High School Teaching Misadventures

by Even Evil Has Standards

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Vice-Principal Luna, Fetish, Main 7 (EqG), Principal Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 28952

A history teacher slash soul can unwittingly takes a job at an all female high school.

Louis Terwilliker has just accepted his teaching license, being the first human in Equestria to do so. But I don't think he expected his first job to be at a place that was full of females, in both student and staff.

And when he stumbles upon a piece of a mad god from another universe that this one doesn't even know about, he's going to have, as the Cuphead Devil would say, one HELL of a time.
----
My own take on the HiE fics, as well as the "Spike goes to an all girl academy" fic. R63 is expected, alternate universe as shown, Equestria is part of the USA (its history is easier to remember than Equestrian, I'm ashamed to admit), events leading up to the clopping (John de Lancie blushes) will be shown, but not the actual thing.

And awaaay we go!

Published 2018-09-15 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-03-30 18:12:32 UTC

You're hired!

Louis Terwilliker shifted in the back seat of his car as his...servant was driving him to his new workplace. Perhaps "servant" doesn't do her justice, but "slave" and "henchwoman" are a little harsh...then again, she wouldn't object to either.

Emerald is a 20 year old dragon with dark green scales, sea green eyes, and G cup breasts. She was garbed in blue jeans and a crop top that was a regular shade of green. She was loyal to Louis and an avid, cocky fighter. More often than not, this was the reason she lost to him during their sparring, particularly their first fight when he rendered her and her sister half naked. But enough about her.

Louis was a 25 year old man with sandy yellow hair, dark blue eyes, one of which had miosis, or a shrunken pupil, and was wearing a black pinstripe suit. He alternated between twiddling his thumbs and breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down from stressing about his new teaching job.

"Master, we're here," said Emerald, but Louis didn't hear her for he had seen the campus; it was a fairly average looking building with the usual number of side entrances, a soccer field, a jogging trail, a statue out front, etc. Emerald reached into the console and pulled out a small, starry green Lego piece on a string. "Don't forget your good luck charm." But Louis didn't answer, so she opted to throw it at him instead. "Master!"

The piece bounced off his head and he jumped. "What?!" He looked around wildly before finding the piece in his lap and laughing sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous." He picked it up and began tying the string around his neck. "I don't know if I'll get it or not."

"Just relax," crooned Emerald, "you'll do fine. You passed the exam with flying colors. They'd be crazy not to accept you." She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Good luck."

"Thanks," said Louis. With that, he stumbled out of the car and gallavanted up the sidewalk. Somehow, the noise of Emerald driving away made him feel more nervous. As he walked up the sidewalk, he could hear a Gary Oldman esque voice:

"You know, it won't be so bad if the nurse is hot. Or maybe a librarian..."

"Shut up, Vortech."

To say that Louis was expecting the hallways to be loaded with ponies, griffonesses, dragoness, and other creatures would be true. But to say that he was expecting the hallways to be filled with females was another thing. Everywhere he looked, nothing but dames, ranging from A to G cup. It didn't help that the whispers were a little off putting.

"Oh look! A male!"

"What's a male doing here?"

"He looks cute!"

"I wonder if he's single."

"How do you suppose he is in the sack?"

Louis was starting to wonder if they had ever seen a guy before.

"Probably not, but we can fix that, can we not?"

"Will you please-?!"

Have you ever been looking so hard for something, only to realize that it was right in front of your nose? Well Louis went through just that; he was so desperate in trying to avoid any advances from the students and any potential migraines from that voice in his head, that he passed the door twice.

"I blame you for this, Vortech."

"Tsk tsk, now you know that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness."

"Touche," sighed Louis as he went pass the door. There was a desk with a name plate that read 'Raven Inkwell' right next to the doorway he came through with the way to the actual office still some feet away. Louis was briefly reminded of The Maltese Falcon.

Seated at the desk was appaerntly Raven herself, a middle-aged, light grey skinned mare with her dark brownish gray mane tied up in a bun, a tail that was the same color, glasses over her orange eyes, and wearing a white suite with a black pin of a pen in an inkwell, although her E cups were straining fit to burst, and black shorts that hugged her rear end. Louis cleared his throat. "Excuse me."

Raven looked up and her eyes widen as if the tenth wonder of the universe was right before her.
(Dumbo was the ninth; King Kong was the eighth.)
There before her stood a male, and he didn't look like any pony, hippogriff, changeling, dragon, griffon, or yak that she ever saw. He looked like a Minotaur except his face didn't look close to bovine, more simian. "May I help you?"

"Louis Terwilliger," said he, "I'm here for the job."

Raven looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "What?"

"The job," said Louis, his anxiety fading a little bit, "the job that was advertised in the paper," and to prove it, Louis reached into his pocket and pulled out a newspaper clipping he had Emerald's sister cut out. "'History teacher wanted, must have experience and license, come to Ponyville High.'"

Raven stared again, this time with uncertainty. "It doesn't say anything about it being female as one of the requirements?"

Louis studied the clipping again. "Nope."

"Hmmmm," Raven folded her arms, inadvertently bunching her fancy cans together. It didn't help that the shirt she was wearing was transparent, nor did Vortech.

"We can see that her bra is black and we like black bras, do we not?"

Louis pulled a face as he mentally yelled "SHUT UP!" Luckily, he was saved by another mare sticking her head out the door. She was a light fuchsia and grey alicorn, with a mane and tail that mixed the light shades of cerulean, turqoise, and cobalt blue with a pale shade of heliotrope, eyes that were a mixture of gray and magenta, purple shorts, and a goldenrod jacket shirt with a white undershirt that had a golden sun pin that showed off her G cup. "Is there something wrong, Raven?"

Raven started to say something, but Louis stepped forward. "Are you Celestia the principal?"

"I am." Louis showed her the clipping and she took it. After reading it, she looked at the man. "Would you step into my office, please?" He obliged, leaving the secretary very confused, and a little miffed.

Celestia showed him into her office where there were four desks: hers, the vice principal's, the dean's, and the assistant dean's. Right now, the latter desk of the former pair and the former desk of the latter pair were occupied.

(Make of that last sentence what you will)

The mare occupying the vice principal's desk was a dark blue alicorn smaller than Celestia with cyan eyes, a mane and tail that had a blue shade of sapphire contained by a grayish Persian blue outline, navy blue pants, and a light violet vest shirt over a white polo with a black patch of a circle with a crescent moon sewn on the collar that still showed her G cups.

The mare occupying the dean's desk was a light grey and cerise alicorn that was the smallest of the three with light purple eyes, a violet mane and tail with streaks of rose and pale gold, a blue miniskirt (emphasis on "mini"), a baby blue T-shirt over her F cups, and a dark blue blazer with a crystal heart pin.

Both of them stared at the human for awhile before the vice principal spoke, "Sister, why is there a male on the premises and in the building?" Celestia showed her the clipping. "Why doesn't it say anything about the feminine requirement?"

"Let me see that." Now it was the dean's turn to see it. "Well, it does say that the applicant must be experienced or have a license if first time experience so..."

"Uh, sit down please," said Celestia. Louis obliged by sitting in the chair in front of her desk. "Now you want to apply for the job, yes?"
"Yes."
"Any experience?"
"Nope."
"Well then," sneered the vice principal, "I guess you're at a dead end, yes?" Louis responded by pulling out a scroll and presented it to Celestia. She unrolled it, looked at it for a moment, then passed it to her sister who grumbled while passing to the dean.

"Seems legit," said the dean. "Are you sure you want to teach here?"

"Just one more thing," said Louis, "where are the guys and why is being female suppose to be a requirement?"

"Ah," said the dean, "that started out due to the male-female ratio, three females to one male. This building was originally a boarding house for ponies. Most ponies didn't have any homes, so they were allowed to stay. Over time, other species were invited, and it was decided that this place would be a home for every creature to live and learn, to coin a phrase."

"But," continued Celestia, "there was the little matter of the heat." (Louis winced at that one.) "This place isn't exactly what you called a safe house, but it does keep the students and faculty from sneaking out and coming on any stallion."

"Besides," finished the vice principal, a little smugly, "if you take the job, you'll have to put up with every single female in the vicinity, and some can be quite vociferous."

"Not quite, Luna," said Celestia, "some females can control themselves, like the chemistry teacher. But I digress, do you think you can handle it?"

Louis pondered this awhile, sat back and scratched his scalp, and said, "I live with two dragonesses, and I helped them with their heat hundreds of times, so it can't be that bad." But deep down he was nervous: tending to only two dragonesses in heat is very different from tending to God knows how many creatures that were not only dragonesses, but also ponies, griffonesses, changelings, and any other species he didn't know about.

"That also means may you have to live here for awhile. This place does have dorms so we can find a room in the teachers' dorm building." When Louis nodded, she said, "then it's settled. Cadance will show you around," she nodded to the dean, "then you can decide on the conditions of your classroom." Cadance got up from her desk and showed Louis out. Celestia turned to Luna. "Is the misandry really necessary?"

Luna snorted, "Well, he's asking for it. Walking around single file and stupid, making those cocky little hills, ganging up and walking our cakes off the picnic blanket."

Celestia gave her a look. "You're sure you are not thinking about ants?"

"Of course not! I just don't want him to hurt any of our students."

"Right. Still, you have to admit, he is easy on the eyes.

"Sister!"

Cadance showed Louis around the campus. There were classrooms for mathematics, home economics, culinary arts, chemistry, music, biology, geology, and carpentry...or wood shop. Then there was the auditorium for drama, the gymnasium for gymnastics (pfffft), and the cafeteria. Cadance saved the intended history classroom for last.

It wasn't that bad: desks in a row, white board, big desk for teacher, plaster ceiling, bookshelves, the works. Louis studied the board before turning to Cadance. "Do you think a SMART board would be acquirable?"

Cadance stroked her chin. "Maybe. They are expensive, so no promises. But I'll see what we can do. In the meantime, I'll show you where the nurses station is." But they didn't get far when they crossed paths with another female.

She was a black changeling (or very dark grey*), a dark cerulean mane and tail, harlequin eyes with dark greyish and black pupils (different shades), a sickly green miniskirt, and a cerulean button up polo that was open a bit at the top, showing her F cups for all the world to see. When she saw Louis, she licked her...lips in a sensual way. However, she gave Cadance a cold look after the dean coughed forcibly. "Cadance," she said in an oily voice...not unlike George Carlin's Diesel voice...in fact, it might as well be a genderbent version.

"Chrysalis," said Cadance in a tone that matched her look.

Chrysalis turned backed to Louis and her smirk returned. "And who is this handsome young man?"

Louis tugged at his collar and blushed. "I'm the history teacher.

"Ooh, and how did Tia come to hire such a strapping specimen?" Louis felt the heat rise to the point where he could only stutter. Luckily, Cadance came to his rescue.

"Well may you ask," growled Cadance. "The ad in the paper asked for one, although it just so happens that said ad lacked the part about the teacher being female. Do you know anything about that, Chrysalis?"

Chrysalis looked aghast and put a hand over her heart, bunching her melons together. "Why Cady, you're not accusing me of tampering with the paper just so we can get a male in here to sate our desires, are you?"

Cadance's stern look began to falter. "Uh..."
"Surely you don't believe that this place has only acquired such a stud because I supposedly messed with the paper?"
"Well-"
"And if me doing what you accuse is true, then it would be I who should give our dear history teacher the personal tour."

"Oh no you don't!" snapped Cadance, who for some reason drew an arm around Louis, "Principal Celestia asked ME too do it!"

"Oh please, Tia chooses you for everything. She might as well make you vice the principal and Lulu the dean."

"That's not true, and you know it," growled Cadance. While the two argued, Louis struck up a mental conversation with Vortech.

"Isn't it exciting to have two gorgeous creatons fighting for your affection?"

"They're not fighting for my affection, they're just arguing about who should lead me through the tour."

"Keep telling yourself that. Fret not however, for I have a way to dissolve this."

"It better not involve a duel where the loser is banished to Foundation Prime."

"One, I'm not strong enough to do that; two, you see that pile of cord over there?"

"Sure."

"Well, you try and break up the argument with a gesture that will land the piece you're wearing as a necklace on to that pile."

"Okay." Not sure what else to do, Louis unhooked the string from 'round his neck as quietly as he could, slid off the LEGO piece, and flicked it so that not only did it hit Cadance on the horn, but it also landed on the target that was the pile of chord. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the cord began to twitch, but disregarded this as had both women's attention. "Now ladies, let's not split hairs over something that trivial. Since I'm the one that's being shown around, I'll decide who gets to lead me to the end of the tour. Now we're going to close our eyes, I'm going to move my hand back and forth until I reach the end of a poem. The one my finger is pointing to will be the winner. Alright, close your eyes." The 2 rivals glanced at each other then reluctantly obliged. Louis did the same then extended an index finger and moved his hand back and forth rapidly.

"Rrrrrrringspot! One-sa, two-sa, zig-zag-zav, poptie, gimmega, tin-lie, tav, harem, scarem, moychan, tarem, tare, tore, BUCK!"

Louis uncovered his eyes and saw that he was pointing to an empty space. "Huh," he said, "I guess you win by default Chrysalis."

The assistant dean cooed. "Well then, Buck, where were you two on the tour?"
"The nurse's office."
"Let's go then."

The tour to and from the nurse's office, while informative, was a bit harder for Louis take in. That was because Chrysalis spent most of it either making lewd comments, fondling herself, and pinching Louis in the behind. It got to the point where Redheart, the nurse on duty, actually fainted from the sight of Chrysalis dragging Louis into her chest rather than the fact that a guy was on campus. A red faced Louis was speed walking to the campus exit, when he heard Chrysalis say, "What's this?"

He turned to see her bending over to pick up his LEGO piece. "Don't!" he yelled, but he was too late. Chrysalis had picked up the piece and was engulfed in a bright light; when it cleared, Chrysalis was still standing in her school attire, but her arms were bound in rope long enough to mummify her crooked horn and to trap her in the underarm rope gag. Louis picked up the piece, reattached it to it's string and told her, "it's sensitive to being touched by anyone that isn't the owner. You should be considering yourself lucky that it didn't spark a more humiliation defense."

Chrysalis gave a muffled reply, but then they both heard another one, albeit less muffled. They turned to see Cadance, mummified from her hooves to her mouth in the cord Louis had been told about, with the plug having just been shaken off her horn. "What the hell happened?" asked Louis.

Cadance's horn lit up and encased the plug her magic and began unwrapping herself. As soon as she was ungagged, she said, "I had closed my eyes, I felt something wrap around my waist. I was able to uncover my eyes to see that it was the cord, but it gagged me before I could speak. The plug had rested on my horn and for some reason, every time I tried to move, I'd get a shock. I had no choice but to stay here." She had finished freeing herself from her cord bond/gag and stretched before continuing, "I have no idea why I was able to get free now." (Louis didn't know how to react to that one, but he could hear Vortech laughing.) Cadance finally saw the changeling and smirked. "You know, I think I like you better this way." Chrysalis snarled at her.

"What's with the beef between you too?" asked Louis.

Cadance's smirk faded a little. "She can shapeshift. That's all you need to know." She cleared her throat and her smile became sweeter. "Anyway, why don't you come over a few days before the start of semester? We'll get you settled in and you can be better prepared to meet your colleagues and students."

"Sure," said Louis, "but can you teleport me to the main entrance? I'd like to celebrate real soon."

"Wish granted," said Cadance, and with that, Louis found himself outside. "That was your plan? Tie up Cadance while the assistant dean and I had a little 'break' from the tour?"

"Oh, something like that. You know we like trussed up mares and the like."
"Oh puh-lease. Anyway I'm going to need you to start playing some music."

"Evard Grieg?"
"Yes, but wait until I finish a call." Louis pulled out a cellphone and dialed a number. At his home, Emerald answered her own.

Now I want you to visualize the phone conversations from the cartoons of the old days: one line down the middle of the screen, splitting it in half, with each side occupied by both callers. Something like that.

"Hello Master," crooned Emerald, "How'd the interview go?"

"I got the job!" shouted Louis excitedly. "I got the job!" He could hear Emerald squealing excitedly on the other end. "Now we can actually pay enough debts to be in the black again! I'll be heading there on foot so hold down the fort till I get there."

"Ok Master," responded Emerald. "I'm really glad you got the job. We'll celebrate," she said "celebrate" in a sensual tone, "tonight." With that, she hung up...and felt the blade of a guandao touch her throat.

"In my own way," said a voice. "Crap," she thought.

Meanwhile, Louis slid his cellphone into his pocket and started on his way. "Alright Vortech, start the music!"

"Commencing Evard Grieg's greatest masterpiece in 3...2...1 now!".

Louis proceeded to beatbox and do a little dance to the music. He thought the tuba sounded a little bit realistic, but he brushed it off.

Louis eventually made it to Everfree Row, a dismal place that was reminiscent of New York's Chinatown...or was it Little Italy? Anyway, it was not a good idea to peruse its streets at nighttime, unless said idea was a death wish, because that was like doing a police raid without any Kevlar: it's practically an invitation saying, "Here I am, come and do your worst." But Louis was careful and no one dared to break into his two story house; the last one to try had her goose roasted by the dragonesses, figuratively that is. His house looked more like an oversized shed with more windows, a garage on the bottom level, and a pantry, 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen right next to the living room (in fact, you could say that the kitchen was part of the living room) on the top level.

When Louis entered the house and got upstairs, he found an interesting sight: Emerald was on the floor, muzzled, her wrists and ankles bound, and another dragonesses looking over her with a guandao aimed at her midriff.

This dragoness was smaller than Emerald and was a lighter shade of green mixed with yellow, a black and dark olive green bra top over her B cups, and a pair of shorts the same color. Louis cleared his throat. "Peridot, what are you doing to your sister?"

The dragoness called Peridot immediately threw down her guandao. "Boss!" she cried. "I had no idea how long you'd be, so I, uh, figured we pass the time," she laughed nervously.

Louis placed his palm on his forehead. "Untie her" was all he could say; it was all he had to say to get Peridot to release her sister. When she was done, the dragonesses turned to face him. "Now, as you know, I do have the job, but it may require me to be living in a dorm over there."

Peridot raised her hand. "But Boss, if you stay there during that 'special time of the year,' you'd be wiped out."

"She's right, Master," said Emerald grudgingly, "we're two females; who knows how many female students can even control theirs?"

"That's why I figure that you two need to help me hatch an escape plan," said Louis, "but work on that over the semester. Peridot, you prepare dinner, Emerald, you see if the bed is up to tonight's after dinner part of the celebration, and I'll freshen up."

"Yes Master/Boss!" said the sisters eagerly. While Louis and Peridot went off, Emerald sniffed the air. There was a scent that she didn't recognize, a scent that was out of place in this neighborhood. She prowled out of the house to find the owner.

Louis hadn't seen this because he was in the bathroom, taking a shower. When he came out in a white bathrobe, his damp hair askew, he noticed that she was gone. "Peridot, where did Emerald go?"

The dragoness looked up from her cooking and smirked seductively, "I don't know Boss, but she won't know what she's missing."

Louis gave her the same look Heath Ledger gave Christian Bale approximately 10 years ago. "You didn't truss her up and lock her in one of the closests, did you?"

Peridot spluttered, "Of course not Boss! I was here the whole time! But," she saw a weird shape outside, "that might be her."

Louis followed her gaze and saw that she was right: Emerald was out there...and it looked like she was hog-tying someone. Louis brought his palm to his head again. "I swear, if I was a few decades older, you two would be the cause of my high blood pressure!" Before Peridot could say anything, Louis stormed out.

Emerald had just finished securing a red bandana when she footsteps and a metallic clunk. She looked up and saw her Master walking towards her, clad in nothing but a bathrobe that was... barely doing its job at the bottom. Oh it covered what it was suppose to, but barely. Anyway, he was clutching a long wooden walking stick with the the end on the ground being a metal tip that was emitting the clunk. She got up, her wings twitching; she could hear the inhale her prisoner breathed, meaning she saw him too. Emerald started to speak, but Louis hoisted his stick up so that the metal tip was aimed at her throat, then knelt down to the hogtied pony.

She had a light gray, artic blue coat, brown tail and mane, light heliotrope eyes, a white jacket topped with an F-clef pin covering her C cup chest, and grey pants. There was a sousaphone near by, although he didn't know what it was for, but if he had to guess, this pony knew how to play it. He unwrapped the bandanna from her muzzle and said, "Now what are you doing way out here?"

She looked around nervously before saying, "I was just minding my own business after a quartet rehearsal when I saw you dancing and muttering gibberish to yourself-" (Emerald snickered; Louis hefted the stick closer to her throat and told her to raise her hands) "-then I heard some strange music in the air. Before I knew it, I had my sousaphone out and was playing along to it while you watching you shake your...posterior. When I was able to stop, we were already in this atrocious neighborhood."

Emerald couldn't deny a little growl at that, although it was ambiguous if it was that she considered the mare's words an insult or if she agreed with her. Louis, meanwhile, slowly brought his finger tips to his forehead. "I thought the bass sounded a little too real." He could hear Vortech laughing, but decided not to comment, so he looked at the mare. "What is your name?"

"Beauty Brass."

(Yes, she's canon. See?)

She wasn't having her "best night ever."

"Well, Beauty Brass, you may find this hard to believe, but you are in the company of the only decent inhabitants of this 'atrocious' neighborhood. Out there," he gestured to the gloomy street, "is full of misty...micey...mice gin...miss gin...sexists-" (I can't say it either) "-who would take advantage of you, and do unspeakables to you."

Brass whimpered and clung to her sousaphone, "Is it ok if I spent the night with you? I don't mean to impose, but-"

"But of course!" Emerald was right in front of Brass in an instant, shaking her hand. "We rarely get any visitors around our humble abode."

"Now now, Emerald," chuckled Louis, "give her some space. We only just met her, after all." With that, they escorted the mare inside.

Peridot was ecstatic to have someone visit, but Brass didn't like the smirk on her face...for that matter, neither did Louis. But it passed, and the four settled down to eat, and oh, what a feast: meatloaf for Louis, chicken a la king for the sisters, and Caesar salad for Brass. Eventually, it was time to turn in for the night. There was a bit of a problem. "There's two beds and four of us," said Peridot. "The Boss usually sleeps with one of us while the other sleeps in the other bed. There is one of the couches, though-"

"Well, thanks for volunteering to sleep there, Peri," interrupted Louis and he snapped his right fingers.

Peridot could only register the sound as well as that rare name before she felt her feet being tied together. "Now wait a minute, Boss, can't we talk about this? I mean, I didn't tie you up." A coil of rope appeared and secured her hands together. "If this because of what happened with my sister, she won't accept apologies because those are overrated. Wait a minute." Before she could rethink that statement, a third coil of rope appeared and wrapped itself through her mouth, then her muzzle. The now bound and gagged dragoness tipped over and began squirming, only stopping when Louis picked her up, plopped her onto the oddly shaped couch, and head into the master bedroom.

Brass caught a glimpse of Louis without a shirt on before he closed the door and blushed. Emerald saw this and smirked. "He punishes us by trussing us up and not 'riding' us, as it were. It's not a fate worse than death, but it does feel like it, especially during that 'special' time of the year." Brass' face went redder than ever as Emerald escorted her to the guest room.

Emerald was a little late coming to bed, because she was holding her machete and cutlass to Peridot's throat and belly; she stopped after catching sight of an underwear clad Louis and following him into his room, leaving Peridot to struggle against her bonds and gag while the Lego piece sat on nightstand, the voice laughing as if its owner could see her futile resistance.

Author's Note

*NOT a reference to The Lego Movie, more towards the wiki page that says her chitin is very dark grey.

Peridot's apparel was inspired by this lady.

Louis' last name is a reference to this guy.

Meetings the students without knowing it

Author's Note

Before we begin, I'd like to point out that if you're wondering why there were students at the school when the semester hasn't even started, it was early orientation.

Also here are pictures of Walter Boggis, Nathan Bunce, and Franklin Bean, the inspiration for the figures of three characters.

Meetings the students without knowing it

Louis awoke the next morning to feel a pair of arms around him. He turned his head to find Emerald snuggled close to him with a content smile on her face. Louis shifted his body and Emerald tightened her grip around him, giggling while she did so. "Good thing I gave the pony something to muffle her ears with, eh Master?"

"Yeah," agreed Louis. He turned his head again, but Emerald anticipated this and raised her head so that their lips met. She moaned as their tongues began curling and entwining, fighting for dominance. When they pulled apart, saliva was trailing down her naked chest while Louis started to get up. "I have to go untie your sister."

Emerald pouted, "Do you have to, Master?"

"Well yes, I can't leave her bound and gagged forever, and only I...can...free...her," Louis started to trail off as he remembered something. "Uh oh." He then made to get out of bed much quicker.

"I was going to promise a shower after releasing Peridot, but yesterday the assistant dean touched the piece and I forgot to untie her." explained Louis as quick as he could while trying to get dressed as quick as he could.

Emerald's eyes widened and she bolted out of the bed, out of the room, and into the guest room, which was right next to the master bedroom. There was a shriek as she evicted Brass from it and slammed the door. When Louis was fully dressed, he bolted out of the room and made for the nightstand, just missing an extremely red faced Beauty Brass, and grabbed the Lego piece. After tying the string behind his neck, he clapped his hands and Peridot's bonds and gag vanished, leaving her free to get up and stretch. When she finished, she noticed her boss pacing, but before she could ask, Emerald was out of the guest room, and the two were out of sight in an instant. Peridot looked at the door they went through with a confused look, then turned to Brass with a smirk. "So, did you like what you saw?"

Louis ran down the steps and, without looking, pushed a white button on the wall, opening one of the garage doors. Emerald dove into the car to start it up, while Louis bolted out out into the driveway...and something snagged his shirt. He found himself being hoisted off the ground and face to face with a very big, very fat dragoness.

This was Jasper, 300 pounds in both fat and muscle, scales that combined the colors of red, yellow, and brown, wielding a sickle like a hook and a golden knuckle duster, and a black crop top that covered her J cups and black sweat shorts. She was glaring at Louis, the hem of his shirt entangled on the tip of her sickle, his feet flailing in the air, only faltering when he met her piercing glare. "Hey J-J-Jasper."

"Human," growled she, "I was looking outside my window when I saw one of your whores tussling with what looked like a pony." She brought the knuckle duster up to his throat, causing Louis to raise his head to avoid the sting, all the while sinking into his shirt. "Was it a pony?"

"N-No it wasn't, Emerald t-took care of it," stuttered Louis. Jasper studied him for a moment. Then with a flick of her wrist, whipped Louis' shirt off, sending him on to the ground, his upper body bare for all to see. Suddenly, he found the links of a chain biting his neck.

"He's lying of course!" cackled a voice that Louis knew all too well: Emerald and Peridot's older cousin Malachite. Her scales were the lightest shade of green of the three, she was skinny as a pencil, and wore a black tank top that almost covered her C cup chest, which was currently pressed into Louis' back. The tank top was so showy that Louis often wondered if she was a former dominatrix. He didn't want to ask her that, for she had her eye on him for sometime, voicing her desire to have him put her, making him the dominant one in her fantasies. She also made it clear that, if she had her way, he wouldn't be wearing any shirts at all. Louis did NOT want to see how long that expectation would last until she raised it to "no shirt and too small shorts."

"I...I," it was hard for Louis to talk because the front of his neck was in Malachite's Nunchaku, while she was licking the back. Suddenly she felt a sharp prick in her tail. Yelping, she got off of Louis, letting go of his neck. Likewise, Jasper felt some weight on her back and something stab her exposed midriff. She shook off her assailant and brandished her sickle and knuckle duster threateningly. Malachite stood by her side, clutching her nunchucks. They were face to face with Emerald who had her cutlass and machete in her hands, and Peridot brandishing her guandao, both standing protectively in front of Louis.

"Well, the whores come out to defend their namby pamby toy," sneered Jasper.

"Oh, like you're any better, slut?" retorted Emerald.

"Dear cousin," cooed Malachite, "I'm the only whore for darling Louis."

"Please cuz," retorted Peridot, "the Boss wouldn't take you in unless he had no choice."

If you thought a "no holds barred" fight was about to occur, well you'd be given this answer:

The combatants had a little Eastwood-Van Cleef-Wallach stare-down (it's not apt, but it is awesome) when two of them were covered in what was apparently seaweed. The other three (or four since Brass was looking out the window) turned to see a dwarf sized blue dragoness called Lapis Lazuli.

She was small enough to have water in the shallow end of a pool come up to her chin...then again she was a good swimmer, so it could come up to her chin in the deep end too. Her scales were that dark shade of blue that would remind you of water. A rangers uniform covered her A cup chest and instead of a gun, a katana dagger was in a holster. The uniform came from her being the somewhat self anointed law official of this district. I say "somewhat" because she claimed the title for herself, but no dragoness objected, due to the unique hunting rifle that she fired her own brand of seaweed from, a sticky kind of seaweed, the kind that would stick to whoever she fired it at.

Naturally, if anyone objected, they'd find themselves all wrapped up. So she got the job. Anyway, she looked at her two prisoners, then picked up Louis' shirt and marched up to the human. "Your shirt, sexy."

Louis wasn't the least bit embarrassed by this, as Lapis' flirting was playful and light hearted, no innuendos that insinuated that she wanted to be taken to bed, unlike Malachite's. "Thanks, Lapis." He found a large rip in it from Jasper's sickle and sighed. "This'll have to be repaired. I'll go change into another one."

The sound of Brass clearing her throat reached their ears and they turned and saw the red faced mare even redder still as she held out a new shirt, her face averted from having to look at his bare chest. Flustered, (he wasn't fond of showing off his skin in the presence of strangers, or creatures he knew but just met for that matter) Louis snatched it away from her and yanked it on, arms flailing about as he did so. When he had it on completely, he was extremely red faced and he began talking rather quickly, "You two get in the car," he indicated to Emerald and Brass, "and you stay here on guard," he indicated to Peridot, "right, let's go." He took off rather fast, only to find Lapis' rifle at his throat.

"Hold on there, handsome," said Lapis, "there's also the matter of Sardonyx. She's been yelling about how someone named Delores left her for an albatross."

Louis mentally groaned. Sardonyx was a delusional black and white dragoness that had a habit of breaking into his house and stealing some of his movies. When Louis first met her, she was dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, and after her response, ("Sorry I scared you, I must look like a yeti in this get up.") Louis would describe her as a feminine Robin Williams, especially when she thought she was a radio personality. ("GOOD MORNING VIETNAM! This isn't a drill, this is rock and roll!") It's actually where she got the nickname for Jasper (*cough* Dickerson *cough*). But there was one thing about him that scared the cuss out of her. "Just tell her that you'll sic Walter Finch on her," he whispered, "she'll know who you are talking about."

Lapis lowered her weapon. "Walter Finch, huh? Well it better work," she raised the barrel to Louis chest, "or you to will be cellmates."

"Itllworkitllwork," said Louis hastily, not altogether eager to spend a night with Sardonyx in Lapis' jailhouse that doubled as her home.

Muffled noise came from Jasper and Malachite, and the others turned to see seaweed covering their muzzles; apparently Lapis' seaweed made a good gag too. The ranger dragoness marched over to them. "Alright you mugs, you have a choice of coming with me by the way of a rabbit or by a worm. Make it now."

Jasper squirmed, trying to get up, but failed. Malachite, on the other hand, got up like she took lessons from a cartoon, but hopped towards Louis, mumbling loudly, "Mssssm! Mssssm!"

By the way, I am aware that is an oxymoron, so don't bother pointing it out.

"Oh no ya don't!" Lapis cut off the yandere dragoness. "You're coming with me, so get hopping!" Growling, Malachite began hopping away from him and towards Jasper. Louis, his dragonesses, and Brass watched as the two were humiliatingly escorted away. Then Louis said, "Alright, let's get going."

As he, Emerald, and Brass clambered into the car, Peridot approached his seat. "Wait a minute Boss. Take these with you." She presented him two small boxes. Louis took them, opened them, and grunted in understanding when he saw that each contained a shard, one emerald, the other peridot. With that, she gave him a peck on the cheek. "G'bye Boss."

"We'll have to make a stop by the school first, then we'll drop you off at your place," Louis told Brass.

"Why do you have to stop there?" asked she.

"Something happened there that only I can undo," he mumbled.

Brass didn't push it as she was interested in a different topic. "Who were those two brutes from earlier?"

"'Brute' is only apt for one of them," grumbled Louis, "Jasper. She was the big one, a bully that gets what she wants through intimidation, and her prime targets are what she calls 'weaklings.' The other was Malachite, she only wants me for my schwanshtucher and believes herself to be the only one worthy of it."

"Why would she want your swan...what you said?"

Louis blushed. "It's a small district."

Emerald smirked. "Word spread quickly about how he was in the sack. I have experienced it first hand, so I know what I'm talking about when I say it was-"

"Shut up Emerald!"

"Yes Master."

Brass raised an eyebrow. "Why does she call you 'Master'? What was in the box the other dragoness, Period or something, gave you? What was she saying as she hopped towards you?"

"Now that's a long story," said Emerald, "what do you know about Tirek?"

Brass thought for a moment, then said, "He was a centaur that came to Equestria with his brother Scorpan the gargoyle, intent on stealing it's magic. But Scorpan began to grow close to the ponies, to the point that he tried to convince Tirek abandon the plan. But Tirek refused so Scorpan aided the Pillars in banishing his brother to Tartarus then returned to his own land."

"Yes," said Emerald, "but that's not entirely true. What you said did happen, but what history doesn't mention is that they arrived, they had a special kind of diamond. A diamond that was composed of shards from many different gems; when the shards are combined to make the diamond, the owner has complete control over us dragonesses."

"All dragonesses?" asked Brass.

"Not exactly," said Louis, "there's the district we live in is called 'Gem Dragon Street.'"

(Apart from being a parody of 10 Downing Street because I couldn't understand Chamberlain when he said it. Seriously, it sounded like he said "Tin Dining Street." But I digress.)

Louis pulled out the boxes and showed their contents to Brass. "Two of the original shards were emerald and peridot. These and the rest are part of the lifeline to dragonesses like Emerald."

"We're all named after a certain gem and our souls are bound to that particular one. If it should shatter, the namesake dragoness perishes."

"Wow," was all Brass could say.

"You think that's something," said Louis, "whoever assembled the diamond could have complete control over the gem dragonesses."

Brass was beyond speechless. "But Tirek was more...active in his refusal," said Emerald, "the brothers got into a fight that resulted in the diamond broken and the shards were scattered and most of the dragonesses never found them again."

"Which brings us to your third question," said Louis, "you asked what Malachite was saying when she was hopping to me: 'possession.'"

"Why would she say that?" asked Brass.

"There are 3 ways you can secure the loyalty of a gem dragoness," said Emerald. "One way is for her to willingly give herself over to someone, although she can't do it just to anyone; the subject has to have a good cock, like the Master."

"Emerald!"

"You have to admit Master," said Emerald unashamedly, "you do know how to show a lady a good time."

Louis, however, had enough spunk to fire back with, "Like how our introduction turned out?" which shut her up, her face darkening.

Brass looked at his smirking face to Emerald's blushing one, then asked, "Do I really need to know?"

"All you need to know is that she was so cocky that she humiliated herself in front of the other Beryls."

"The what?"

"Gem heads," explained Emerald, eager to get the conversation out of this part of the water, "there used to be three, I was one of them, now there's two: Ruby and Sapphire. They have their own turfs on the district. I used to have one as well."

"What happened?" asked Brass.

Emerald smiles warmly. "A certain human came along and dragged us down a few pegs."

Louis smiled blushingly, then looked confused. "By 'us' do you mean you and your sister?"

"Yes and no," said Emerald. "Every time your name is mentioned, Ruby and Sapphire shudder. Which brings us to the second way to secure a gem dragoness' loyalty: beating her in a fight."

"Is that how you two met?" asked Brass.

"Sort of," answered Louis, "but anyway, if you were to beat a gem dragoness in a fight, you'd have to ask the question of whether or not you have her service. If she says no, then that's all."

"If she says yes," Emerald half closed her eyes, and her voice adopted a sensual tone, "then she is yours to command, be it to do housework, guarding, or pleasure in the sack."

They had reached a stop light so Louis, taking the opportunity to do so, pulled out a roll of green duct tape, and called out, "Emerald," in a sing song voice. When she turned to look, he wrapped the tape around her muzzle. "There, too snug?"

"Mm Mmmmm," she mumbled.

Louis turned back to Brass. "Anyway, the third way is to secure one of these," he showed her the shards, "say the name of the shard, and its namesake will appear and swear eternal loyalty until otherwise." He put up a grim face, "which is why I want the malachite shard, to keep her in line. Because when push comes to shove, the shard will give you the look of a tough leader and help make it clear that you mean what you say."

This was a lot for Brass to process. But in the meantime...

No seriously, everybody got that?

The first thing Louis did after Emerald parked the car outside the school was rip the tape off her muzzle. "Keep it running, I shouldn't be too long." He didn't wait for her reply as he bolted up the sidewalk.

There was silence before Emerald turned to Brass and said, "We might have enough room on one bed for three."

Louis ran down the hall, trying to find the principal's office, when,

"You passed the door a few yards back."

"Vortech! Where were you when I needed you?!"

"Meditating."

"How can you be meditating? You don't even have a body!"

"You try doing something when you're stuck in a miniscule piece of yourself with no one to talk to. Besides, even if I was able to register what was going on, all I could do would be activating the piece's defense should either of them touch it, and you know how quick word spread about Jasper's touching it, remember?"

"You have a point," Louis grumbled mentally. It was true; his first run-in with Jasper resulted in her getting trussed up the same way Chrysalis was. Louis being the only one to free her only made her think that he tricked her into it, and had hated him ever since.

"Let's go and free your girlfriend. She must be having major cramps by now."

"Yeah, let's...HEY!"

Louis barged through the waiting room, past a startled Raven, and into the office, and demanded, "where's Ms. Chrysalis?"

Cadance would've had a good excuse, but a closet door swing open to reveal Chrysalis, still in her uniform and rope; he bounded over to her and pulled on one coil, which caused her entire bond to fall off. She got out stretched her arms to get the feeling in them. Louis tried to keep his distance when her chest was thrusted uncomfortably close, but that proved futile when she threw her arms around him, gushing, "My hero!" Louis went scarlet at the feeling of her mounds squished into his chest. Then he felt pressure in his pants. Apparently, Chrysalis felt it too because she gasped, "Ooh!" and her wings began whipping up and down rapidly.

Luckily, Celestia pried her off of him with her magic. "That's enough, Chrysalis, we don't want our new teacher to die of nosebleed before he even starts."

"But Tiaaa," whined Chrysalis good naturedly...at least her version of good naturedly.

But Celestia was standing for none of her antics. "You are one reason why this is an all female school. You're lucky that Mr. Terwilliker isn't pressing charges for violating your probation."

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa," Louis made a "time out" gesture. "She's on probation?"

"Not that it's any of your business, human," retorted Luna, "but yes, she is on probation, for reasons involving our niece."

"Auntie!" squealed Cadance.

"Now Cady, Luna is just grouchy because the opposite sex is in the room," crooned Celestia.

"And who's fault is that, I wonder," muttered Cadance, glaring at Chrysalis.

"Hey, you can only go so long rutting the same sex before you desire those of the opposite sex," protested Chrysalis, "and don't think I didn't hear either of you being vocal about it."

Cadance, Louis, and Celestia blushed. Luna, on the other hand, was not amused. "I am NOT pining for a male's love! Every time they see a woman, they undress her with their eyes, say lewd pick up lines, all in the name of getting into her pants." She finished her rant with a hard glare at Louis who shrunk back, not knowing if he should reply.

Celestia had this deadpanned look on her face. "Are you done?"

"Yes...yes I think I..." Luna didn't look like it, though.

"Lovely. Now I know that having a male teacher here goes against our norm, but we desperately need one as history is one of the electives, and Louis here jumped at the offer. Since the newspaper didn't specify the gender," here, she looked at Chrysalis who attempted to look innocent, her smile not suiting it, "we'll have to make do. But we'll see what the students think of him by the end of the year."

Her subordinates had a different reaction: Luna huffed, Cadance's was neutral, and Chrysalis licked her lips. Louis tugged at his collar like Rodney Dangerfield, and said, "I think I'll be going, but thanks for your support." He bolted to the door, threw it open...and Raven Inkwell fell over...right on top of Louis, their lips meeting. Then Raven got up hastily and dashed out of the room, extremely red faced. Louis stuttered at the others for minute, then skedaddled out after Raven.

Chrysalis walked into the waiting room and saw Raven concentrated immensely on her computer. "So... how good was he?"

Louis tore down the sidewalk up to the car where he found Emerald and Brass in a conversation with another mare; her coat was gray with a pinch of gold, the mane and tail were dark gray mixed with a lighter tint, and her eyes were the most beautiful shade of mulberry. Of course, her eyes started to narrow with distrust when she saw Louis. "And who are you?"

"Ah Louis. This is Octavia Melody, one of my band mates. Octavia this is Louis, he let me spend the night at his place after getting lost in Everfree Row."

"So you've been telling me," grumbled Octavia. She began circling him, studying him like he was a pile of paper that displayed the most challenging piece of music and if she should play it (judging by the contempt in her eyes, probably not). "What were you doing in that building?"

"Tell her you had some tight ends to loosen."

"I had some tight ends to loosen," Louis spoke before he could stop himself, then mentally palm smacked. "Thanks Vortech."

"Mm hmm," Octavia didn't sound too happy about that, "and with whom did you 'loosen' these 'tight ends?'"

"The assistant dean."

Octavia's widened only slightly before she sniffed, "Considering your gender, I shouldn't be too surprised, especially how the assistant dean is."

"Now Octavia, we talked about this," cautioned Brass, "he invited me into his home, we had supper, we went to bed, I in a spare one, him in his own. Nothing happened."

"And yet you say you followed him to his abode while looking at his posterior?" asked Octavia skeptically.

"No! I was playing this one song on my sousaphone, and I was so enamored with it that I lost track of where I was. When I finished, I found myself in the Everfree Row."

"So you've been telling me, but you'll forgive me if I find your story a bit...oh what's the word I'm looking for? Taken with a handful of salt."

"I wouldn't bother, Brass," said Emerald, "your bandmate is one of those ponies that stuck their noses so hard into the grindstone that they're literally stuck to it."

"I am not!" protested Octavia.

"So you weren't badmouthing the Master because of his gender?"

"Uhhh..."

Louis coughed. "We need to amscray, we have errands to run. Let's go, Emerald." And before the two mares could say anything, Louis was in his car, and Emerald was driving away with him.

Brass watched the car retreat farther and farther away, then she turned to Octavia. "He's not bad to look at, maybe your roommate could-"

"No!"

Emerald stopped the car in front of the Carousel Boutique and turned to Louis. "I'm going in with you."

"Why? Think I can't handle myself?" asked Louis.

Emerald scowled, "Master, you know the owner: the only she won't do to guarantee that creatures will let her make new clothes for them is sending them to retrieve diamonds from the Diamond Dog part of Everfree Row."

"I know," sighed Louis, "I did hear a rumor about her actually burning a worn shirt. Last time said customer ever went to her. But she's cheaper and closer to us, so we have no choice. Speaking of Diamond Dogs, how do you feel about Con Air tonight?"

Emerald brightened somewhat. "Do you even have to ask? You know I like that Russian Malkovich."

"You mean John Malkovich? I don't think he's Russian."

"Sure he is. How else would he be able to play that round Teddy guy?"

"Ok, that's it: after Con Air, it's The Rounders."

Emerald squeed at the thought, for John Malkovich was her celebrity crush. Of course, it did vanish once they entered the shop/house.

"Welcome to the Carousel Boutique where everything is chic...oh hello Louis," said the owner. She was a light gray mare (and a very, very light gray one at that (take that Arnett Batman)) with an indigo mane and tail, and azure eyes, and was wearing black pants and a white shirt covering her E cups. She flounced over to them, fluttering her eyes. "And what can I do for you, handsome?"

Louis held out an arm in front of Emerald, who was resting her hand on a hilt, and held up the torn shirt, saying, "Someone introduced this shirt to a sickle."

Rarity's horn lit up, enshrouding the shirt in an azure light, and it was levitated over to her. After studying the tear, she tsked, "It'll take time, but I should not be too long."

"You will mend it, and only mend it, right?" Emerald had pushed past Louis' arm, her machete drawn, holding the blade at Rarity's throat. "No burning, no slashing to ribbons?"

"No darling, of course not," the unicorn whimpered.

Louis had brought his hand to his head again, then grabbed Emerald by the empty handed arm, and asked, "Just...how much is it to fix?"

"Free?" asked Rarity apprehensively.

"Yeah, sure," grumbled Louis, "come on Emerald, put the toy away, she's fixing the shirt, let's leave it at that."

"Fine," growled Emerald, and with that, they exited the boutique, leaving Rarity to get a hold of herself before her sweat became a puddle.

Then they stopped by the farmers market and boy, was there produce; apples, oranges, carrots, pears, tomahtoes, grapes, cherries, the whole kit and kaboodle. It was like a garden out there... although to be fair, it was a Ponyville market, and the rest speaks for itself. But Louis is an omnivore, and Ponyville was known for being so bountiful in fruits and vegetables.

Anyway, the first stop was the apple stand that was ran by Applejack, a gamboge (it's a shade of orange) mare with sap green eyes, a pale, light, grayish olive mane and tail that were tied in a (What else?) ponytail, a light brown stetson, blue jeans, and a white and green polo shirt covering her D cups. "Howdy Louis," she greeted them, "what can ah do ya for?"

"Hey Applejack," said Louis, who always enjoyed her company. She wasn't one to force her products on the customers, she was one of the friendlier ponies, and was known for two things: her honesty and her stubbornness. But Louis was glad that the polo she was wearing wasn't a button-up, i.e she couldn't tie the bottom so that her midriff was exposed.

"Strange, I thought you liked her wearing polos like that "

"Quiet Vortech. We'd like some apples please."

"Sure thing, Lou." Applejack put out a basket full and Louis placed some in a sack. Then they weighed them to determine the price. "That'll be three bits and a show from yer dragon friend." If there was one Applejack liked about Emerald, it was her skill in slicing apples.

"With pleasure, Appley," Emerald smirked. Then she snatched up a plate of apples and launched them into the air. As they came down, Emerald whipped out her machete, slashed the air wildy, grabbed the empty plate, and caught each and every slice with not one touching the ground. After setting them on the stand, she took a bow to the applauding on-lookers.

"Hoo wee Emerald! That's some fine knife work ya got doing," said Applejack.

"It ain't nothing, Appley," said Emerald.

"Thanks for the apples," said Louis. "Bye."

"See y'all later."

Next were the grapes. The stand was owned by a Berryshine, a light grayish mulberry mare with a mane, tail, and eyes the color of cerise, a white shirt and blue overalls over her B cups, and the overalls had a patch consisting of a bunch of grapes and a strawberry (we know her as Berry Punch). "Hey Louis! Hey drinking buddy!" she called. One known fact about Gem Dragonesses was that they were heavy drinkers. Berryshine was the most avid drinker among ponies, if not the only pony to drink heavy as well as the only pony to drink hard AND hold her liquor.

"We here for some grapes," said Louis, "no wine."

"Awww," Berryshine pouted, "I was looking forward to another drinking night with Emmy."

Emerald coughed. "I told not to call me that, Berryshine. All we need are grapes. Two bunches to be exact."

"One red, one purple," added Louis.

"What ya need for?" asked Berryshine. "Making your wine?"

Louis and Emerald exchanged a brief glance before answering simultaneously, "Yes." Never mind it was going to be one of those nights where Emerald and Peridot fed Louis produce while dressed in Arabian getup.

Berryshine, presumably, saw through their looks and giggled, "he must be real good Emmy."

Louis coughed very loudly before Emerald could answer, "here are the bits Berryshine. Come on, Emerald." With that, he dragged her away from the laughing grape mare.

"I don't think she would mind doing it too."

"Shut UP Vortech."

After that, Emerald turned to Louis, and said, "I'll go get the cherries. The vendor is a real cheapskate, especially to a buttery Pegasus. You go get the tomatoes, the vendor there isn't much of a hassle."

"Ok," said Louis and they went their separate ways. In all honesty, though, Louis didn't want to go it alone. As Emerald said, the vendor was a tough bargainer.

Roma was a cream yellow mare with blue green eyes, a two toned brown mane and tail, the former tied in a bun, a white shirt and teal apron covering her C cups, and the apron had a patch of 3 tomatoes sewed on.

As of this moment, she was giving Louis a hard look. "Hello human," she said in a voice to match.

"Hello, Roma," grumbled Louis. "I need 2 tomatoes."

Roma set the aforementioned produce out on the stand. "That'll be six bits."

"Six? What happened to 2 bits per 1 tomato?"

Roma sighed angrily. "Some pink floozy tricked me into accepting one bit the last time that happened. So, now it's three bits per tomato."

"Well I still say four bits," retorted Louis, laying out four bits.
"Six bits!"
Four bits!"
"Six bits!"
"Four bits!"
"Six bits and no more!"

"Ahem!" Emerald had returned from the cherry stand, holding her machete like a walking stick before aiming it at Roma. "He said, 'Four bits.'" Then she waved the machete around wildy again.

Roma flinched and clapped her hands over eyes, quivering. When she didn't feel a thing, she uncovered her eyes and felt around herself (no fondling) for any wounds. Then when she didn't feel or see anything, she looked smugly at Emerald, put her hands on her hips, and sneered, "Ha! Missed!" Her smirk faded, however, when she heard a tearing sound and began to feel a draft. She looked down to find herself covered by only her bra and underwear. Roma shrieked and tried to cover her entire body with her arms, then whimpered, "Four bits it is."

"Good," said Emerald. With that the two walked away while Roma hastily put up a closed sign.

"Have to admit, she doesn't have a bad figure."

"You didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

"Now how could I, who is imprisoned in a piece of something meant for children, possibly influence someone who isn't my only means of communication with her?"
Louis didn't know how to answer that.

Finally, there was the carrot stand, ran by a goldenrod mare with pistachio eyes, and a carrot orange mane and tail named Carrot Top. Today she was wearing a red tank top with a picture of three carrots with greens on it. She closed her eyes to the half lidded point when she saw Louis. "Hey there human," she said in a sultry voice.

Like Lapis, Carrot Top often flirted with Louis and he knew she was joking. Unfortunately, she saw his companion. "Oh, hello Emerald," she said, all sensuality gone.

"Hello Carrie," said Emerald with an equally hard tone.

Louis glanced at both of them before clearing his throat. "Um, we'd like some carrots please."

"Huh?" Carrot Top shook her head before looking at him. "Oh sure." She laid out the carrots and said, "Three bits please." Louis forked them over. "Have a nice day."

"What was that about?" thought Louis as they left.
"Competition." Louis could only groan like Marge Simpson, only less raspy.

Louis and Emerald had just entered Everfree Row, when they heard a bump on the car roof. Emerald pulled over, got out, and pretended to look around before doing a backflip onto the roof.

Louis heard a squawk and saw Emerald and a griffoness tumble down the hood and onto the ground. He got out and saw Emerald standing off with her enemy, a grayish scarlet griffoness with grayish artic blue eyes, light malachite feathers with light emerald green edges, dark amaranth wings, bright yellow talons, and a black cat burglar outfit that strained on her E cups. As soon as Louis was visible in the corner of her eyes, the griffoness turned to get a better look at him and gasped...long enough for Emerald to tackle her to the ground, whip out her cutlass, and jab the point at her. "What do you want?"

The griffoness looked startled, then scowled, "I only wanted some bits, but since it's that human..."

This only made Emerald shift the cutlass nearer to the griffoness. "What do you want with him?"

Now the griffoness had a look of panic on her face. "I only need a place to stay. Griffonstone isn't exactly an ideal place to live anymore, so I left without any plans other than getting the hell out of there."

"Yeesh," said Louis, "it must've been a bad place for you to do stupid planning."

"Don't remind me," she grumbled. "I heard about this place being the home of the only human and, well..."

"~She's blushing."~

"~No she isn't.~ Well, we may have a spare cot at our house."

"You mean...?" The griffoness tried to hide it, but she looked hopeful.

"Get off of her, Emerald," ordered Louis, "she's our guest."

Emerald got up and grudgingly sheathed her cutlass while the griffoness got up and brushed herself off. "My name is Greta."

"I'm Louis, she's Emerald. Now let's go, it's getting to dusk and you do NOT want to be out here in the dark."

Louis and Emerald had to backtrack to Lapis' jailhouse abode to get Greta checked in. Being a law officer of these parts also meant that she had to oversee visitors getting a green pass while ejecting minor trespassers and locking up the more volatile ones. Due to her living in a jailhouse meant that she could also arrest anyone of the Everfree denizens too. Louis had managed to stay out so far, and he didn't want to stay.

Anyway, Greta had dozed off and rested her head on Louis' shoulder. Louis tried to get her off, but she just wrapped her arms around him, much to his embarrassment, Vortech's amusement, and Emerald's...not knowing what to feel exactly. When they got there, Louis had to shake Greta awake and when she did wake, her immediate response was to swiftly sit up straight with a huge blush on her face.

"I think she has crush on you.

"No she doesn't." Louis didn't know it, but he had exited the car with his clutching Greta's wrist, and barged into the door, nose first. He rubbed his nose, groaning like the he stepped on a rake and got hit by the handle. After hearing Greta snicker, Louis grumbled, "Oh come on, let's go." He shoved the door open and saw the blue dragoness sitting at a desk adjacent to two rows of cells, two of which were occupied. "Hey Ms. L," he called, "how's it going?"

The law girl looked up from her work. "Hello hot stuff, what can I do for you?"

Greta glowered at her, but Louis didn't see this. "This griffoness needs a place to stay and I have offered to take her in."

"Alright, I'll just get the necessary paperwork and you'll be good to go."

"Why do we need to fill out paperwork?" asked Greta as Lapis went for the appropriate forms.

"Proof that 1) I let you stay with permission, 2) I am your escort, and 3)...that you agreed to pay rent."

"Why do I feel like you made that last one up?" asked Greta.

"I couldn't think of a third thing." But before Louis could elaborate further, Lapis appeared with a yellow orange piece of paper and her katana dagger.

"What's with the knife?" Greta eyed it wearily.

"Visitors and tenants sign in blood," explained Lapis, "it's more permanent."

"That, and her breed of dragon doesn't exactly bleed red blood," added Louis, "their's looks more like oil."

Long story short, Greta signed. When the 3 got home, Peridot got out a bottle of champagne. "Are you sure about this?" asked Louis.

"Sure I am, Boss,"answered Peridot, "you got a job that pays, we got a tenant, put one over on Jasper and Malachite, I say it calls for celebrating. Besides," her voice adapted to a sultrier tone, "we know how you get when you're drunk."

Emerald purred, Greta blushed, and Louis groaned.

Meeting the faculty while some pony learns a lesson...after ticking off someone

Louis shifted in his bed and opened his eyes to a crack's length, only to immediately snap them close, swearing that he could hear a hiss when he did so, wondering if steam was emitting from the eyelids when they met. He then turned his body and felt what he thought was Emerald's hard scales. "Since when are her scales fluffy?" Louis blindly felt the fur on the scales and heard giggling. "Ok, that is definitely not Emerald." Suddenly feeling rough arms wrapped around his naked body, he opened his eyes to find a beak in front of his nose. "Greta," he groaned.

The griffoness opened her eyes and saw the human right in front of her, his nose almost touching her beak. She purred, "Mmmmm, such smooth skin." Then she grimaced, "my head. What happened last night?"

"I don't know," groaned Louis, "my head feels like it took a beating from a hammer. Ugh. Help me off the bed." Greta just gave an affirmative grunt and pushed him until he tell off. "Oof! I said 'help me,' not 'shove me off!'"

"Yeah yeah," Greta mumbled into the pillow.

Louis managed to get up, only to fall down after taking a first step. Having no choice, he crawled over to where his staff was, which wasn't easy to do when it feels like your bones have lost weight. Anyway, he brought down the staff and managed to get upright. He had to use it as a crutch because he felt so woozy that he might fall over. After putting on his bathrobe, Louis stumbled out of the master bedroom and into the bathroom, opened the toilet, half knelt, half fell down next to the toilet, and proceeded to empty contents so violently that he would not be surprised if his slippers came out if he was wearing them.

(I feel like I should add a tag for saying that.)

After he flushed the toilet, he washed his hands, and was about to fill a cup with mouthwash when he noticed an odd silhouette in the shower curtain that let out an odd grunt, like it was two voices speaking at once. Knowing that there was only one way to find out what it was (actually there's more than one way, but it was the only way that occurred to him), Louis made his way to the tub, and by "made his way," I mean he tripped, grabbed the curtain as he fell, and took it down with him. When he got it off of him, he saw Emerald and Peridot seated opposite each other, both of them trussed up in the over arm rope gag. "Hmlp uff, Msssstr," moaned Emerald.

"You touched the piece?" groaned Louis, who was answered with several incoherent muffles. "Hold still." With that, he tugged on their bonds/gags and the sisters, free after the ropes fell away, got up and stretched, sighing in relief.

"Thanks a mil, Boss," said Peridot.

"I thought we'd be there like that forever," added Emerald, "my back might be cramped." She adopted a bedroom eyes face and looked at the human. "Can you help me with it, Master?"

But Louis shook his head as best he could with a splitting headache. "Sorry Emerald, but I need a shower. Since it's Peridot's turn, you'll have to give our Griffin friend a glass of water, then make some coffee."

Emerald pouted, "But Master-"

Louis held up a hand. "I have a freaking hangover and I need to drink something to get rid of it, Greta too. I feel like I stink so I really need a shower. Besides, you did it yesterday morning so it's your sister's turn."

"Fine," grumbled Emerald and she left the bathroom.

Louis watched her go, then turned to Peridot who was already in the nude. "C'mon in, Boss," she purred.

Louis shed his bathrobe, got into the tub, and turned on the water. "Oooh, that feels good," he sighed. He then felt Peridot rubbing his back with a washcloth. "What happened last night?"

"To say that you and the griffoness were drunk was understatement, Boss," explained Peridot, "you to started to get a little rough at the table so we tried to move you to the master bedroom, but Emerald ended up getting trussed up after she touched your pendent. I managed to get you there by passing myself off as drunk, but I tripped and grabbed your pendent, getting tied up. You two were so amused that you had her drag the two of us into the bathroom and put us in the tub. She went back saying that the way we were situated was making her feel hot, so she went back to you and we could hear you roughing it in there."

It may have been the heat from the water, but Louis suddenly felt an increase in the temperature. "R-Really?"

"I must say, as someone whose job was to put griffons in the spanking mechanism, I've never heard squawks used that loud or in that kind of context," remarked Peridot.

"Oh Faust," groaned Louis

"'Oh Faust.' That I'vd heard on multiple occasions." murmured Peridot.

After the shower, Louis found Greta sitting at the table, holding an ice pack on her head, Emerald sitting across from her, sipping coffee. The dragoness saw him first. "Hi Master," she greeted him, "coffee's on the counter, and ice packs are in the freezer. "

Louis wobbled over to the coffee maker, poured himself a cup, then took a seat at the table. "Today's a meeting of the faculty, Emerald. I have to be there when they start, so I can meet my peers."

"I can drive you there, Master."

"Thanks Emerald. "Now what are you going to do, Greta?"

The griffoness was silent for a minute, then said, "I think I'll ride in with you, then continue on my own from there."

Emerald was skeptical. "Really? You couldn't handle me last night, and you have no place to live."

"One: I could've lasted longer if your Master didn't show up," retorted Greta, causing Louis to take a sudden interest in the table, "and two: I am resourceful. I'll find someplace permanent."

"You need money to do that," countered Emerald.

"Ladies, ladies!" interrupted Louis as loud as he could, "Please! I'm still dealing with a hangover here!" He sipped his coffee, then turned to Greta, "Emerald's right, you need money to buy a house, so I could lend you-"

Greta held up a claw, "Thanks, but no thanks, Soft Stuff," Emerald failed to stifle a giggle, "I can raise my bits my own way."

Louis and Emerald glanced at each other. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" answered Greta vociferously.

After Emerald pulled up to the school sidewalk, Greta literally flew out of the car as soon as she opened the door. Louis watched her go, then turned to Emerald. "You stop by the boutique and see if Rarity finished that shirt."

"Yes Master," responded Emerald, "and if she did burn it, her goose is cooked."

"Just don't go overboard," cautioned Louis, "m'kay?"

"Yes Master." After Louis got out she drove away. "But I can't guarantee what she'll look like afterwards."

After watching the car get smaller and smaller, Louis headed into the building.

"So we meet the staff of the burlesque house, eh?"

"It's a school, dummy, but yes, we're meeting the staff."

"This is going to be delicious."

"Vortech-"

"I hope you brought something for your nose when it bleeds dry."
Louis decided not to answer.

Cadance was the first to meet him. "Welcome back, Mr. Terwilliker," she greeted him. "Come on down to the teacher's lounge, you'll meet the faculty there." She grabbed his arm and dragged him to the room before he could say a word.

Once they were inside, Louis saw the staff sitting at a long table one might see at a U.N Security Council meeting (I was in Model U.N so I know what I'm talking about) most of which he recognized, i.e Celestia, Luna, Chrysalis, and Redheart, but the rest he did not. "Have a seat," Cadance told him. He did so and she pointed to Rusty orange mare with cornflower blue eyes, a light gold mane and tail, a white T-shirt covering her D cups that secured her trophy pendent, followed by a purple sport coat, a pink scarf that looked like it was cut from a turtleneck, and a matching pair of pants. "This is Ms. Harshwhinny," said Cadance, "the economics teacher."

Ms. Harshwhinny sniffed. "I hope the principal knows what she's doing, hiring a male to teach in this place."

"Feisty."

"That has got to be the least innuendious* thing you've said about the opposite sex."

(*I don't think that's a word...eh, sue me.)

Louis was a little indignant at her words. "And I suppose an inexperienced teacher would've gotten a light reprimand if said teacher was a female."

Ms. Harshwhinny started to report, but then thought better of it and said, "We'll see how you turn out."

Next was a gold pegasus mare with vivid orange eyes, a strong orange mane and tail with amber streaks, and a blue spandex suit with yellow lightning bolts outlining her C cups; on closer examination, one could see a pin of fire. "This is Spitfire, the gym teacher." said Cadance. "She's tough, but fair."

"That's right," agreed Spitfire, "and to be honest, you look like you wouldn't last five minutes in my personal course."

"Tell her you've dominated two dragonesses in heat."

"I've dominated two dragonesses heat," said Louis, once again, without thinking, then winced.

There was a mixed reaction, some staff members were a little repulsed, others were impressed and aroused, the one most vocal about it was a strange woman who's head had the same flesh as Louis', with a black mane, yellow eyes with crimson pupils, a maroon pinstripe suit over a brown button up polo that covered her E cups, but showed off a baby blue Pegasus wing on the right side of her back and a purple bat wing on the right side, maroon pants covered her left lizard leg and right goat leg, her left arm resembling a lion's and her right arm and eagle's (for me, female draconequui have the same limbs as males, but in opposite places) and an amaranth dragon tail with a white tuft.

(DEEP INHALE!)

"Now I know who to call when my special time of the year comes," she sniggered.

"Louis, this is Eris," said Cadance warily, "the drama teacher."

"And THE most powerful creature in all of Equestria, if not the world," drawled Eris. Louis jumped; Eris was suddenly right next to him, and when he looked at her original spot, he found it to be empty. Not only that, but when he looked back at her, he noticed that she was dressed as Galadriel...albeit more showy at the top. "Since you help two Gem Dragonesses in their heat, maybe you could help me in mine," she said in a bedroom voice. Louis started pulling at his collar.

"That's enough, Eris" chided Celestia, "we don't want to frighten off a potentially competent history teacher."

Eris poofed back to her original spot in her original apparel. "Spoil sport," she grumbled.

Next was a zebra whose stripes looked more grey than black with cyan eyes, gold hoops on her neck and left wrist, a red top covering her E cups, and a purple skirt. She introduced herself in a rather throaty voice, "I am Zecora, teacher of chemistry, or if you prefer potions. I must admit that hiring a male is a curious motion."

(It's kind of hard to write dialogue for someone who always talks in rhyme.)

"Sounds like she could whip up a strengthening potion for your little friend."

"Grrrrr."

"Easy tiger."

"Well, I can teach," said Louis, a little sharper than he intended, "Celestia saw the necessary papers.

"Sounds like you came prepared, hot stuff," said a light grayish gold earth pony mare with a light cobalt blue mane and tail with light azure stripes, light amber eyes, a white uniform that reminded Louis of the Roaring Twenties covering her D cups, and a gold belt depicting a sapphire seashell below three stars. "Sapphire Shores, music teacher."

"A pleasure," said Louis.

Next was a very slender, very light grey unicorn mare with a light magentaish gray mane and tail with light heliotropeish white streaks, light grayish violet eyes, and a heliotrope open top dress that was a little showy (just a little) of her C cups. "Bonjour," she said, "I am Fleur de Lis, the art teacher."

"Ooooh, she's French. Probably a veela."

"Maybe?"

Next was a cerise earth pony mare with a light grayish rose mane and tail with light ceriseish grey stripes, greyish harlequin eyes, and a Japanese school teacher uniform covering her C cups. Louis thought it was Japanese because not only did it look like it, but there were a trio of patches depicting a yellow flower with a smiley face, which was usually associated with teaching in Japan. "My name is Cheerilee, the math teacher."

"Sounds like you have your hands full every semester," commented Louis, "what with math being a complex subject and all."

"Oh it varies," said Cheerilee, "it has its good days and bad days."

"Like your sex life?" Louis grit his teeth at that remark.

"Are you alright?" asked one of the nurse ponies. She was a light grey earth pony mare with a light amaranthish mane tied in a bun, a tail of the same color, an opaque white shirt covering her C cups, and a nurse's cap with a white cross with a red heart; thus, Louis recognized her as Nurse Redheart from the tour.

"I'm good," said Louis. One mare snorted; she was a pale apple green earth pony mare with a light cornflower blue and light grayish cerulean gray mane also tied in a bun, a tail the same color, harlequin eyes, and wearing the same clothes over her B cups as Redheart, and the same cap with white cross with a red heart on each inside 90° angle. She was looking at Louis with a scowl.

"But if you look at her eyes another way, it looks like 'I hate you so much, I'm going to rock your cock out!'"

"SHUT UP!"

Redheart cleared her throat. "I apologize for Snowheart. Let me introduce you to the other nurses," she indicated to the other two mares in similar clothes and caps and manes tied in a bun. "Sweetheart," a pudgy, light grayish orchid earth pony mare with a greyish mulberry and light grey mane and tail, cornflower blue eyes, and a B cup chest that was causing her apparel to strain, "and Tenderheart," a light cobalt blue earth pony mare with a light grayish malachite mane and tail, light grayish eyes, and a B cup chest. The two nodded at him.

"It'll be worth deliberately injuring yourself, because of this service." Louis tried very hard ro ignore him.

"Nice to meet you. Like I said, I don't need you to check me up, I can cope with some pretty severe injuries."

"Really?" asked Snowheart doubtfully.

"Of course," answered Louis, "when you've lived in Everfree Row as long as I have, you're pretty much a walking Black Knight."

Louis wasn't sure if the staff got the reference, but probably not as they were looking at him in shock. "YOU LIVE IN EVERFREE ROW?!"

"Well...yeah," he answered quietly.

"Ooh, tough," cooed Chrysalis.

"You can't live there!" shrieked Cadance, "it's a living death trap!"

"Not if you're careful," retorted Louis.

"That makes it all the worse," fretted Celestia, "hasn't your home been broken into?"

"Yes," admitted Louis, "but more often than not, their goose was cooked."

"Barbaric," muttered Luna.

"All the same," said Cadance, "we'd be happier if you moved out of there. It's too dangerous."

"But-"

"Don't worry, I'll send Gleaming Shield to help you."

"But-" too late. Cadance had teleported him to the sidewalk. When she looked back at her colleagues, some were looking a little incredulous. "What?"

(I'd like to read about your reasons as to why some of them looked incredulous in the comments so let's speed up to where he was picked up.

Gleaming Shield was yet another light gray unicorn mare with a sapphire mane and tail with cerulean and phthalto streaks, cerulean eyes, wore a police uniform over her E cups with a badge depicting a blue and white shield with a lavender star. She was driving on patrol when she heard her phone vibrate. Waiting until she was at a traffic light, she opened the text and read that Cadance wanted her stop by the school, pick up the newest staff member, and help him move some stuff out of his house in Everfree Row. After texting that she was available, Gleaming drove to the school and found the human waiting on the sidewalk. She parked the car alongside, rolled down the window, and said, "you're under arrest."

"What for?" demanded the human.

"No reason, just messing with you," laughed Gleaming, "get in." Louis did, planning on showing Gleaming his home so that she could see that it wasn't as bad as Cadance made it out to be. "So you live in Everfree Row?"

"Yes," said Louis, "at first I was curious as to why it was called that when it wasn't exactly a row. Then I learned that it started out like that and expanded. When it got bigger, there was talk about calling it Everfree Heights, but that name was was taken, so the name stuck."

"Wow, you really are a history buff," giggled the cop, "if only I was back in school, I could retake history class."

"You know, you could make time for private classes."

"I'm going to put you in my pocket if you don't shut up, Vortech."

"Like you would do it."

"Yeah...I'm bluffing."

It was quiet drive after that. Louis was still banking on Gleaming shopping by the right adress. Unfortunately, the place she stopped at made Louis whimper. "Don't worry sir, I'll take care of whoever has been slaving you away and treating you horribly all your life."

"That's not-" Louis started to explain, but Gleaming was out the car without registering that she heard him. Sighing, he figured that he better follow her and correct her before it was too late. There was a reason he compared the building she parked at to Minas Morgul, despite the two looking nothing alike (this place looked more like the Castle of the Two Sisters.)

The dragoness who lived there was Obsidian, whose presence would make every dragoness nervous, even Jasper, Lapis, and Malachite; her scales were black as night and radiated an aura of menace; but what really scared Louis was her armor: when she put it on, someone like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman would encourage retreating as a good idea.

But Gleaming was too caught up in getting Louis "out of there," for the place had its own aura of menace (whether this was because of the place itself or of the inhabitant had yet to be seen) and it was creeping her out. Thus, she wasn't exactly up to speed on who dwelled there."Come on, Mr. Terwilliker," she called, "the sooner we get your stuff out of here, the sooner we can get the buck out of Dodge."

"I'm trying to tell you Gleaming-"

But they were interrupted by a scimitar blade connecting with her horn. The fierceness in the contact made Gleaming let out a short squeal in pain. Louis saw the owner of the scimitar to be "Gothmog?!"

It wasn't a clear likeness to the Morgul lieutenant as the head looked more like a pig and the left eye looked like a pebble, but with the misshapen face, stunted left arm and leg, he was almost a dead ringer. "Silence," he ordered, "and get your hands up." Louis obliged, Gleaming only did so after the guard slid his scimitar through her horn. After he wrenched it out, he stabbed it into the ground, pulled out an inhibitor ring (I think that's what they're called) and snapped it onto her horn. Then he pried his blade out of the ground and pointed at the two. "Get in," he ordered.

"Now wait just a minute," started Gleaming, but the pig orc was having none of it.

"You're trespassing, Her Ladyship will decide your punishment. Now get in," he kicked her hard, sending her towards the castle, "and don't speak unless spoken to." He then brought the scimitar to Louis' throat. "That goes for you too." Louis nodded as best he could, then followed Gleaming.

Much like Victor Tanzig's Shunted episode, the sentence for law breakers depended on the nature and severity of the crimes committed in Everfree Row, law officials, or in this case Lapis, weren't required to step in; sometimes the victims or superiors of the culprits could take said law into their own hands. Trespassing was one such example in this place; trespassers are either literally kicked out at best while at worst...you're probably better off nor knowing.

Anyway, once insde, the pig orc ordered them to strip. "Are you serious?" demanded Gleaming. With one swipe from his scimitar, the pig orc sliced off the buttons on her uniform which fell open to show her slender figure, then jabbed the blade tip at her abdomen. "Do you have a death wish?" he growled. "Strip searches are required when caught trespassing on the premises, so strip before I pick out your insides." After pulling in her gut to avoid the sting, Gleaming reluctantly took off her police jacket. The pig orc turned to Louis who was already wearing nothing but boxers and his pendant. After close examination, he stuck out his scimitar and ordered, "Put the necklace on the tip."

After Louis obliged, he and Gleaming were forced into a dungeon cell and shackled with their wrists above their heads. Once the pig orc left, Gleaming turned to Louis. "How do you survive this place?"

"Simple, I don't live here." snarked Louis.

"What?" cried Gleaming, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to di si when you keep getting interrupted."

Gleaming's retort was interrupted by muffled grunting and they turned to see "Greta?!" exclaimed Louis. Sure enough, the griffoness was chained up like her cellmates, also clad in her bra and underwear like Gleaming. The only difference was that a black cloth was stuffed into her mouth and was secured by a second like a cleave gag and a third wrapped around her beak. "Is this what you had in mind for living conditions?"

"Mm mmm," Greta shook her head.

"What was your past life, a prostitute?" asked Gleaming.

"Hmmm," was the growling reply.

Just then, the cell door open and the pig orc returned...with someone that made Louis immediately cross his legs...or try to. She was Obsidian, jet black dragoness dressed in a black dress covering her E cups (think 2017 Magica de Spell only less showier), even taller than Malachite, had the longest wing span of any Gem Dragoness, and a longsword strapped to her waist. She approached Louis first. "Human," she said in a soft voice...the kind of soft voice that kept you on your toes, "why are you here?"

Louis had to get a hold of himself for a minute, then answered in what he hoped wasn't a scared voice, "A case of mistaken identity, ma'am. You see, her" (he gestured at Gleaming with his head) "friend thought that the part of Everfree Row I live in is too dangerous for me to do so, and had her" (another gesture Gleaming) take me without my say in the matter. For some reason, she stopped here."

Obsidian then turned to Gleaming who was sweating buckets down her half naked body. "And wht did you think that he lived here?"

Gleaming didn't do as good as Louis in concealing the terror in her voice. "Well, you see, Everfree Row has a reputation of being the last place that an innocent creature enters. When we passed this place, he let out a frightened sound, and since this particular building has been the root of many dark and gruesome tales, I figured he lived here. Now he told me otherwise."

Obsidian loomed over the mare. "Tell me: did you give him a chance to tell you otherwise prior?"

"Of course not!" shrieked Gleaming. "I'm terrified of this place!"

Obsidian shook her head. "Pathetic," she hissed. Then she turned back to Louis. "One last question, human?" She pointed her thumb to the pig orc behind her. "Gothmog?"

Louis now looked a little embarrassed. "He reminds me of thar one character named Gothmog."

Obsidian stroked her muzzle, pondering something. Then she looked at her guard. "You, Gothmog, release the human."

"Yes, My Lady," responded the now named Gothmog. He limped up to the human, pulled out a key, and unlocked each shackle. Louis fell to the floor (he was on his tiptoes) and started to pick himself up, but stopped when he saw Obsidian in front of him.

"You are free on the condition that you give me the source of the name 'Gothmog.'"

"Yes ma'am," answered Louis.

"What about me?" demanded Gleaming.

Obsidian produced a black handkerchief. "YOU are staying here, paying for your poor communcation."

"But-" Gleaming's protest was cut off when Obsidian stuffed the handkerchief in her mouth, then secured with another.

"Come," the Nazgul knockoff ordered Louis. The human got up and followed her out with one last glance at Gleaming and Greta before Gothmog close the door.

"What about the other two?" asked Louis.

"I caught the griffon while doing my rounds. She was looking for employment and mentioned being good in the sack so she is my bed toy." explained Obsidian. "As for the unicorn..." she looked at Louis with a interrogative stare. "What is the name of the pony's friend that put you up to this?"

"C-Cadance," stammered Louis. There was no point in hiding the truth; Obsidian could make even those with the tightest lips crack. They made it to the pile that was Louis' clothes, phone, and wallet. The pendant was hanging from a hook in the wall. "I see you took care not to touch it."

"But of course," answered she, "the low-life known as Jasper is well known for teaching us not to lay our fingers on it. Now dress in front of me," she commanded, "slowly."

Louis decided to oblige. As he sluggishly covered his body, he could hear her moaning longingly. When he pocketed his phone and wallet and slipped on his pendant, Gothmog had returned. "Gothmog will take you to a guest room," said Obsidian, "you can call your housemates there."

Louis thanked her, then followed Gothmog. But when they got to the door to the guest room, Gothmog turned to Louis. "You are Her Ladyship's guest, so call your friends to pick you up and no more. And should you call them to ambush," he drew his scimitar and brought the tip to Louis' throat again.

"T-Trust me, G-Gothmog, I carry n-no such thoughts," stuttered Louis.

"I should hope not," growled the orc and sheathed his weapon and opened the door to let the human in. Once the orc left out of earshot, Louis felt his pendant vibrate violently.

"What's up with you?"

"She has it! The Black Dragon had it!v

"Has what?"

"One of my Foundation Elements! The One Ring!"

Author's Note

Well the pendant is described as a LEGO piece and the spirit inside is Vortech. Just gimme a break.

I would enjoy seeing some fanart depicting the characters and scenes from this story. So PM me if anyone's interested.

School starts at last

Louis stared for a moment to let Vortech's words sink in. "A Foundation Element?"

"You know, items from certain universes I gathered together at Foundation Prime in my bid to rule the multiverse."

"I remember. And the One Ring--I know that's one of them--is here?"

"Yes!"

"And you're sure of this?"

"Louis, I know a Foundation Element is near when I feel the vibrations."

Louis could tell Vortech was being serious because he hardly (if ever) called him by his first name. "Well...what do you want me to do?"

"Steal it."

"What?! Why?!"

"Because you won't be given it."

"But Obsidian will flail me alive if she catches me with it, and that's her being nice!"

"Ugh! Fine! We'll just steal it some other time!"

Louis shook his head, then dialed home. "Hey Emerald."

"Sorry Boss, but Emerald can't come to the phone right now. She's in the shower."

"Peridot," sighed Louis, "you didn't tie and gag her, did you?"

"Honestly and truly didn't, Boss." Louis could hear the sound of running water.

"OK, I'll give you that. But can you come at get here?"

"Sure thing, Boss. I'll just leave a note for sis and pop right on over to the school before you can sing the entire Green with Envy Blues."

"Uh, about that Peridot, I'm not at the school anymore."

"What? Then where are you?" Louis could hear the smugness in her voice as she asked, "Are you planning a one night stand?"

"No...you know about Minas Morgul, right?"

"I know that you compare it that rat's nest Obsidian's holed up in."

"And you know I started calling her place that?"

"Yeah so?"

"Well, that's where I am." Louis could hear a noise that suggested Peridot was spitting out a drink.

"Boss, are you crazy?! What possessed you to go there?"

"It wasn't my idea. The school dean thought I should move out of Everfree Row and zapped me out of the school and one of her friends picked me up. I'd thought I'd show her how happy I was with you two, but we passed here and-

"Wait, Obsidian's place isn't on the way here."

That got Louis good. Why would Gleaming stop by Obsidian's castle if it wasn't on the way to his house? "I don't think she was told my adress. Come to think of it, I don't think any staff members have my adress."

"That's probably a good thing, Boss. Any female that had your adress would be coming over here for a rocking and a rolling on their railway tonight."

"And get their goose cooked," sniggered Louis.

Peridot sniggered too before answering, "In all seriousness Boss, I will be coming over. I just hope Emerald will be able to restrain herself when she reads my note. You know how she is about you."

Louis could understand. Like Cadance and Gleaming, Emerald would probably jump to conclusions once she heard that her Master was in the home of The Dreaded incarnate. "Just get over here, Peridot."

"Sure Boss."

With that done, Louis set out to look for Obsidian. He got lost a few times and eventually came across Gothmog dragging Greta and Gleaming out of the cell block. It was obvious that he was having trouble, considering that Obsidian had inadvertently modeled him after the "elephant orc" as his namesake is known by his own creator. "Need any help?" asked Louis.

"I don't need any help," snapped Gothmog "or your pity for that matter!"

"Alright, fine," Louis raised his hands, somewhat annoyed. "Why do you have them out, anyway?"

"Her Ladyship requires their presence," growled the orc. Gleaming began to struggle at these words, forcing Gothmog to drop their ropes, limp over to the unicorn, draw a flail, and wack it against her bare back a few times. "She was going to let her go unscathed, but since she resisted, she'll be parting with a few marks."

Louis winced with each wack, then said quickly, "I'll go tell her you're on your way, shall I?" With that, he took off before the orc could get a word in.

Louis found Obsidian sitting at a table in what was probably the dining room. "Just thought I'd tell you, I passed Gothmog with the ladies on the way here."

"He turned you down after you offered to help, I presume?"

Louis blinked, then said, "yes he did."

"He is quite loyal to me. It makes sense because I created him, but he does get overzealous at times," she sighed.

Speak of the devil and he appears: Gothmog limped in, dragging the two behind him. He brought them over to the table and forced them into sitting positions onto chairs. Obsidian turned to Louis. "I am going to turn the unicorn over to her friend for a hefty price," she explained. Then her tone turned cold. "If you help her put one over on me-"

"I won't, I won't, I promise," Louis hastily assured her. "Geez, she has a way of making you wish you would die just by talking to you."

Obsidian's glare melted into a mischievous one. "After which, I'll be having a 'session' with the griffoness. I'd invite you, as she told me that gave her a pleasant night," Greta blushed, "but we wouldn't want to get your green friends irate."

Louis went redder than Greta, then coughed out, "Speaking of that, Peridot will be over here to pick me up. Emerald might be here after I leave."

"Ah Emerald. She used to be such a warrior back then. Then she met you." Louis didn't know how to comment on that one. "But no worries, I'll send her to you gift wrapped."

"Thanks?"

"In the meantime, tell me how you came by the name Gothmog."

Time passed as Louis pulled out his phone and showed Obsidian the profiles of not only the orcs, but the entire world of John Tolkien. What intrigued her the most was her inspiration: the Witch King of Angmar. Louis wasn't altogether surprised about this, as he could see similarities between the two. Just then, the doorbell--yes there was a doorbell--rang loudly, startling Louis, Greta, and Gleaming to the floor. "Go see who it is, Gothmog," ordered Obsidian.

"Yes, Your Ladyship." As he limped away, Louis turned to help the other two up. Greta averted her eyes by burying her red face into Louis' chest. Louis' face, which had just returned to its normal shade, was back to the scarlet hue of embarrassment.

Obsidian let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "I think she has a crush on you." Louis could only stutter while it felt like Greta had frozen in his arms.

There was the sound of a throat being cleared and everyone turned to see Peridot standing in the hallway dressed in baggy pants and a shirt that was to big for her, possibly because it showed her cleavage. Gothmog limped in. "Your Ladyship, this dragoness, she-"

"That will do, Gothmog," interrupted Obsidian. "She is here to pick up our guest." Her mischievous grin returned. "I don't suppose you'd consider buying the griffoness? The unicorn might make the 'session' worthwhile."

Gleaming began to thrash about...if you could call it thrashing. She was so wore out that all it was was a little shake. Obsidian chuckled at her antics, Gothmog looked nonplussed, and Peridot was studying Louis and Greta. After Louis let go of her, left the room. "Coming Peridot?" he asked her as he passed her.

"In a minute Boss," responded Peridot, "there's something I need to clear up." Not bothering to hear Louis' footsteps, she marched over to Greta, summoned her guandao-

Out of her pants?

Oh.

-and thrusted it at Greta's abdomen, growling, "I am hoping that you are instated in the Boss' harem. We could have so much fun."

"Oh for crying out loud." Peridot yelped when she felt a yank on her tail; Louis was dragging her out by the tail. "Come on, you scared her enough."

After they left, Obsidian turned to Greta with leacherous grin. "Yes, so much fun." Greta whimpered.

"Do you have to do that to everyone we meet?"

"I don't do that to everyone we meet, Boss," protested Peridot, "just certain creatures."

"Like your sister?"

"Hey now. I only do that to her because we're sisters."

Louis gave her a skeptical look. "And you wouldn't treat her the same way if you weren't?"

Peridot started to retort...then said grudgingly, "You have a point, Boss."

Louis placed his hand on his forehead. "Am I having to start leaving you on the couch every night?"

"Oh please don't Boss! My wrists and ankles can't take it! Not to mention estrus!" Peridot shuddered at the last part.

Louis sighed. "Then you and Emerald will have to stop threatening each other and everyone that either trespasses or because you feel like it." Just then, they spotted a green streak soaring across the sky. "I guess Emerald found your note."

"Yeah. Obsidian does know she's heading her way, doesn't she Boss?"

"I told her that Emerald might be there after I left with you. She promised to send her back gift wrapped."

Peridot looked stunned. "Just like that?"

"Yeah why?"

Peridot looked more serious than when Jasper and Malachite showed up at their house. "Because Obsidian wouldn't give something back to you for free Boss. She'd order a trade." Then her eyes widened. "What if she knows about the two shards you have? She might release Emerald for the shards!"

"But no one else knows that I have those shards except you, Emerald, and...uh oh."

"What is it Boss?"

"Emerald and I may have told Beauty Brass about the Gem Dragonesses and their shards."

"You don't think she blabbed, do you Boss?"

"I don't know," answered Louis.

"Well I'm not taking any chances Boss," growled Peridot, "I'm dropping you off at home, then I'm finding that pony and asking if she told anyone else what you and sis stupidly told her."

"Hey!"

"Sorry Boss, but you have to admit that telling someone that you just met about your deepest secret is kind of the wrong step forwards."

Louis had to admit that she had a point, but didn't dwell on it when they found Emerald's cutlass and machete implanted in the ground crossbones style, with a rolled up piece of paper held up by a string tied to each hilt. He untied and unrolled it, read it, then passed it to Peridot who also read it. "Are you serious?!" she demanded, throwing the paper on the ground. "That's all she asks for?!"

Louis had went inside and returned with all 3 LOTR movies (the ones by Peter Jackson anyway) and said, "Well, you did say that she usually gives things for a price, i.e trading."

"Yeah, but...but...she...," spluttered Peridot.

"Look, let's just deliver these to Obsidian and she'll let Emerald go."

"Fine," grumbled Peridot.

So Louis and Peridot had to go back to Obsidian's hideout with the movies in tow. When they got there, Peridot rang the doorbell and it let out the same loud noise, causing Louis to jump behind and squeeze her.

"Ooh," she moaned. Louis' arms flailed, reaching out to get the movies as they fell. It was only after he caught all 3 of them did he hear Peridot gasping and start to realize what he had been doing. "Nice groping Boss."

Before Louis could correct himself, the door was opened by a different orc. He was jet black, looked younger the Gothmog and had some hair...or something close to it. "What are you doing?"

"Hugging!" answered Louis hastily.

"Yes, hugging," answered Peridot breathlessly.

The orc just shrugged and spoke into a large pipe phone (*snicker*), "The human is here with the item you requested and two others."

"Thank you Murgash. Show him to the dining room."

Once the three were there, Obsidian entered from another door with a large and long rope. "Come come!" she ordered in a voice that made Louis clutch Peridot's hand and yanked on the rope, pulling out a pair of bound hands that belong to a half naked Emerald with the other end of the rope wrapped around her muzzle. She let out a muffled yelp as she was forced to the floor. Obsidian just snorted, dragged her hostage across the floor, tied her end of the rope to a table leg, and sat down opposite Louis and Peridot. "Do you truly have it?" Louis placed the movies on the table. Obsidian raised an eyebrow. "Why did you bring two extras?"

"The movie you want is a sequel," explained Peridot, "it doesn't pay to read or watch something before a prequel."

"Unless said prequel is aired afterwards," added Louis.

Obsidian turned her to him, watching as he started to shrink under her gaze. "It's no secret that some think of me as a monster. But what most don't know is that I do believe in fair trade."

Louis and Peridot looked at each other, then looked at Obsidian as if to say "So?"

"So I can't trade one thing for 3 things. I had meant to keep this," she reached into the chest of her dress, "but I guess I can give it to you in exchange for one prequel." She pulled out a picture and placed on the table ib front of Louis. He reached for it, but Obsidian pulled a hunting crop out of her dress (PELVIC WOO!) and swatted his hand away. "Not until after the trade," she chided and slid it down her dress (*thud*). She then stroked her chin, thinking for a minute, then turned to the orc she called Murgash, "Bring in the griffoness."

"Yes, Your Ladyship," responded Murgash. He left and came back pushing a dolley with Greta strapped into place, wearing a straitjacket and a green ball gag.

He placed her next to Emerald, then stood behind Obsidian who said, "your green toy, the picture, and the griffoness for all 3 movies."

"Hmmm," growled Emerald at the words "green toy" which was kind of ironic as she wouldn't've (hey look a double contraction) mind "sex slave" which is probably worse.

Louis and Peridot huddled and made several whisper noises, before turning back and the former answering, "Yes."

"Good!" She snatched up the movies and passed them to Murgash. "Take these to my personal chamber." After he obliged she released Emerald and Greta, neither of whom wasted anytime charging at him.

"Oh Master!" cried Emerald as she reached out to him...only to be shoved aside by Greta, now clad in spring green bra and underwear, who barreled into him, buried her head into his chest, and began shaking like she was trying real hard not to cry. Louis just awkwardly patted her back and took her to the car. Emerald and Peridot looked at each other before turning to see Obsidian lugging a large bag in with her. "What in the world is that?" inquired Emerald.

"The griffoness' pay," answered the black dragoness. She slipped the photograph in with the money, then said. "Take it with you." The two just shrugged, then lugged then wages bag with them after the other two.

Emerald and Peridot found the human by the car with the griffoness sobbing into his chest. After they loaded up the back of the car, they turned to the pair. "What's up, Boss?" asked Peridot.

"Well, as it turns out, being a prostitute isn't all that easy when your boss is someone like Obsidian," explained Louis, "especially since she didn't give us the key to the ball gag." Greta lifted her head to show the green ball gag still fastened into her beak and and padlocked. She lowered her head back into Louis' chest, whimpering. "Come on," said Louis, "let's go home."

When they were all inside the house, i.e. the garage that was also the lower level of the house, Peridot got out a key and unlocked the ball gag. Greta clicked her beak a few times to regain feeling. Once she was done, she turned to Louis. "Thanks for getting me out of there. I was starting to think I was stuck there forever."

"How did you get mixed up in Obsidian's lot anyway?" asked Louis.

"After I left you, I stopped by an apartment in Diamond Dog territory." The other three winced. "Yeah, I found out the hard way how territorial they were."

"What did they do to you?" asked Emerald.

"They locked me up with the intent on making me work in their mines. I escaped, but they were close to the black dragon's castle. She found me, I explained I was looking for a job and she took me in."

Peridot didn't think Obsidian took her in that easily. "When you saw 'took you in...'"

Greta went red. "My clothes weren't exactly in top condition when she met me. She assumed I was a prostitute. I told her I was a rookie, and, well..."

"The rest speaks for itself?" guessed Louis.

Greta hung her head. "Yes."

Welp," said Peridot, putting an arm around the griffoness, "you're here now and no longer having to serve her, so we're good."

Greta was somewhat flabbergasted at being embraced by someone who nearly slit her throat, and looked at Louis confusedly. All he did was mouth "later." Before she knew what was happening, Greta found her arms linked with the two females and being frog marched up the stairs. Louis made to follow, but Emerald said, "Hold on Master. We have a surprise for you, so wait down here please." Louis did so, but he was still a little taken aback. He sat down on the couch and waited.

"So you really don't know how you're going to purloin that ring from her?"

"Like I've been trying to tell you, her place is practically a fortress."

While de ladies were upstairs getting their "surprise" ready, Louis had sat down on the couch in front of the TV. Vortech had decided that it was a good time to remind Louis of his other task; that is, constantly nag him about how he was going to do it. This involved a lot of repetitive questions and answers until Louis lost patience. "That is it! I am going to say this for the last time! I and my two drsgonesses cannot raid Obsidian's fortress for a ring! We'll be begging for life in prison! Now I'm going to pocket your soul can until I can trust you to not bring this up until we find someone who can do it!" With that, he yanked the piece off of his neck and pocketed it.

"~Oh Master~" sang Emerald's voice. Louis looked at the corner and stiffened as Emerald, Peridot and Greta appeared dressed in Ancient Greek apparel, Emerald clutching a bunch of grapes, Peridot a bunch of green grapes, and Greta a goblet of wine. "You like?" asked Emerald.

"Yes," said Louis, then glanced at Greta. "But how did you get her roped into this?"

Greta blushed and the other two giggled. "Kinda obvious, Boss, judging by the way she's been looking at ya." Now it was Louis' turn to blush, but he spent the remainder of the day with his female friends treating him like a sultan.

The alarm clock started ringing in all its clockwork glory, startling Louis out of a harem dream. He looked at the clock, then banged his fist on it, silencing it...although it was a bit of a magic clock, insofar that it would repair itself. He struggled to get up because Peridot had a strong grip. "Mmmm," she moaned, not opening her eyes, "Morning, Boss."

"Peridot," grumbled Louis, "I have to get up."

"Please, stay Boss," murmured Peridot.

"Can't Per, first day on the job."

Peridot groaned, but relented. Louis got up and out of bed, then went to the living room where Emerald was passed out on the couch. "Emerald, time to get up." Emerald murmured incoherently. "Emerald, it's time for school," said Louis which led to more incoherency.

"Boss." Louis turned to see Peridot's hand sticking out of the master bedroom, holding the emerald shard.

Wise to her, Louis took the shard and held it like a walkie-talkie. "Attention Emerald! Please vacate your resting spot for your assistance is required!" he shouted at it like a megaphone.

With a shriek, Emerald fell off of the couch, then lept to her feet and stood at attention like a military woman. "Yes ma'am!" she shouted. Then she remembered where she was and saw Louis looking a little startled. She blushed. "Oh Master! I...I uh..."

Louis looked like he wanted to comment on that, but decided against it. "Emerald, it's the first day on the job." Neither of them slowed down till they got to the car.

As much as he didn't want to, Louis picked up the piece on his way out. Vortech was oddly silent, but Louis chalked it up to meditation. The drive to the school wasn't as conversational, but Louis tried to make it not so. "So what do you and Peridot plan to do with Greta?"

"Well I, for one, plan to tell Greta the rules of the house...and maybe save her from Peridot."

"Does that include carrying her like a bride?" asked Louis. He may be a...cliche harem anime protagonist at times, but he could be snarky whenever he had the confidence.

"Very droll, Master," grumbled Emerald, though she couldn't fault him. With all the jokes she and her sister made at his expense, he had to fight back other than taping their muzzles. "In all seriousness, I am explaining things civilly and not coercing her with something sharp on her throat."

"You have a point," agreed Louis. Not much else was said until they reached the school when Louis remembered something as he got out of the car. "Oh Emerald, stop by Lapis' place on the way back after picking me up here. The paper concerning Greta is almost void."

"Yes Master," responded Emerald. "You know, now that we have a fourth member of our group, things are going to be a blast."

"You said it," agreed Louis. Eventually, they made it to the school. "Well, wish me luck."

"Good luck Master." Louis made his way to the front door where Celestia awaited him with look that was part sympathy, part weariness, part exasperation.

"Hello Mr. Terwilliker," she said in a voice that matched her looks.

"Hello ma'am," said Louis nervously.

"I heard about what happened to Gleaming. I am sorry that Cadance had put you through such antics."

"You aren't upset with me?" asked a flabbergasted Louis. "I mean, she is your niece and you are the principal, and--"

Celestia held up a hand while smiling depressingly. "I understand. We have had accusations of nepotism thrown at us. Rest assured, I had given her a lecture about overreacting, as well as given one to Gleaming, although that was unnecessary, considering her parents gave her another one." She gave a sad smile. "This isn't the first time Cadance has acted irrational. Back at home, she passed a law stating that any creature that came Equestria by crossing the border had to have rehab papers in case they were taking drugs."

"How'd that work go?" asked Louis.

"Major increase in the use of the deny--entry stamp. Other countries began accusing us of racism.”

"Because ponies abuse substances the least?" guessed Louis.

"Right in one. Now come in and get your uniform. One of the students tailored a masculine equivalent of our standard teacher apparel." Celestia escorted him to the teacher's lounge where said clothes were waiting.

Unfortunately, so was Chrysalis. As soon as she saw Louis, her eyes went half lidded. "Welcome back, stud," she purred. "Ready to tackle the furies?"

Celestia saved him from answering. "He is here right now to change into his uniform and will do so without your unnecessary sexual behavior."

Chrysalis pouted, but opened the door to the restroom. As Louis passed her to go in, she raised her hand with a lecherous grin...until her hand was coated in a golden glow. She turned and saw Celestia shaking her head with a glare. She sighed.

After Louis had changed and came out (putting his piece in a pocket), Celestia said, "I'll be taking you to the classroom. Luna refused to do so, Cadance is... busy, and I can't trust Chrysalis." She glared at the assistant Dean who just grinned.

"What's Cadance busy with?” asked Louis.

Celestia gave him a long look, as if debating whether to tell him or not, then said, "let's just say that she got more than a lecture yesterday." Louis decided to follow her to the classroom.

The hallways were once again filled with students heading for their classes or conversing, this time wearing the traditional white uniforms. Once they saw Louis with Celestia, the whispers returned, ranging from the obvious ("Oh look! He's back!") to sexually hopeful ("Is he poly or mono?") to just plain misandry (not even going to bother.) If Celestia heard any of the remarks about her and Louis being together, she didn't show that she had. Eventually they reached the classroom where 16 students sat in four rows of four desks.

The first student, starting the first row, was an ivory unicorn mare with moderate arctic blue eyes, a pale cerise mane and tail, and her uniform covered her E cups and had a patch of 3 sparkly blue stars sewn to it (yeah that was allowed.)

The second student was a light cornflower blue unicorn mare with sapphire eyes, a periwinkle mane and tail with a pigment blue streak, and a necklace of an hourglass resting on her E cups.

The third student was a very yellow unicorn mare with raspberry eyes,a cerulean mane, a tail with two different shades of cerulean, and had 3 pins close to her E cups, two light blue hearts and one light green one.

The fourth student that ended the first row was a light yellowish gray unicorn mare with purple eyes covered by glasses, an amaranth mane and tail with two tone purple highlights, and on her uniform close to her E cups were a crescent moon and 3 stars.

The fifth and sixth students to start the second row were, to Louis's amazement, Applejack and Rarity. The seventh student was a light grayish gold Pegasus mare with cyan eyes, a light grayish rose mane and tail, C cups, and 3 pink butterfly patches in her uniform.

The eighth student to end the second row was a pink earth pony mare with a poofy mane and tail that were a darker shade, cerulean eyes, D cups, and 3 patches on her shorts: two cerulean balloons underneath a yellow one.

The ninth student to start the third row was a light grayish mulberry unicorn mare with violet eyes, a dark sapphire blue mane and tail with purple and light raspberry streaks, and a pin close to her D cups, depicting a magenta star burst.

The tenth student was a light amber unicorn mare with cyan eyes darker than Seven's, an amaranth mane and tail with faded yellow streaks (because there is no way that's light apple green), and a pin near her E cops (or on, but that sounds kinda wrong), depicting a red and orange yin and yang esque sun with red and yellow rays.

The eleventh student was a lilac unicorn mare with Persian blue eyes, a purple and teal mane and tail, C cups, and a pin depicting a purple and white star with blue streams.

The twelfth student to end the third row was a really cyan dragoness with red eyes, wings that went from indigo to light Cobalt blue, phthalo spikes (Or horns?) that curved downward, and nothing to show on her uniform except for E cups, don't worry, they were covered.

The thirteenth student to start the last row was a cyan Pegasus mare with cerise eyes, a mane and tail the colors of the rainbow, D cups, and a necklace of a rainbow lightning bolt.

The fourteenth student was a light gamboge griffoness with a white head, light amber eyes surrounded by heliotrope, gamboge wings, dark amber talons, E cups, and, like Twelve, nothing to show on her uniform...apart from torn sleeves.

The fifteenth student was a mint green unicorn mare with sunglow eyes, a cyan mane and tail with white streaks, C cups, and a lyre pin on the collar.

The sixteenth and final student was a beige mare with artic blue eyes, a two-tone mane and tail of dark blue and light fuschia, C cups, and 3 patches of wrapped candy.

Naturally, Louis was apprehensive (scared with a college education) about being in a room with this many females. Granted, he had been to what Emerald and Peridot called "the Magic Gathering" [which was an ironic name because there was no magic at the Gem Dragoness gathering, unless you counted the Elemental Beryls, (more on those later)] and the hallways were just chock full of females. But in the case of the former, even Obsidian was bound to the GDC (Gem Dragoness Code) that stated

Any Gem Dragoness that has been claimed by a fight victor or a Shard Owner, or has claimed a toy, is to ensure that any other Gem Dragoness is that she is his/hers, and he/she is hers. Any creature with more than one Gem Dragoness will leave this duty in the hands of the first Gem Dragoness that he/she claimed/beat.

As for the latter, well, that was brief. 'Nuff said.

Anyhoo, the female students were either curious or suspicious of what a male was doing here. Celestia cleared her throat and said, "Good morning class. This is our new history teacher, Mr-"

"Louis?!" exclaimed Applejack and Rarity.

"Applejack, you know this dude?" asked Thirteen.

"Of course," said Applejack, "he buys apples from mah stand."

"He's also a customer of my parents' boutique," added Rarity.

"Well that's good," said Celestia, "although I ask that you refer to him as 'Mr. Terwilliker' from here on out."

"Yes ma'am," said the two.

"Now, I'm going to get Chrysalis so she can watch you all's progress."

"Why are you getting Chrysalis here?" demanded Nine. "You know my family and I don't trust her."

"Precisely Twilight," Celestia said her name. "You'll make sure that she doesn't...go overboard while she makes sure that none of you will assault Mr. Terwiliker out of misandry." Here she gave Four, Twelve, Fourteen, and Sixteen stern looks. They either looked nervous or defiant. "I'll be right back. You call roll in the meantime." she told Louis.

"Yes ma'am," said Louis. After she left, he went to the desk and studied the list on the clipboard. "Twinkleshine?"

"Here," called One.

"Minuette?"

"Here," called Two.

"Lemon Hearts?"

"Here," called Three.

"Moon Dancer?"

"Here," grumped Four.

"Applejack and Rarity, you have announced yourselves. Fluttershy?" There was a breathing noise from Seven's seat. "Fluttershy?" There was a slightly louder breathing noise, this time with inchorency. Louis had to walk to the second row so he could hear her properly. "Fluttershy?"

"Here," said Seven. She was speaking into a megaphone so her voice was magnified...to a normal volume.

"That's why she's called 'Fluttershy,'" peeped Eight.

Louis looked at her. "You, I take it, are Pinkie Pie?"

"Yep yep," she chirped.

Deciding to deal with her later, Louis proceeded down the list. "Twilight Sparkle?"

"Here," said Twilight, even more grumpier than Moon Dancer.

Louis didn't know what her problem was, but decided that to be another problem for later. "Sunset Shimmer?"

"Here," said Ten.

"Starlight Glimmer?"

"Here," said Eleven.

"Ember?"

"Here," said Twelve in a suspicious voice.

"Rainbow Dash?"

"Dude, if you can't tell which one is me, then you must be colorblind," snarked Thirteen.

"Oh great, the rebel," Louis mentally groaned. Reckoning she'd be trouble, Louis began dreading every class with her. "Gilda?" There was a growl from Fourteen. "I'll take that as a yes, then," he said hastily. "Lyra Heartstrings?"

"Here!" shrieked Fifteen.

Louis was more put off with this, because this wasn't a typical, lustful female...this was a fangirl. He shuddered, then finished roll call. "Bon Bon?"

"Here," said Sixteen with an annoyed look at Lyra.

Now that the roll call was taken care of, Louis had to give them the procedure. "Alright, now here's how things are going to work: we'll be doing the Second World War and possibly the Cold War. That is, if we all cooperate."

"We willing to, sir," said the students, though Gilda and Rainbow Dash's were more insincere.

Louis mentally sighed and said, "Now take out your books and turn to the chapter that starts with the end of the First World War."

"But why teach?" asked Rainbow Dash. "I get that it being called the First World War may have something to do with there being a Second World War, but how could it start there?"

Louis gave her a look. "That is why we are taking this class, Ms. Dash: to learn from our mistakes. That way, if we become world leaders, we won't make the same mistakes. Can you tell me which side of the war Germany was on?"

"The loser's side," she said smugly.

"Correct. Now I'm going to call on one of you at a time and you'll tell me the contents of the Treaty of Versailles that stated what Germany was suppose to do. Ember?"

"Germany had demilitarize the Rhinelands," she said grumpily, to which Louis wondered if dragons respected military power.

"Good. Gilda?"

"They weren't allowed to have an air force," she scowled. Louis didn't have to wonder why, because griffons loved flying.

"Yes. Sunset Shimmer?"

"They had to reduce their military to 100,000," answered Sunset, "kind of pointless for a country, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," agreed Louis, "can you tell me about their finances, Twilight?"

"They had to pay a fine of $800,000,000,000, nearly ruining their economy."

"Yes." Louis noticed a raised hand. "Yes Minuette?"

"Is it true that there was a law that said a British citizen was allowed to walk into Germany, pick out any denizen, and spank the hell out of him or her?"

After a long silence, Louis answered somewhat hesitantly, "No, but that would sum up how the Germans felt about the ordeal. Anyway, now Ms. Dash, can you tell me what side of the First World War Italy was on?"

"The loser's side, duh!" she said smugly.

"Incorrect," said Louis. "I wonder what her grades are. The loser's side they were on was the Second World War. They were on the winner's side in the First One." He drew a map of what the southern bit of Europe looked like in 1918. Then he drew a line around the southern bits of Austria-Hungary. "This is what Italy expected to get out of Austria-Hungary after the Central Powers lost, when in reality," he erased the line until there was enough to make a half circle, "this is what they actually got."

"Now that ain't fair," grumbled Applejack. "The Italians helped them Allied Powers, didn't they? So why should they get the small share of the loser territory?"

"That, Applejack, can be summed up as 'damn politics,'" said Louis.

"Isn't it rather uncouth for a teacher to use profanity?" asked Rarity.

"It is, but knowing Ms. Dash, you aren't in a position to ask, now are you, Ms. Rarity?" That got her. "Now about Japan..."

All in all, it went pretty well. After lecturing the students about Japan's pre-war antics, they then moved on to the agreement between Hitler and Mussolini, as well the appeasement. Here, Louis took out to red apples, one dark, the other with white highlights, put them on the desk, and called up Applejack and Rarity. The latter pointed to the red and white apple and said, "I want that thing."

"Y'all can't have that thing," said Applejack, but Rarity already held said apple, the farm pony sighed, "ok, you can have that thing but no more."

Rarity pointed at the dark red apple and said, "I want that thing."

"And repeat," said Louis. "Thank you girls, you may take your seats." It went on until Louis noticed the time. "Alright all, our time's up, so good bye, look at your books, and see you all tomorrow."

Since no one signed up for second hour history, Louis decided to head over to the teacher's lounge where he was surprised to see Fleetfoot there. When he asked what she was doing there, she said, "There were so few students in the second hour that Spitfire decided to handle it herself."

"Really? I'd have thought that there'd more students for second hour," said Louis.

"Originally, second hour was supposed to be free time, but some teachers, including the vice principal, were opposed to this, so there was a compromise and now, some classes are second while some aren't. It's not really the best system, but it's better than nothing."

Just then, there was a flash of light and Eris appeared, wrapping her arm around Louis and pulling him close to her chest. "Welcome back, Lou! Ida thunk after Cady's little stunt, you'd be hard pressed to come back here."

After praising the fact that Vortech wasn't in his mind, Louis was able to control his urges more, but that didn't stop the temperature from feeling like it was increasing. "Well, no. My housemates got me out that particular jam so we're all good."

"~Oh really?~" purred Eris. "I suppose you three had a good time in the sack."

"This is going to be a long break," thought Louis as Fleetfoot's wings started twitching.

As it turned out, there weren't any students for third hour history either. There were suppose to be a hippogriff, a yak, a changeling, and a dragoness, but they decided to drop out and be with their pony and griffon friends. So Louis called Emerald and she came, picked him up, and was surprisingly mum the whole way to home...then again, so was Louis after being in a building that was full of the opposite sex. When they arrived, she and Peridot had some unexpected news.

"We've been glowing. The gathering is at hand."

Author's Note

Sorry I'm late. Writer's block was a nightmare on Elm Street. But to make up, here's a quote from someone who will be appearing much later.

"AND I'M NOT LISTENING!!!"

Gem Dragoness: The Gathering

Meanwhile

Topaz was a portly orange Gem Dragoness with the build of Victor Buono and E cups covered by a white double breasted jacket and often fought with a ladle; this was because she was a very good cook. She also happened to create ten impish duplicates of different colors, each named for their color, and one of them was hurrying to her right now. "Ma'am! Ma'am!"

Topaz looked up from her cauldron. "What is it, Yellow?"

"We've been picking up duck sightings in the woods faction of the Everfree, ma'am."

Topaz started. "A duck?"

"Right here, ma'am." Yellow held up a photograph and Topaz snatched it out of her grasp.

After studying it, she smirked, "This should be most interesting."

Louis stared nervously. The gatherings were never fun. "Are you sure it means that the gathering of the Gem Dragonesses is approaching? I mean, you two could be breaking out in a rash."

Emerald gave him a look. "Master, you know that whenever Peridot and I glow like this, it means that our kind must meet."

"And since you bested Emerald in combat, you're the new Green Beryl, Boss," added Peridot, "and it is a rule that a Beryl attends the gathering."

"I know," muttered Louis. That was one downside when it came to beating a Gem Dragoness: you had to attend the gatherings she was summoned to. If she was a formal Beryl, you had to sit at the square table.

(I got that from The Sword in the Stone.)

There used to be 4 Beryls: Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, and Obsidian. Then along came Pearl, Topaz, Amethyst, and Amber. They were the head hanchoes, deciding what went on in the tracts of land their kind occupied, and what to do concerning anyone or anything that was reported skulking about.

Louis found out the semi hard way that when you beat or control a Gem Dragoness, you basically have to attend the gatherings; if you beat or control a Beryl, you have to take her place at the table. Louis wasn't looking forward to this, as it meant facing Jasper and Malachite. "Well I'll do it, but I won't like it."

The sisters threw their arms around him. "Thanks Master/Boss!"

"Um," the three turned to see Greta dressed like Julia Roberts from that one movie.

(The name escapes me.)

"I'll just stay here and guard the house?"

The trio looked at each other, then at Greta and said simultaneously, "yes."

The gathering took place in a darker version of the Ponyville Town Hall with a sentry on guard. The three immediately recognized her: Garnet, a deep red Gem Dragoness with an F cup chest, dressed like an 1870s British Navy sharpshooter, armed with a musket and a sheathed rapier tied to her belt. She too was glowing, and noticed Emerald and Peridot. "Hello greens," she said in a slightly condescending tone.

"Garnet," the sisters said, Peridot in a more condescending tone, Emerald in a mixture of sadness and guarded anger. For sometime, Emerald had been looked up to by Garnet for her formidability on the field of battle. After it got around that she was beaten by Louis, Garnet's respect for her had crumbled and a severe dislike for Louis had garnered. The sisters were always cautious when he and she were in close proximity.

"Human," Garnet said in a growling tone.

"Garnet," said he in a wary tone as he rested his hand the machete hilt. Emerald had lent it to him as one rule about the gathering was that every attendee had to bear one, and only one, weapon.

To his surprise, she stepped aside and pushed open the door. "Just be glad that the code prohibits me from beating you to a pulp," she growled, "else I would paint the town red with your blood."

"Garnet!" snapped Emerald. "I know you don't like the fact that he owns me, but that doesn't give you the right to practically threaten him!"

"Au contraire, I definitely have a right," retorted Garnet, "he owns you, but he doesn't own me, so I can make all the threats I like."

Garnet suddenly found Emerald standing right in front of her, cutlass drawn and aimed at Garnet's throat. "You said it yourself: he owns me so the code permits me to retaliate however I want to." Trembling, Garnet backed away and allowed the three inside.

Louis had to go in wearing shaded because every Gem Dragoness was glowing. He saw a glimpse of Jasper in the crowd and prayed she wouldn't notice him...then realized she would regardless because the square table was literally in the middle of the room. Then he saw Malachite looking right at him and she licked her chops in a sultry way. He shuddered, then felt some weight on his arm, courtesy of Peridot. "Don't worry, Boss. She'll think twice about touching you before the night is over."

Louis tried to smile, but the presence of several intimidating ladies made it an utter failure. Still, he had to tarry onward to the square table where the 5 other Beryl's awaited.

Ruby was a dark red dragoness, even darker than Garnet, that was half as tall as Lapis, wore a bright red variant of the Russian Cuirassier uniform from 1812over her B cups, a monocle, and was armed with a six shooter.

Sapphire was a blue dragoness that was about Peridot's size and wore a navy blue variant of the WW1 German 48th infantry musketeer uniform over her C cups with a Picklehaube helmet hanging on her chair and a bayonet at her side.

Pearl was a really tall white dragoness who's size was on par with Malachite's. She wore a wintery white and blue robe over her B cups, wielded a staff that gave her cyrogenic powers, and left her home in the charge of a penguin named Charlatan.

Amethyst was a purple dragoness who had pie eyes and wasn't lean like Malachite and Pearl, but she was skinny nonetheless...and man, did she love purple; her tuxedo tuxedo covering her C cups was purple, her car was purple, even her boomerang cards were purple. She moved her body so fluently that Louis thought she was something out of the 1930s. Heck, one might say that she had the voice of Alaina Bridgewater.

Amber was a yellow dragoness dressed in mustard yellow and black (basically Zhang Jue in the Oversimplified video of the Three Kingdoms War) Chinese robes over her C cups and fought with a Shillelagh. She was often hired by Pinkie Pie to help out with the entertainment bits of parties. She was also known for being the only one of her kind to do magic, albeit stage level, equipped with a wand.

Well, now that most introductions were out of the way, Louis made it to the table and sat in between Sapphire and Pearl; the moment he did, he felt the temperature drop, what with Pearl being an elemental Gem Dragoness.

More on that later.

Likewise, Sapphire forced a smile when he sat down, what with him having defeated a Beryl and her somewhat volatile sister. Ruby's smile was also forced, but since there was someone between her and him, it was a lesser forced smile. Anyway, with that done the meeting began.

Obsidian stood up. "Oyez, oyez. We are gathered here to discuss recent and current events, exchanging of territories, and other news. Who would like to start?"

"I will." This came from Topaz who also rose. "My little minions have sighted a female duck skulking about in the forest."

Obsidian tensed. "What color was she?"

"Green."

"Impossible!"

Topaz snapped her fingers. "Yellow, get over here!" The imp sized duplicate flew over to the jet black dragoness and held up a photo.

Obsidian snatched it from her and studied it intensely...very intensely. "It cannot be!" After some panting, she said forcefully calmly, "well, she can enter the forest...but she can't penetrate the castle."

Ruby cleared her throat nervously. "Um, the forest has its own magic shield that's basically impenetrable. If she can bypass that-"

"You're right!" interrupted a very tense Obsidian. "I'll just increase my security, that's all." She calmed herself for a minute , then her smug attitude returned. "Besides, I have some news myself. It has come to my attention that one of our own has landed a job with ponies."

Louis had seen this coming, but he still felt his face heat up when everyone in the room stared at him. "Uh, yeah I did. It's a paying job, decent, I'm doing my niche..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

A snort came from Pearl. "So, it's finally happened? The ponies have started to expand their friendship to other creatures by opening a school? Bosh!"

Sapphire looked at her, half shocked, half curious. "Are you against the fact that multiple species are attending? Kind of 'hypo-twitical' of you, considering what you did to, um..." The names escaping her, she snapped her fingers in an attempt to do so. "Uh...Iron Ore, Typhoon, and Slophead?"

Louis cleared his throat. "Platinum, Hurricane, and Puddinghead."

Sapphire regarded him with a nervous grin. "Yes, them."

Pearl snorted again. "Please. I only did that because their condescending was getting on my nerves. Besides, I heard that it taught friendship, and that the teacher's were going to be an incurable OCD librarian, an egotistical athlete, a stubborn farmer, a way too hyperactive bakery mare, a snobbish tailer, and a doormat veterinarian. Have I left anyone out?"

Amethyst giggled. "How about a unicorn that was forgiven way too easily for meddling with the space-time continuum? Or a dragoness that can't tell the difference between ponies and dragons?"

"I heard that those two were counselors," coughed Amber.

Louis figured he had better get this conversation ended shortly. "It's actually an academic school, still bent on bringing races together and sharing cultures."

There was something like relief stretching across Pearl's face. "Is it? That's good, it seems like the ponies are learning."

But Amethyst had her doubts. "Oh I don't think so. I hear that ole Chancy tried to stop one of the big cheeses from getting the school formed because it went against the EEA standards. But from where I dangle, that boy was just racist with a few screws loose."

"But he's history now," said Louis, "no one knows where he went after he was forced to step down."

Obsidian and Amethyst grinned wickedly. "I hear that he ran into a certainnnnn tempest," sniggered the former.

"Yeah, and he's getting an idear of how she felt," giggled the latter.

Ruby shifted nervously, but found the courage to speak. "All the same, I'm kind of glad that none of our kind went. We don't exactly have a clear leader." She glanced between Obsidian and Lapis. It should go without saying that both Gem Dragonesses feared each other. Lapis' rifle made her a formidable force to be reckoned with; heck, Obsidian accidentally got on the wrong side of it, and it was revealed that not even she could escape it.

Obsidian, on the other hand, not only had quite the reputation, but had the skills (and aura) to back it up. So naturally, there was some... animosity between the two. Anyway, Ruby continued, "Besides, we're content with our lot. Why would any of us throw in with them?" She looked hastily at Louis, "and that includes you, of course."

Louis shrugged, "I only did it for the money."

There isn't much to say about what went on after that. That's largely to say that everything that did happen was, well, routine. The only exciting thing that happened was Lapis thanking Louis for mentioning Walter Finch which caused Sardonyx to go into a fetal position. Some laughed until Louis stood up and glared at them; one half of the some glared back, the other half looked nervous.

That said, Louis, Emerald, and Peridot left the building, Garnet growled at the human, making the sisters grip their weapons. When they got back to the apartment house, Greta awaited them...trussed up like anyone who touched the piece. Louis immediately clapped his hands and her bonds fell off. "How long have you been like that?"

Greta shook her head. "I don't know. I lost track after my arms felt numb." She placed a talon on her forehead. "Why do you even have that thing?"

"Well for one thing, I can't give it away, because what you went through just proves that I'm pretty much the only one who can wear it," explained Louis while mentally preparing to have a long talk with Vortech, "and for another, it was with me when I arrived here."

Greta huffed. "Just warn me next time you put it down, ok?"

"Fine. Now please don't bug me, the gathering was same old same old, with the same pricks being pricks, and basically routine."

Emerald coughed. "Not exactly Master, Obsidian did look like she was going to make a moat around her castle with how much she was sweating when Topaz mentioned that duck."

Louis thought back to when the duck was first brought up. Now that he thought about it, Obsidian was a little out of character with how she reacted. Emerald opened her muzzle to say something, but felt the prick of her sister's guandao against her neck. "I think Boss wants to lie down. The gathering is really long and he still has his job to do. Right Boss?"

Louis stared, then blinked a few times. "Yes Peridot, I am feeling a little knackered. However, Emerald, I need a few minutes alone, so would you wait out here with your sister?" Emerald nodded, struggling to form coherent words with a blade on her throat. "Let her go Peridot."

"Sure thing Boss." Peridot obliged and Louis headed into his room. Once the door snapped shut, the sisters rounded on Greta, grinning almost identically. "Now tell us," started Peridot.

"What was it like with him last night?" finished Emerald.

Greta could only groan at the question.

Author's Note

The inspiration for Pearl's outfit.

The inspiration for Amethyst's outfit.

Conspiracy a brewin'

Louis rubbed his head after putting the piece in the side pocket of the car door. It was a testament of how put out he was that he and Emerald didn't exchange one word on the way to the school. He had just spent nearly the entire morning arguing with Vortech over not releasing Greta while the others were at the Gathering. Louis tried hard, but Vortech had this to say:

"You were the one who left me out in the open! And I don't recall you naming any rooms that she was prohibited to enter...even though your house is so small that the list wouldn't be..."

Louis couldn't think of a retort, so he simply removed the piece. It felt like seconds later when Emerald announced, "Master we're here."

"Hmm? Oh thanks Emerald. I'll be off then."

Emerald looked concerned. "Are you sure you about this, Master? I mean, you don't look like you could stand up without falling flat five seconds later."

"I know Emerald. But I need this job, and we can't afford any sick days at this point." His argument with Vortech did a number on him.

The concerned look on Emeralds face didn't fade. "Alright, but I don't like it."

Nonetheless, Louis got out and walked in.

After first hour, Louis was always nervous because, despite first hour having the likes of Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and Ember, second hour students were shadier and ruder looking.

The first student, starting the first row, was a light amberish gray Pegasus with gamboge eyes, a mane and tail that was a mixture of dark cornflower blue and moderate cerulean with artic blue streaks, and yellow lightning bolt earrings.

The second student was a pale amaranth unicorn with light amber eyes, and a light pistachio mane and tail with light lime green streaks, and was bobbing her head to a song on her headphones.

The third student was a pale grayish gold earth pony with indigo eyes, a moderate rose mane with light grayish aquamarine streaks tied in a ponytail by a black band with three red cherries, and a tail matching the mane.

The fourth student ending the first row was a light turquoise unicorn with cerise eyes and a cropped, grayish mulberry mane and tail with light raspberry streaks.

The fifth student starting the second row was a light phthalo unicorn with grayish orchid eyes with burnt orange glasses and a really light opalish gray with light artic blue streaks mane and tail that even when pigtailed didn't do a thing for it. (Insert Fozzie Bear laugh.) She had her nose stuck up so high that when she lowered her head, she'd look like Spoiled Rich.

The sixth student was a...pale apple green...humanoid with raspberry eyes and a mane bushier than Hermione's when she tried (and failed) to make the Draught of Living Death that was futilely restrained by a black headband with moderate gamboge spikes. She had a bored look on her face.

The seventh student was a light fuchsia...humanoid with mulberry eyes and a purple mane with aquamarine streaks tied in two pigtails. She had an equally bored look on her face.

The eighth student to end the second row was an artic blue-white...humanoid with raspberry eyes and a light artic blue mane with Persian blue stripes tied in a ponytail. She had a dreamy look about her.

The ninth student starting the third row was a dark orchid unicorn with opal eyes and a rose mane with lighter edges that looked as though it were combed back too many times. She had a scar on her right eye that was half blind and she had cold look on her face.

The tenth student was a light turquoise Pegasus with gamboge eyes and an amber and gold mane and tail with a medal shaped like a white lightning bolt surrounded by three yelled stars pinned to her uniform. She looked cocky, like she could pass this class before midterm.

The eleventh student was a very pale orchid earth pony with grayish brown eyes and a grayish violet mane with a yellow headband and grayish violet tail.

The twelfth student to end the third row was a light blue Pegasus with brown eyes and an orange mane and tail. She was the shiftiest looking of the bunch.

The thirteenth student to start the fourth and final row was a light grayish olive earth pony with azure eyes and a cerulean mane and tail with artic blue streaks that were in pigtails.

The fourteenth, fifteenth, and sixteenth students to end the fourth and final row were a trio of unicorns: one gold with a frizzy, afro, gamboge mane and eyes, an azure one salmon eyes with a cerulean mane and tail, and a red one with yellow eyes and a light gray mane and tail.

Now that the descriptions were out of the way, Louis called roll. "Indigo Zap?"

"Here."

"Lemon Zest?" Silence. "Lemon Zest?" Still no response. She was still in the zone. Louis was considering going to her and confiscating the headphones when Indigo Zap beat him to it.

Lemon Zest glared at Indigo Zap. "Hey! I was going to miss the brainstem!" Indigo Zap just pointed at Louis. Lemon Zest turned to him and blushed (whether out of embarrassment or infatuation, Louis didn't know.) "Here."

Louis just shook his head and proceeded. "Sour Sweet?"

"Here, what's it to you?" Sour Sweet called in a sweet voice that turned sour.

Louis couldn't hold back a shudder, his futile resistance earning him several snickers. But he plowed on. "Sunny Flare?"

"Here."

"Sugarcoat?"

Five pulled her nose out of her arse (figuratively speaking) and said in monotone, "Here."

"Adagio Dazzle?"

Six let out a moan, "Here."

Louis gave her a look. She simply looked back with half lidded eyes. Seven letting out a snort brought him home. "Aria Blaze?"

"Here," she grumped.

"Sonata Dusk?" Nothing. "Sonata Dusk?" Louis increased his tone when she continued to bask in her own little world.

"SONATA!" Adagio and Aria yelled. "TACOS!" Sonata yelped and nearly jumped out of her seat. After glancing around, she grinned sheepishly. "Here."

Louis just gave her a reassuring, smiling nod. "Tempest Shadow?" Nine just growled at him, prompting a more nervous response from him. "Fizzlepop Berrytwist?" This just made her growl louder, making Louis think he was about to wet himself. "I'll just put you down, shall I?" Missing her brief glance at his pants, Louis moved onto Ten. "Suri Polomare?"

"I'm here, Professor," said she in a flirtatious voice that couldn't hold q candle to Adagio's.

Louis just rolled his eyes and moved on. "Lightning Dust?"

"Try me, ma'am." Lightning Dust snarked.

"But we haven't even started yet." Louis didn't even bother to correct her on gender. This was an all girls school after all.

Lightning Dust had the guts to look embarrassed, and knowing her, that was saying something.

Moving right along, Louis called out, "Rose Thorn? Assuming you haven't swiped anything off my desk."

"Right here, teach," responded the shifty looking Pegasus.

Thankfully nothing was missing, so on with the roll. "Juniper Montage?"

"Ack shin!" she yelled, prompting several amused reactions from the students.

Louis himself had been trying to stifle nostalgic flashbacks of Boris Badenov in a Mr. Know-It-All segment. Then he called out the last three students and they responded in monotone delivery as such. "Goldcap?"

"Hoo ray."

"Decepticolt?"

"Nice nice."

"Zappityhoof?"

"Ya boo." Apart from Louis having to stifle saying Philips a German and he have my pen..., that was that.

"Alright class, if you would take out your textbooks and turn to the section on the Roaring 20s." (Second hour had a habit of lagging behind first hour. Both were supposed to be in WW2 and what followed, but second hour was somehow in WW1. Must've been a miscommunication or something.) Well anyway, things were surprisingly well for second hour until they reached the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. "Now, can any of you describe what happened then?"

"The Mafia gathered in one place to exchange tacos?" asked Sonata.

Louis was still getting used to Sonata's taco fetish. "No," he drew the word out as if to ponder what went on in her head. "Adagio?"

"One guy took out the entire mob and made the streets of Southside Chicago run red with their blood?"

"No." This "no" was drawn out longer, with Louis fearing for his life...not for the first time either. "Tempest Shadow?"

"One of the gunmen betrayed his outfit due to some abandonment by said outfit?"

Louis couldn't blame Tempest for thinking that; she had gone through something similar when her horn had broke and had joined a gang called the Storm Bikers, led by a simian like creature called the Storm King. Not that the faculty knew this, at least no one other than Louis...at least Louis thought he was the only staff member who knew.

Moving right along, Louis decided to lay it out for them. "Al Capone was big in the rackets, having killed his own mentor to get where he is...was. Now as we know, the Chicago underworld was divided in two gangs: the Northside and the Southside. Capone became head of the Southside gang while rival gangster Adelard Cunin, AKA Bugs Moran, was head of the Northside gang."

"Cumin? Did he also make tacos?" Three guesses who asked that and the first two don't count.

Louis face palmed and he wasn't the only one. "Sonata," growled Adagio, "if you don't cease your obsession with tacos..."

Louis didn't miss the role of duct tape in her hand. "Adagio! If you use that on her, it will be detention for you!"

Adagio stared at him in shock, after all a male standing up to her was rare. But the shock wore off when she unbuttoned the top of her uniform and half closed her eyes. "Does that mean you'll be in charge of it?"

Louis found out it wasn't easy to face palm and tug at your collar at the same time.

"Finally!" Louis huffed after he flopped down onto the couch in the teacher lounge. The second hour students were always a surely bunch. But today was the first time they--mainly Adagio--put on the "moves," and class ended with him feeling very hot. So, for some odd reason, he put on his necklace after he sat down.

"Well, Casanova can handle a voice in his head, but not one woman?"

"For your information, all I have to do with you is put the communication device in my pocket. I can't do that with women."

No, but you can put them in your pants."

"If you make another lecherous insinuation like that again-"

"Look! The Changeling is heading this way! Let me speak with her!"

"Is that even possible?"

But before Vortech could respond, Chrysalis slunk over to the couch and took a seat. "Well history boy, how was your class?" She asked, leaning a little too close to him.

"Not too bad. First hour whizzed right through. Second hour made a slight improvement, but still left a lot to be desired." There was a bit of a nervous edge in Louis' voice as he leaned away from Chrysalis.

"Mmm hmm. You know, I could lend you some," here her voice softened to an eerily calm tone, "assistance."

Louis tugged at his collar again

(You know, I might make a drinking game out of how many times he does that.)

and, remembering what happened the first time they met, said, "Hey, remember when you got tangled up after touching my piece?"

Chrysalis sat up and away from him, her voice raising to a normal, hesitant tone. "Yes?"

"Well, I was thinking of letting you hold it. You know, like a little truce." To prove it, he held up said piece.

Chrysalis pondered his words, then hesitantly reached for it. "Here." Louis got up, went behind her, and wrapped the string around her neck. She let out a quiet moan at the thought of a male putting jewelry on her...or something close to jewelry.

Louis sat back down again and watched as her face changed from sensually content to mildly apprehensive to interest to pondering to a malicious smirk to stubborn, childlike greed before there was a flash of light and Chrysalis was once again in the immobilizing rope gag.

Louis picked up the piece and wrapped the string around his neck. "Dare I ask why you did that?"

"Just to give her a slight taste of what is to come should she cross me."

Before Louis could ask what he meant, he and Chrysalis' struggling were interrupted by a smug giggle. Cadance had arrived and was standing in the doorway, watching her rival fall to the floor, due to the top-heaviness of her arms being forced over her head, and flopping around, trying to get up on her hooves. "Not only did you not learn your lesson on not taking things that aren't yours, but you had to learn it again with the same item?" She shook her head. "Sad yet shameful."

Louis, probably just to spite her, pulled on a rope and released the assistant dean, causing Cadance to pout. "Now why did you do that? I like her better when she's muzzled; she can't talk properly."

Chrysalis took back her spot next to Louis, nuzzling him before retorting, "Funny, I could say same thing about you...but I won't and instead say I liked Gleaming Shield like that after my brief 'tenure' as you."

Cadance's reaction was to stare at here in irate shock, then grit her teeth and power up her horn. Now Louis' mother had warned him about getting in the middle of a fight between women, saying that he would be scratched in the crossfire, but he instinctively got up and flicked the dean's horn; her magic aura vanished as she blushed and let out a startled "oh." Her embarrassed shade of red went into an angry one and her horn lit up with a vengeance. "You typical little-"

"Hey!" Chrysalis was on her hooves in an instant and clapped her own glowing horn against Cadance's. "So he flicked your horn! Big whoop! You never heard me whinge about it!"

"Oh don't flatter yourself!" Cadance retorted, "You'd flirt with every male staff and student member if this school was bi gender, maybe even sleep with a few of them!"

"Oh please! Like the self proclaimed 'Princess of Love' hasn't gotten any rumors that she magically solved any doubts her significant other had about their relationship! How else was I able to trick her into thinking I was you?!"

Cadance went redder still and pushed her horn forward. "And I suppose the 'LoneQueen of the succubi' was so 'successful' that her subjects up and left her after her 'well-planned' invasion!" Chrysalis just snarled and ignited her own magic.

"Should I do something?" Louis had placed the piece's string around his neck.

"Didn't your mother warn you not to get involved with these kinds of things?"

"Well yeah, but I'm not overly fond of the fact that, technically, they're fighting about me."

"If it consoles you much, here comes someone who can help cease this cat fight."

"Who are you...?"

Suddenly, the door flew open and wave of magic aura shot out towards the two women and pinned them to the wall. They struggled until they saw Celestia standing in the doorway, her horn all lit up, with an irate expression on her face. "So," she growled, "I leave you two alone for more than five minutes, which must be a personal best for the both of you." She displayed a sarcastic grin. Cadance and Chrysalis opted to try to speak up, but Celestia just casted muzzled their... muzzles. "Do not speak until I've had my say. Now I'd like for just one day, just one, where nobody had to put up with your ridiculous feud. Between this and my sister's misandry, you're making a bad business about the place. "Now I know that..."

"She sure knows how to break up a fight, doesn't she?" Louis jumped and whirled around to see Eris standing right next to him, grinning as usual. "The best part is when Sunbutt forces them apart like this. It's especially humorous when she inadvertently blasts their clothes off."

It was then Louis noticed that the assistant dean's clothes were off completely, save for pitch black bra and underwear. He could feel the heat come back to his face with a vengeance. "All we need now is some time alone in a secret, safe place."

"Shut up Vortech. How often does this happen?" He asked Eris.

The chaos goddess snorted. "More than you think it does. Anyway, the gags are dissolving, so I think we better pay attention." Louis turned his head to the sight and sure enough, Cadance and Chrysalis were on their...hooves and shaking hands almost as quickly as Sirius Black and Severus Snape. Celestia just sighed resignedly and faced Louis with a small smile.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Mr. Terwilliker, but those two argue so much, you'd think they'd pencil it in their schedule books." Eris chortled at the joke, but Louis, who was trying hard to avoid looking at the near naked Chrysalis, forced a laugh. Celestia noticed this, however, and zapped Chrysalis away. "I believe Cadance has something to say to you."

The dean studied the floor, then looked at Louis in half remorse, half embarrassment. "I'm sorry for what I put you through the other day. It's just that Everfree Row has a rather unsavory reputation and I had a little spat with Chrysalis following the tour we gave you."

"From what I heard, that's a daily occurrence for the both of you," snarked Louis, "I'm surprised neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other."

"Ooh! Burn!" Eris remarked as she failed to contain her amusement at the two quarrelers' looks combining embarrassment, mild anger, and shock at Louis' statement.

"That said, if Obsidian did anything atrocious, I wouldn't even be inclined to forgive you. But she was actually pretty nice, so I forgive you wholly. Not like I have much of a choice, though..."

Celestia heard that last part, but decided not to dwell on it when she heard a certain name. "Obsidian?" She shot her niece an incredulous look. "You sent your spouse to Obsidian poorly armed, expecting them to get in and out just like that?"

Cadance blushed. "I just thought that he was living at her place when he mentioned that he was living there."

"Yes, but that doesn't explain, let alone excuse, the fact that you sent one unicorn, one, to the home of one of the fiercest and deadliest war mongers in the history of...ever!"

Cadance's blush deepened. "I panicked, ok!? It's not like I acted on impulse because I had a bad experience with somepony from there!" She directed a glare at Chrysalis when she said that.

Said changeling just made a non-committal shrug. "You grow up in a specific neighborhood, you end peddling whatever rubbish they shove down your throat, one way or another." She flounced over to Louis, threw her arms (forelegs?) around him, and rested her head on his shoulder, making sure not to impale him with her horn, purring, "Sometimes, a little company does wonders."

Louis tried very hard to not make a tent in his trousers at the feeling of his arm squished against her cleavage. Vortech didn't help matters. "Boy, are we going to have fun tonight."

"Vortech," Louis strained to tell him, "we are not inviting her to my house."

"That's what you think."

Before Louis could contemplate what he meant, Chrysalis whispered into his ear, "I'll be seeing more of you soon. You can be sure of that." Louis decided not to say anything.

After Cadance and Chrysalis left the lounge, Louis had a conversation with Celestia about the second hour class. She was empathetic to his plight, telling him that he wasn't exactly the first teacher to handle those students, and issue an ultimatum when they misbehaved...yeah, "when," not "if." They're that bad.

Anyway, when Emerald picked him up, Louis said nothing, due to wondering what the heck Vortech had meant earlier. Oh sure, he did tell Emerald how his day went but to her, it wasn't anything new. When they got home, Emerald went out to the mailbox only to find nothing except a party invite, complete with confetti in her face. When she re-enter the house, she was met with the tip of a longsword at her throat, and let out a strangled gasp when she saw who its owner was. "Obsidian!"

The pitch black dragoness smirked in response. "That's my name, don't wear it out."

"Wha...what...why are you-"

"Here? My Lady has some...business to discuss with your Master." If it was possible, Emerald's blood ran even colder than it already was. Just then, there was a flash of sickly green light, and Peridot and Greta appeared, both individually mummified from their feet to their necks in a strange, gooey substance, with the same substance wrapped around their mouths. Peridot was struggling like mad, but when she saw Obsidian, she immediately froze and her pupils shrank. Obsidian grinned at the sight and impaled her longsword in the floor, right in between Emerald's feet, causing the dark green dragoness to help in fright, and loomed over the two captives. "Well well well. What have we here? A griffin? Mr. Terwilliker knows how to pick the rabble." She brought her face up into Greta's. "Doesn't he?"

Meanwhile, Louis was heading up the stairs to his room, unaware of what had transpired downstairs. "Peridot! We're back!" He heard nothing at first, but when he called out again, he could distinctly hear muffled grunting Christmas coming from the spare room. Sighing, he entered the room. "What have you done this...time?" It was then he found out why there were muffled grunts. Peridot and Greta were on the bed, trussed up in the same way Emerald found them (or would find them...whatever.) Chrysalis was there as well, sitting on a rocking chair adjacent to them with a small smile on her muzzle.

"Welcome home, history boy. Glad you could make it because we have business to discuss. It's supposed to be private so excuse me whilst I remove any uninvited ears." A fire of magic from her horn and the two captives were teleported to downstairs.

Louis raised a cautious eyebrow. "What sort of business?"

"Your boss said that you needed help as acquiring something."

"He's not my boss," protested Louis, "but he's after a ring. A special ring that can turn its wearer invisible, is so fire resistant that not even the fire of a dragon can so much as heat it, yet it exposed the markings of a dark language on it. The problem? This particular ring is in the stronghold of Obsidian, and given her reputation as a warmonger, there's no way that-"

Thump!

Louis stared in disbelief as Chrysalis dropped a pitch black gemstone onto the floor. "Obs...obsi...obis..."

"That's right,"giggled Chrysalis, "I found it completely by accident, but I know of the connection these stones have, so I did the little ritual, and voila! Incidentally, when I teleported those two away, it was meant to be a signal for her to come up. She should be entering right about..."

She was interrupted by the door opening and Obsidian marching in with a hogtied Emerald slung over her shoulder and the One Ring in one hand that wasn't keeping Emerald in place. She plopped Emerald onto the bed and held up the One Ring in front of a stunned Louis. "I believe you were wanting this."

Louis didn't know what to say at first. Then, deciding that he really didn't have anything to lose, he fished the LEGO piece out of his pocket and slid it through the Ring. Seconds later, there was a loud bang, and everyone was thrown backwards as the piece launched itself out of Louis' hand and into a wall. Upon making an impact, everything went black. As the light returned, they could hear laughing. "It's gOoD tO bE bAcK!"

Louis couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Author's Note

It is good to be back. Sorry for the delay. I had other projects on other sites to work on. But I will spoil that next chapter will see Vortech reunited with one of his old mates.