RD's Yo Momma Battle

by MrTyreste

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1006

Rainbow Dash gets into a battle of words with a local stallion.

Hey, it's Rainbow Dash here. You know, the most awesome flier ever to come out of Cloudsdale? Well today some jerky colt came right up to me and Fluttershy and started making fun of us! And to make matters worse, he started insulting Fluttershy's mother! That was just going way too far, so I decided to take matters into my own hooves and call him out. I think I did a good job, especially since AppleJack did the judging. Haha!

Published 2012-06-21 08:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-21 08:34:02 UTC

Yo Momma!

"Come on, Fluttershy! We gotta get to Twilight's place." Rainbow Dash flew overhead along the main street of Ponyville.

"Ooh, I know, but we don't have to be there til much later." Fluttershy called up to her trying to keep up.

"Yeah, but I wanna get my hooves on the new Daring Doo that just came out! Twilight said she got a copy today." Rainbow Dash squeaked with delight hoping to read it before anyone else in Ponyville got the opportunity.

Fluttershy walked along under her until finally bumping into a larger, rather overweight stallion with a blonde mane and brown coat. The stallion looked over his shoulder and glared at her.

"Hey, watch where you're goin, fool!" He barked at her, forcing Rainbow Dash to land and glare at him.

"Why don't you watch it, jerk?" Rainbow snapped back. The stallion cocked his head back and smiled.

"Huh, name's Street Smart, filly fooler." He grinned a smug grin. "Why don't you and your little marefriend go off and have a little tea party?" He laughed. Joining him were two other colts, smaller than he was, but still pretty ugly.

"Umm, it's ok, I-" Fluttershy began.

"You think you're so tough? Bullying my friend and I around, why don't you show me what you're made of?" Rainbow Dash got in his face. Street Smart just turned around and threw his head back again.

"Sorry, I don't mess with filly foolers." He sneered, making Rainbow Dash turn red with fury.

"Umm, Rainbow Dash, we gotta get going." Fluttershy mumbled. "Don't worry about them, they're not worth the effort."

"I'm not a filly fooler..." Rainbow muttered under her breath as she flew along beside Fluttershy.

"Yeah, bet your mom is real proud of you two lovers." Fluttershy stopped in her tracks, a sudden sadness in her eyes.

"What?" She whimpered.

"Yo momma's so stupid she probably thought Fillydelphia was an all filly's town." He and his friends roared with laughter as Rainbow's ears shot up.

"That...doesn't even make any sense." She snickered. "Yo momma's flank is so big a dragon tried to build its cave on her." She looked up, proud of herself, drawing a crowd.

"What in tarnation is goin on?" Applejack walked up to them.

"This little runt's messing with me." Street spat.

"First of all, that 'runt' is my friend. Second, why are ya'll talkin' about each other's mothers? And thirdly, can I judge?" She grinned.

A group of ponies circled around Rainbow Dash and Street Smart. Rainbow put on a pair of sunglasses and wore her usual smug smile when she was about to do something awesome. Smart fixed his mane with his hoof and adjusted his gold chain.

"You ready for this, filly fooler?" He smiled, insulting her. Rainbow Dash brushed it off.

"Again with the filly fooler stuff? Did your mom have that bad a vocabulary?" She retorted, creating a wave of laughs and jeers from the crowd.

"Yo momma is so stupid she went to Manehatten thinking it was a barber shop." He said, creating another wave of cheers. Rainbow Dash adjusted her sunglasses at this, and smiled.

"Yo momma is so fat, my friend Pinkie Pie had to throw a party for her AROUND her!" She threw her hoof up into the air, signalling another wave of laughter.

"Yo momma is so ugly, even Discord wouldn't talk to her." The crowd laughed and jeered again, this time even louder than before. Rainbow didn't know he would be this good, but she kept her cool. The fight went on for some time, each side firing off more and more jokes.

"Yo momma is so ugly, she scared away an Ursa Major by smiling at it."

"Yo momma is so stupid, she forgot how to fly, and she's a pegasis!"

"Yo momma is so stupid, she probably thought that joke was funny."

"Yo momma is so fat, Sugar Cube Corner has a restraining order on her."

"Yo momma is so ugly, her face took first prize in a costume contest on Night Mare Night."

The crowd kept cheering Street Smart on, causing Rainbow Dash to sweat. It looked like he was going to win, but Rainbow Dash still kept up. She swallowed her and tried to think of more insults.

"Yo momma is so old she used to be Celestia's foalsitter!" The entire crowd howled with laughter as Street Smart's mouth dropped.

"Yo momma is..." He began. "Yo momma-" Rainbow Dash put a hoof up to her ear as if to wait for what he was going to say.

"What's the matter? Need your mommy to write more jokes for you?" The crowd laughed again, embarasing Street Smart even more.

"Forget this, I'm out!" He yelled and galloped off. The crowd cheered and went over to Rainbow Dash to congratulate her on her victory.

"Buck yeah! I am the best!" She grinned. Applejack walked over and patted her on the shoulder.

"I gotta say, RD, that was one heckuva yo momma fight, or whatever ya'll call 'em." She chuckled.

"Hehe, thanks. Well I mean I had to do something since he called me and Fluttershy a couple of filly foolers." She groaned. "I mean, come on. Of all the insults, he picks that?"

"Well sugarcube," Applejack consoled her, "I know he was a total idiot, but it seems a little much to turn this who thing into a show, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but then he started insulting Fluttershy's mother. Wouldn't you do something?"

"Well..." Applejack thought for a minute. "I suppose I would."

"Exactly." Rainbow Dash told her. Applejack smiled again and looked around. "Oh horseapples! I'm supposed to be at Twilight's!" She jumped up.

"Oh shoot, you're right! We gotta go." Applejack jumped to her hooves and walked alongside Rainbow Dash.

"Hey, lemme see if I can do this." Applejack cleared her throat. "Yo mom is so fat, she uh...could eat a whole bucket of apples?" Applejack grinned sheepishly.

"Keep trying." Rainbow Dash sighed and giggled.