Enter the woods... Never Leave...
The annual apple festival was happening once again in Ponyville and naturally the Apple family was happy to celebrate the party. Ponies were visiting everywhere from Cloudsdale to the Crystan Empire (Pinkie Pie's parties are surprisingly popular now...) It was the Apple family's rule that they avoid working the event and simply enjoy themselves with their friends. Applejack was spent it with Twilight and the rest of the gang, not really sure what to do sense she normally coordinates the event. Applebloom was spending it the rest of the CMC and was used to not working the event, she usually was allowed to just go off and play for the most part, but this time, after burying the hatchet with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, they all started hanging together. Granny Smith was socializing with the other old folks in a manner similar to The Golden Girls (one was flirting with some men, one was making snappy comments, and the other one was not very bright...). But Big Mac was alone...
Big Macintosh never really had any friends of his own, sense he spends most of his time at the farm and tends to do most of the work while Applejack was off with her friends. Because of this, he never really had friends of his own and usually just spends time at social events being the shy awkward quiet guy. He realized that it was time he made friends of himself for once, and a day off on a day themed for what he lives for is just what he needed! There were ponies from all over Equestria visiting so maybe he could find some ponies who would like him! After walking around, he really didn't have very good luck initially, sense he never really said anything much, post ponies were just thinking he was some strange stalker (including specifically him listening over to a married couple arguing about whether their new house should be painted Magenta or Curation). Eventually he walked over and noticed two familiar faces, Mocha Jon and Caramel, who seemed to be fighting.
"Oh please, you call that a horn? It looks like you still have that big zit you had in school!" Caramel said to Jon, not really bothering him it seems.
"Very funny, you know, I heard you were in charge of delivering some of the apple seeds, when exactly were you gonna do that again?" Jon snarked back, Caramel not insulted either.
Big Mac looked over to them confused and the two looked over at him as if nothing just happened. "Hey Mac, haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?" Caramel asked, Big Mack just casually shrugged his shoulders, ambivalent to the event as he was still lonely.
"Man how come you're alone? I figured the big apple farmer would be ambushed with questions and fans at the apple party... I think Pinkie's losing her touch on themes..." Jon added.
"Nope, I don't really know that many ponies myself, I doubt anypony really even knows me here here..." He reluctantly responds.
"Why not?"
"Well I always live in the shadow of my famous sister so I never really had many friends of my own" Big Mac responded, feeling a little embarrassed.
"No friends, hey Jon maybe you know what that's like!" Caramel said as Jon rolled his eyes, "Really? I thought you became friends with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor after you helped them stop that evil alicon Marshall?"
"Eeyup, but they live all the way in the Crystal Empire, I can't go there on my salary, Twilight always pays for Applejack's tickets when she goes. I haven't seen them sense."
"Well Shining Armor's over there," Jon said pointing to Shining grabbing a caramel apple from a stand, "Hey check it out, there's a Caramel here that's actually sweet after all." Jon said looking at Caramel. They all walked over to him and they said hi.
"Hey guys, I haven't seen you guys in a while, and you, I haven't seen sense my wedding." Shining said to Big Mac and Mocha Jon then to Caramel, who all waved.
"Nope."
"Where's Cadence?" Jon asked.
"She's not feeling very well, she stayed behind with Flurry Heart so it's just me." Shining responded, eating the whole apple at once. "So Big Mac, what are you doing later?"
Big Mac looked distracted and a little nervous after hearing that question, "Camping..." He mysteriously responded.
"Camping? I love camping! I go once every two moons!" Caramel responded, as Jon grabbed six caramel apples and ate them almost instantly, "Dude you keep eating like that and you're gonna get fat... or fatter." He added.
"So? Looking at you it seems that that doesn't seem to be a problem for your self esteem." Jon responded.
"I love it too, I used to go all the time when I was a colt but now that I'm married I never get the chance to go anymore." Shining added, looking a little upset.
"Hey, maybe we could all go out with him and make it like a friends' night out, sound good Big Mac?" Jon asked, to which Big Mac looked more nervous.
"Nope..."
They all looked confused by that, Big Mac usually takes offers like that and adds a buy one get one free coupon with them, "Why not?" They all asked, but Big Mac just turned around and refused to answer.
"What's wrong? Why can't we go?" Shining asked.
Big Mac sighed, reluctant to respond, "Fine... It's gonna be in the Everfree Forest aright!" He yelled out, getting the attention of Soarin who was walking by and suddenly spit out his apple cider.
"The Everfree Forest? Dude that place has so many monsters that I've written a Daring Doo fanfiction that takes place there, why would you want to go there?" Soaring yelled out, inserting himself into the conversation.
Big Mac was at a loss there, this was kind of his little secret, he loves taking the risk of the monsters and timber wolves so much, that rush of excitement of danger, "Look, Applejack always risks her life with her friends facing all those monsters and stuff and I love taking that risk myself. I know this one area that never has anypony in it and is always safe from evil critters, I know it's weird but I like it."
Caramel yelled in excitement, "Dude that is so cool! Why would you think we wouldn't like that? I never take risks like that and that sounds like a lot of fun!"
Jon added, "Yeah, plus I'm working on a new horror comic and could use the experience, come on man, can we go?"
Big Mac looked around, they all looked surprisingly interested and excited for an adventure like that. He was worried they would freak out and think he was insane. He shrugged "Eeyup!"
"Sweet! I better go pack!" Soarin said as he flew off, leaving them confused.
"When did we invite him?" Caramel asked and they all just shrugged their shoulders.
Big Mac was alone in the forest waiting for the others, he knew he would be the first to go because they would be reluctant, but he knew they would arrive. He was sitting by a fire and making s'mores. He was bored waiting but he thought he heard somepony coming by because he heard some bushes shaking. He looked around and pointed a flashlight around and noticed a strange looking pony. He was wearing a plaid shirt & boots and had a small beard on his muzzle and an ax for his cutie mark. When he noticed the light he walked closer and waved at Big Macintosh who waved back.
"Well howdy there, what bring you out to the haunted woods?" He asked Big Mac in a country accent similar to Big Mac's.
"I'm just camping out here, waiting for some friends, we like to take risks like this, what about you?"
The stranger shrugged his shoulders, "Oh I've been out here my whole life, been a proud woodsman for so long and I swear I will live out here my whole life risking nature and enjoying the hard work. The name's Woody by the way." He proudly responded.
"Big Macintosh, nice to meet ya, I know what you mean, I work on a farm so I work pretty hard too, but I tend to get lonely so I'm meeting with some new ponies for a night out."
"Interesting, I know how being lonely feels, it's nice to finally see somepony else out here in the Everfree forest..." He said as he suddenly walked forward towards Big Mac, "But now I know I won't need to be alone ever again..." He said as he got a strange evil looking expression on his face.
"Eeyup...?" He asked getting a little confused and uncomfortable as he walked right up in his face.
Before he could say anything else, the strange lumberjack's eyes began to get these strange swirls in them as he looked right into Big Mac's eyes as they began to take the same swirls in them... After that, there were more bush sounds and Mocha Jon & Caramel could be heard arguing again.
"Oh please if you think you're ever going to be a famous music star you're gonna need to kidnap Celestia and leave a ransom!" Caramel told Jon.
"I'd rather kidnap you, ponies will pay me to keep you locked up!" Jon responded as they all started heading towards Big Mac as the lumberjack suddenly vanished in thin air.
Big Mac's eyes were still spinning for a moment until he heard the others and he shook his head and his eyes returned to normal. Before he could say anything, he heard Woody's voice in his head, "Now you should know what to do with these ponies..." The voice said with a strong echo in it.
"Yes Master..." Big Mac said out loud, causing Jon and Caramel to stop bickering.
"What did you say?" Shining Armor asked, not really hearing him over Jon and Caramel.
Big Mac was worried a bit, "Oh, I said... Hi Misters, cause I've been waiting for y'all to get here." He said covering that up, to which they all seemed to believe.
Later in the night, the guys were telling scary stories over the campfire, Jon was telling a disturbing story about a werewolf who had a strange craving for both pony flesh and puppy flesh, making him a dual cannibal who lived in the Everfree Forest. Shining Armor and Caramel were holding each other scared and panicking while Soarin was just excited and eating s'mores. Big Mac didn't seem to be paying attention and was just staring ahead waiting for a good opportunity.
"Hey Soarin, I was gonna go and get more firewood... mind coming to help me?" He asked. Soarin was happy to help out, not really expecting to do anything bad.
The two walked around for quite a while and Soarin was getting a little confused, "Hey, we've been walking for a while, where exactly are we going?" He asked as the two approached a strange log cabin with a strange silhouette sitting on the porch swing. Soarin was confused as Big Mac just had a strange evil grin on his face and the shadow was revealed to be Woody who just teleported in front of Soarin and looked him right in the eyes as both his and Big Mac's began to spin again and before Soarin could figure out what was going on his eyes started to spin as well...
"Don't fight it..." Big Mac said.
"You're gonna be here for a long time and enjoy it..." The lumberjack said as he just stepped back and vanished into thin air again.
Soarin just blinked and didn't even question what just happened. The first thing he did was look around the the first thing he noticed was a pair of axes sitting by the cabin and he just walked over and grabbed them. "Come on bud, I think it would be more rewarding to cut our own firewood!" He said as he handed an ax to Big Mac and they started cutting their firewood. His voice was much different now, he had a large southern drawl in it like he was a country woodsman.
The two returned to the campfire, Shining Armor looked disturbingly uncomfortable and Mocha Jon and Caramel were fighting again, much to all their annoyance.
"Jon I swear the only reason you are still out here is because they felt sorry for you and wanted somepony to be timber wolf bate!" Caramel told Jon, though this time instead of a snappy comeback this time, he actually felt hurt by that and got a tear in his eye. Caramel realized he want too far there and apologized, "Okay that was too far, look we may fight but you definitely aren't that bad, I'm really sorry!" He said as he hugged him.
Jon pulled away and started laughing, "Haha! You bought that! I got you good!"
"There you are guys, where've you been?" Shining asked, clearly a little scared about getting attacked by something. The two just looked at each other vacantly.
"Oh we had trouble finding good enough wood." Big Mac responded.
"Hey guys, check this out," Soarin said in his new country accent, "We found this old abandoned cabin not far from here, it's old and empty and creepy like a haunted house! You gotta check it out!"
They were all confused, "Did you always sound like that?" Caramel asked, not really sure because they didn't really know each other before.
"Haunted house... I don't know.. AHH!" Shining reluctantly said until Jon snuck up behind him and yelled 'BOO!'
Come on, it's really neat and it's got a great view of the moon and I swear y'all love it..." Big Mac eerily said as they started to walk back there, the others reluctantly following.
They all walked over towards the cabin and this time the lumberjack was nowhere to be seen. They all walked into the cabin but Shining Armor stayed outside for a moment to look at the moon. He was still freaked out by this place, every time he saw an owl, its head always spin all the way around... But when Shining looked at the large glowing moon, he just felt safe, like it was a large light guiding his way to safety. After a while Shining started to feel relaxed and all his fear of the forest seemed to fade all together. But before he was ready to enter the cabin himself, he saw a strange shadow near by but couldn't tell what it was. Morbid curiosity got the best of him and he went over to see what it was. He walked by a tree and the first thing he saw was the shadow turning into an evil looking lumberjack...
"Wha...? Who are...?" Shining tried to ask until Woody just looked him straight in the eyes and they started spinning and Shining was in his power...
"Don't just ask questions... Just embrace the country woodsman life..."
"Yes Master..." Shining Armor responded in a country accent like Soarin and before he knew it, the lumberjack was gone.
In the house, the stallions clearly could tell that the place was not well kept. There were flannel shirts and boots laying around everywhere and they were all clearly unwashed and sweat scented. Big Mac and Soarin didn't seem to mind but Mocha Jon and Caramel were clearly grossed out.
"Dude this place is less organized than Caramel's delivery system Plus these clothes smell worse than my pet badger!" Jon noted as Caramel rolled his eyes and tossed a boot at his behind, making him chuckle.
"They smell like a man's hard work and there's nothing but pride in that." Soarin responded, making Caramel and Jon suspicious.
Suddenly Shining Armor walked in staring blankly and clearly didn't seem to mind the disorganized place. Soarin and Big Mac can tell he's also under the spell just like it was instinct. Shining didn't show any fear anymore and now felt at home in the Everfree Forest like a proud worker like himself should. "You know, these duds look mighty fancy and what not, maybe they fit me." He said as he picked up an old sweaty shirt and boots and just out them on, and Big Mac & Soarin followed the idea, much to the disgust of Caramel and Mocha Jon.
"Alright what the heck is going on with you all? You've been acting strange all night, now Caramel and I don't agree on much but I know we both think you guys are acting crazier than Pinkie Pie!" Jon yelled out in rage, Caramel joining in.
"Seriously! I'd expect this stuff from Big Mac sense hes a farmer but what's with those country accents with you two?"
At that moment, after they all put on the flannel shirts and boots, they all looked over and got these strange angry expressions on their faces as their eyes all got the strange hypnotized swirls in them again... They all started walking closer to the two and were talking in slow unison, "Y'all can't fight it... just embrace the Everfree Forest and be proud woodsmen slaves..." And at that moment, Woody appeared out of nowhere in front of them both with an evil/smug grin on his face...
"Like my new lumberjacks? See it gets lonely out here, most ponies don't belong here... Now they'll never leave my side... Right boys?"
Yes Master!" The three said in unison as they saluted their leader.
Mocha Jon and Caramel looked at each other nervously as they regret all their arguing, "What did you do to them?" Caramel asked.
"Well considering the spirals in their eyes, I'm gonna say he promised them tickets to see an Ice Hockey game, what do you think he did?!" Jon sarcastically yelled at Caramel.
Suddenly before another fight would start, the lumberjack just stared at the two with his eyes spinning again, they tried to look away but t was inevitable, they caught eye contact and fell under his hypnotic spell... At that moment all their snarky quips just faded and the two instantly felt much better about each other. Without warning, Woody tossed the flannel shirts and boots towards the two hypnotized stallions and they put them on just like the others.
"Now it's late, y'all better get some shut eye, we got a lotta work to do tomorrow cutting down trees, so hit the hey!" He ordered and all the stallions bowed their heads in submission as they followed him towards the bedrooms, eager to serve their new master and get ready for their next day as proud woodsmen who love to work hard, never to think about their old lives again.
Enter the Woods... Never Leave (Revised)
Author's Note
I was originally wanting to post the revised version as a new story all together thinking it was different enough to qualify but sadly it didn't pass. I hope this version has better pacing and structure and please comment.
Enter the Woods... Never Leave (Revised)
The annual apple festival was happening once again in Ponyville and naturally the Apple family was happy to celebrate the party. Ponies were visiting everywhere from Cloudsdale to the Crystal Empire (Pinkie Pie's parties are surprisingly popular now...) It was the Apple family's rule that they avoid working the event and simply enjoy themselves with their friends. Applejack was spent it with Twilight and the rest of the gang, not really sure what to do since she normally coordinates the event. Applebloom was spending it the rest of the CMC and was used to not working the event, she usually was allowed to just go off and play for the most part, but this time, after burying the hatchet with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, they all started hanging together. Granny Smith was socializing with the other old folks in a manner similar to The Golden Girls (one was flirting with some men, one was making snappy comments, and the other one was not very bright...). But Big Mac was alone...
Big Macintosh never really had any friends of his own, sense he spends most of his time at the farm and tends to do most of the work while Applejack was off with her friends. Because of this, he never really had friends of his own and usually just spends time at social events being the shy awkward quiet guy. He realized that it was time he made friends of himself for once, and a day off on a day themed for what he lives for is just what he needed! There were ponies from all over Equestria visiting so maybe he could find some ponies who would like him! After walking around, he really didn't have very good luck initially, sense he never really said anything much, post ponies were just thinking he was some strange stalker (including specifically him listening over to a married couple arguing about whether their new house should be painted Magenta or Curation). Eventually he walked over and noticed two familiar faces, Mocha Jon and Caramel, who seemed to be fighting.
"Oh please, you call that a horn? It looks like you still have that big zit you had in school!" Caramel said to Jon, not really bothering him it seems.
"Very funny, you know, I heard you were in charge of delivering some of the apple seeds, when exactly were you gonna do that again?" Jon snarked back, Caramel not insulted either.
Big Mac looked over to them confused and the two looked over at him as if nothing just happened. "Hey Mac, haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?" Caramel asked, Big Mack just casually shrugged his shoulders, ambivalent to the event as he was still lonely.
"Man how come you're alone? I figured the big apple farmer would be ambushed with questions and fans at the apple party... I think Pinkie's losing her touch on themes..." Jon added.
"Nope, I don't really know that many ponies myself, I doubt anypony really even knows me here here..." He reluctantly responds.
"Why not?"
"Well I always live in the shadow of my famous sister so I never really had many friends of my own" Big Mac responded, feeling a little embarrassed.
"No friends, hey Jon maybe you know what that's like!" Caramel said as Jon rolled his eyes, "Really? I thought you became friends with Princess Cadence and Shining Armor after you helped them stop that evil alicon Marshall?"
"Eeyup, but they live all the way in the Crystal Empire, I can't go there on my salary, Twilight always pays for Applejack's tickets when she goes. I haven't seen them sense."
"Well Shining Armor's over there," Jon said pointing to Shining grabbing a caramel apple from a stand, "Hey check it out, there's a Caramel here that's actually sweet after all." Jon said looking at Caramel. They all walked over to him and they said hi.
"Hey guys, I haven't seen you guys in a while, and you, I haven't seen since my wedding." Shining said to Big Mac and Mocha Jon then to Caramel, who all waved.
"Nope."
"Where's Cadence?" Jon asked.
"She's not feeling very well, she stayed behind with Flurry Heart so it's just me." Shining responded, eating the whole apple at once. "So Big Mac, what are you doing later?"
Big Mac looked distracted and a little nervous after hearing that question, "Camping..." He mysteriously responded.
"Camping? I love camping! I go once every two moons!" Caramel responded, as Jon grabbed six caramel apples and ate them almost instantly, "Dude you keep eating like that and you're gonna get fat... or fatter." He added.
"So? Looking at you it seems that that doesn't seem to be a problem for your self esteem." Jon responded.
"I love it too, I used to go all the time when I was a colt but now that I'm married I never get the chance to go anymore." Shining added, looking a little upset.
"Hey, maybe we could all go out with him and make it like a friends' night out, sound good Big Mac?" Jon asked, to which Big Mac looked more nervous.
"Nope..."
They all looked confused by that, Big Mac usually takes offers like that and adds a buy one get one free coupon with them, "Why not?" They all asked, but Big Mac just turned around and refused to answer.
"What's wrong? Why can't we go?" Shining asked.
Big Mac sighed, reluctant to respond, "Fine... It's gonna be in the Everfree Forest aright!" He yelled out, getting the attention of Soarin who was walking by and suddenly spit out his apple cider.
"The Everfree Forest? Dude that place has so many monsters that I've written a Daring Doo fanfiction that takes place there, why would you want to go there?" Soarin yelled out, inserting himself into the conversation.
Big Mac was at a loss there, this was kind of his little secret, he loves taking the risk of the monsters and timber wolves so much, that rush of excitement of danger, "Look, Applejack always risks her life with her friends facing all those monsters and stuff and I love taking that risk myself. I know this one area that never has anypony in it and is always safe from evil critters, I know it's weird but I like it."
Caramel yelled in excitement, "Dude that is so cool! Why would you think we wouldn't like that? I never take risks like that and that sounds like a lot of fun!"
Jon added, "Yeah, plus I'm working on a new horror comic and could use the experience, come on man, can we go?"
Big Mac looked around, they all looked surprisingly interested and excited for an adventure like that. He was worried they would freak out and think he was insane. He shrugged "Eeyup!"
"Sweet! I better go pack!" Soarin said as he flew off, leaving them confused.
"When did we invite him?" Caramel asked and they all just shrugged their shoulders.
Big Mac was alone in the forest waiting for the others, he knew he would be the first to go because they would be reluctant, but he knew they would arrive. He was sitting by a fire and making s'mores. He was bored waiting but he thought he heard somepony coming by because he heard some bushes shaking. He looked around and pointed a flashlight around and noticed a strange looking pony. He was wearing a plaid shirt & boots and had a small beard on his muzzle and an ax for his cutie mark. When he noticed the light he walked closer and waved at Big Macintosh who waved back.
"Well howdy there, what bring you out to the haunted woods?" He asked Big Mac in a country accent similar to Big Mac's.
"I'm just camping out here, waiting for some friends, we like to take risks like this, what about you?"
The stranger shrugged his shoulders, "Oh I've been out here my whole life, been a proud woodsman for so long and I swear I will live out here my whole life risking nature and enjoying the hard work. The name's Woody by the way." He proudly responded.
"Big Macintosh, nice to meet ya, I know what you mean, I work on a farm so I work pretty hard too, but I tend to get lonely so I'm meeting with some new ponies for a night out."
"Interesting, I know how being lonely feels, it's nice to finally see somepony else out here in the Everfree forest..." He said as he suddenly walked forward towards Big Mac, "But now I know I won't need to be alone ever again..." He said as he got a strange evil looking expression on his face.
"Eeyup...?" He asked getting a little confused and uncomfortable as he walked right up in his face.
Before he could say anything else, the strange lumberjack's eyes began to get these strange swirls in them as he looked right into Big Mac's eyes as they began to take the same swirls in them... After that, there were more bush sounds and Mocha Jon & Caramel could be heard arguing again.
"Oh please if you think you're ever going to be a famous music star you're gonna need to kidnap Celestia and leave a ransom!" Caramel told Jon.
"I'd rather kidnap you, ponies will pay me to keep you locked up!" Jon responded as they all started heading towards Big Mac as the lumberjack suddenly vanished in thin air.
Big Macintosh was staring straight for a moment as the swirls in his eyes vanished, however he managed to hear his voice in his head that spoke to him in a sinister voice, “Remember to bring them by the cabin later, the transformation will be complete then…”
Big Mac responded verbally, “Yes master.” Which was drowned out by Caramel and Jon’s fighting, but it made the group confused.
“Whatchya say Mac?” Soarin asked.
Big MAc looked embarrassed and nervous, “Uh, I said hey misters! Cause I’ve been waiting for y’all for a while.”
They all seemed to believe that and they started setting up the campsite. For the most part nothing seemed out of the ordinary to them. Soarin was acting like the big brave hero who could handle any monsters or darkness, Shining Armor seemed distracted and uninterested, just thinking about his wife, and Mocha Jon was clearly not used to being exposed to true creepiness, despite all the horror books he reads. Honestly the only one who seemed to have a clear head was Caramel, despite his quips with Jon he was surprisingly good at the camping experience.
“So how do we start the fire? Should we burn some oil cause I swiped some apple oil from the party earlier.” Soarin asked, not thinking that horrible idea thru.
“Seriously, Pinkie was losing her touch with her party ides.” Jon noted.
Caramel rolled his eyes, “Don’t use oil unless you want to burn the place down, look we just need to rub some twigs together like so and it’ll all be set.” He said as he started rubbing two twigs together like a violin and they ignited and were placed on the other twigs for the fire.
Jon applauded, “Great job there, only it would have been easier to just let Shining use a fire spell and take only a second!” He sarcastically noted.
“So where do we put our sleeping bags? I mean I do stuff like this all the time and all…” Soarin tried to say, convincingly, “But it’s been a while and I usually stay up all night and all.”
Caramel responded as such while he took everypony’s sleeping bags, “Well keep them away from trees in case of unexpected rainstorms and away from bushes to avoid ants.” He said as he placed down Big Mac’s, then Shining’s, then Soarin’s, then Jon’s, but suddenly he noticed he forgot his own sleeping bag… “Aw man I thought I packed it first!”
“And somehow not surprising…”Jon just looked over at Shining Armor who just threw an extra sleeping bag to Caramel.
After they got settled, they were roasting s’mores across the fire and all enjoying them except for Shining Armor, who was just staring off blankly, seemingly distracted. They all noticed his uninterested attitude and nopony seemed surprised by it.
“Eeyup, figured the married man wouldn’t be interested in a night out with the bros.” Big Mac said with a chuckle. Shining didn’t seem to enjoy that very much and denied it instantly, but it seemed that they all agreed with Big Mac.
“Seriously, I mean did you need to call your wife to ask for permission to come out here tonight?” Caramel asked and Shining just blushed a bit in nervousness.
“Uh… No…” He was clearly lying.
Jon just pulled out a pink heart pillow from Shining’s bag and when he turned it over it was embroidered with a message that says ‘Cadence and Shining together in love!’ and they all just laughed. “How manly, pink hearts definitely say fun time with the guys.”
“Eeyup!” Big Macintosh added as they all chuckled more.
Shining did look a bit embarrassed by that but he didn’t seem to mind, “Very funny guys, laugh all you want but I know that my wife will always keep me safe, it may take me away from the boys but I can still be a guy! I mean I would start a burping contest and start lifting 200 pound weights if I had any cider or weights!” He tried to say convincingly, failing as they started chuckling more.
“Dude Cadence has you as trained as a puppy if you actually think that’s what guys like to do man!” Soarin added, and Shining actually started chuckling a bit.
“Alright you’re right! I haven’t seen my bros in so long cause I spend all my time with my wife! Heck, maybe I’ll eat a bunch of fatty stuff and cover myself in spiders to feel more manly, haha!” He said laughing at himself, starting to have more fun. Jon flinched a bit when he heard the word ‘spiders’ and shivered at the thought of them, making the rest laugh more.
While Big Mac was still laughing, he looked far into the distance and noticed a strange silhouette with creepily glowing red eyes that stared right at Big Mac. For a very brief moment the hypnotized swirls returned to his eyes while he briefly nodded ‘yes’ then returned to normal. “Ya know, I think I better go and fetch more firewood, anypony wanna come?”
The rest all looked annoyed and didn’t want to do that, but Soarin suddenly stepped up and offered to help, “I’ll do it, I mean I’ve done it like a dozen times and such so clearly I’m the best choice to go!” He egotistically said.
“You really should go, that way we don’t need to hear you brag.” Jon told him as he started to walk off with Big Mac.
The two walked around for quite a while and Soarin was getting a little confused, "Hey, we've been walking for a while, where exactly are we going?" He asked as the two approached a strange log cabin. It was clearly abandoned and old, but it looked like somepony still lived in it.
“Here, there’s some wood by the fireplace, judging by the look of the place nopony lives here, besides, if anypony did I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Big Mac said as he started grabbing some wood logs.
Soarin didn’t seem to want to do it, “Are you sure we could take that? It isn’t ours after all.”
“Would you rather take that ax and cut some wood down? Ya said you’ve done it before.”
Soarin just blushed, “Alright let’s just take the pre cut wood!” He didn’t want to admit that he isn’t very experienced at anything woodsy, “But are you sure we can just take this? Isn’t it stealing?” Soarin asked until a strange shadow appeared behind him…
“Oh I won’t mind buddy…!” He said as the shadow started to fade away and Woody’s physical form appeared and just looked Soarin right in the eyes, them both now spinning… Woody then just vanished again and Soarin just shook it off.
“So you think I got enough bud?” Big Mac asked, holding two dozen wood logs...
When Soarin’s eyes stopped swirling, he responded in a new country accent similar to Big Mac’s, “Uh, you know what, I think we need some more…” He said as he picked up two axes and handed one to Big Mac, “Wanna get so’more the old fashioned way like real men?”
“Eeyup!”
The two were returning carrying stacks of wood that were twice as high as they were. They were walking into Mocha Jon telling Caramel and Shining Armor a scary story about strange creatures.
“So I’ve heard about these weird things who have lost almost all their hair except for their head and underarms. They don’t have hooves, instead they have these weird things called hands and feet that have these things to grab things with. What’s worse is they take innocent ponies and force them to work on their farms and when they grow up they make them their riding slaves and… What is with all that wood? We just needed a more campfire not kindling for a revenge scheme…” Jon began until he noticed the two stallions bring all that firewood.
The two didn’t seem to mind the comment, they seemed a bit self righteous that they managed to cut all that wood down. It was clearly a lot of work for them because they came back all sweaty and unclean, making Caramel cringe. “You know, I don’t really think it’s safe to have all that wood, I mean there were probably a bunch of birds and squirrels in them, and I can tell you just cut those cause the color is too bright to be faded by soil.”
Soarin didn’t seem phased, “Hey, just cause Shining Armor there is turning to a girl cause of his his wife doesn’t mean I gotta give up on my manhood!” He said proudly.
“Eeyup!”
Soarin’s response surprised them all due to the new country accent, “Okay I know we just met a couple of hours ago but did you always sound like that?”
“Eeyup!” Soarin and Big Mac said together, defensively.
Suddenly a drop of rain fell on Mocha Jon’s shoulder and he freaked out, “AH! What is it!? Spider? Bee? Evil Pixie!? He asked dramatically, until more rain drops started falling down on them all.
“Oh man, why does it have to rain now? I was really enjoying time with the guys.” Shining reluctantly said as the fire went out.
“Come on, let’s just go, all these trees in a rainstorm doesn’t really cry safety.” Caramel said as he started packing his stuff up, looking for his sleeping bag again as Jon just tossed it to him.
“Seriously, how do you remember to breathe?” Jon sarcastically asked.
“I start to hyperventilate when I think about you!” Caramel responded. “Come on let’s go…”
“Nope!” Big Mac yelled.
“Seriously, we actually saw an old log cabin that had nopony in it away from the trees not too far from here, we can crash there.” Soarin said.
“Eeyup!”
Shining Armor figured it would be fun, “I haven’t really been in a cabin in years, Cadence always worried they would collapse on her, let’s do it!”
“Also bring the firewood.” Soarin added as they all grabbed hand fulls of the logs at ease (except for Mocha Jon, who was only carrying one and was struggling to do even that, making Caramel laugh).
When they all arrived at the cabin, the rain seemed to slow down quite a bit. They all seemed a bit worried to enter though, not knowing why anypony would actually have a cabin in the Everfree Forest.
“You know, I don’t know if we should go in there, what if somepony still lives there?” Caramel asked as the silhouette of Woody appeared behind the group and formed into his normal body, looking happy.
“Oh don’t worry ‘bout that bud, I don’t mind taking in guests!” He said, making Caramel, Shining, and Jon all scream out before they looked around and noticed it was just the cabin owner.
“Oh hi… Look we’re sorry to interrupt and all but we were camping not too far from here and it started raining and all so we just came by and…” Shining tried to explain until Woody cut him off.
“Hey it’s no trouble at all!” He kindly said as he opened the door and guided them all in, “The name’s Woody and I love having guests, make yourselves at home!” He said as he sat down on a wicker rocking chair. The cabin was not kept clean at all, there were old flannel shirts, overalls, and working boots everywhere, making Caramel, Jon, and Shining Armor all cringe, but Big Mac and Soarin didn’t seem to mind.
“Wait hold up,” Jon interjected, “You live in the woods, based on your cutie mark I’m guessing you’re a lumberjack, and your name’s Woody? Boy your parents never gave you a chance did they?”
Caramel didn’t like that comment, “Says the pony named ‘Mocha’ Jon.” He said as he pointed to his cutie mark.
“Jokes on you, I was just named Jon, I added the ‘Mocha’ part when I got the cutie mark!” He responded.
Big Mac and Soarin were looking around the piles of clothes and were picking out things to wear for themselves. Shining Armor on the other hoof just got annoyed by this arguing and wanted to know about it, “Alright that’s it! What is it with you two? You’ve been fighting all day, we came out here to have a friendly outing, why do you two seem to hate each other so much?”
Caramel and Mocha Jon just looked right at each other when they heard that and then they just started laughing uncontrollably, leaving all of them confused, “Wait, you guys think we actually mean any of this stuff? That’s hilarious!” Jon yelled.
“Yeah, we used to be enemies back in school but we buried the hatchet years ago! No pun intended Woody.” Caramel added, still laughing, “We just like to give each other a hard time cause we think it’s fun, we know that none of our insults are serious, we just like to give each other a hard time!” He said as he and Jon just hoof bumped.
They all looked over at Big Mac and Soarin who just covered themselves in Woody’s clothes and were dressed up almost completely like Paul Bunyan… “So many jokes… so many sarcastic comments… so many questions… Why on Equestria are you two wearing this man’s clothes? One they’re not yours and two they smell worse than Caramel!” Jon noted in huge surprise.
Woody just walked towards them with a large amount of confidence, “Hey I don’t mind them wearin’ my stuff, makes them look like real men anyway.”
Jon rolled his eyes, “Okay by that logic Princess Twilight should need to wear a ballerina tutu to look like a real girl.” He sarcastically noted, “Alright it’s getting late, I’m gonna turn in and hit the hay, night everypony.” Jon added as he went off into the back room.
I’ll go with you, I’m kinda tired too.” Caramel said as he followed.
Shining Armor was looking out the window and just sighed a bit to himself, “I’ll go later, I’m just gonna head out and just get some alone time if that’s alright.” He said as he walked out and sat on the porch swing.
Woody shortly followed him out and noticed him looking depressed as he looked up at the moon, “Howdy there, why so down in the dumps there?” He asked as he sat on the swing too.
Shining just sighed, “I miss my wife, I know it’s only one night and all’ and I’m really trying hard to have fun with the guys and all but I just can’t get her off my mind…”
Woody just chuckled, “Hehe, is that all?”
Shining sighed more, “See I’ve spent so much time with her that I just can’t spend time with my own friends and be a guy. I mean I have heart shaped cookies in my bag right now! And what’s worse is they’re gluten free…” Woody shuddered when he heard that, “I just wish I had a chance to feel more like a guy that’s all.”
Woody got a sinister look on his face and looked right at Shining… “Don’t worry bud…” He looked Shining right in the eyes as they started to spin… “I know how to make you feel more like a real man alight…” He said as he tried to entrance Shining but right after his eyes started to spin he instantly shook it off and scooted back in fear.
“Wow! What are you doing?!” He asked in panic. “Are you a…?” He tried to ask before he was cut off.
“Oh looks like you got a strong will… You’re right, that wife of yours did make you less of a man… I’m gonna need to bring out the big guns…” He said as his eyes started spinning again and this time he reached towards Shining’s cutie mark…
The next morning came very quickly, especially because Woody barged into the room Caramel and Mocha Jon were sleeping in and woke them up with a very loud yell.
“AHH!” Caramel yelled as he woke up, “Man, I had this nightmare that I had to sleep in the same room as…” He said as he looked over at Jon who was still trying to sleep, “Oh man… it was real…”
Jon rubbed his eye and kept covering his head with his pillow, “Okay first rule of camping, never wake anypony up cause we are intentionally staying away from alarm clocks…” He groggily said before he tried to go back to sleep.
Woody didn’t let that happen, “Fine, skip breakfast then…” He said chuckling as he walked off. Caramel sniffed the air and actually agreed.
“Alright that actually smells pretty good I’ll get up, you coming?” Caramel said as he got up, Jon sighed and dug himself out of bed and followed.
When they got into the main room they were surprised to see how Shining Armor was dressed in a red plaid shirt with suspenders, working boots, and a wool cap. “What is with everypony dressing like that?” Caramel asked Jon, who was reluctant to answer.
“Look it’s early I can’t make any sarcastic comment about the absurdity of my friends until I had my coffee, where’s the creamer?” He asked as he yawned and poured himself a mug of coffee.
Shining Armor walked back over and chuckled, “Creamer? Haha what kinda sissy drink do you wanna make? We take it black here!” He said, also in a more country woodsman accent.
At that moment Jon just chugged that black coffee so he would be awake enough to handle this… Then he poured another mug just so he could spit it out in shock, “Wait what!? No creamer!?” He said as he started shivering and hyperventilating comedically.
Just then Shining chuckled more as he returned to the stove and started flipping pancakes. Jon nonchalantly took another sip of the coffee, “Alright I think I have enough caffeine in me to do this… Alright flapjacks done by somepony dressed like that, are we being videotaped?”
Caramel was starting to get worried wondering why they all kept acting like this, Jon didn’t really seem to care that badly since he didn’t really know them that well but even he knew they were acting out of the ordinary. “Hey, how come Soarin’s doing that?” Caramel said as he pointed towards the window and noticed Soarin climbing a tree with a rope around it to keep him from falling. When he reached the top he yelled ‘TIMBER!!!’ proudly. Jon looked out too and agreed that was weird, “He does know he’s a pegasus and doesn’t need to climb like that, right?” Jon asked.
Shining overheard that comment and scuffed, “Oh please real men don’t cheat like that, we take the hard way to prove we can!” He said proudly.
Caramel and Jon rolled their eyes, “You know that would mean more if you didn’t have these in your bag.” Jon sarcastically said as he pulled out the pink heart cookies from his bag. On impulse Jon just took a cookie out and started to eat it.
“Those are gluten free...” Shining told him. After Jon heard that he freaked out and spit the cookie out… Making Caramel laugh a little.
They all walked outside to see what Soarin was doing. They looked up and noticed Soarin had already managed to cut all the limbs off the tree and was sliding off it easily. Caramel and Jon were about to snap, “Alright what is going on I know you guys never do these things!” Caramel yelled.
“Yeah, plus has anypony seen Big Macintosh?” Jon added.
“Eeyup!” Big Mac said as he walked up behind them all, naked again, “Sorry to keep y’all waiting but I went out to tie some large logs by the river to make a bridge pass.” He said as he grabbed his clothes from the rails on the cabin.
Jon and Caramel looked over and were shocked to see what they saw. Big Macintosh’s cutie mark wasn’t an apple anymore… It was an ax just like Woody’s! “Dude what happened to your cutie mark!?” Caramel asked loudly. Shining Armor and Soarin just laughed.
“Man we all got these cutie marks!” Soarin said as they tucked their clothes and revealed they also had Woody’s ax cutie marks… “They mean we’re hard working men!”
Jon and Caramel looked at each other concerned, thinking that the Everfree Forest really isn’t a place to stay… They tried to back off away from the three, but before they got back into the cabin to get their things and get help… A large grizzly bear came up behind them and they just stopped in fear…
“Wow… Jon I think we should try and…” Caramel tried to rationally say until Jon started to yell…
“AHH WE’RE OVER!!!” He yelled until he tried to run off but ended up running into Woody. “Oh please help we’re gonna get eaten and mauled…” Woody looked suspicious and grinned creepily.
“Oh don’t worry about that little sissy…” He smugly said. After that he just looked up and looked the grizzly bear right in the eyes as he was about to claw Caramel. When his eyes briefly started spinning, the bear just stopped trying to attack and instantly picked up Caramel and gave him a large but affectionate bear hug… The other stallions just laughed at them for how they couldn’t handle the situation.
“How did you do that?” Caramel asked as the bear dropped him on the ground.
“See true men know how to take control of critters like this, we know how to tame anything cause they can smell the manhood on us.” He said as he started petting the bear’s muzzle.
Jon put his hoof on his forehead, “So what he’s smelling is a bunch of sweat and dirt and isolation according to your book. Now can you please explain how Big Mac, Shining Armor, and Soarin are all all acting like characters in a children’s puppet show?”
Caramel shook his head off after being dropped, “Yeah… Though in a less obnoxious manner I agree. What happened to them?”
At that moment all their eyes suddenly turned into the same swirls they had when Woody corrupted them. Jon and Caramel noticed this strange thing and they all started walking towards them like angry zombies. Woody just grinned and could tell the two were panicking as their friends were looking like they were about to attack. “Just give in and become strong lumberjack slaves and become real men…” They said in unison, Caramel and Jon looking more nervous.
“See I ain’t a real pony like you all are. I came out here many many moons ago and the Everfree Forest corrupted me and made me the manly ghost I am today…” Woody said as he turned invisible for a few seconds and then reappeared before them, “See it gets lonely out here in the Everfree Forest alright, so when some stallions came by who needed to learn how to be real men, I figured might as well take care of two birds… Make them manly and get some friends out here…” He said as he walked right up to Caramel and looked him right in the eyes as they both started to swirl… “And I don’t think you seem to mind, right?” He menacingly asked him.
“Caramel! Caramel! Don’t fall for it! Please!” Jon tried to yell but before he could help him, he looked over and noticed Caramel’s cutie mark had already transformed into a lumberjack ax like the rest.
“Eeyup, I ain’t ever leaving this place Master, why would I want to go back to that sissy life?” Caramel said, sounding more country like (or only slightly more country like because he already had a small drawl before hand). He looked over at Jon and grinned creepily, “Time to become a real man Mocha… Get ready to get rid of those fancy mochas in ya coffee…” He menacingly said as Woody looked right into his eyes.
Jon tried to look away and fight the spell. He worked hard to not fall in the trance but ultimately he ended up looking into Woody’s eyes and he was hypnotized like the rest of them. Woody grinned and helped them up, then he tossed some old lumberjack clothes at them, all scented with sweat. Before today that would have made them want to gag but now that they were strong men they knew they needed to wear them.
“Now come on, we still got some flapjacks left to eat before we can get to work! And I know how excited y’all are to know about how the job works, so let’s go on in, TIMBER!!!” He said as he walked back inside.
The hypnotized stallions all just saluted, all their eyes still spinning, and they responded in unison, “Yes Master! TIMBER!” They all went back inside that moment, ready to finish breakfast and get to work like proud manly lumberjack slave ponies should!
