A cunning, baffling, powerful enemy
“Now, are there any new ponies or any visitors?” The group leader asked, looking around. An azure hoof rises up. Turning to the newcomer, the host motions for him to speak.
“Hello. My name is Neon and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hello Neon,” the group choruses in reply.
Taking a deep breath the pony continues. “While this is my first time at this group, this is not my first time at a meeting. If it’s okay, I’d like to share my personal journey and dealings with alcohol.” Looking to the leader, Neon waits for approval. Glancing at the others in the group, he says “By all means. Today is marked as an open discussion.”
Smiling, Neon takes another breath before launching into his story.
“My issues with alcohol started when I joined the military. You send a pony to another country, one that’s just left home, and bad decisions are likely to follow. At first, I didn’t realize I had a problem. I was just enjoying life, or so I thought. As time progressed, I became good friends with many varieties of booze. Towards the end, I would have to say that I became quite friendly with Sweet Apple Red. Before that though, I went ahead and did as most ponies do and started a family. I can sort of pinpoint when things started to go wrong.”
Pausing for a moment, Neon looks down and wipes away the start of a tear as he takes a deep breath, calming himself.
“At first, the marriage was going well. And alcohol was present for a good part of it. My, now ex, wife and I would have parties and host events where the alcohol would flow freely. We didn’t see a problem with any of it. The inexorable march of time though can be a cruel mistress. She stopped drinking but I… I picked up her part of it. I would use alcohol as an escape. As we moved from Tampa Neigh, the near dependency levels grew. Granted, she didn’t help either.” As he continues, anger begins to lace his voice. Pausing again, Neon takes another deep breath, calming down before continuing.
“While I would like to blame her for most of it, I can’t. When things got rough, I turned to alcohol. Had a good day at work? Celebrate with a drink! Bad day at work? Drink to forget. Soon, I didn’t even need a reason to drink. I would just… drink. Around this time, my wife and I realized that our marriage was falling apart. We weren’t the ponies we thought we were. So, we split. And the divorce was not long after. Needless to say, I used alcohol to cope. Up to this point, I never thought I had a problem with alcohol.I mean, I could stop anytime I want to, right?” A smirk flashes across his muzzle. Every addict has used that line before. A few of the other ponies laugh from experience.
“It wasn’t until a few weeks after that where things started to fall apart. Starting when my ex filed a complaint against me with the military. Needless to say, my love of alcohol played an important role. Until this point, I thought I was more or less bullet proof. Was I ever wrong. Alcohol almost cost me my career. It was at that point that I was processed into the military's alcohol abuse program and discovered AA. As I sat there, looking around at my first meeting, all I could think of was ‘I am nothing like these people. They have a problem with alcohol. I don’t!’” Grinning at the group, he takes a sip of water before continuing onward.
“But that one meeting kept sitting there in my mind. Things came to a head when I managed to go through an entire case of Sweet Apple Red in one night and not feel any effects. The next day, I attended my first meeting of my own volition. Sure, I still hung out in the back and didn’t speak for about the first month. But as I listened, I started to identify with a bit of what everyone was saying. And while not everypony’s story was my own, I did find that there were key elements within each that I could identify with. And for once, I started to feel like I could maybe start to get a grip on this alcohol thing.”
“Today, I join you for a particular reason. Today marks 4 years of sobriety for me. June 29, 2012, I accepted my first chip and started down this path. Now, it’s not been easy. And I’ve been a pretty lousy member of the program. I’ve managed to do this without really following the program. I’ve not had a sponsor before nor have I bothered to follow the 12 steps. Mostly, I just needed other ponies to talk to when things got rough. This isn’t for everypony mind you, but it’s worked for me. By having an outlet to talk to others and work through problems, I’ve been able to fight off the cunning enemy we all share.”
“Sure, it’s not been easy, and I should get a sponsor at some point and actually work the steps. But for now, what I’m doing is working for me. I can tell you that the urges never go away. For me, my natural instinct when dealing with stress, is to drink. And I’m certain it will always be that way. Some days are worse than others, Faust help me. But I just have to remind myself, ‘One day at a time.’ It’s that phrase which has helped me get through so much. And not just with my dealings with alcohol, but life in general.” Taking another drink of water, Neon takes a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing.
“I guess what I want to say, is that no matter where you are on the 12 steps, if you’ve even using the steps, or where ever you are on your journey, you can do this. There might be relapses or things might go horribly wrong. But the program will always be there. It’s helped me so much and I am grateful. Thank you for listening everypony.”
Sitting back down, Neon takes a deep breath as he tries to calm the thundering in his chest. Tail swishing nervously, his ears twitch as he waits for everypony’s reaction. The group leader looks around and says “Thank you for sharing Neon. Does anypony have anything they’d like to ask or even add?” Silence answers the questions. Waiting for a moment, the leader continues onward with the formalities of the meeting. Listening, Neon tunes the speaker out for a moment as the group goes through the closing rituals. Smiling, he feels a weight lift off of him. Another year without drinking. Standing with the rest of the group he heads out of the room, ready to face the challenges of the coming year.
Author's Note
So... yeah. Not a TaviScratch story this time. While I'm not usually a fan of the self insert I wanted to share my personal journey and continued struggle with alcohol. If you think you might have a problem with alcohol, talk to someone, you can even feel free to message me.
