Pinkie explains shipping to the mane six

by RainRariPieJackTwiShy

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1599

In a sunny day in Ponyville, five ponies were sitting underneath a shady tree, listening to a certain pink earth pony ramble on about something called shipping...?

Pinkie explains shipping to the main six. It's when...

"... two ponies are paired together by these weird creatures called humans."

"... boats are made."

"... sad sacks of skin with no life push together fictional characters to satisfy their sad lack of emotional excitement."

UNDER EDITING

Published 2016-06-21 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-21 23:10:01 UTC

Hour one

"Uh Pinkie, what is shipping?" Rainbow said in a tone that was only slightly interested. Then again, interested was stretching it. The only reason she'd asked, was because she thought she should at least know more about the gibberish that was being spat at her. Her sunglasses were pulled over her irritated fuchsia irises so the bubblegum pony couldn't see the eye rolls that she'd been doing for the past few minutes.

But now her eyes were tired. And her ears were exhausted. Yet her brain was whirring like the propeller on her pet tortoise that she so often had to fix. Celestia, but if only she could fix Pinkie's incessant need to talk.

"I was hoping you'd ask that!" Pinkie said, shooting the shaded pegasus a bright grin, before she began to explain the fundamentals of a pastime so many loved.

Rainbow merely made a sound like a mix of a grunt and a whinny of absentminded consensus.

"Shipping is when two ponies are paired together by these weird creatures called humans." Pinkie said, ready to delve into her own unique description. "There are two types of shipping that the humans beyond Equestria ship. And those are heterosexual and homosexual. Heterosexual means mare with stallion, and homosexual means mare with mare. I would tell you some of the shippings, but I don't know if you'll wanna hear them..."

"What are humans?", Rainbow Dash asked.

"Rainbow I already told you what humans were, and what they looked like!", Twilight said.

"When?", Rainbow asked, still half asleep from the nap she had took while Pinkie was talking.

"When I went through the mirror!", Twilight shrieked.

"Whoah, Twilight, sheesh no shrieking that's Pinkie's thing, right Pinks?", Rainbow said jokingly.

"No, Twilight you're wrong these are different humans.", Pinkie said, not quite grasping how much what she had said meant to Twilight.

"No, I'm right," Twilight said, beginning to show signs of a mental breakdown.

"No Twilght these humans are different. There is no version of Scootaloo or Rainbow or me when it comes to these humans."

"Of course there is!", Twilight protested.

"Not there isn't.", Pinkie remarked casually.

Twilight's hair began to mess up unconsciously, and Twilight said, "No you're wrong."

"Twilight these humans all have neutral skin."

"What no they don't!", Twilight yelled.

"Yes they do!", Pinkie shrieked.

"What is skin?!", Rainbow yelled.

"Seriously, you don't remember?!", Twilight said, her mane frizzing.

"No! I don't!", Rainbow shrieked.

"And their hair is neutrally colored too," Pinkie added calmly.

"NO ITS NOT!", Twilight yelled.

"Also not all girls wear skirts.", Pinkie added, running away from a now livid Twilight being held back back Applejack.

"Oh my Celestia Twilight dear are you okay, we can always postpone today's pet play date and go to the, the, mental ward?", Rarity half asked, half stated.

"Oh my Celestia that was awesome! Can you make her nostrils go all crazy again?!", Rainbow Dash said falling over from laughing so hard.

"Later," Pinkie whispered.

Most of the main six scolded her.

Twilight snorts and pawed at the ground.

Pinkie and Rainbow gulped.

"Um, girls, can we go back to Pinkie explaining about shipping, Twilight scares me when she's mad.", Fluttershy whisper said.

"Lesson Zero.", Pinkie whispered, breaking the fourth wall as usual with flawless style and impeccable timing.

As soon as those words left Pinkie's mouth, Twilight's head snapped around to look at Pinkie like that one scene in 'the Shining'.

Everybody but Twilight burst out laughing. And eventually, even Twilight lost it. All the ponies were on the ground holding their sides in less than a minute.

"No- but- but," Pinkie sputtered trying to say something, "Fluttershy's right, you little ponies must learn about shipping."

"Ya mean with boats?", Applejack asked.

"I mean with ponies," Pinkie said, beaming despite Applejack's blatant ignorance.

"Could ya repeat that part where you explain shipping?", Applejack asked.

"Shipping is when two ponies are paired together by these weird creatures called humans.", Pinkie said.

Twilight opened her mouth to argue again, but Rarity put her hoof over Twilight's muzzle, and just shook her head.

"So like I was saying," Pinkie said glancing at everypony else, "heterosexual shipping is one of the two types of shipping. It's when a mare is paired with a stallion. Stallion with a mare, etcetera. But Homosexual shipping. That's when a mare is with another mare."

Rainbow looked more interested as soon as the second type of shipping left Pinkie's mouth.

"So just ta be clear this has nothing to do with boats?", Applejack asked.

"No," Pinkie answered. Pinkie looked at her watch, "wow, one whole hour has passed? Didn't see that coming."

Hour Two

"I would tell you the ships that Human creatures ship, but it might make you mad.", Pinkie Poe said nervously.

"Whyever would it make us mad dear?", Rarity asked, oblivious to the craziness of the shipping frenzy.

"Because some of the ponies paired together might offend you.", Pinkie said.

"Nonsense, c'mon, grow a backbone Pinks, we can handle it.", Ranbow said jokingly.

"I don't think you could," Pinkie said looking at Twilight.

"Pinkie, what's wrong now?", Twilight said, less scary looking and more calm.

"Nothing!", Pinkie shouted.

"Somethings definitely wrong with this here shipping. Ya sure it don't have anything to do with plywood and such?", Applejack asked densely.

"NO!", Pinkie yelled. "I'll tell you just so Applejack stops talking about ships!"

"Woah!", Rainbow screamed.

"Rainbow Dash, you're paired in a romantic relationship with everypony here!", Pinkie yelled, expecting a horrified reaction.

"Oh no that's terrible...", Rainbow said trailing off, and raising an eyebrow at Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy you're mostly paired with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.", Pinkie said quickly.

Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow. Rainbow winked and mouthed, 'i knew it.'

Pinkie Pie grinned quickly lasciviously at Fluttershy. "Twilight you're paired with Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie the most."

"What?!", Twilight squawked. "Now Applejack I could probably see, but Rainbow and Pinkie?! Are these creatures out of their minds?!"

Pinkie continued her traumatizing rant. "Applejack you're paired with-"

"- I don't wanna know.", Applejack interrupted.

"But Applejack!", Pinkie Pie protested.

"I said I don't wanna know!"

"Rainbow Dash and sometimes Rarity!", Pinkie finished.

"Ooh, and Rarity," Pinkie continued. "You as well are paired with every single pony here. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy very rarely though."

Rarity shrieked after a brief moment of arousal.

"They think these main ships would work out the most though...

Rarity and Spike, because it's canon. Rainbow and Applejack, because they're both tomcolts. Twilight and Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie and Fluttershy, because apparently opposites attract, as in, the egghead and the athlete, the outgoing one, and the shy one.
They're also cheering for me and Rainbow, because c'mon, we would make an awesome couple!"

Rainbow nodded in agreement, and when all the others besides Pinkie stayed at her, she just said, "What? You're just jealous cuz me and Pinks are totally awesome together!"

And then Pinkie came over and kissed Rainbow on the muzzle. Rainbow didn't protest.

"Anyway," Pinkie said starting up again, "they also ship the heterosexual couples like Soarin and Rainbow Dash, Cheese Sandwich and I, Marble Pie and Big Mac, Fluttershy and Big Mac, Rarity and Fancy pants, and Celestia and Discord."

Rainbow Dash looked weirded out by her pairing.

Rarity was puzzled.

Twilight was in shock from what Pinkie had just said about Discord and Celestia.

"And then there are the really weird couples, like Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash, and Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom.

Applejack was grateful her little sister wasn't here to hear this. Applejack was especially grateful that Big Mac wasn't hear to hear this. It would really embarrass him. The human creatures had nailed his feelings for Fluttershy permanently. But nobody suspected her feelings for Rainbow. I mean Rainbow could help with farm work...

Rainbow Dash was officially creeped out. I mean, come on kissing the little filly that looked up to you. Making love to Scootaloo! Yep, she wished to kill whoever made such a weird perverted shipping. But her and Applejack, and maybe her and Fluttershy. She could see that...

Fluttershy was getting warm fuzzy feelings in her stomach from when Rainbow had winked at her. And she knew it was wrong, but she didn't mind being paired with the blue pegasus.

Rarity was disgusted and aroused at the same time. Miraculously, there did seem to be some sense in that. Sadly. Very sadly. Her And Rainbow, no, much to naughty!

Pinkie Pie was getting a funny idea! Her and Rainbow! They would be the fun couple!

Twilight was bald from stress. Usually her hair would just curl and stick out in weird places, but this time around, she as bald. I mean her and Rainbow Dash? No! No! No! It made no sense! But why was she getting butterflies in her stomach?

All the mane six got the same idea, did they all like Rainbow? Yes, some of them did. Others just wanted to go with Raimbow for fun. Or for science, or for both. But for whatever reason, all at the same time, exactly one minute later, the mane five looked at Rainbow, and shouted their true feelings.

Rainbow would have an earache.

"And that ponies," Pinkie said, "is why Rainbow is most shipped pony."

"Just to be clear this has nothing to do with Seqoia wood correct? And no sails either?", Twilight asked.

"NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!", Pinkie yelled.

"Everypony run for the hills!", Rainbow screamed as Pinkie started to chase them...