On A Bad Bet

On A Bad Bet

The breath on her neck, the feeling of hands, the texture of her hair; Dash knew everything about this was wrong, but she couldn’t find in her the will to stop. Guilt began to rise in her stomach, but was swallowed down, like a pill made too big for the throat, as she said the words;

“I want you.”

The glimmer in the others eyes was not the same as the one in hers. One from love, one from tears. Though they both knew this was not going to end well, the natural urge to act took over, and all worries were diminished; well, most of them.

Wish I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t, I don’t--

The hands were now wandering, and the breath on her neck was no longer in the place it once was. Dash watched as the innocence washed away, like her sanity; shiver by shiver.

Just want to be a footnote,

In someone else's’ happiness

Faster. Faster. The pace picked up-- soft movements turned into harsh grinds, and the blood rushed to their heads. It might be wrong, the other thought, but it feels so right.

Being wasted, hungover, tired, or anything of the like; that was what it felt like. Lightheaded with an unclear track of thought, unable to make clear right from wrong. In this moment, whatever the truth was, didn’t matter.

Does your husband know? Does your husband know?

Soft pants are now groans, the sound of a creaking mattress intensifies, and two weights are now on top of each other to create one.

“Hurry,” she mumbles softly, feeling the electricity and adrenaline of infidelity rushing through her veins. Fear and love, are they the same?

So just stop, breathe,

She felt the weight of the girl on her thighs, her hair tickling the outside. Sucking in a breath, she closed her eyes.

Count to three,

As soon as she felt cold, unfamiliar lips on her sensitive skin, her eyes shot open, knowing something was wrong.

Is she worth it?

Warm, wet, sloppy; it filled her senses like molly. And for a brief, brief second, her sanity was able to drip through, teasing the waters and causing her heart to beat like it was the only thing it could do.

She could see, hear, almost feel the dampness on her fingers. Salty and thick, streaming like a waterfall. How could I?

“How could you?”

Speak of the devil,

And then it was gone. Ecstasy took over, and she could feel herself coming undone.

“Please! I’m not gonna last…”

“-- much longer dealing with your constant suspicion! I do not cheat!”

How dare she?

It was a mistake.

I didn’t mean it.

Why can’t she see that?

Once again, she feels hands, hands running through her hair, touching her thighs, pressing into the mattress around her so the body can lean forward and kiss her lips; but this time, it feels correct. Is this what Dash wants? But what about the other?

Who do I hurt?

“Forgive me,” she says,

“Forget her.” the mouth that once was on hers speaks.

“How do I?”

If you love me, let me go

And with the flash of a light, calling a ship home to shore, she’s back in the same place she was. The wrong hands, the wrong hair, the wrong girl.

The room goes dark, and thoughts scream inside her mind. Reality becomes distant, and the bottle beside her becomes all that matters in the world.

And I’m tired of falling,

For girls that don’t care.

Him. Him. Him. Her. Him. Him. Him.

Her.

Wetness as thick as guilt flooded her vision, and suddenly she cannot seem to remember. Recall the midnight conversations with words spoken so lovingly, the promises of affection, and it felt right. This girl, this girl, in front of her; this was all she needed, Dash thought as she felt the release fill her lungs.

“Did I do a good job, baby?”

No, the voice screams in her head, no.

“Yes,” she speaks, “thank you.”

And the walls wash down from around her, exposing her in the broad daylight. He knows,

He knows,

He knows,

The way the sunshine gleams on her wedding band.

He knows,

If you’re unfaithful, put your hands in the air

He knows,

The cheating. The lies. The midnight trips to “a friends house”. Exposed, like a turtle without its shell.

Ribbons on flowers turn into nooses on necks, and the love of a person turns into the love of the end. Big, full dinners with portions the size of your head, sizzling with delight, are lost in the sorrows of the memory, and are thrown up along with the rest of the night.

But baby, if it seems too good to be true,

Well, it probably is.

Applejack can’t breathe, and neither can Dash. One from heartbreak, one from repair.

I’m a cheat,

Cheat, cheat,

When you’re sleeping with your lover,

But you’re living with your wife.

“I love you,” empty words fill her mouth, and are returned with a knowing tone.

One short walk, a bus, and a second short walk later, and she finds herself in the same position, lies and bittersweet fruit on her tongue. What does it mean to love somebody? To feel good in their presence, that’s for sure. And that was simply it; she made her feel good, orgasmic, even. The way her hands slid along her waist and down to her thighs made her feel the same warm, fuzziness that she had once felt with her beloved. But was it the same? Is lust the same as love?

Is it still me who makes you sweat

Am I who you think about in bed?

Sweetie, you had me.

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster

She’s in too deep, too deep into the ocean, and she cannot swim to the top. It feels as if she’s willfully drowning, enjoying the tickle of the chlorine in her lungs as it suffocates her until she cannot open her eyes no longer.

Whether she will regret what she feels, she ceases to care. A lover becomes a stranger, and a stranger becomes a lover.

"I love you."

And, no matter how hard you try, you can't take back what was once said.