.

Author's Note

Don't blame me for this, I wrote it in an hour and bingo's the one at fault, as always if you see something wrong in this fic make sure to tell me and I'll fix it whenever I have time.