Applejack's Parents Return...and they're PIRATES!

by HiddenMac

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2590

Yar! One salty lass must choose a proper course for dealing with her seafaring parents! They be mighty pirates and want not their company she does. A buccaneer tale this shall be, says I!

AVAST, YE SCALLYWAG!

Put down yer grog 'n listen to me tale of seafaring buccaneers and what be their home port! Their daughter be an ornery lass and welcome not the scurvy bilge rats to their proper quarters. Will me hearties prove shipshape or will the land lubber give 'em the ol' heave ho?

Published 2016-09-19 11:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-19 11:50:01 UTC

Prologue: Foul Voice on the Wind

"YEEEEE-HAW!"

What a glorious day for Apple-bucking! Celestia's Sun has started its slow ascent, the air is crisp but not cold, and acres of Apple trees are overloaded with ripe, juicy apples just begging to be harvested. Today is a day where one would be glad to be alive, and even happier to be an apple farmer!

Applejack sprinted past her brother, who lagged behind pulling the cart from out of the barn. Her exuberance proved infectious as Big Mac smiled to see his little sister so happy. Almost forgotten were the days when she decided to abandon the farm to live with high class relatives in Manehatten, now she could think of no greater purpose than to harvest those delicious apples with her loving family. A glorious day, plenty of apples, and her loving family; life could not get any better than this.

Well, almost her entire family...

"C'mon, Big Mac! This ain't no time fer goldbricking!" she playfully teased. "Hurry up 'n get a move on! We got tons of apples to harvest and only a short tahm to do it!"

"Eeyup!" her elder brother replied with his normal response.

With no patience to wait for the cart, Applejack sprinted ahead and rushed to the first tree. She faced away and lined up her aim...THWACK! Dozens of apples fall all around her to the ground. With unrestrained enthusiasm, she dashed toward the next tree...THWACK! Dozens more apples fall to the ground waiting to be retrieved. She looked forward to applebucking all year that when the time finally had arrived, she lost herself in the bucking and completely forgot about the retrieving. Apples littered the ground from every tree she kicked waiting for Mac to follow behind and clean up her mess. He'd hoped to get some kicks in too, but with his sister's over eagerness, he got stuck with the clean-up. At least place the baskets before you buck! he cursed under his breath.

After a few rows, Applejack realized she'd forgotten to place the baskets and went back to get some (and taunt her sibling for having such a slow pace). Finally, she started bucking properly, which slowed her pace some, but still not as much as her brother who also had to tow the cart.

After a few hours and many rows harvested, she decided it was time for a respite. She sat down and leaned up against a tree at the end of the row which overlooked the path to the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres. Tilting her hat over her eyes, she kicked back and proceeded to take a well-deserved power nap in the late morning sun. She couldn't remember a time when she was so happy; she has friends, family, adventures, and best of all, she harvests faster than her elder brother. Life is good.

"Sing of plunder, start the attack;

We fight and sail with the wind at our back!"

Applejack's ear perked up. Did she just hear...singing? She lifted her hat just enough to peek a single eye out to find the source of the music.

"Sing of plunder, start the attack;

We fight and sail with the wind at our back!"

She thought she recognized the tune; as if she heard it when she was really young. Immediately, she had an assumption, though hoped it were not true. She jumped up from her nap and stood over the small embankment, looking down on the path to the farm as the singing voices grew louder.

"Sing of plunder, start the attack;

We fight and sail with the wind at our back!"

It's true! The day she long dreaded has finally arrived! Her perfect day had just turned into the perfect storm. Right at the beginning of Applebucking season, she would now have to deal with this problem; a problem in which she really did not have any plan or idea on how to solve. First things first: she'd have to call her brother; this involved him too. In fact, it involves the whole Apple Clan and, by extension, all of Ponyville.

"MAAAAAAC! MAC! GET OVER HERE!" she screamed.

Immediately the red stallion appeared from behind her as she kept her gaze on the problem approaching just over the ridge. Big Mac left the cart, though he was still winded from the morning's work and sprinting to help his flustered sister. He huffed as to acknowledge and question why he was so hastily summoned.

"Go get Apple Bloom..." Applejack quietly spoke, still in disbelief this day had finally come. She then turned around to her brother and started giving orders. "Go get her an' skedaddle! Take her to stay at Sweetie Belle's fer a h'wile! Prob'ly best if'n you make yerself scarce too!"

Big Mac stared back confused and disbelievingly. He wouldn't be so bold as to say she looked scared, but she sure did look...concerned. His gaze asked his sister to elaborate and why he must suddenly pick up stakes and flee with Apple Bloom.

Applejack continued with her explanation: "the greatest evil we've ever known is about to return and I don't want her here while I have to deal it. This is a fight Ah don't know if I can win, but Ah'll certainly go down fightin' every step of the way!"

She turned back around at sneered at this malevolence, which now sang and grew louder with every step closer to Sweet Apple Acres.

"Our parents have returned..."

Yo-Ho!

Mac did as he was told and escaped with Apple Bloom before their parents had arrived. For good measure, he took Granny Smith with him to save her from the turmoil of reuniting with her rebellious offspring. This left just Applejack alone to deal with her difficult and heavy burden.

She now stood in front of the farmhouse, waiting for the inevitable arrival of these vile buccaneers. They seemed to have abandoned her at a young age and so much has happened while they've been away. She grew up, got her cutie mark, took control of the farm, and became close friends with the Princesses while saving Equestria countless times. How could they just leave and miss out on all that? Now, she will finally have the chance to confront them and show them everything they've been missing!

As the distant singing grew louder, she first noticed the top of a mast flying a pirate flag. It was a black flag with a red apple at its center. The apple itself covered two crossbones commonly used with pirate flags identifying its crew as privateers. The flag flew higher and mast grew in elevation as their vessel appeared from over the hill. It kept on growing until it revealed... a ship?

Normally, folks would come to Sweet Apple Acres by way of Ponyville. However, with portaging a ship the crew took the back way around to approach from the other direction. Still, it's a wonder nopony saw this large ship on a massive, wheeled cart as it traveled across Equestria. In the distance, Applejack started to make out the shapes of the crew, with her large father standing defiantly at the bow. Numerous voices still singing their shanty hinted at a number of crew still working as the ship "sailed" toward her. However, she couldn't find any sign of her mother.

The ship grew larger and the singing louder.

"Halt!" Applejack yelled. "That's far enough!"

The ship didn't slow. Her father just stared stoically as it recklessly approached.

"AH SAID STOP!" she commanded again to no effect.

The ship barreling down on her, she jumped back in a futile attempt to save the farmhouse. The ship kicked up a large cloud of dust, blinding her as she waited for the inevitable crash. When the dust cleared, she found herself face to face with the wooden carving decorating the bow. The wooden mare raised a sword as it appeared to grin with an wink and a battle-cry. Applejack exhaled, realizing the ship came to a sudden stop.

"Could you have cut it any closer?" she sarcastically commented on the dramatic entrance.

A rope fell beside her, followed by the loud and sudden thump of mighty hooves hammering the ground. The large stallion slowly turned around to face her when Applejack identified him as her father. He had Big Mac's large, muscular frame, though he stood just a bit shorter with a slight hunch and limp signifying years of farm work followed by the hard labor of sailing the open seas. Other than that, he was the spitting image of her elder brother but for a few wrinkles and a long, salt-and-peppered beard. He wore a large coat, perfect for concealing weaponry, and a beaten tricorne hat.

"Whar be me Applejack?!" he gave a mighty bellow as he looked straight at his daughter.

"Uh..." she waved in confusion. "Right here...?"

"No, no!" he scoffed. "Whar be ME Applejack?!"

Applejack stood, bewildered at his odd request.

"GET DOWN 'ERE AND FIND ME BOOTY!" he roared back up to the ship. Immediately, two more crew-mates landed and searched around. The female searched through the shrubs while the male staggered from tree to tree, knocking to hear for a hollow sound.

After a few trees, the male called back, "Ahoy, here be yer hidden stash!"

Applejack's father trotted over, felt for a weakness, and smashed through the soft trunk, revealing a hidden chamber filled with bottles. He took three out and passed two to his mates. Opening, the bottle, he enjoyed the sweet nectar of his favorite drink before finally turning his attention back to his daughter.

"YARR! A drink so fine Ah named me first daughter after it!" He savored the distinct flavor as the ship backed away. It slowly turned about and rolled from the farmhouse, carrying the rest of the crew to their homes for shore leave. As it exited the property, the ship disappeared from a concealment spell cast from the unicorn members of the crew, revealing how the ship could travel across Equestria unnoticed.

The farm pony turned her attention back to her father. "Well," Applejack retorted, "nice to see where yer priorities lie..."

The large stallion turned, insulted but still wounded from the venom his offspring just spat. "You wound me, lass! Is that anyway to greet yer dear father? Or your Aunt and Uncle?"

"Aunt and Uncle?" she looked toward the other two, finally identifying them. "Right... Braeburn's parents. He's not too pleased with you abandoning him neither! Y'all got some nerve; stealin' our youth from us! And yer not settin' hoof inside MAH house!"

"Abandon?!" her Aunt exclaimed. "Abandoned in order to care-take! Steal in order to give! Saints, Ah say we devils are!" Her contradictions and erratic mannerisms conveyed a sense of peculiarity. Was she speaking in riddles or had she truly gone insane? Her mane hung in dirty locks, indicating it hadn't been properly kept for some time. Her eyes squinted, hinting at her role as Sailing Master, pouring over countless maps to navigate the optimal course. Perhaps the endless reading takes a toll on her psyche as it often does when Twilight shuts herself away to read.

"Why..." her uncle chimed in, "...that makes me so mad! Ah feel like Ah'm gonna blow mah top!" Her Uncle was quick to anger; his fiery temper mirroring his role as Master Gunner. It was his duty to inspect the powder and weaponry while keeping the enemy at bay. His devotion to his duty was evident on his coat as patches of hair were singed off his body from recent mishaps. A large, handlebar mustache grew uneven as an accident claimed some hair from one side.

"STAND DOWN, SAILOR!" her father shouted. "She may seem an ungrateful fishwife, but that still be me daughter!"

The subordinate backed down, deferring to the Quarter Master. As such, it was clear Applejack's Father was in charge of the lot; all but one. Applejack looked around, but found no sight of her mother. She wondered why she wasn't here? Did something happen? Was her family beneath her? Curious, she asked her father.

"Say, uh," she asked quietly. "Where's Mom?"

Calmly, her father turned to answer. "The Cap'n will show 'erself when she deems fit." He turned back hoping to diffuse the sudden tension of this unannounced homecoming. "Now then, we're home, me mateys! This calls fer a celebration! And you know what that means!"

"Oh, no..." Applejack quietly feared, remembering horrible moments from the distant past. The ponies bobbed up and down, side-to-side as the music started to play. Not only were they pirates, they were the worst, most feared pirates of all: Singing Pirates!

"Ohhhhh...." her father started in tune.

Cast off! Set sail! Over the Sea!
Fearsome, Singing Pirates we be!
A ship, some wind, and crew for me!
'Tis what it's meant to be totally free!

"Please...No..." Applejack asked. Her Aunt started in the next verse.

We seek yer treasure; steal it we might,
surrender or prepare to fight!
We'll take it from you 'n sail away,
that's a pirate's glorious day!

"That's enough!" Applejack insisted as her uncle sang verse three.

The battle won, we sail with glee,
a tribute to our victory!
But better than a life on the roam
is sailing to make it back to our home!

"Sweet Celestia! Please, make it stop!" AJ begged. All three joined in the last verse.

But now we're here, though not allowed in,
anger for what? Our perceived sin?
Our leave is short; a few days or so,
then back to sail the seas we go!

"Alright! Alright! Fine!" Applejack stamped her hoof to concede to the intruders. "You can stay! JUST. STOP. SINGING!"

"AYE!" an authoritative voice boomed from above, ending the song.

Applejack jerked up to find the source of this new command. On top of the house stood her mother, the Captain of this crew of pirates. She leaped from the roof and somersaulted off the wall about halfway down the two-story house until landing perfectly behind her daughter. Applejack was known for her acrobats and athleticism, but this even impressed her. The mare looked AJ in the eyes, gave a slight smirk, then made her way into the farmhouse, opening the locked door as if it hadn't been.

"Uh...how long has she been there?" Applejack nervously asked.

"Only she can know fer certain," her father replied, resting a hoof on her shoulder. "Last Ah saw she rowed ashore b'fore we even set hoof on land; said she'd reconnoiter an' make our course safe 'n true." With his daughter still alarmed and focused on the farmhouse, Applejack's father stepped in, hugging her as a father would. "It IS good to see you, my Applejack."

She couldn't help but return the hug, for while he was a no good pirate, he was still her father.

After a brief moment, he broke the embrace, picked up his bottle, and followed the rest into the farmhouse. "And of course, it is good to see YOU, me Applejack!" he cheered toward his bottle.

Applejack (the pony) stood staring into her home...or perhaps it wasn't her home anymore now that her parents had returned, if only for a short while. She had been determined to desist them from coming back, only to be bested by a song. Her anger returned as she vowed next time she wouldn't concede so easily.

"Don't get too comfortable; tomorrow Ah'm puttin' you ne'er-do-wells to work!"