Sweetie Belle was sick as shit. She’d just gotten over the swine flu she’d caught from Applebloom, who’d caught it from Applejack who caught it from a pig’s dick. The others had gotten over it by now and she was right on the tail end of it too. Scootaloo on the other hoof was still fifty/fifty whether she’d survive with her acute immune deficiency syndrome and what not. But right now Sweetie Belle couldn’t care less as she hunched over the sink and emptied her stomach.

Just as she had been getting better when the fresh chicken she’d had for dinner last night was undercooked. Both she and Rarity had rushed to the bathroom to take turns vomiting into the toilet since three this morning and it was nearly sunset by now. Rarity had sent Sweetie Belle down stairs to the public bathroom in the boutique leaving herself up in the private, less urine smelling one. Why she was vomiting into the sink instead of the toilet right now was because she very much so needed to be sitting on it at the same time.

What little she’d managed to eat throughout the day and keep down was quickly coming out the other end. Often in its chewed up, barely digested form. Most of it was juice and water so it was reasonably quick and easy to pass. It had scared the shit out of her, pun intended, after she’d drank some apple and blackcurrant juice and it had come out blood red. Luckily that was a few hours ago and now her stomach was starting to do its job again and actually digest that stuff that was in it.

Unfortunately, what was in her was still primarily liquid and even if it wasn’t, it would’ve came out as such one way or another. Or rather, one end or another. But that’s not where the story starts. No, where it starts if with a cup. A measuring cup precisely. While she had been deathly ill the last few days with her nose has been dripping non-stop with snot that was as clear and runny as water.

Now however, as she got better, it began to congeal into the classic thick green snot that makes that iconic sludgey snoring sound when when you try and breath through your nose. For the minutes, sometimes up to as many as ten, when she wasn’t pretending to be a double ended fire hose, she would have to blow her nose. Of course she had long ago run out of toilet paper so Sweetie Belle would just lean over the sink and blow.

The water in the sink was constantly running and the Ponyville damn would most likely run dry this summer as a result but that wasn’t important now. But one erant blow of her nose had the entirety of her radiative looking goop come out over and land on the tap instead of the basin. Sweetie Belle instantly recoiled from the sight of it as it slowly oozed down the tap handle and into the bowl. It was so thick, so green, so… much!

She was astonished that so much snot could fit inside her nose. Cheerilee had always told Sweetie Belle that her head was hollow but know she wondered if her head really was as empty as everyone said. She wondered how much was in there. It was obviously a lot but that wasn’t an exact amount. It had been about an hour since she’d wondered this and since then she’d thrown up twice more and had her tail hole prolapsed once. Which was down from the last few hours. A clear sign she was getting better.

Aside from that though, she’d also gone to the kitchen and gotten a measuring cup out of the cupboard as well as another frog full of those pills Rarity kept on the top shelf. They seemed to help. In that time she’d let the gluck in her nose build up again so she would be completely full when she emptied it into the cup. Of course she’d also tried right away after getting the cup with little result other than a few green specks spattering the kitchen and a few brown puddles she wouldn’t notice in there until tomorrow.

Finally, after she finish unwillingly voiding her bowels, she was ready. And by that, Sweetie Belle happened to see the cup again and remember what she was going to do with it. She placed it on the sink, just below her head and blow as hard as she could out her nose. With a forcefully blrrughbk it shot out of her nostril and landed in the cup, knocking it over. Luckily the green slime was thick enough that even though upside down clung to the walls of the cup. Only slowly oozing its way out.

Picking up the cup and using a hoof to scoop the snot back into it, a small about of it clung to her fur that she couldn't scrape off. She tried wiping it off but it was inside her fur now and wouldn’t come off. Having no other option she took her hoof to her mouth and sucked the snot out of her fur. It worked and tasted oddly familiar. Sweetie Belle had fought she’d be grossed out by it and had only done as a last resort having not thought of just running it under the water.

She recognised the taste. It tasted like her vomit. Everytime she’d snorted, she’d probably eaten a bit of it. In fact, she knew she had as multiple times she’d done that only to have the glob come out of her nose, into her throat and into the back of mouth where she’d then swallow the load of booger without a second though. She’d probably eaten more snot today than actual food in the last few days too.

After she’d finished running her tongue over her hoof she removed it from her mouth and took a look at the up. Not even a quarter cup. It seemed so little compared to last time. As she thought about it, Sweetie Belle sniffled a little and clearly felt more in there. In one of her nostrils at least. She’d emptied one but the other side was still full. It was that weird thing that [I don’t know if i’m the only one who gets this but] when the nose is blocked, one side will feel like something’s swollen inside and harder to breathe through than the other but half an hour later the swollen and blocked up side has switched.

Blocking up the cleared hole with her hoof, she blow her nose once more into the cup. Knocking it over again, having not learnt her lesson the first time, as the ungodly green coloured gel was reunited with it’s short lost twin. The gak remained in the cup this time and as Sweatie Belle lifted it up to read the measurement she was amazed that it read three quarters!

It then started to lower as she realized it was just stuck to the side. After about a minute of slowly watching the green paint like substance slide down and start to crush over ever so slightly, or ‘dry’ if you will, it finally settled to read one third cup of snot had been inside her nose. She didn’t quite know the measurement Rarity had spoken of but had once heard her recipe for riot punch and it involved one shot of absinthe which she had tripled and put a whole cup full of it in. If Sweetie Belle’s maths was correct she had filled two shot glasses.

Her head really was hollow.

Author's Note

Dedicated to Biker Dash for this conversation