Peace Breakers

Episode 2: Ground Rules: Chapter 2

Twilight, Ale and Rum are sitting on a wooden bench near a public park, filled with families tossing Frisbees and frolicking about. She had simply said they would go for a walk before their lesson began, and spoke nothing of what her plan would uphold. “I want a haydog,” says Rum.

“Why are you always hungry? You fat lard,” Ale asks as he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not fat. I’m just big, and I’ve got a lot of room in there.”

“Yeah, and there’s apparently a lot of room in your head too.” Rum tilts his head, desperately searching for a way to retort. “Yeah, you got nothin’.”

“Will you two please stop the arguing?” Twilight intervenes. “That’s not the reason we came here.”

“Then why did we come here? To sit around and stalk these families while they play with their children? That’s messed up Miss Sparkle.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Rum asks. “Maybe ‘you’re’ the sick one.”

“You know what? You’re going to get real sick of me smacking—!”

“I’m already sick of you!”

“Rum!” Twilight raises her voice. “Will you stop egging him on?”

“It’s okay Miss Sparkle, he doesn’t know what he’s doing,” says Ale.

“And Ale. . .”

“Oh, what did I do?”

“You need to stop starting these arguments.”

“. . . But he’s still lardy.”

“Twilight, he’s hurting my feelings,” says Rum.

“Alright!” Twilight shouts, losing her patience. “Clearly, if I’m going to be teaching you two anything, you can’t be near each other. Because neither of you can behave yourselves when you’re together.”

“You sound just like the mother that left me when I was little,” says Ale. Both Twilight and Rum look to Ale with stunned expressions on their faces.

“I . . . I don’t—” Suddenly, Rum bursts out with uncontrollable laughter. Flaring his forelegs in their air and leaning back against the bench, Twilight glares in his direction as his laughter slowly comes to an end. “Well then, I think it’d be best if we move away from that subject for now and focus on the lesson I’ve prepared for you two.”

“Alright, fine.” says Rum.

“Now, I’m going to teach you two how to make good first impressions. This time, without violence or insults.”

“Easy.” As soon as Rum and Ale stand up to leave, Twilight holds out her hooves to stop them.

“No, one at a time. Rum, you go first. Just walk up to somepony, anypony, and introduce yourself in a calm, collected and courteous manner.” Rum leaves the bench, scouting for somepony to meet. His eyes lock onto a young filly sniffing a flower. He puts on the biggest smile he possibly can, and approaches the filly. She notices the large shadow enveloping her, and turns her head to see Rum with his rows of teeth and wide eyes.

“Why, hello there little filly,” he mutters. Instantly, she screams and gallops as fast as she can away from him back to her parents. They glare at him as they cradle their daughter. “How you folks doing?” The parents shake their heads, and leave the park. Rum returns to Twilight and Ale, shrugging. “I don’t see what I did wrong. I was only doing what you told me.”

“Okay, but you don’t just walk up to some filly and . . . never mind. Ale, why don’t you try?”

“I’ve got this,” says Ale, getting up from the bench. He notices an elderly mare sitting at another bench, and decides to approach her. However, he quickly finds that she’s in fact napping, and is unsure of how to get her attention without doing something wrong. “Pardon me, Ma’am?” Instead of waking, the mare continues to snore. “Ma’am? Hello?” He attempts again, but still is met without a response. “I bet she’s just dead. . . Wait a minute. . . DEAD?!” Ale begins to panic, and screams into the mare’s ear. “Ma’am! Are you dead?! Stay away from the light!” She awakens in a frenzy, grasping her walker and swinging it in Ale’s direction.

“Who’s there?! Stay away from me!” She shouts as she whacks Ale repeatedly with her walker.

“Ma’am! Stop! Please!” He begs as he is brought to his knees by her relentless onslaught. He scrambles to his hooves and gallops away, but is chased through the park by the surprisingly fast, old mare. “Help! Guys, help!” He yells as he gallops towards Twilight and Rum.

“Get back here you hooligan!” The mare demands.

“Maybe we should take this lesson somewhere else. Run!” Twilight and Rum join Ale in the gallop out of the park, with the mare still close behind. “Why isn’t she giving up?!”

“I don’t . . .” Rum ponders. “Wait . . . it’s not US she wants!” Rum trips Ale, causing him to crash and tumble onto the dirt road.

“Why did you do that?!”

“It’s survival of the fittest, Twilight!” As Ale coughs from the clouds of dirt his body kicked up, he watches the insane mare burst through the cloud and loom over him. She raises her walker, ready to strike as Ale yelps at the top of his lungs. A pinkish aura coats Ale’s jacket, and he is dragged across the dirt road away from the mare’s walker as she slams it onto the ground. Twilight reels Ale in with her magic as she and Rum continue to gallop down the road dragging him behind.

“That’s right! You better run!” The mare shouts as she shakes her hoof in the air. “You ain’t gonna convince me to buy no cookies!” The three of them manage to escape, coming to a walk to regain their breath.

“Well,” Twilight begins. “I guess we’ll have to hold off on this lesson for a—”

“No way,” says Rum. “I’ve failed you, Twilight, but I’m not ready to give up yet. I see just the pony I’m ready to introduce myself too.”

“Really? Who’s that?”

“Him, right over there.” Rum points to a rugged, filthy stallion with a beanie and scruffy beard who’s digging through a garbage can in an alley. “He looks like he could use a friend.”

“Uhh, I’m not too sure if he’s the right pony to—”

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t think he looks like a hugger, Rum,” says Ale.

“I knew a pony named Hugger.”

“. . . What happened to him?” Twilight asks.

“He tried giving a bear an actual ‘bear-hug’. . . In memory of Hugger, I’m going in.”

“Be strong, Rum,” says Ale.

“W-Wait, you still shouldn’t. . .” Ignoring her advice, Rum proceeds to approach the shady stallion. “Rum! Are you nuts?!” Rum nears the stallion who has his head buried in the garbage can.

“Hey buddy,” says Rum, startling the stallion.

“Huh?! Wha—who are you?” The stallion asks, now agitated.

“Give me a kiss.”

“What in the—?”

“Shh . . . this is our moment.” As Rum leans in, the stallion grabs the garbage can lid and smacks him dead in the face.

“Stay away from me you freak!”

“Ahh! You sound just like the wife that left me!” Rum screams as he gallops away.

“That’s right! You’d better run!”

The day passes, and nighttime settles in. Twilight, exhausted from her seemingly endless string of failures, enters her home with her head hanging low. “Whew! What a day!” says Rum, stretching out his legs as he enters the library. “I think we had a very successful day today.”

“Yeah, we met so many new ponies today,” says Ale. “I think we’re getting the hang of this whole ‘lesson thing’.”

“No! You’re not!” Twilight fumes. Rum and Ale’s smiles disappear as they gaze into Twilight’s glare. “You two haven’t learned anything from my lesson! Instead you terrified a child, infuriated an old mare, disturbed some random stallion, and forced the fruit stand to close early for the day because you kept harassing the owner!”

“I was just asking him a simple question,” says Rum.

“No, you kept asking him if he sold fruit! At a fruit stand! For hours!”

“You see, Twilight, he just—”

“Stop. Stop right there, because I don’t want to hear anymore. You two have ruined so many ponies’ days with your games, and neither of you seem to be taking this lesson seriously!”

“C’mon, Miss Sparkle—” Ale attempts to speak.

“No! No . . . I’ve had enough for today. I need some serious rest if I’m going to recover from this. I’m not even sure if this is even worth the trouble you two have caused. Either I’m a terrible teacher who can’t even teach you anything on the first lesson, or you two are just unteachable!” Twilight storms off, as Rum and Ale turn to each other guiltily.

“Just for the record,” Rum begins. “This is all your fault.”

“You know, I’m not even going to argue with you right now. Thanks to us, she’s upset now. I hope you’re happy with that.”

“Well, I tried. Plus, she didn’t kick us out yet, so I think it’s a win for us.”

“Do you know what?”

“What?” Ale then pokes Rum in his chest. “Ah! What was that for?” Ale pokes Rum in his chest once more. “Can you stop?” Ale pokes him again, and Rum attempts to poke him back. Ale grabs his hoof to stop him, but proceeds to push his hoof towards him. The both of them struggle to poke each other first, desperately wrestling with each other. They strain as they are brought to the ground, and Spike finds them as he climbs down the stairs.

“Uhh . . . what are you two doing?” he asks.

“We’re trying to poke each other hard!”

“. . . Got it. I’m just gonna go back upstairs.” Spike leaves Ale and Rum to their little quarrel, and finds Twilight in her bedroom laying flat on her back on her bed. “Hey Twilight, how’d it go?”

“Not very good, Spike.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“What are they doing now?”

“Trying to poke each other hard. . . Whatever that means.”

“Ugh. . . What am I going to do, Spike?” Twilight rubs her eyes.

“You could always just kick them out.”

“I can’t Spike. These two need to learn the aspects of friendship.”

“But aren’t they friends?”

“I don’t even know, because they sure don’t act like it.” Twilight sighs. “All the more reason these two need my help. If I can just show them what true friendship is all about, maybe all the insults and arguing can stop. . . And everypony else won’t be giving us dirty looks in the streets.”

“Well, it was only the first day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.” Spike then climbs into his little sleeping casket.

“But if it was just the first day, and it was ‘this’ bad, then tomorrow can only be. . . Oh, I can only hope it’s not,” she mutters to herself.