Soarin rolled over tiredly in his bed for what seemed like the twentieth time that day. He knew he was tired - he'd always feel worn out after a show - and yet... he couldn't sleep.
It wasn't anything new to him though; insomnia and all. Still, he felt that it was different this time. His mind was just racing with so many thoughts. The days since Rainbow Dash had become a Wonderbolt weren't usual days. Though, was that even Rainbow Dash? Her flight patterns had been... so off and jagged.
Something had been wrong, and he felt his gut twist with guilt. He didn't know why. She was acting on her own accord; it's not like he told her to add to the routine, so why?
Her moment of self-doubt replayed itself in his mind, and he rolled over in bed in hopes to alleviate it, though to no avail.
"It's been my dream my whole life, but... I guess maybe I'm not Wonderbolt material after all."
That's not true...
He hated how choked up he felt at the memory. It was just a moment of feeling down on herself, so why? Why!?
...Maybe because it was his fault?
The twisting got worse at the thought, and he threw the covers off of himself, annoyed at his own anxiousness. Why would it be his fault? What did he do?
What did they do?
The team. The Wonderbolts. Something happened that made Rainbow Dash falter. Something bad. He'd seen her flight capabilities, and what he saw was nothing more than poor flying. That wasn't Rainbow Dash.
He walked out to his kitchen, pulling the fridge door open with a wing and scanning its contents. Some chili, a slice of pie, and some assorted condiments. Not much, but he'd been eating more to keep up his strength for the more frequent routines and practices.
Humiliated...
He remembered the sight of every bandage along Rainbow's body. It was hard to forget. She must've been in pain.
And I didn't do anything to stop her.
He'd wanted to. He'd wanted so badly to try, but then Spitfire placed her hoof on him before he could move.
I should've moved anyway. If I had, she wouldn't be...!
His inhaled sharply, slamming the fridge door shut, so hard that it shuddered. This was just like him. Spitfire always said that he was too soft; he cared far too much and wasn't nearly aggressive enough for general Wonderbolt standards.
But why did it have to be that way? It was a part of who he was. Even now, laughing at Rainbow Dash in the trash can still left a few stings in his heart. Why did he have to follow everypony else? Why did he feel the constant need to copy others?
He breathed a small sigh, sitting down and leaning against the fridge, the coldness radiating off of it and chilling his cheek.
The night sky was beautiful as always - Luna did a particularly good job this time - but he couldn't appreciate it.
His mind drifted back to Rainbow Dash. Well, honestly, it never drifted away. Was she still upset? Her nervousness even after Spitfire confirmed that she was still part of the team was fresh in his mind.
...I wonder if she's still there. Cleaning, all by herself.
The air was still, and all he could hear was his own breathing and the quiet rumbling noises the fridge would make. Though looking like a ragdoll as he did it, he lazily pulled himself away. He got back on all four hooves, moving over to his cupboards and searching their contents.
Inside one of them, a lunchbox. This would do.
He went back to the fridge, opening it and pulling out the plate that held the slice of pie. He lowered himself, opening the lunchbox as it laid on the floor and putting the plate of pie inside. He shut the fridge with his backleg, then closed the lunchbox and picked it up in his forearms, holding it almost protectively to his chest. He didn't want it to tip over or spill out. His wings flapped, and he left through the window.
He'd get in so much trouble if Spitfire found out he was doing this. She told everyone, specifically him, to stay away from Rainbow Dash until she returned to the compound the following morning. She told him that this was enforcing the lesson and she'd deal with anyone who tried to disobey it.
He knew, but for once, he didn't care.
He arrived at the area, the dirt being pressed down by his hooves as he landed. He set the lunchbox down, then scanned the area for Rainbow Dash. He knew he saw a spot of light blue as he was flying overhead, so—
Ah.
There she was. Sound asleep, her head resting awkwardly on a bucket of water while a broom lay beside her. The area still wasn't clean, so he imagined that she'd drifted off from exhaustion. He got closer, noticing her looking somewhat disheveled. And... had she been crying? He wasn't sure; something about her closed eyes didn't strike him right, perhaps because she seemed disturbed in her sleep. A nightmare?
His eyes trailed down her body, each bandage exactly where he remembered them, though more dirty from all the sweeping she'd probably been doing. He hoped nothing would get infected.
Still, if Spitfire came by and saw her asleep before the job was done, she'd be in serious trouble, and he didn't want that.
He reached a hesitant hoof towards her, shaking her lightly.
"Rainbow Dash?"
Her body jolted up on attention as she gasped, Soarin jumping back in fright at the suddenness of it.
"I-I wasn't sleeping! I—" She stopped, panting slightly, a bit of sweat going down her face.
"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but one he felt the need to ask.
"H-huh?" Rainbow Dash instantly shot him a smug grin. "Y-yeah, of course! I was just making sure the water was clean enough and stuff, y'know?" She tried to pose, but it only succeeded in knocking the bucket over, water spilling out everywhere. She seemed unusually frustrated at this, only giving a quick glance at Soarin before looking away. He figured she knew he wasn't supposed to be here.
"...You hungry?" Soarin asked. He saw Rainbow Dash tilt her head slightly, ear flickering, but she still faced away from him. "I brought a slice of pie?"
A sudden loud growl emerged from her stomach. She attempted to quell it, but to no avail. Soarin wondered if she missed dinner.
"T-thanks, but I'm not allowed."
"I know."
He trotted a ways back and nudged the lunchbox over to her with his snout. "I won't tell Spitfire or the others, don't worry." He clicked it open, and Rainbow Dash was practically drooling as she turned around to look at the dessert.
Though, her gaze towards him gave him a sense that she was wary, confirming his suspicions; whatever was wrong, it had to do with him in some way.
Still, Rainbow Dash bent over and took a bite of the pie, a soft "mm" leaving her throat as she took a few more.
"This is really good!"
Soarin smiled proudly. "It's my dad's recipe! Glad you like it."
With half of the slice still left, Rainbow Dash licked her lips and closed the lunchbox back up, probably to save it for later. She paused, and her expression slowly dropped as she stared over at Soarin with suspicion. "So... what's this about?"
He'd expected that question, though he didn't have a solid response planned out. After a small pause on his part, he decided to be straightforward about it.
"Rainbow Dash... what happened?"
Her eyes went wide, but even as she tried to hide it, she was bad at it. She knew exactly what he was talking about.
Soarin frowned. "You haven't been yourself. I don't know you all that well, but when I said you were the most talented flyer, I meant it. Every pegasus has a bad day every now and then where they just can't seem to get it going, but you..."
"...You really wanna know?" Her voice was laced with bitterness, but he could feel the sadness underneath it.
So there really was a reason.
He felt a bit of pride for getting things right, but it still concerned him how downcast she suddenly looked. "Yeah."
"And you won't just let it go and forget all this happened, huh?"
He shook his head in response. "We're friends, aren't we? And I know you're probably mad at me for something. I want to fix it."
She blinked, surprised at his words, then averted her gaze to the ground.
"You know that nickname you guys gave me? H-heh, of course you do; it's all I've been hearing for the past two days."
Soarin just nodded, not wanting to say it out loud. There were times when he himself didn't approve of the nickname system, but he never imagined that someone like Rainbow Dash would be affected by it, if that were the case.
"When I was a filly, way before I got my cutie mark, I wasn't such a great flyer. I mean, I always said I flew well, but I never actually meant it. Then, one day at flight school, I messed up and... landed in a garbage can."
Recognition flashed in Soarin's eyes for a second, a small jolt going up his spine.
"Then I got the name 'Rainbow Crash', and everyone started laughing. Even... even the teacher laughed..."
Soarin let out a soft gasp as the pieces of his internal puzzle came together. He had triggers of his own that reminded him of his past. He understood. "S-so, the name we gave you..."
"It was the same one, yeah. The same one that those bullies used on me for the years afterwards. I dropped out of flight school because I was so sick of it, and decided to train myself."
Rainbow Dash lightly poked the ground with her hoof, brought back down into the land of misery from bringing up her past, especially to a Wonderbolt of all ponies. She waited for some sort of sarcastic response, but as the silence dragged on and she got nothing, her eyes were drawn up to meet his.
His gaze was full of sympathy, his eyes watering. "Why didn't you just tell us?"
Her cheeks burned with embarrassment. She didn't want his pity! "I-I could hardly admit it to my friends, much less you guys! I was already being called 'Rainbow Crash'; I didn't want to be called a wimp too!"
Her eyes squinted, mild anger in her expression as she averted her gaze. "Besides, do you really think Spitfire would've done anything about it since this is the Wonderbolts' 'system'?"
Soarin wished he had a positive response for her, but he didn't. Spitfire probably would've gone on about how no one was to get special treatment, no matter what they went through. There was no way.
Rainbow Dash continued. "Let's face it. No matter what I would've said, it wouldn't have changed a thing. I thought that, by doing something awesome or not being myself, I could just get a new nickname. Goes to show how stupid I really am..." Her ears drooped. "I was always unlucky. Go figure that I'd land perfectly in a garbage can both times."
The guilt twisting in his gut was back. A front; how could he have not seen it before? With Rainbow Dash's personality, of course she'd hide any pain. Of course she'd put on a brave face.
Of course...
He got close and sat down next to her, gazing up at the sky. "...I won't call you that then."
Rainbow Dash jerked her head over to him. "Excuse me?"
"Spitfire wouldn't change it, you're right. But... our nicknames are supposed to be jabs for fun. Yours isn't." He felt his body grow a few degrees colder as his gaze fell to the dirt. "It hurts to be called that for you, right? Just because they don't mean it in an aggressive way doesn't mean it can't hurt."
She fell silent at his words.
"Not everyone can get over stuff from the past so easily. I used to get called 'Sore-in' when I was a colt because I was such a bad flier, so I was usually injured or 'sore' in some way every time I came to class. I had to sit out a lot because of it. No teacher ever defended me for it because it was practically the same as my actual name; it was too hard to tell. Still... I never got over it."
It was Rainbow's turn to be sympathetic, feeling like her heart was stabbed as a single tear rolled down Soarin's cheek. "That really happened?"
"Yeah. I got beat up and knocked around occasionally too, but it was too hard to prove since I was so clumsy in the first place. Everyone else assumed I was trying to save face from some screw-up I had while flying."
"Oh..."
It wasn't Rainbow Dash's forte to comfort others. Most of the time, she just made things worse. It wasn't like she didn't want to be of help; she was simply bad at it. She'd helped Scootaloo a few times, but what good was that to her name when she could hardly help herself with her own issues?
Soarin went on. "As easy as it is for ponies to say that you can just get over your past if you want to, it's not that simple, and tough love doesn't work for everyone."
Rainbow Dash nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I know. I mean, back when I had to get a team together to get the water up to Cloudsdale, I tried being tough on Fluttershy so she'd get over her own past. It didn't work out too well; she ended up working things out on her own in the end."
"Oh? ...Oh yeah, I remember hearing about that," Soarin said, a hoof at his snout as he recalled the event. A small chuckle suddenly left his throat. "Spitfire was there, right? She's so impatient. I bet she was just checking her watch the whole time."
Rainbow Dash managed a snort. "And how! I almost thought she was a statue; she hardly moved from her spot even when our tornado broke apart!"
Soarin smirked. "You think that's bad? You should see her when she's in her office stamping autographs! She'll be in there for hours at a time!"
"You're tellin' me! Back when I was in the academy, I went into her office and she had this huge stack there! She even kept stamping while I was talking!"
"That's so Spitfire!"
The two pegasi burst into laughter right out of the blue, nearly buckling over from the good time they were suddenly having.
Rainbow Dash wiped a tear from her eye, trying to calm down, then stared over at Soarin.
A moment later, her hoof came in contact with his.
"I'm not mad at you, y'know."
A surge of heat rushed through Soarin's body from her words, making him smile. "Thanks. Still though, I feel pretty bad."
"Hey, don't worry about it. That just means you're sorry, right? So, what do I have to be mad about?"
His smile widened, a light blush crossing his cheeks. "Fair enough."
He looked around, seeing the mess that Rainbow Dash hadn't finished cleaning up. How long had she been here, he wondered, cleaning up all by herself?
"...Wait here for a second and don't do anything, okay?"
Rainbow Dash tilted her head, confused at the sudden question, but Soarin was already up in the sky.
"I'll be right back! You can finish the pie while I'm gone!"
He flew off at a decently fast speed. Not quite in a hurry, but definitely not taking his time either. Rainbow Dash didn't entirely understand what he was up to, but still, she felt a sudden sense of trust in him, so she waited.
It wasn't long before Rainbow Dash noticed Soarin's familiar colors flying back towards her. He fluttered to the ground, and she was quick to notice the broom in his forelegs.
"What's that for?"
He gave a cheeky grin. "It's for cleaning, of course!"
Rainbow Dash tried to pout, though a small giggle escaped her. "I know that! I mean, what are you doing with it here?"
"You shouldn't be cleaning this place by yourself, especially since you're injured. So, I'm going to help you."
"You're going to get in major trouble if Spitfire finds out," Rainbow Dash warned, not wanting Soarin to get caught up in her mistakes. "I'm supposed to do it myself to enforce my lesson."
He knew that Spitfire put those words in Rainbow Dash's mouth, so he merely widened his grin. "Hey, don't worry about it. You feel sorry, don't you? So, what's the point of 'enforcing' a lesson you already learned?"
It didn't take long for her to realize that her own words were being used against her, but she sighed and gave him a smile, knowing he wouldn't give up on the matter. "Fair enough."
"Besides, she doesn't understand what all led up to this. She wouldn't either. If I'm going to get caught, then that's fine by me."
The two began to clean, Rainbow Dash feeling grateful that she had someone she could relate to. Soarin mostly stuck to anything up in the air that had to be taken care of, as Rainbow Dash's wings were somewhat stiff, though they still kept in good conversation, talking about anything and everything they could think of to help pass the time. They were practically still working at the same pace as Rainbow Dash was on her own, since they constantly stopped to make a side-comment or look at each other, but it was much more fun than doing it with no one else there.
"...Soarin?"
"Yeah, Dash?" He glanced over at Rainbow Dash as he fixed one of the fallen flags.
"I was wondering, why did you want to become a Wonderbolt? I guess everyone has their own reasons, so what was yours?"
"Oh, is that all? That's easy, I—" He stopped mid-sentence. Why did he become a Wonderbolt?
"Well, I guess..." he faltered somewhat, struggling for a legitimate answer, "it was just that everyone looked up to them and they seemed so cool. I wanted to be that too."
She didn't say it out loud, but that had been Rainbow Dash's reasoning too. "And... you're happy with it, right?"
"Happy? Uh, yeah, I guess." He knew that answer wasn't reassuring. "...Honestly, I was surprised when I heard you wanted to become a Wonderbolt so badly."
"What do you mean by that?" Rainbow Dash asked skeptically.
Soarin didn't answer at first, finishing up the string of flags he'd been working on before landing back down in front of Rainbow Dash. "See this cutie mark?"
She glanced down at Soarin's flank as he shifted. She remembered it well enough; a lightning bolt going through a purple cloud. "What about it?"
"You'd never guess my talent just by watching me perform in Wonderbolt shows. I'm really tolerant of thunder and lightning; I can bust through lightning clouds like no one's business and even do awesome tricks with the lightning flowing behind me."
Rainbow Dash's eyes nearly sparkled at the mental image. "I bet that looks amazing!"
Soarin averted his gaze, a sad smile on his face. "Yeah, but Spitfire would never have it. It's her team, so any suggestions usually get pushed to the wayside. I haven't busted up a lightning cloud in so long." He sighed. "Everything has to be synchronized in the Wonderbolts. That's why our outfits cover our cutie marks; we're supposed to 'flow as one unit' or something like that. The only ways to tell us apart are our manes and tails."
"...Y-yeah. I see what you mean," Rainbow Dash replied, nodding. She'd never thought about it before, but he was right. Spitfire immediately shot down her offer on making the routine better to make her clean the entire compound. The Sonic Rainboom, the Buccaneer Blaze... she'd never be able to do anything that no one else could do in the Wonderbolts; it'd make her stand out.
"It's nice having a team to have your back and all," Soarin admitted, though his expression didn't match his words, "but only as long as they always have it, which isn't the case here. You saw it yourself; no one tried to save you when you were crashing after the routine. I'd wanted to, but..."
"Spitfire stopped you, thinking that I deserved it or something?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry." He didn't have the strength to look at Rainbow Dash whenever he recalled the moment. He didn't feel worthy to look her in the eyes; he was only now realizing that there were other times he hadn't treated her well too.
"...Sometimes, I wonder if I made the right choice. I wonder if maybe there's something better for me that I could do."
She went silent at that. She'd never seen a Wonderbolt so doubtful of, well, being a Wonderbolt. And from Soarin? It was almost surreal.
She looked down, then slid the lunchbox over to him. "Here, you have the rest." She smiled. "I want you to have it."
He blinked at her, slightly confused, but smiled back and ate up the rest of the pie in a few quick bites, promptly patting his stomach.
"You really need your own team, Rainbow Dash. You'd make a great leader."
"What? You think so?" she asked, raising a brow.
"Well, yeah! I mean, you might have your flaws, but you were lead pony in the academy and led the ponies to help make the water tornado to Cloudsdale for a reason, right?"
She became slightly embarrassed at the compliment, but he wasn't wrong. "Yeah, that's true."
"What would a flight team you led be like?" Soarin asked, smiling wide.
"A flight team led by me?" Rainbow Dash hummed as she thought about it. What would she do with her own selection of pegasi behind her?
"I'd probably have a super cool flight team that focused on each pony's special talent. Maybe some of the act they'd do together, but for the most part, each pegasus would have something different to do. They'd have similar outfits, I guess, but not covering their whole body, and they'd have their own little touches so it's even easier to know who's who. Then I'd try to have some sort of system for pegasi who can't fly, so they could have a role of their own too." An orange filly with purple hair came to mind instantly.
Soarin didn't even have a response. She had such great ideas.
That should be what the Wonderbolts are like...
"Thing is though..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "I wouldn't even know where to start. I'd need at least one pegasus by my side before I could even think of doing something so crazy."
"You've already got one," Soarin said immediately, his hoof touching hers.
She blinked. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously, let's do it!" His eyes practically lit up. "It's such a great idea; everything I ever wanted the Wonderbolts to be like!"
It took Rainbow Dash a moment to process exactly what was going on. Were the words coming out of her mouth really the truth? She just insulted Spitfire with another Wonderbolt and now she was talking like she was going to just leave and start her own flight team? It was crazy talk!
And yet, when she stared into Soarin's green eyes, she didn't feel guilty, bad, or even regretful. Just a brimming confidence that they could actually do this if they really wanted to.
"Y-yeah? Yeah! And, and maybe they could have a really awesome name, like..." she jumped up, spreading her limbs out, "the Soaring Dashers!"
Soarin blushed slightly at Rainbow Dash using his name there, but her excitement was rubbing off on him. "Hehe, we'll call it a work-in-progress title for now."
"We're bound to think of some more while we finish up here. Come on!"
Soarin grinned, watching Rainbow Dash trot off back to her broom. He'd never seen someone so excited to clean before.
They continued chitting and chatting about potential names and any other fun ideas they might've had for their flight team. Even though it was obviously not right to talk about making a new flight team while already being in one, there was an odd sense of satisfaction that came from breaking Spitfire's rules.
They'd worn themselves out so much by the end of their cleaning session that they barely had enough energy to flap their wings. They had just been so energetic, with their bouncing around and talking so excitedly about their future plans.
Soarin let out a yawn. "Doubt I'd make it home this exhausted. You?"
"H-hm?" Rainbow Dash was barely awake as well. Her second wind had worn off.
"Do you live close by? Think you could make it?"
She yawned. "Prob'ly not..."
Soarin looked around, then caught sight of a bench in the distance. "That'll do for tonight."
Rainbow Dash followed tiredly, getting up on the bench with Soarin and lying down. It wasn't the comfiest thing in the world, but it was better than the ground.
"...Warm enough?" Soarin asked, though his voice seemed hesitant.
She took a moment to respond, her wings shifting about, probably to test the wind chill factor. "A little? It's kinda chilly, but I'm usually wrapped up in my blanket at home, so—"
Her words halted as Soarin shifted over next to her, his wing moving around her back. He smiled, doing it slowly to give her as much opportunity to pull away as possible, but she never did.
Too tired to act like she was too cool to need his warmth, she leaned against him, Soarin flushing up noticeably, having not expected her to do that. Still, he couldn't say it was a bad feeling. The wind was calm, and the sound of little critters and insects moving about was strangely relaxing.
"...Luna did a good job tonight," Rainbow muttered, starting to drift off with her slightly open eyes looking towards the sky.
Soarin looked out too, recalling earlier when he wasn't able to appreciate it. Since she mentioned it now, he couldn't help wondering... had she struggled to appreciate it too, just when he did?
He smiled softly, leaning back against her. She was warm, her relaxed breath wafting against his fur.
"I think so too."
