1st gear...
Entering the interstate from the on-ramp, Max slammed the throttle down, allowing for full acceleration. The roaring V12 came to life and let out a mighty scream as the RPM's climbed higher on the tachometer. The McLaren F1 was built before many safety regulations of today's automobiles, such as basic traction control functionalities. This fact made itself clear when the rear end almost slipped out of his control, but he managed to stay straight.
2nd gear...
The high-end torque metaphorically kicked Max in the face as the car screamed down the empty interstate. The speed still steadily increasing.
Max had been a car guy since he was little. As young as four or five, Max had been bought scale model toys of cars by his parents. He grew up in a wealthy estate in central Texas, so to say he was spoiled is an understatement. His family had been in the oil industry, making their level of wealth seemingly absurd sometimes. At three, he got his first car poster. A pristine 'Historic Orange' McLaren F1. He loved that car more than anything else in the world at the time, and his dream of owning one came true when he turned 21; when his father had bought him a mint condition McLaren of his own. While not the orange one of his childhood memory, a pristine condition Platinum Silver F1 was not one to disappoint. Did I mention he was spoiled?
3rd gear...
The car had hit 120 miles per hour at this point. With the driver's seat in the center of the car rather than to the left or right, Max felt totally in control. Whether it was illegal or not, he had enough radar detection systems within his proximity to make the U.S. government during the Cold War jealous. He liked to go fast, and he had always found an empty interstate the perfect place to do it, whether he would receive punishment for being caught or not.
4th gear...
Seemingly against all odds, the car kept speeding up. This car wasn't the former fastest car in the world for nothing. The F1 broke through the 150 miles per hour mark easily. Max saw the engine temperature creeping up as he drove. He opened the side vent at the push of a button to let additional airflow into the oil compartment. Engineering like this is what made him love this car so much. He treated it like his very own offspring. In some ways,it was.
5th gear...
Max was quickly approaching a small crest in the road. He wasn't worried however since he was confident the downforce produced by the rear flap and undercarriage components would be enough to plant the car over the hill. His reassurance was cut short however as a small purple mist cloud formed on the summit of the hill. As the cloud grew in size, aptly colored purple lightning erupted in all directions from the cloud. What in the absolute hell is that? Max thought to himself, all the while still accelerating.
The still growing cloud caused him to hesitate, as he contemplated whether driving through the unknown phenomenon was worth the risk.
Crucial seconds passed. If he didn't stop now, he wouldn't stop in time.
The car, now approaching 170 miles per hour, had no chance of stopping in time, but he tried anyway.
Harking back to the lack of safety regulation, no ABS system was to be found on the car either. All four wheels locked up immediately, as his panicked foot slammed on the brake pedal. The rear flap, which had previously been supplying the car with needed downforce, shot up vertical as it attempted to act as an airbrake. But it just wasn't enough.
160...145...130...
"I'm probably not gonna stop in time"
125...100...
"I'm DEFINITELY not gonna stop in time"
Mere yards from the cloud, it seemed to open up as if it was expecting Max to enter it. The lightning became more wild than ever, as it wrapped around the car. He was not worried about his safety nearly as much as the safety of his precious baby. As he entered the cloud, he was engulfed in a dark haze which seemed to go way deeper than it looked from a glance.
A crack of thunder more keen to an explosion sounded as the cloud closed, then shrunk until it completely disappeared.
Silence.
All that was heard was a high-pitched ringing in his ears as the explosion had seemed to deafen him temporarily. Any vibrations from the road or engine had seemed to cease, but what replaced it was the car shaking around in three-dimensional space, rather than the conventional left-right-forward-backward axes a driver would experience. The haze grew darker and darker the longer he was jostled. What he could still see however, was the dashboard going absolutely crazy. Both speedometer and tachometer needles became pinned and dropped and pinned again along with any other needled gauges. All the warning and emergency lights flashed like the strobes of a dance club. Max had no idea whether the cloud was becoming thicker or he was losing consciousness. A massive jolt impacted his body, as if he had ran headfirst into a wall.
If he wasn't passed out, he definitely was now.
Where we're going, there are no roads? - REDUX
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Where we're going, there are no roads? - REDUX
Well, this is pretty peaceful. Maybe I'm in heaven? Did I die? At least I died with tons of awesome speed! Oh wait... I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone... This sucks...hey, what's that light coming at me...?
WHOOOOSH...
The car slammed onto the ground with a loud scraping sound as the car bottomed out from the impact. With his foot still on the brake, Max yanked the steering wheel to the right to avoid oncoming trees. The car was definitely not equipped with the correct tires to handle this sudden terrain, so most of the steering input was lost to sliding. Max slid closer and closer to a ditch, flinging pebbles and dirt as he attempted to stop.
Just mere inches from the rocky ditch, movement ceased. An audible sigh emanated from Max.
He looked around through the windshield and side windows. The panoramic view of serene country-esque fields and woods confused him greatly.
"I was just in the desert, how did end up here?" He spoke out loud to no one particular.
He unbuckled his seat belt and popped open the left side butterfly door. He stood up outside the car, initially shielding his eyes with his arm. A small rustling quickly drew his attention as he whipped his head behind him only to see the glimpse of a small pink... is that a tail? escape into the brush behind some bushes.Must've scared some animals he thought. He turned back forward and looked up at the sky.
"Why is everything so...bright?"
He looked up in time to see a rainbow trail seem to materialize out of thin air high in the cartoonishly blue sky.
"Where the absolute fuck am I?" He looked around at his surroundings more closely. Everything was just so...colorful. The flowers, plants, even the sky just seemed teeming with a life energy he had never seen before. A gentle breeze rolled through the woods, rustling the nearby leaves and providing an almost calming sensation to wash over him.
"Alright, time to find my way home." He had a habit of talking to himself out loud. He never thought he was necessarily weird for having the habit, but he suspects he developed it from being alone at home quite often, what with both his parents being wrapped up in business to do with the oil company. His father had been the Head Engineer since the measly beginnings of the company, and his mother the eventual CFO of the company. The power-couple duo had brought the company from small drillers in a few scattered locations to a multi-billion dollar business spanning the globe, with investors from here to Hong Kong. Eventually, around 15 years old, he became "old enough" (as his Dad put it, though he felt he was "old enough" prior) to accompany him and his mother on the weekends and breaks from school if he so desired. He remembered riding through the oil fields in a slightly unfitting-to-the-scene Mercedes S550 AMG. The luxury of the car was incredible, but the speed that tank was able to produce made him wonder how they did it to this day.
Amidst his reminiscing daydreaming, he sat back in the driver's seat and turned the key...nothing. He turned it twice, thrice. Still nothing.
"Ahh, shit. The electricals are probably fried from whatever the hell that storm cloud was." Max got back out of the car, turned and leaned into the cabin. He slid the left passenger seat forward and pulled a small flap in the rear wall down to reveal the fuse box. Although he had a set of spare fuses in the side compartment, he still prayed they weren't all blown out since he still found it a pain in the ass to replace them.
"Oh, good. They survived. Somehow." He was relieved that none of them seemed to be damaged. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. An acquaintance of his, a certain talk show host and fellow car enthusiast taught him a trick to reset the electrical system of pretty much any car if it's on the fritz. He opened the left side storage compartment door on the outside of the car. Within it, some tools, the prior mentioned fuse replacements, and the battery. He disconnected the positive end first, then following with the negative end. He let it sit for a moment, then connected the positive and negative ends back in their respective positions. He left the compartment open just in case it hadn't worked. He turned the key one click forward, and the dashboard lit up.
"Good shit." He said to himself, once again.
He stood back up and closed the compartment, then sat back in the car. He pulled the cloth handle and shut the door with a thump. He pressed in the clutch and pulled on the shift lever until it fell into first gear. He left off the clutch and applied throttle, but the car didn't move. The engine revved up, stopping around 3,000 RPM. The car lurched slightly like it wanted to go, but couldn't. Max let out a "hmmph" of confusion as he put it back into neutral and pulled the handbrake to keep the car from rolling, but it was solidly stuck in place. A few more yanks confirmed this.
"The brakes must be frozen." He deduced.
He once again exited the car, and stood on the left side. He rummaged through his pocket and picked out his wallet. He opened it and removed a random business card from the stack within his wallet. He knelt down to the left rear wheel of the car and shimmied his hand through the magnesium rim to the brake caliper. He attempted to stick the card between the brake pad and the rotor. Not being able to stick the card in confirmed his suspicions.
He reached into the driver compartment and pulled a small lever that opened the rear access door. He reached back into the side compartment and pulled out an almost jokingly-small canister of brake fluid. Upon walking to the rear of the vehicle, he opened the brake fluid reservoir and poured some new liquid in. He screwed the cap back on, closed the rear hood and returned the canister to the storage location, closed the side compartment and sat back in the car. He pressed his foot on the rock-hard brake pedal. He pushed with all his might and felt it depress just slightly, and let off of it. It rose back just slightly higher from where it started. he repeated this process, each depression and retraction allowing the brake system to flush itself and soften up. Eventually the brakes became fully free and back to their normal state.
"Alright, time to get going." Max set the car into gear, but before he could go, a small white bunny hopped out in front of the bumper.
"What the... shoo! Go away." He waved his hands in a sweeping motion attempting to communicate with the animal that it had to move or otherwise be crushed.
The bunny stood tall, seeming to mock him. It even had the nerve to stick out its tongue at him!
Max started to exit the vehicle, "Alright ya lil shit, shoo!" he exclaimed. The bunny ran around the opposite side of the car as he proceeded to chase it around the car multiple times.
After a few revolutions of the car, Max finally stopped and had enough.
"Alright you fuckin' asshole, stay away from the car or you're getting splattered like a Pollock painting." For what was hope fully the last time, Max got in the car and started it up. Revving it nearly to redline, the bunny seemed to get the message, and scurried off into the brush. As Max shifted in the driver's seat, he felt an object in his right pocket.
My phone! Fucking hell I'll just use Google Maps.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he touched his thumb to the fingerprint censor to unlock it. Scrolling through his apps, he clicked Google Maps.
This is taking a while to load... Max thought to himself.
"COULD NOT FIND LOCATION. MAKE SURE YOU ARE CONNECTED TO CELLULAR DATA OR WIFI BEFORE CONTINUING." the screen read out.
"Fuckin' 99% coverage my ass, Verizon."
Moving to his dashboard, a standalone GPS navigation system was suctioned along with other radar detectors. After booting it up, it too gave an error.
"This too?! God damn it!" Max's frustration was getting to him now. Slamming his hand on the steering wheel, he cursed even more to himself. Through his self-tirade however, he failed to notice a blue pegasus that landed in front of his car.
"AH! What the fuck is that!?" Max shot to attention, sitting upright in the seat. Revving the engine once again in an attempt to scare the rainbow creature away, Max was more confused than ever. The blue winged horse...thing took a step back, but ultimately held its ground.
Turning the car off, Max slowly opened the door and stood up outside the car. The pegasus flared its wings in return, taking on a defensive stance. Upon making extended eye contact with this...creature, Max just let out a breath and laughed to himself.
"I've got to be dead, what the fuck is this? First a bunny, now THIS?" The blue pegasus went from defensive, to shocked.
"You can TALK?" Max was met with a brash, rough, but feminine voice coming from the pony.
"YOU can talk?!"
After a few moments of silence, Max just laughed to himself again.
"Alright, nice one brain. I can wake up now, fun's over. Enough dreaming for now." Max proclaimed, looking up into the sky and closing his eyes. After nothing happening for moments, he looked back down at the blue pegasus.
"I'm not dreaming, am I?" he asked. The pegasus could do nothing more than give a confused look back.
"So where the fuck am I then?"
...
"How do I get back to the interstate?"
...
"Hello???" He waved his hand at the creature that was just staring back at him.
"Alright, fuck this." After nearly completing the movements to re-enter the vehicle, the pegasus shot its hand, err, hoof? up and yelled;
"Wait!"
Standing back up, Max replied.
"What?"
"I-I'm sorry. You're just outside of Ponyville. Near Sweet Apple Acres." The pegasus said.
"Ponyville?" Max snorted. "What kind of child named that?"
Another moment of silence.
"So... how do I get back to the interstate?"
"What's an...interstate?" The pegasus replied, quizically.
"Y'know, the wide road with lots of lanes. Many cars go on it?" Max explained. The pegasus could only look back at him with a look of pure confusion.
"What state are we in?" Max said, annoyance building in his voice.
"I mean, we're in Equestria. Like I said, just outside Ponyville by Sweet Apple Acres." The pegasus replied.
"Are there other people around here?"
"I don't know what a 'people' is, but I can bring you to other ponies if you'd like."
"Ponies." Max laughed. "Ponies? This is a land of 'ponies'?" Max made air quotes with his fingers.
"I mean there are other than ponies in Equestria, but I guess you could say it's mainly a 'pony land', yes."
Max signed in defeat. "Alright, can you bring me to civilization or something? I'm just trying to get home."
"I was on my way back there anyway, so sure." The blue pony said. Sharply, the pony called out into the nearby trees.
"Fluttershy! I think it's safe to come out now!" Seemingly out of nowhere, a light yellow pony with long pink mane and tail stepped onto the path, with that same asshole bunny from earlier.
"A-are you sure, Rainbow Dash?" the yellow pony asked.
Rainbow Dash? Fluttershy? Equestria? Ponyville? Why did these names sound familiar...
"Yes, now let's get moving." The blue pegasus turned its attention to Max. "C'mon, we'll show you the way."
Max stepped back into the car, and shut the door. The closing of the door notified the two ponies, and they turned back to face him. With an annoyed face, the blue pony glared at him through the windshield.
"What?" Max yelled through the windshield, hoping it would hear him.
"Do you HAVE to bring that noisy... THING with you?" It yelled back.
Sticking his head as best he could out of the small portion of the window that actually opened, Max yelled back once again.
"I'll have you know, dear, that this is a McLaren F1, and it's worth more than anything you've ever seen in your life, I guarantee." Max's snarky attitude was met with with equal sass from this 'Rainbow Dash' character.
"First off, don't call me 'dear', I oughta hitcha over the head for that. Second, I can't exactly say anypony has seen your noisy contraption before, or anything like it. So I'm sorry I don't know what it is." Rainbow Dash retorted.
Max was almost stunned at the response. In a way, he almost felt bad for giving so much attitude. Almost.
"Just lead the way." Max said, pulling his head back in the car. Rainbow Dash started flapping her wings and hovered lazily above the path, while the other winged pony walked on the ground.
Max noticed Rainbow Dash flying;
"Jesus Christ, they fly too? He thought to himself. "Well, they DO have wings, I guess." Max merely shook his head and started the McLaren once again. He depressed the clutch, and moved the shifter into first gear, slowly letting the clutch go, the car rolled forward. Untouched dirt crunched under the weight of the vehicle, and every little rock and undulation was felt through the suspension. Max couldn't help but cringe as he passed over every stone and tree root. This is gonna be a bitch and a half to fix when I get back...
As he followed the two ponies, he kept thinking back to the names he heard before.
Why do they sound so familiar?
His thoughts were interrupted as a structure came into view. A large red barn, surrounded by large, exquisite apple trees filled the landscape ahead. Max had seen farms many a time in his life (his parents were from Texas after all), but even in California where he had lived for nearly 5 years at this point, he had never seen an orchard that was so...neat.
Coming up to this facility, the two pegasus ponies (pegasi? pegasusses?) stopped, and Rainbow Dash motioned with her head to follow towards the building. Max pulled into a small packed dirt patch in the front of the barn, parked the car and turned it off.
Taking a moment to check his sanity one last time, he stepped out of the car, only to see the blue pegasus coming back to the car with another entity.
Another god damn pony.
