“Wait, what?”
Rainbow Dash couldn't believe it. As she held the sheets of paper in her trembling hooves and began to skim the questions, she could feel her mind implode.
“Is there a problem, newbie?”
“Um, no ma'am. Just excited to finally start my entrance exam.”
There was no way she could let Spitfire down. She would have to pass the exam. Problem was, the questions printed on the form before her seemed completely foreign. Her friends had done their best to prepare her, but now it all seemed futile. In hindsight, maybe she should have spent more than a single flight studying. Not that it mattered anymore. Biting her lip, she looked over the exam once more, hoping she had simply misunderstood the questions. This was not the case. It was clear now that her friends had taught her the basics of Wonderbolts history, nothing more.
“Now that everypony is here, the exam will officially begin. You will be graded on your responses by both how accurate your answer is, but also by creativity. Here in the Wonderbolts, thinking outside the box is a necessity. Now get ready, your exam starts... now.”
And with that, Spitfire started their timer. Rainbow began to panic. Several minutes had passed, and she had only answered the most basic questions. Suddenly, her eyes widened. If she couldn't get any points for accuracy, she could at least try to pass with creativity.
Almost an hour later, Spitfire was retrieving the completed forms. As she approached Rainbow, the blue pony couldn't help but allow a smirk to spread across her face.
“What's so funny, Dash?”
“Nothing,” Rainbow replied, perhaps a bit too quickly. Spitfire narrowed her eyes for a moment, yet still continued to the next pony as if nothing happened. Maybe it would actually work, thought Rainbow Dash.
“What the actual fuck."
Then again, maybe it wouldn't work. A day had passed since the exam, and Rainbow assumed she had excelled. But judging by Spitfire's first words when Rainbow entered her office for results, she deemed it possible that she had misjudged. Spitfire remained behind her desk as she continued, the frustration in her voice becoming more evident with every word.
“Dash, I thought you were better than this."
“But it was creative, wasn't it?"
“I can't even tell if you're serious.”
“What, you don't want me to use my creativity?”
At this, Spitfire planted her right hoof in her face, seeming deeply disappointed. Rainbow began to feel a bit worried, but pressed on anyway. After a deep, frustrated sigh, Spitfire finally spoke.
“Okay, let's go over your answers. Question five. 'In what political issue was Commander Easy Glider a major influence?' Do you remember your answer?"
"Nope, but I bet it was really creative."
"Dash, you didn't even answer our question. You instead posed your own question, inquiring how great Rainbow Dash is at everything. On a scale of one to ten."
"Oh yeah, guess what my answer was."
"Get out."
Author's Note
This was my first real attempt at the comedy genre, and was written in about an hour while surrounded by people in a mall food court. My biggest problem was the punchline, which I'm still not sure is up to par, but I hope it's at least tolerable. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
"Hey, it's getting late. I'm gonna go ahead and sign off."
"Bye."
After a long night of discussing your favorite show with like-minded individuals, you shut your laptop. Sleep deprived, you make your way to the bathroom, wanting to take a quick shower before bed. As you enter the shower, your thoughts are still on the newest episode of your favorite cartoon, My Little Pony. Pondering the characters you adore, you make a fleeting wish that you inhabited their magical world, rather than your parents' basement. You continue to stand in the shower, cleansing yourself and letting the warm water pelt your body, thinking no more about your wish, when a purple substance begins to ooze from the drain. Panicking, you attempt to move, but feel as if an invisible force is holding you in place. You notice that the substance is forming an oval shape, with a black hole in it's center. As it continues to enlarge, you feel yourself being pulled towards it. Being pulled into it. And that's when it hits you. The oval looks exactly like a por-
Your thoughts are cut off as you plummet through a vortex, instantly leaving your bathroom behind. Unable to catch your breath as hundreds of colors streak past, you begin to feel sick. Just when you begin to think you won't make it, your travel ends just as swiftly as it had begun. Falling back into the world, you realize the vortex had dropped you several feet feet from the ground. Hitting the ground, you notice with relief that you had landed in a patch of dirt, giving you a soft landing. Immediately, you get back on your feet and survey your surroundings. For what seems like miles you see an unending valley filled with trees. Apple trees.
A heavily accented voice comes from behind you. "Big Mac, we got another one! Don' stop comin', do they?"
Turning around, the first thing you notice is a bright red barn. Then, standing in front of it with a look of frustration on her face, you see a tan pony wearing a hat. Instantly, you know exactly where you are. Running towards the pony, arms outstretched, you begin to shout happily to her, "APPLEJACK! MARRY M-"
You never finish your sentence, mainly because you don't want to rush into anything with the first pony you see, and partially because Big Macintosh just tossed you into a sack and began dragging you. Trying to escape, you soon recognize the futility in doing such a thing, and decide to conserve your energy.
After a few minutes time, you are finally released from the bag, only to experience momentary relief before being shoved into a pit. Glancing around, you do a quick assessment. You are in a cubic pit that you estimate is about 15 feet deep, and surrounding you are... other humans. Shocked, you cautiously approach a man who looks to be about 30, and is leaning against a wall of the pit, etching ponies in the dirt with his fingers. You tap his shoulder, hoping to start a conversation with him, but he gives you a hostile look that causes you to back away from him. You look up and notice Applejack, standing at the edge of the pit, looking directly at you. Maybe she'll let you back out.
"Okay, so I don't normally do this, but we can't expect Twilight to come ev'ry time another one of you shows up. Basically, a bunch of you have been appearing all over Equestria, an' it's a problem. Even worse, some of you are dangerous, tryin' to assault ponyfolk like you did me. So now we're keepin' you in places like this, least 'till we can figure some other way to deal with ya. That's all, thanks fer listenin'."
Applejack is turning around now, presumably to get back to whatever work she was doing. But just as she's walking away, you can barely make out a conversation she's having with Big Mac.
"I ain't never seen one naked before!"
Author's Note
I've never been a huge fan of HiE or writing in 2nd person, so when I got the idea for this story, I knew I had to write it.
I am so sorry.
EDIT: So in case it wasn't obvious, this story is a parody of HiE stories. Basically, I thought, what if all of the Human in Equestria fanfictions existed in the same canon? And then I just worked from there.
