The Limping Colt

by SomeTeeth

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Berry Punch, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1309

Derpy and Berry drink. And talk.

The Limping Colt.

A bar. Sells booze. Gives some temporary comfort.

The following eavesdrops, much like the ponies in the Colt, are likely out of order and well-meaning.

Published 2016-06-22 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-22 04:00:01 UTC

The Drink

The Limping Colt was an old joint. Outlasted a fair few councillors and mayors. Quite a few in fact, if it could boast. Ponies need planning ordinances, ponies need building permits, need restraining orders, ambulance services. They need the Colt a little more though. Sometimes they need them because of the Colt.

Floors unvarnished for just shy a decade, tables a few generations worn. Ceiling a sickly yellow, cause of smoke. Workplace and frequent reluctant home to one B. Punch.

“Look pal, it goes like this, if I’m face first on it it’s home now.”

Berry slouched onto an old, battle-scarred oak table. Her stool jittered a bit, playing a game with its mildly pished occupant. The gaudy new saloon doors behind her opened in a slight flurry, a blonde cross-eyed mare rushing through, scanning the gaff with her good eye.

She saw her quarry, eyes aligning for a hot second. She approached.

“Berry! How long you been here?”

“Six.”

“A.M.?” Derpy said with a touch of fear.

“Nah Derps,” she sighed. “Just never left after I finished today.”

“…again…” Derpy hid that murmur under a fidget of hooves. “Can I…y’know, join you? If it’s ok. Its been a day.”

“Hon,” Berry kicked out a stool towards Derpy. “Pull up a pew.”

“Ah buck! Alright then, which colt cuddling son of a mule spilt my pint?”

“I mean she ain’t gonna notice me skimming. I make the stuff, so whatever the right amount is whatever gets to her at the end. She don’t care. ‘Cept she does. Her bucking eyes Derps…I don’t like ‘em.”

“Berry! That’s not nice! That’s like, like…Un-Nice!”

“I’d be fine if they were all fiery, all mad and angry.”

“Berry.”

“They look flat.”

“Berry.” Tad subdued there.

“Frown…” A long chug, followed by her eyes widening as she choked down a gag. “…don’t reach her eyes.”

“Oh Berry…”

“You come here often, doll?”

“Check out them wings Derps.”

“…”
Berry swung her eyes over to Derpy. The pegasus was as rigid as the drink allowed, head locked onto the pony softly tapping out tunes with his primaries on a piano in the corner. Quiet-like, but not shy. Easy to appreciate, easy to ignore. Wearing a suit jacket with whiskey stains down one end, burn holes and ash stains making pockmarks randomly through it.

“See you’ve already taken a fancy to the colt then Derps?”

“Hzm?!” Derpy’s barrel made the journey to somewhere semi-upright. “Nononono Punchy, well no, I mean yes he’s good.” A rushed sip. A cough. “Veeery good. At playing. At playing piano.” Sip. “Yup.”

“Yeah Derps he’s real good.”

“Yup.”

“Pretty deft I’d say.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nimble even.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Got a spry touch, don’t he?”

“Oh buck yeah.”

“What was that Derps?”

“Nothing!”

“…”

“…”

“Well, I’ll go up and tell the tiger you agree with me then.”

“BERRY WAIT!”

“Shh, it’s alright love, I’ve got your mane. Just let it all out.”

“Derps?”

“Yeah-huh?”

“What was your first stallion like?”

“Well…”

“…”

“He was, well, different at the end.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t know…” Cough due to the shot. “…don’t know where he’s now.”

“Oh?”

“And I don’ts care really.”

“Oh.”

“Really.”

“Thunder! Thunder you piece of…I got a bone to pick with you!”

“I wanna do less, so I can, like, do more for her.”

“You talkin’ about wee Dinky?”

A nod and a swig.

“Some of the kids…” Two swigs. “…some of the kids at school say things at her.”

“Little shits.”

A nod and a swig. “And I’m only there after it’s done.”

“Derps it ain’t like you can be there always.”

“Yeah but,” Swig. “Why not?” Swig.

“Ya can’t smother her Derps, can be as bad as doing buck all.” Berry looked up into the wine bottle for a dreg or some. “She’s strong. She’ll end up being a hell of a mare.”

“She doeshn’t look it when she’s bawling her eyes out, Berry.”

“And we did, Derps?”

Two swigs. Pause. A swig and a head shake.

“So there’s this new shit coming in from Las Pegasus now and let me tell you, you ain’t gonna believe this shit…”

Derpy’s nose crumpled when a heavy wave of smoke wandered over it.

“What’sa matter Derps?”

“Just the shmell.”

“Yeah I get you Derps, it ain’t the best.”

“But I thought you’da be used to it?”

“I stopped pretty much after Dinky kept asking why I stank.”

“She did that?”

“Yeah. Ten patches helped, but she was the starter.”

“She’d be proud, be happy.”

“I like to think so Derps.”

Derpy looked Berry in the eye. “Punchy, I know sho.”

Berry blushed.

“My keysh were…my keysh were…shomewhere…I think”

“She got a 9 the other day.”

“Hrmmm?” Derpy mumbled.

“Out of 30.” Berry sat eyes forward, a slight glaze smearing them.

“Wait…Berry, Berry…Berry.” Barrel straightening, head sways slowing. “Whatshis?”

“It’s a test Derps. Head test. They had to repeat each question like, bucking, 3 times. She’s old Derps.” Swig. “But she ain’t that old.” Swig. “Not for these days, anyway.”

“Maybe it was, maybe it wash…” A hoof rapped staccato and uneven on the oak. “…justa bad day for her?”

“Seems like a lot of ‘em lately Derps.”

“Ever since she got charged I’ve been praying for her…”

“Celly’s great and all, right?”

“She’s the Princess Berry!” Derpy’s head going up and down at some speed. “The-I mean, a Goddess.”

“You ever hate her?”

“Berry, what?!”

“I wake up here. I ferment. I bottle. All down in the basement. I don’t even get in a garden to get the grapes, they’re all shipped in. Then I post up here. Most days I don’t know there’s a Sun there.”

“Berry! She’s kept us good for thousanshs of yearsh! She’s a hero, saved us a gazillion times over, how could you hate her?”

“I just want the Sun on me once, Derps.”

A stallion slips.

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

Berry’s throat convulsed in rhythm to Derpy’s shouts.

“Y’know I played with old Arpeggio back in the day? I coulda been somebody…”

The piano pegasus had vacated the corner and now made camp at the bar, brooding with rolled cigarettes and a bottle sporting two X’s.

“Aw Derps,” Berry looked over one Derpy Hooves, who had her eyes stuck on the colt. “You got it bad and y'know that ain’t good.” She brought her voice up a few pitches. “You know I can hammer out a tune myself, don’t ya Derps?”

Derpy shook her eyes from the bar. “…you can? Why didn’ts you show me before?”

“Ach, no reason ‘till now. But I see you itchin’ to get on that lonely mic.”

“Oh, oh Berry I couldn’t, I shouln’t…that’sh not something I can do!”

“Hon.” Berry took a count. “That many drinks deep? It’s your thing now. Show off them pipes. Y’know some oldies?”

“Yeah-huh”. Gulp.

Berry polished off her last dregs. “Well then, let’s hit it filly.”

“A toast to Wheels, Sisters bless him.”

“I saw my nan today, D.”

“How’s wash it?”

“Real peaceful. Y’know those plastic flowers? Everypony’s putting them down there now. They’re still there the next time I come round.”

“Thatsh pretty!”

“Yeah Derps, I think it is.”

“You’re, you’re…you’re my best mate, you know that?”

“Berry! Yoush gots ta…yoush got ta stay at mines tonight!”

“Derps, I appreshiate it but, ah really…really ahm fine.”

“Nah c’mon! Shtay over, shtay ‘til dinner tomorrow!” A prolonged stare at the side of Berry Punch’s head, which was drooling slightly on the table all the while. Drip. When the lightbulb flickered back on Derpy’s mouth split open sideways.

“It’sh muffins!”

“Well, can only blame myself for not seeing that comin’”

“Berry, Berry! Will you? Please?”

“When’s it on the table?”

“6!”

“…”

“…”

“…alright.”

“Last Orders!”

Two ponies stumbled home in the pre-dawn gloom, each using the other as a crutch.