there's a first for everything
Yeh. I was there. So what?
I was there at Canterlot High, when Sunset Shimmer did the whole thing with being a lil fukin bitch and stealing the crown and tryna become God or some shit.
I heard the crown was magic? And she stole it? I mean I saw what happened but yeh I didn't really get it so Smart Johnny had to explain it to me. Heh. It's whatever. I don't really care, ya know.
This whole school is so fukin retadded. I ain't the most book smart guy but I ain't fukin retadded.
Like, Sunset Shimmer. How is she gonna become God... when there is no God? God, how fukin retadded can you be? You see what I mean, right?
I mean, like, I don't necessarily tell bitches they're retadded while I'm in the middle of slaying that pussy, ya know right? Gettin a rise in a couple a thighs? Investin in the pound? Cause I get a lot of bitches wet. Whenever I have time, I mean. Usually I'll just casually squeeze in some sour stank squirtin whenever I have spare time between shotgunnin brews and squatting plates at the cathedral.
Heh, check this out. That look like a shadow puppet dog to you? I call it foreplay. Three in the pink, one in the stink, and your thumb's free for some extracurricular activies nawmean heh heh heheheh. Thank me later.
Anywayuhhhhhhhhhhh, my name 'a Sonny. Cheesed to meet you.
I can see I've piked your interest. Let me tell you a little bit more about that night, heh. Why not? Sluts with nuts, that night was so fukin retadded.
You probbly heard about all the fruityass magic that went on. Heh. I don't believe in magic though. It was probbly swamp gas. Don't trust anyone who says he'll sell you a lil fruity magic wand to wave away all ya problems with, get me?
Then there was the cryin. Like I always say, wherever there's one bitch, there's always her two ugly friends, Lyin and Cryin.
So they all made friends, right? Like it's a big fukin deal. Then Princess Flatty went back to wherever the hell she came from, probbly the zoo. That bitch straight smelled like ass. I'm not jokin. The smell was so bad I couldn't even sleep during math class. That was one rank cunt.
So Flatty leaves, and then, hey, you know The Flutz right? That chick who's always falling all over herself? She got them tig ol bitties? Heheheh, yeh you know who I'm talkin about. With them fukin cantaloupes.
So yeh, the Flutz was in that puddle of girls. I call a group of girls a puddle cause, heh, you know, you get it. Anyway. I was standin off to the side, smokin a cigarette. So I saw it all. And it was so fukin retadded, so I thought I'd see if I could liven up the night by stickin my tongue in them titties.
Here's how I went at it.
Smooth as a whistle, I started strolling up. I caught her eye from a distance, and then I made sure to look her up and down while she was watchin me. That gets bitches wet. Don't ask me.
I know I caught her eye, but she wasn't the only one. That one bull dyke was throwing glances my way, too. Heh, she didn't look too pleased. At the moment anyway! Heh. It's no problem though. They don't call me Sonny Two Bitches for nothin.
I mean if a girl wants to bring her friend along, that's fukin peaches. I like to lay one girl on her side, like this, and then me and the other girl arrange ourselves like so, and then we give her the can opener which goes like this. I call that move the can opener cause when you do it, bitches pour out everywhere heh hehhh heh yeh.
So now I'm thinkin about getting the dyke in on my titty lickin too. I know I can do it too, cause ya know lesbians ain't even real. Women can be dykes, you know, if they like diving muffs, but lesbians is made up. I never met a butch dyke bitch calling herself lesbian with a bad attitude and pointy hair who didn't just need a good dicking down to change her mind heheh heh heh yeh. Swear to God. It's fukin retadded.
Now I'm thinkin how I'm gonna try ta spin this and work my sex hypnosis on them. And then the most retadded thing happens.
They're all standin there, and The Flutz suddenly looks horrified, and then drops on her knees.
The other girls all rush around her, askin what's wrong, what's wrong. She says she's got a stomach cramp, and it hurts bad.
So the other girls are askin her if it's her period, and -- I shit you not, I'm not jokin around -- this bitch straight up says, What's a period?
You shittin me?
She's walkin around with them fukin blouse busters, them fukin soggy watermelons, them giant fukin nutcrackers, and she says, What's a period?
So I stood there and watched. Sure enough, the dyke checks her out, and she's fukin bleeding all over her dress. Like she had a bowl of crunchy blood flakes for breakfast. And then she freaks out, cause she's got no fukin idea what's going on.
So fukin retadded.
Then those girls have to explain it to her. And then she realizes she's a woman now. So she starts celebratin. Jumping around and shit, sayin how she's happy cause now she can have lots of babies. So at that point I'm kind of strolling away slowly cause I don't want no fukin kids, nawmean, and I'm scared if I try to hit that she'll probbly pull that psycho bitch move where they wrap their legs around you and force your baby powder out inside of em.
So then, get this, she's celebratin cause she just got her first period like a decade late, and then the other girls get into it too, and then they lift her up on their shoulders and carry her around on parade like she just won the fukin special olympics. Jesus fukin God. She's got that rusted penny smellin blood pudding pourin out of her, stainin everything, with those industrial size milk duds floppin around up top, and they lift her up and carry her around like she's the goddamn Queen of England.
I split after that. So fukin retadded. Went home and rubbed one out. Ma walked in on me, I told her to eat shit.