It was just another day in magical horse land… err Equestria. The sun was high in the sky and birds were singing as usual.
What were you doing on this day? Not really anything exciting, just a nice walk around town so you can bask in the sight of the nice local inhabitants of this somewhat medieval looking town. The inhabitants were small pastel horses, which were affectionately referred to as ponies. These ponies had huge, basketball sized eyes and insanely large heads.
You stood out quite a lot since you stood on two legs, were quite a bit taller than the average four foot tall pony and not only that, you were in fact a human.
The most shocking revelation was, despite the obvious sentience of these ponies was that none of them wore clothes, they just hung everything out for the whole world to see without shame.
Anyway, today was going well, until, all of a sudden, almost all the mares on the street began to look at you with bedroom eyes as if you were a piece of meat.
Sweat poured down your face, nervous as to why they were giving you such lustful looks.
‘OK, keep calm Anon. They aren’t going to do anything to you, even if they are under some sort of sex spell,’ you tried to reassure yourself.
Suddenly, a rainbowish blur came speeding toward you down from the sky.
“Hey dude, want to give us a kiss?” came a lustful tone of voice from an all too familiar light blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail.
“Uh, no thanks Rainbow Dash,” you replied nervously, scratching the back of your neck.
Rainbow Dash gasped in shock. “You don’t want a kiss from me, Rainbow Dash?”
Uttering not a single word, you walked away, leaving the mare behind you with a stunned look on her face.
A moment later, an orange earth pony mare with a stetson hat approached you, looking at you with bedroom eyes.
“Howdy partner, wanna give us here a kiss?” came her voice, with a thick southern accent.
“Uh, no thanks Applejack,” you said in a low voice.
“What? Ya don’t want a kiss from me?” she said with wide eyes.
“What the hell is wrong with everypony?!” you shouted.
“Well suit yourself Anon. Normally, Ah never would even dream of kissing a human, but Ah would have kissed ya all over and drank your creamy apple juice down mah throat,” she said in a sour voice.
With an angry growl you walked away from the mare. However, mere seconds later you heard a soft, quiet voice right next to you.
“Umm Anon, can I talk to you for a second?”
You were about to give this pony an earful, however you stopped when you noticed it was Fluttershy.
“Yes, Fluttershy?” you said gently, your anger completely gone.
“Well… ummm, you see I was wondering if you would give us a kiss?” she said, blushing profusely in embarrassment.
“Oh no, not you too Fluttershy!” you shouted.
“Ummm, I don’t know what you’re talking about Anon. I just want a kiss,” she spoke normally, before her voice shifted into a sensual tone. “Can you give mama Fluttershy a kiss, handsome human?”
“No!” you roared, storming off.
In the distance you heard Fluttershy wailing in grief over your rejection.
‘I need to get to the bottom of this.’ came your thoughts.
Your thoughts were soon interrupted when a white unicorn suddenly darted into your path.
“Hello darling, can you give us a kiss?” she said sexfully.
“No! Go away Rarity!” you roared, turning around to walk… away from her.
What you saw now was a horde of mares, all of which were looking at you with bedroom eyes, many of which were even drooling at the sight of you.
So with that, you screamed in terror and ran away. The ponies on the street looked down sadly, tears falling down their cheeks.
Going as fast as your legs could carry you, you ran into your ‘house’... a huge oak tree in the middle of town and quietly shut the door behind you.
Across from you the pony you knew to be Princess Twilight Sparkle was sat down behind her desk, reading a book.
“Twilight! Something strange is happening to everyone, can you stop this and--” you gasped in horror at the title of the book she was reading “A Pony’s Guide To Kissing Humans’.
With a happy giggle the mare before you closed the book with a loud bang, before she looked upon you with bedroom eyes.
“Anon, give us a kiss,” she said sexfully.
“No!” you shouted, crossing your arms.
“Oh, come on Anon. Give us a kiss you handsome ape!” she exclaimed, raising her hooves high in exasperation.
Her ears drooped sadly when she saw you utter an angry growl.
“Oh Anon, don’t be like that. Come here and give us a kiss,” she said sexfully, flicking her mane with a hoof, staring at you with bedroom eyes.
“No! I am not going to ever kiss a horse!” you shouted, giving her a death glare.
Twilight uttered a loud wail of grief, burying her face into her hooves.
Without a word, you marched up the stairs, ignoring the cries from the distraught mare.
Thankful you were, when you managed to safely get into your room without instant . Once inside you locked the door behind you and walked over to your bed and lay yourself down on it.
You sighed in relief, knowing you were safe, since Twilight cast magical protection charms on this very room, so nopony can go inside. Here you can sleep for a while until this all blows over.
The room however was very small, more like a closet than anything. Kind of reminded you of Harry Potter’s room. Just about enough room for a single small bed, but you had a window.
A chill went down your spine as you saw a horde of mares just outside, looking up at you with bedroom eyes.
Acting quickly, you pulled down the blinds, closing them. Making the room a bit darker. The mares outside all sighed sadly when you closed the window.
At long last, you were alone, safe from these horny mares that wanted you to kiss them.
Or so you thought.
“Give this pony a kiss, you silly monkey,” came a bubbly, feminine voice.
You sighed, knowing exactly who it was. With an angry growl, you stood up off your bed, bent your knees and roughly yanked the pink mare out from under your bed.
The mare giggled happily as you held her in your arms. “Give us a kiss Anony!” she said in an excited voice.
The mare gasped in shock when you proceeded to carry her over to the door.
“Anony, what are you doing?!” she shouted.
Without a word, you opened the door and gently put her down on the floor onto her four hooves, before slamming the door behind you.
Outside, you heard a low whimper.
“I only wanted a kiss,” came her voice, low and sad.
Now truly, finally alone, you proceeded to close your eyes and fall asleep.
In the dark void of the dream world a voice called out to you.
“We wish thee to give us a kiss,” came a hot breathy voice.
“Oh, fuck off Luna!” you shouted.
“We forgive thee, for we know that thou is playing hard to get!”
“I said, fuck off Luna!”
“No! We demand thee to give us a kiss!” she bellowed.
You awoke with a start, sweat pouring down your forehead.
“Oh fuck my life, I can’t even sleep without a horse asking me to kiss them,” you grumbled in anger.
Suddenly, you heard a loud knock upon your door.
Against your better judgment, you got out of bed and answered the door. You gasped at the sight of seeing none other than the big white horse known as Princess Celestia.
“Hello there handsome human. Could you give this old mare a kiss?” she said in a hot steamy voice.
“Uh no, thanks. I don’t want to kiss a horse.”
“But Anon, it has been a thousand years since I last got a kiss from a human,” she said in a low, voice, looking at you with pleading doggy eyes.
“I don’t fucking care! I’m not kissing a horse!” you roared, slamming the door closed.
“How dare you! I have the most big and fat sexy butt in all of Equestria and you reject me?!” she shouted.
“I don’t like pony butts!”
“Heresy!” she roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice, shaking the building with the sheer power of her voice. “Every human, deep down wants to tap the sunbutt!”
“Well, I don’t!” you shouted.
“Just you wait human, you will beg me for forgiveness as you bow before my mighty big fat alicorn butt in the end!”
With a sour look on her face, the mare turned and made her way toward the stairs.
Until, all of a sudden a look of confusion crossed her face.
“Uh… how did I get here?” she said in a most bewildered tone.
"It was clop magic I tell you! That’s why you wanted to kiss Anon! Our very reality is sometimes written by some sex crazed maniac!” shouted Spike, standing next to her with a tinfoil hat upon his head.
Celestia giggled with a hoof over her mouth.
“Oh Spike, you and your silly conspiracy theories.”
The End
