The Riddle

Twilight had vivid dreams that night. Their remains trickled out of her memory like water into the earth when she woke up, too elusive for her to hold them back. Soon all that remained were fractions, leaving her vaguely disappointed and with a feeling as if she had just lost something. Applejack had appeared in them, or in one, and a large building, somewhere, and they had meant to escape, but so many other things had been there, too, and she was unlikely to ever find out what those had been; they would gradually slide into oblivion, just like so many memories before.

With a sigh, she groggily slid out of bed, teetering towards the stairs, rubbing her eyes as she did so. What she now needed was tea... preferably black... and then...

The sinking feeling lessened, and a sense of excitement rose up in her as she remembered the hypothesis she had come up with on the day before. What if... Peewee did not understand her on an intellectual level, but was able to read her emotions intuitively? That warranted a test, right after breakfast.

I’d like you to fly to me, and sit on my shoulder.

Twilight watched Peewee finishing his hay fries with a frown. It was an unintuitive sight for a phoenix to be eating fries, however, he really seemed to like it. She had offered him an apple before (directly from Applejack’s farm, and cut into small, edible pieces), which he had rejected, even though he had eaten one just a few days ago.

Right now, though, his diet was secondary. What mattered was whether her thesis was correct, and as of now...

I want you to come here, and sit on my shoulder.

She should probably have a consistent wording.

I want you to come and sit on my shoulder.

The last stem disappeared in his spout, and Peewee gave what Twilight assumed to be a satisfied cry. He pivoted his head around, as if deciding what he wanted to do next.

I want you to come and sit on my shoulder.

I want you to come and sit on my shoulder.

I want you to come and sit on my shoulder.

Peewee flapped his wings...

Yes! I want you to come and sit on my-

... and flew outside the window.

Tartarus.

Well. It was too early to discard her hypothesis just yet, but it really had not seemed as if he had even registered that she was trying to communicate with him.

It did not look good.

Absently, Twilight floated the bowl with the blended apple towards her, chewing on the pieces one at a time. They were no less delicious than normally.

Twilight had tried to put her mind into other things for the time being, at least until Peewee was tired of flying around and returned to the library. Sadly, even though all she had wanted to do was to slide into her usual routine, it had somehow been more difficult than normal, just because she had a more important goal on her mind. Silly, given that said goal had no good reason to interfere now, but not an uncommon occurrence. Actually, there was probably a name for that phenomenon. She should look into that some time.

Now, however, she was stalling. Peewee had returned, about a minute ago, and Twilight had planned to endure another round of pain, for science, once he did so. Of course, she had not promised this, so she was free to change her mind if she wanted...

Ah, cowardice. Such a lovely generator for silly thoughts.

In a desperate attempt to put herself and the surrounding situation into a humorous light that would hopefully make it easier to muster up the courage she needed, Twilight stepped forward, licking her lips as she slowly, very slowly, began to channel magic through her horn.

Leave her own mind... find his...

Alright.

Now was the time.

She touched his mind, not even wincing as the pain returned, assaulting her breast. Perhaps, it was only possible now? To communicate with him, that was. Not that it made a lot of sense, but why not try...

Come close... no.

I want you to come here and sit on my shoulder.

I want you to... come here and sit on my shoulder.

Apparently not.

Twilight took somewhat of a gaping breath as her perception shifted a bit, and somehow the pain became more real than it had been a moment ago, or perhaps less real. She closed her eyes, trying to release all tension from her body, relax all muscles, and simply observe... the pain... most akin to how some unguents made a wound burn, at first.

It would be so much easier if she actually knew that something would come off it. She still understood so little, and all she was really doing was to trigger the process, and hope for new revelations, but could it just as well end up being for naught... just like her previous-

...

!!!

She was such an idiot. Of course it hadn’t worked. The point would not be for him to read her thoughts, it would be for him to read her feelings, so she had to want him to come and sit on her shoulder, not put that wish into words and then think those words, that was missing the whole point! How had she been...

Uh...

Excitement was a suitable cure for morning tiredness, so she had found, but not for this kind of pain. She had done better just staying calm.

Ah, and she didn’t want to interrupt her session now. She could test that hypothesis later. She was already too far in, and though she didn’t know if time mattered, it was still a distinct possibility. Alas...

Stay calm...

Stay relaxed...

Stay...

It hurt...

Twilight bit on her lip, perhaps trying to create a lesser source of pain to block out the first. Which was... was of course... nonsense, you didn’t fight fire with fire, that didn’t work.

Ah... just two minutes more.

Twilight retracted, or so it felt like, back into her shell. Not trying to accept the pain anymore so much as trying to hide from it. It really was, really was not that bad. It really was not. Twilight could remember rare occasions, two to be specific, were she had, had been injured quite badly, and though none of them had hurt as much, as much as now, she would much rather endure this than those injuries. This, this was a bit like jumping into cold water, because, because it took courage to do it, but once you were in, once you were in, at first, it wasn’t even that unpleasant, only if you stayed in too long, like, like now, then it became too cold, and then, then it was, was a bit much. Maybe, maybe she should only take shorter... shorter sessions... because that... but... but then this... this was already her longest session to date, so if she didn’t try to, try to break that in the future, then better make this worthwhile.

But... uh... this really was enough. Before she... okay, break it.

Twilight retreated, realizing that she had lost her stance, having sort of sunk into a crawling form on the floor.

Again, no aftermath. Plus, the absence of pain was quite a wonderful feeling. Twilight shakily took the steps towards her cot. In a way, since she had been so reckless on her first try, it was probably somewhat warranted for her to suffer a bit here...

She lay down, not being tired enough to fall asleep, but exhausted enough to fade in and out of consciousness for a bit... strange, unconnected, and incoherent thoughts popped into her mind at random...

A bit in, Twilight found herself conscious again, thinking about the time Rarity had-

Hold on.

This was already the second time she had thought back to that day. And yesterday... yeah, she could remember it vaguely, she had also thought back to that... even... hadn’t it even been twice?

Could that really be a coincidence? Or, more relevantly, could it be something else?

Quickly, realizing that time might suddenly be a factor, her mind formed another hypothesis. As soon as it was done, she emptied her head, observing her thoughts...

Well, that was the blue rabbit, it did not work like that. She couldn’t just not think... not that that was impossible, but it was quite hard, and she had never learned it. If a novice like her tried, then that inevitably resulted in thinking about the fact that she was trying not to think, and then some. Which was annoying, really, because how would she confirm her hypothesis if she was thinking all the time, it had triggered more whenever she had lost track of her own thoughts...

Well then... what had happened these days... AJ’s farm had been doing better, though her Grandma had health issues. And she, ah, Pinkie Pie had... there was... the door in Canterlot’s sleeping quarters... really irresponsible acting on her part-

Her mind immediately snapped out of it with a surge of excitement as she realized that it had happened again. So the intrusion into the phoenix’ mind redirected her thoughts. Now that was a discovery. And the target was always the day that Rarity and Amethyst Star had come to her, and she had wanted to do the experiment, but Rarity had made her reconsider, and do some preparations first. Why that? Because it was where she had almost entered the phoenix’ mind? No, that seemed far fetched. And it was never the experiment that drew her thoughts, it was the irresponsibility on her part, the...

Ah, so that was it? Because she had made a mistake? Did it direct to mistakes? Sure enough, yes, as she thought on it now, she noticed that the thought seemed to be... highlighted, so to speak. Yes, it clearly was a noticeable difference, she was driven to think about it. That was nice, because it meant that she didn’t have to lose consciousness in order to verify her theory.

Okay, and what about the mistake she had just made? Conducting the experiment in such a dumb way? ... No, there was nothing. It felt normal. Perhaps, it was not about it being a mistake, perhaps it was about it being irresponsible, or rude, or...

When had she done something rude the last time? Frantically, she scoured through the past weeks. Usually, Twilight really tried not to be rude, but surely there were some instances where she had fallen short of that goal; it didn’t take much to be at least a little bit rude, on accident or just due to not thinking enough. Maybe something concerning Pinkie Pie, who was the most sensitive... what about... about... uh... yes, the time that she, no, the time that Pinkie had shown her the dolls she had made of some of her friends, and Twilight had been a bit creeped out and not given a very kind response-

Yes! Yes. It was there. It radiated. Not as much, but it did. Quickly, she thought back to the Rarity thing. Ah, there it was, so much stronger. It even seemed to have gained in intensity since her departure, not lost.

So that was it.

The phoenix’ pain brought into memory all the times when she had hurt other ponies.

The only question which remained was... why?

Twilight stood up, beginning to pace around the room.

If something inflicted pain for-, and called attention to the times where she had hurt other ponies, then there seemed to be two obvious angles for that. One, it was some kind of purification or moral judgment. Two, it was malicious.

Everything in her was prone to believe that phoenixes were, for the lack of a better world, good. But what evidence did she really have for that? Peewee had not done anything for her, really, and whenever she tried to approach him, she was rewarded with pain... albeit, a very pure form of pain, that was easier to endure and left no injuries. And...

She should test her other hypothesis. That might help.

Come to me, Twilight thought, approaching the phoenix, and then she repeated it without words, only wishing, wishing for him to come close. Because if he did, then how could he be evil, if he reacted to her wishes, he could not be, he must be good.

Peewee turned his head in her direction, blinking. A new sense of hope washed over her, and she tried to pour it into the wish, to make herself care as much as possible...

And then the phoenix flapped his wings and came to her, sitting down on her shoulder. At this moment, Twilight almost cried.

“So you are good.” She smiled, knowing that it was true, only true. Peewee let out a chill-inducing cry, and something hot stroke over her mane from behind. He must have extended a wing, but she didn’t turn her head to look, standing still, only feeling his warmth.

This, of course, explained a lot. The reason why he had stood still every time Twilight had tried to approach him was that she had wanted him to, and Rarity and Amethyst probably had, too. The reason why he was considerate to her without understanding what she was doing was because he instinctively tried not to hurt her... well, he wouldn’t hurt her by interrupting her studies, but it would still be distracting, irritating for a moment, affecting her in a negative way, even if it was slight. It seemed to fit, as nothing he had ever done had been inconvenient to her, it had all been considerate... and kind.

And, was the reason why a connection between them caused pain on her part that she wasn’t as good, not as pure as him? Surely, it was not intended. That would run contrary to everything she had just found out. No, it must be a natural reaction.

And Twilight suddenly had an epiphany. She’d have to think about her guilt while being connected to the phoenix, and then... then something would happen... she just knew it... it just seemed right... it would... it would purge it, maybe? But if so, would it eventually be done with it? Them? Her thoughts? Her guilt? And if that was the case, then would it only be temporary, or would she someday be done with all of it? And if that was the case, then what would be next? If she was given absolution, so to speak? What then?

She had no idea.