Act I - The Beginning of Something Great - Chapter 1 - This is a Joke, Right?
Cold, dark, and dry.
That was the feeling of this area, this sea of near lifelessness. Drifting in the expanse of darkness is the very place that all have dreaded to behold. A cluster of aged rock and debris of what was once a world, a planet long since destroyed. Life cannot, should not, abound here. No heat. No light. No life-giving moisture. No sign of a living anything.
Yet... there He resides.
Amongst the debris, He sits. His darkness surrounds and emenates from Him. His robes are that of a greyish, black hue. He lifts His dark-scaled covered hands and rubs one with the other. His eyes, Yellow and slitted, search about the air as though His very thoughts appeared before Him, outside of His dark-scaled head.
Before Him are a few portals. Six to be exact, with only five activated. Within these portals, are silhouettes of different figures, shadowed by the darkness around them. As they sat patiently for this Being to speak, they couldn't help but wait for what may transpire next.
"Let us review the plan, my brethren. It is time!" He said, as the very evil smile of death spread across His Draconian face.
Another bright and sunny day in Ponyville. With it being ten o'clock, everyone is hustling and bustling about as though there was not a care in the world. The gods themselves seemed to be smiling upon the citizens, it was that good of a day.
On the outskirts of said town, a man was walking from the land beyond towards the first house he could see. He went up, knocked, and waited patiently. Soon, he was welcome to the sight of a very frazzled, half-asleep, yet beautiful woman. Middle-aged, she stood to about five and a half feet, and had a beautiful set of pink lochs and lovely baby-blue eyes. Though anyone would recognize her as the nurse that she is with her cap and scrubs from the hospital, you could plainly see her cutie mark on her shoulders from the loose tank top that she was wearing. It, of course, consisted of a Red Cross with hearts in the nooks near the center.
To say that Redheart was upset to see someone this "early" to her was an understatement. In fact, she was somewhat pissed, to say the least. Especially with working the swing shift the night before, along with being awoken from a beautifully peaceful, but mainly erotic dream, consisting of her and Doctor T'horse. The worse part, though, was that all this was taken from her with a set of knocks-- all on her day off.
This better be good. she grumbled within her thoughts and tried to put on the most neutral of faces before speaking.
"Can I help yo--?" Whatever Redheart was about to say was immediately cut off with the most sloppy and wanna-be-sensual kiss of her entire life. There was no passion, no meaning, just a big, spit-swapping kiss on the mouth. Needless to say, Redheart was not pleased.
She managed to separate herself from the stranger, and, with a fit of rage, slapped him across the cheek. Hard. After sputtering and spitting the pool of saliva from her mouth, she managed to find very good and polite choice of words for the occasion.
"What the hell was that, you jerk of a bent dick?!" She basically screamed in his face. Being unphased by the slap and unnecessary yet appropriate insult, he said the very thing that was on his mind.
"Hellooo~ Nurse!" He said with his baritone of a voice. Though his right cheek was accented with a very red handprint, it still didn't take away his other charming features. Messy Brown hair; small, scraggly chin-eard; black, semi-pressed suit; and, not all too surprising for some odd reason, small, beer styled shoes that matched his eyes, giving a almost funny contrast of bright red.
"Ugh! That stupid joke again! I swear if I hear that one more time..." Redheart continued to mutter curses under her breath. She was also thinking about giving him a piece of her mind. She figured that deserved a generously good negative seven on the gentleman scale of one to ten, mainly because he had the audacity and good pair of balls to do something like that to a woman. God knows that he needs them, especially after a good date with the tip of her foot.
However, before the time could stretch on in heavy silence and devilish scheming on her part, the man spoke up witfully.
"I'm gonna need about three-fiddy as payment, or I'm gonna have to take the kiss back, if ya know what I mean?" He said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Man's crotch, meet nurses foot.
The man then groaned in pain, clutched his sacred jewels for dear life, and fell to the ground in the fetal position. Redheart then took this time to glare down at the person in pain on her portch, give a "gesture" of good riddance, then proceeded to slam the door. He of course fell with his head near the door frame, which was in the path of the swift door. Needless to say, he had a thought go through his head, pertinent to the situation, of which he proceeded to say out loud.
"Not the first door I knocked on, and now I hurt both my heads." He managed to squeak thorough clenched teeth. He then tried to get up to his knees, but proceeded to stumble and role down the stairs of the porch, ending up spread eagle on his back. Though he may be in pain from a possibly crushed testicle and huge concussion, he couldn't help but stare into the sky, with a dopey grin on his face and say, "totes worth it..."
Slowly, and painfully getting up, he stood facing the road with shaking knees. He had a job to do, and, by the gods, he was gonna do it. As he started to get his bearings and walking off the pain in his groin and pride, his pocket started vibrating.
"Duh fu-! I thought I left you at home!" He looks around to make sure no one is looking before he pulls out the vibrating... Gem Communicator. "Oh! Heh... right. I guess I did need this." Embarrassed, he quickly flips open the small device and slides his thumb across the middle to activate the call. Instead of saying anything after answering, he simply just snickers and waits.
"..." Nothing is said or heard at first, until a refined, almost posh voice starts speaking, "Hello? Agent Joke, are you there?"
Silence.
"Ugh! Dammit Practical, we don't have time for this!" Said the irate voice on the other end. The silent man, Practical Joke, for his own sake of amusement, just kept trying to contain his laughter. He always got a kick out of being an immature ten-year-old in a mid-twenties body. Of course, all good things, in this case jokes, must come to an end, as Practical gave in and started laughing himself silly.
"You-- you really need to lighten-- u-up there, Double B. It's not healthy to be a pompous ass all the time." The jokester finally said between laughs and such; now finding it funny with himself to picture the very noble on the GemComm pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Agent Jo--"
"PJ"
Slight pause, before an exasperated sigh, the caller continues, "PJ, I'm calling to get a status report. Have you made it to Ponyville yet?"
Smiling a toothy grin, PJ replies while producing a terrible southern accent and mock solute, "Yessir! Unfortunately, we've recieved cassulties before we reached the town proper."
"Really?" The noble said with a mix of genuine surprise and concern. "What happened?"
"Code black. Took an armored hammer right to the pecker!" PJ said with all seriousness.
"Code black? Took a--? Pecker? What are yo--?" He kept saying before just realizing that he shouldn't get into it. Being PJ it was probably immature, disgusting, or something he did to someone else... most likely all the above. "Look, just get to Ponyville, keep a low profile, and don't botch this. We need Intel on the security, so we may know how to operate in case of emergencies towards the nation and crowns. Got it?"
"Yeah, whatever." PJ said, non-chalantly checking his nails for any dirt or grime.
"Agent Joke, I'm serious."
"Yeah, I know." PJ snarked, with no sarcasm whatsoever. "Why am I doing this, anyway? Can't one of the stationed guards do this?"
"Her Maggesty gave me explicit instructions to monitor and confirm that the security of a village of Historical and Future Significance is of sound mind..."
The noble dragged on about the order, as PJ was mouthing along, perfectly, word for word. He just wanted this day over with. "...and the reason why you have been chosen... well..."
There was a moment of silence and excitement as PJ waited for the "first time" praise from her Maggesty. True, it was through his superior, but that doesn't mean--
"You were the only one available..."
... Well, Shit!
"Thanks, Double BB!" PJ said with a fake smile in his voice. "I love you, too~!
"PJ, I'm sorry, but this is how it is. Now please, get in there and report back to head quarters as soon as the Intel is procured." PJ was about to cut the transmission, until he was interrupted, "And Agent Joke?"
"Yes, Blue Blood?"
"Don't!" Was said with a firmly stern voice. "Don't! Get caught by the Element Bearers. Celestia's orders."
Blue Blood ended the call as PJ was sitting there... grinning... like a mad man.
Sadly avoiding the young, beautiful bearers of harmony. Rainbow Dash, easily distracted with wonderbolt stuff or taking a nap. Applejack, would be working on the farm or in the market. Fluttershy, probably gonna be outta the way with her animal shelter. Rarity, in her shop all day with dresses. Her Maggesty, Twilight Sparkle... Heh, it would take a collision of the moon to the whole of Gaia before she decided to look away from her studdies.
That left one, very excited woman to deal with, especially since he, himself, was a stranger, and she loooooved to make new friends...
Pinkamena Diane Pie.
...
Piece of cake.
