The Quazi-Enigma of The Flaming Pencil Robbery

by Qaz223

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Sex, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Fluttershy, Original Character
Length: 1131

You have the weirdest day of your life and it all starts with awkward sex. A very random second person story.

You never thought your life would happen like this. First you get to have weird awkward sex, then you get lectured at in front of everypony, and then you end up vigorously shaking a stupid dragon for half an hour? What is even going on in your life anymore? You’re not sure, and neither is anyone else.

Editors and contributors: Anonpencil, Flammenwerfer, Enigmatic Otaku, ROBCakeran53, Bendy, and Tyrannosaurus Tux.

Published 2016-06-22 05:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-22 05:30:02 UTC

A little piece of us all

Whelp, ok, now you’re fucked. You stare fixedly at the tiny dark filly across from you completely at a loss for anything to say.

"Oh, what's the point?" Dusk Shine muttered to herself, releasing a deep sigh as she closed the book held in her magical grip before him.

Your heart ached, you felt horrible over what you did last night. Even through your steel regalia, the courtroom floor was frigid. She was staring into the distance, tongue dangling, looking a million miles away, as if she had written a scene for herself in her head and was playing it out mentally to the last detail. It's like this place was made only for the eyes of sensitive, naive, easily-triggered children, and you are definitely too old for this shit.

You just loved her butt more.

The luminosity of that butt, even from a distance, was intense enough that it piqued your interest. You weren't comforted. And what's more, it didn't stop. This was not at all the way you wanted to spend your morning, and now you feel like crying and laughing at the same time for no reason.

She gave the exact equivalent of ‘zero fucks.’ She cleared her throat and responded quite calmly to you. With your eyes focused on hers, your faces began to near, inch by inch, millimeter by fucking millimeter.

The moment you looked down to investigate the new feeling, she fluttered her eyelashes at you. You make a noise like a cow giving birth to the statue of liberty, and roll promptly back on your side.

In the distance, two troops turned their spyglasses to look at the lone pony walking toward the city. That wasn’t important right now.

All at once, your nose pressed into her clit and you began grinding your tongue onto the entrance of her hole, making sure you slurped up as much of her addictive juices as possible and teasing her a bit more before becoming much more forceful with your muscle. So you’d have to be more subtle; make it seem like you weren’t involved at all...

Yeah, that’s not happening.

She says the last part with a little giggle, like it's scandalous that you're bipedal. This time, the other ponies listen, and your bare feet hit wet earth in an ever-increasing rhythm. You run. If that is what the nine of you and the rest of Equestria felt was going to happen, then you must offer your apologies yet again for disappointing everyone.

That disappointment is cider. From the Apple’s farm.

The two of you quickly fell into the usual routine of gentle touching, with you ensuring you drew ginger but firm lines up and down her side while sweetly stroking the side of her face at random intervals.

“Yeah, you’re right,” you say, “Would it be fisherpony? Fisherman pony? I dunno, these ponyisms can be challenging at times.”

All of a sudden, there was Fluttershy. All the other ponies gave their fullest attention to Fluttershy as she stared at her juice box. And wow was she hittin' it off! Somepony must of brought her a soap box, or something to stand on, because now she towered over the crowd. She cleared her throat before she spoke:

"Even after that little purple lizard climbed into my bed with me for company I couldn't sleep,” she said.

At that moment, an earth pony stallion happened upon the same, interesting street.

Ok, he didn’t have a real horse dick, but it's gotta be better than that puny dragon. Not that you’ve checked that one time when he was sleeping or anything, or would you know anything about the fact that it resembles a tiny medieval flail for some reason. Nope, you’d have no knowledge of that at all. It looked so forced, so empty. Usually it would scare you, but right now you simply can't take her seriously. You let out a condescending laugh and pat her gently on top of her head. Her eyes narrow as her sulking deepens.

The immigrant worker pony, Dusk Shine soon realized that the work has become less actual work and more relaxing. You take a deep breath.

“HOOOONEEEEEY!"

Before she can really protest, you kick open the front door of your house and bolt down the street, not caring that it’s the dead of night or that your screaming is probably waking up the neighborhood. She was scared of her own grandmother.

She felt as though she had been in a fight or put through intensive labor.

You close your eyes and take a few slow, steady breaths. You can do this. Hold strong. Hold steady. It’s almost over. Twilight smiled warmly, but the foal didn’t recognize her and thus began to cry. Her cries and lamentations were heard by no one.

Well, that’s it, you’re done with life now. Just for a moment, you tell yourself as you lower your head sideways onto the leafy ground. You passed out as you rubbed what you presumed to be the sharp edge of the knife against your forearms. You listened to the din for a while and caught someone talking about the latest news.

Fluttershy just kept speaking. The last thing she wanted was company at the moment, as she would much rather drown her mood in a few pints of beer. How did you not know? Was it your own blind stupidity?

Before she can protest, you reach up and wiggle both her over-groomed ears, holding them at the very tips. That's been unusual, from your recent experiences here. You were stopped by something unusual; a stray cardboard box in the middle of the sidewalk.

The box was a task that was proving to be quite difficult, what with Twilight having no idea where to even start looking for it. She didn’t know that the most effective masks aren't the ones you cover your face with, but rather your face itself.

God you hate that fucking dragon.

You’d told him that Twilight found him sexy that way. The results of this were usually most amusing. You hate it. All of it. You can't let that happen, not again. Grabbing his shoulders, you try to shake him to his senses.

Nearly half an hour later, your goal was finally within sight.

Fluttershy. then repeated herself, a bit louder so he could hear. Her audience seemed to echo the sentiment. You are alone. Utterly alone.

And that’s how you lost your virginity.

Was it an alien? Or something else?

The world may never know.

Author's Note

Author’s note: This is way longer than it should be. It did things I neither wanted nor expected. But gods if it doesn't feel like a true Anonpencil story.