My Little Insert: Bronies are Equestrian (VERY Cancelled)

by TG divet3

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Random, Human, Romance
Length: 9308

What happens when you and your friends get shot by a fictional gun?

Hi, I'm Dash, or divet3. When me and my friend's dashboard got spammed by a certain tumblr post, we clicked on the picture and nothing really happened. Or so we thought. So what happens when two artists, a fan fiction writer, a musical brony, and a tumblrpony are shot into Equestria by a DG-2 Wunderwaffe? This will answer that question. Join us as we participate in various misadventures through the lands of Equestria!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-01 07:10:02 UTC

The Internet Is Full Of Lies. Not This Time.

It was the normal night for me. In a Skype call with my (online) friends Matt, Tarby, Mocha, Mike, and Amanda, just talking about whatever came to mind. I was trying to find something on the internet to keep me occupied, Amanda was working on commissions for her tumblr, Mocha was still trying to perfect his humanized pony drawings, Mike was browsing tumblr, Tarby was making all of us feel uncomfortable, and Matt…well, we don’t know what he usually does, so we’ll just assume he was doing nothing except talking to us.

“Ugh, this dashboard spam!” Mike complained. “Lay off it!”

“What’s spamming your dash now?” I asked, having not visited tumblr for about an hour or so.

“It’s a picture that says ‘reblog if you wish you could live in Equestria’.”

“Well don’t we all?” Matt said matter-of-a-factly, clearly bored.

“Well I DO, but the amount of times this has shown up is annoying!”

“I’m going to reblog it” I said, putting a little bit of troll in my voice.

“Are you f-“ Matt said, but was quickly cut off by me. “Dude, I just clicked the picture and it just said ‘see you soon’.”

“What?” Mocha said, clearly not having tried clicking on the picture. “Huh, it does.”

“That’s kind of weird.” Matt and Mike said at the same time.

“I already clicked on it. No one’s said anything, so I guess we’re the only ones who really tried” Amanda pointed out, obviously having finished a commission and taking a break.

‘You guys are idiots. That’s probably a virus.’ Tarby said in the chat. Tarby doesn’t have a microphone, so he can’t actually voice chat.

“Well, I’m going to go to bed.  It’s kinda late” I stated, looking at the clock which read 3:35.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go get some sleep too.” Mocha said.

We all agreed that we were going to bed, and we’d put another call on at 4:00 tomorrow. I disconnected the call and shut the screen on my laptop. As I got up to get ready for bed, there was a knock at the door of my hotel room. “Who is it?” I inquired.

“Housekeeping!” Responded the Latino voice from the other side.

“It’s 3:30 in the morning! Why the hell are you going around for housekeeping?!” I yelled at the door, not waiting for a response. I turned around to see Lauren Faust herself standing in my room. “How…what…you…Lauren Faust?!” I sputtered. Before I could say anything else, she pulled out what looked like a Wunderwaffe and pulled the trigger. Visible bolts of electricity shot out and slammed into my chest like seven doctors had shocked me with defibrillators. Then everything was black.

“Hey! Hey, wake up! Amanda, are you sure he’s okay?”

“He should be.”

“Dude, WAKE UP!”

I shot upright, suddenly feeling enough energy to power an entire house for a month. I felt really warm. The sun was shining and my body soaked it in like a sponge.

“Dash! You’re awake!”

Dash? Only the people I talk to on Skype and the podcast watchers know me as Dash! I groggily opened my eyes and saw a furry, light brown face in front of me.

“The fuck? MOCHA?!”

I tried to get up and run backwards, but immediately fell flat on my back. I was looking directly in the face of Mocha Sketch, Mocha’s OC. Mocha Sketch was an average-sized female Pegasus pony with a light-brown coat and a shortish coffee-brown mane and tail, and adorable sap-green eyes. Her cutie mark appeared to be a calendar (you know, one of those where the days and stuff are all on one separate sheet of paper?) with three coffee beans on it.

“Dash, calm down!” Came a female voice from the Pegasus. I inwardly chuckled at how it sounded nothing like Mocha, who was actually a male in his mid-twenties. But that little bit of humor quickly went away as something clicked in my brain...the imaginative side. I looked down at my feet. Wait, no, I didn’t. I was looking at hooves. Dark blue hooves. I tried to stand up again, but immediately felt wobbly and fell to the ground again.

A female giggle came from behind me. I whirled around and was shocked at what I was seeing yet again. I was staring at Amanda’s OC pony, which we never made a name for, so we just call her Modpony. She was an Earth pony, had a cream-colored coat with a teal-green colored mane, tail, and eyes. She had a frying pan for a cutie mark.

“AMANDA?! Wh…what the hell is going on?” I yelled at the sky.

“Oh I don’t know, we’re IN EQUESTRIA, YOU DERP!” Shouted yet another voice, this one from what was now my right.

I spun around to see who it was, not shocked at all anymore when I saw Matt’s OC, Keynote, staring at me incredulously. Keynote was a Pegasus who had a coat color somewhere in between Mocha’s and Modpony’s. and a mane and tail color of dark brown. He simply had black eyes, with angular and mostly transparent yellow-tinted sunglasses over them.

I glared at Matt for a little while before turning back around to face Mocha. “Yeah, Hello to you too Matt. So who else is here?”

“I’m the last one” said a voice to my current right. I looked over to see Mike’s OC smiling at me. He was a light gray Pegasus pony with a messy and spiky light grey and red mane. He had slightly dark red eyes, which were looking directly into mine. Seeing as we were all our OC ponies, I had to assume I was mine as well.

My OC was a dark blue Pegasus pony,  with an orangescale (as opposed to grayscale) mane and tail. He has medium blue eyes, and a flaming lightning bolt as a cutie mark. His name is Flare Runner, though as the rest of my friends I was in Equestria with knew me as ‘Dash’, I considered changing it to ‘Flare Dash’.

“Alright, I’m going to ask the obvious questions; Where exactly are we, and how did we get here?” I asked, although I assumed we got here because we slept and we were somewhere in the Everfree Forest, if fan fiction was anything to go off of.

“We’re literally in Fluttershy’s backyard, and WE all got here because Lauren Faust shot us with a Wunderwaffe” Mike said.

At first I was a little bit confused because neither of those were anything I'd ever read. I sighed and sat back down, hitting myself in the head just to make sure it was real. "OW. Dammit." Hooves hurt a lot more than hands.

"So..." Matt said after a long silence, "What else is new?"

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE~~~

This IS my first fic I've ever written, and I'm only going off of what I can. Constructive criticism is appreciated!

AppleDash. Shipping not included.

So Guys, where do we want to go first?” I asked, now that we had caught up (and figured out how to walk).

“Uh, we’re in Fluttershy’s backyard” Mike pointed out.

“So?” I asked

“Wouldn’t it make sense to, you know, visit Fluttershy?”

“I don’t want to scare the shit out of her…”

“Lets just go talk to her.” Matt jumped into the conversation.

“Alright, alright, fine!” I said, exasperated. I led the five of us over to Fluttershy’s front door, and politely knocked. After an entire minute of waiting, we decided she wasn’t home, so we decided to begin our trot towards Ponyville.

It was a perfect day. Celestia’s sun was high in the sky, soaking heat into our bodies and shining its bright light upon the rolling hills just outside of Ponyville. We passed by Sweet Apple Acres, its hills lined with trees, branches filled with luscious, red bulbs of juiciness. After a little longer we were approaching the front gates of Sweet Apple Acres, where we saw the farmhouse and the barn.

“I think we should go ahead and meet Applejack.”  Mocha said super excitedly. Wait, what? I thought Rainbow Dash was her favorite pony! Whatever. Mocha was galloping towards the front door of the farmhouse, kicking up clouds of dust as she ran. She saw an apple sitting on a wooden picnic table, however, and picked it up to eat it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a massive red blur advancing rapidly towards Mocha. ‘Oh fuck’ is all I could think. The blur in question slammed into Mocha’s side, knocking her silly into the picnic table, which splintered into pieces. ‘DAAAAAMN!’ is all we could think. Mocha Sketch had just been impaled into a table by Big Macintosh himself.

Big Mac then whirled around and glared at us, looking ready to take on Celestia herself. As I cowered in fear behind Matt, Amanda slowly approached Big Macintosh with one of the cutest faces I’ve EVER seen.

“Excuse me, are you Big Macintosh?”

“Eeyup.”

“My name is…” She trailed off. What WAS her name? None of us had ever decided on that, and now we might pay for it. “My name is Modpony” We all audibly facehoofed.

“Modpony?”

“Yeah. I wanted to tell you that we just wanted to come and talk to Applejack. I apologize about my friend Mocha Sketch eating your apple there, but she…kind of gets distracted sometimes.”

“I’m mighty sorry about that.” Said a southern, female voice from around the corner of the house. “You said you needed to talk to me?” Applejack stepped out from around the corner of the house. Her orange coat gleamed in the glittering sunshine, beads of sweat rolling off of her face and sides. She approached us calmly, with a warm smile on her face as she adjusted her signature brown Stetson on her head, briefly showing her beautiful, blonde ponytail. “Now what can help ya’ll with?”

I approached Applejack, nervous on the inside, but cool and collected on the outside. “Well, we’re all new here in Ponyville, and we heard that the Elements of Harmony reside here. I understand you are the element of…Honesty?”

“Darn right I am! M’name’s Applejack. It’s nice to meet ya mister…”

“Flare. Flare Runner.”

“Pleasure to meet’cha mister Flare! And who are your friends there?”

They introduced themselves one by one.

“My name’s Modpony”

“I’m Keynote”

“Mike”

“I’m…ow…Mocha Sketch”

“It’s a pleasure to meet ya’ll! I-“

“Hey I know we just met you, and this is crazy. But I’m real thirsty, so-“

Mike’s reference was cut short by a hoof to the face from Modpony. “You know I HATE that song.” She growled.

“Okay, Okay, geez. Anyways, Applejack, I wanted to know if we could have a sample of some of that world-famous hard cider of yours?”

“Uh, pardon Mister Mike, but it isn’t cider season yet.” Applejack responded with a slightly confused look on her face.

“Is it Zap Apple Season?” Mocha asked, with a glitter in her eyes.

“Sorry Miss Sketch, but it ain’t Zap Apple Season yet either.”

“I apologize for our friends, Applejack.” Keynote said. “They can be a little… desperate at times.”

“Aw, there’s no need to apologize.” Applejack responded. Then a metaphorical lightbulb went off in her head. “Hey, I know ya’ll just met me and all, but I reckon ya’ll wanted to meet the rest of the Elements of Harmony?”

“Hey Yeah we do!” I responded, pushing forward. “Do you know where Rainbow Dash is? I really really really want to-“

I was cut short by a voice getting louder with a minor crescendo, which appeared to be coming from a blue blur:

“BUUUUUUUUUUUUU-“ The cyan blur and I screamed at the same time. The cerulean blur in question rocketed into my side, knocking me into the dirt and creating a crater that would make meteors jealous.

“Medic.” I stated weakly from the crater.

The figure on top of me slowly rose to brush itself off. As my vision realigned, I nearly gagged. Standing in top of me, brushing her beautiful cyan coat free of dirt and mud, was the Element of Loyalty herself. As I tried to get over the shock of what was happening, Rainbow Dash shook her beautiful, spectrum-colored mane back to its messy, yet organized state, sending small sparks of…feels…coursing through my body. I hobbled up to regain balance so I could maintain some of my coolness. Dash just looked apologetically at Applejack as if to say “I did it again!”. All I could say was “Rainbow Dash?!”.

“What? Oh hi there! Um… do I know you?” She asked. For the longest two seconds of my life, I stared into her eyes. Her beautiful, magenta eyes.

“Yeah, um, I mean, no, er… I’m Flare Runner” I said, attempting to correct myself as to keep my composure. I extended my hoof to her. She bro-hoofed me and responded “Nice to meet ya Flare! Your mane is like, so awesome!”

At this, I blushed, which was luckily mostly hidden by my dark blue coat. Rainbow Dash had just complimented me. Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.

“Uh, erm, Rainbow Dash, I’d like you to meet my friends. This is Modpony, this is Mike, that’s Keynote, and that’s Mocha Sk-“ Before I could continue, however, Mocha had already jumped ahead of me.

“OH MY GOSH, HI I’m Mocha Sketch, and I freaking LOOVE you Dashiee!! Hug me aaaaaaaa!” Mocha had obviously drank a few too many lattes before the transportation. Or maybe she would always be that way as a pony. Oh sweet Celestia, no. No. Dear Celestia no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

“Well, I’d love to stick around guys, but  I gotta go meet up with the weather team. We gotta move some clouds over Ponyville within the hour. Catch ya later!” We were bewildered at her sudden departure, but we decided not to question it.

“Well, as I was GONNA say ‘fore RD crashed our party here, ya’ll want to go meet the rest of mah friends?”

“Hay yeah!” We chorused.

Meet The Mane Six

As Applejack led us towards Ponyville in the blistering heat of the midday, we all tried to make casual conversation with the farmpony.

“So Applejack,” I asked, hoping to figure out a gameplan, “Who’re we going to go meet first?”

“Well Ah was thinkin’ we’d head on over tah Twilight’s place, since she’s usually just readin her books ‘n all.” Applejack said. “She’s so much of a bookworm she ACTUALLY lives in a library!”

We all chuckled a little bit at this because we all knew that it was true, yet we knew enough to know that we probably shouldn’t bring up anything we know about them. There was no way in Tartarus I was going to let on that we were from another dimension watching their daily lives. The last thing we needed was for Pinkie to tell everypony, Fluttershy to be scared, Rainbow Dash and Applejack kicking our flanks, Rarity yelling at us and to be berated by questions from Twilight faster than an M249 SAW could fire bullets.

As we approached Ponyville, we saw the rustic neighborhoods and main streets lined with all kinds of food stands and stores. Of course, there were a few more buildings that stood out a bit more than some others. There was of course Sugarcube Corner, easily standing out with the gingerbread house-styled colors contrasting highly to the normal white and yellow houses of the city. There was also Carousel Boutique, the magnificent purple roof standing tall and proud, only outmatched heightwise by the Town Hall and the Ponyville Public Library. The library, as we all know, is a tree, but a massive tree. And that’s where we were heading, as Applejack led us to the outskirts of the town.

As we approached the library, we were all beginning to feel a bit nervous, as usual. We were literally befriending our favorite ponies. Applejack knocked at the door a couple of times. “Twilight?” she called. “You in there sugarcube?”

The door opened to reveal Spike, the small purple dragon with green scales; Twilight Sparkle’s number one assistant.

“Oh hey AJ!” He exclaimed, opening the door wide. “Come on in!”

“Thanks lil’ guy.” Applejack said, rubbing her hoof on the top of his head. “Spike, Ah’d like ya’ll to meet my new friends.” She continued. She then proceeded to introduce us one by one. “This here is Mocha Sketch, that’s Mike, that there is Flare Runner, this’s Keynote, and she’s Modpony.”

“It’s nice to meet you all! I’m sure Twilight would love to meet them too!” He turned around and yelled, “TWILIGHT! You got some visitors!”

After a couple of moments, Twilight trotted up to the front door. Her lavender coat was glistening in the sunlight as she stepped out of the door. Her midnight purple mane was slightly frazzled, as if she had either pulled an all nighter or not slept at all. The pink streaks in her mane were running slightly, and her violet eyes were… gorgeous.

“Oh, good morning Applejack!” She greeted, obviously a bit more cheery at the sight of one of her friends. “What brings you by the library today?”

“Well, these ponies here came walkin’ by the farm today, hopin’ to meet all us Elements of Harmony.” She explained. “So I decided we’d stop by here so ya’ll could meet them.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed, as if noticing us for the first time. “Hello! My name is Twilight Sparkle. I run the town’s library, and also kind of live in it too.” She introduced herself a bit more, and we then introduced ourselves as well. After all introductions and greetings were said and done, we waved goodbye and headed off towards Carousel Boutique. However, as we reached the center of town, a bouncing pink figure appeared in the distance. It appeared to be towing a cart of some sort. Applejack didn’t seem to notice, but that was the first thing we saw. And before you knew it, there was a welcome wagon and we were covered in cake batter. Pinkie Pie had just made her introduction.

“It was great to meet you Pinkie Pie!” Matt said, waving as she bounced back towards Sugarcube Corner. “She’s nice.”

“Ah think that’d be the understatement of the century.” Applejack said, continuing on towards the Boutique. “I don’t ever question Pinkie Pie. Alls that does is hurt your head.” Again, we all had a little chuckle.

By the time we had reached Carousel Boutique, we were sweating like we had just sprinted the Indy 500. Well, most of us were. I had grown a high tolerance to heat having lived in Texas for 10 years. But it didn’t change the fact that the midday heat was swelteringly hot. At least the Ponyville weather team was scheduled to move some cloud cover over the town, which they had already begun to do. Applejack approached the door and knocked. There was no answer. After about a minute or two of waiting, we decided that we should just turn around and explore the town a bit. No such thing. The moment we turned around we were face-to-face with Rarity and Fluttershy.

Rarity’s snow-white coat was gleaming. The beautiful purple locks of her mane and tail were impeccably clean, glittering in the afternoon sun. She looked at us with those beautiful, icy blue eyes, which stood out even more gorgeously with her long eyelashes.

Fluttershy’s butter-yellow coat was washed and clean, shining with a mesmerizing light. Her face was partially covered by her silky, light pink mane. But you could still look just past that mane, and see those ADORABLE teal eyes, darting coyly from one new pony to the next, as if unsure as to whether she should faint or run away.

“Oh hello Applejack.” Rarity greeted with her usual, pompous voice. “What should bring you by my boutique today, darling?”

“Rarity, Fluttershy, ah’d like ya’ll t’meet mah new friends.” She said. Once again, she introduced us one by one. Rarity greeted us in a very ladylike manner, while Fluttershy simply hid behind her mane and squeaked. It was SO CUTE! UGUU.

At that moment, Rainbow Dash descended from the skies to meet up with the rest of us. As if right on cue, Twilight and Pinkie Pie showed up at just about the same time.

“Hey guys!” Twilight greeted. “I was thinking since we just met, I thought I’d take you all out for some dinner or something! You know, get to know each other a bit more and all.”

I looked at the rest of the group. I huddled them into a circle and asked the obvious question-

“Yes?”

“Duh.”

“Of course!”

“Why not?”

“YES!”

“Alright then.”

I turned around to face Twilight again. “We’d love that, Twilight!” I said, extending my hoof to accept her offer. She giggled a little bit at my gesture, and extended her hoof to shake mine. However, as our hooves were about to touch, there was a flash of light.

“Twilight Sparkle! Step away from the ponies!” A regal voice commanded.

“Oho, I think shit’s about to go down” I said, backing away from the massive white figure approaching us.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shit is about to go down.

Also, I don't own the "Meet the _____" videos. Valve owns those. It even says "Valve Copyright LOLOLOL" in all of the videos. But whatever, I can make as many references as I want.

Settling In. And I Get My Flank Kicked.

Carousel Boutique, 9:00 P.M.

Matt’s POV

“And here we are, darling!” Rarity said in a sing-song voice. “Your room will be upstairs, second door on the right.”

“Alright. Thank you again Rarity!” I said, trotting up the stairs. I opened the door to my room and took in my surroundings. There was a Queen-sized (how fitting) bed against the right wall, with icy blue sheets. There were matching drapes on the wall opposite of the door, and a small dresser/vanity opposite the bed. Between the bed and windows there was a small door, which simply led to a small walk-in closet.

“Keynote, my dear, could I see you downstairs for a moment?” Rarity called up the stairs.

“Sure thing Rarity!” I answered. “Be right down!”

I wonder what she could want.

Sweet Apple Acres, 9:30 P.M.

Amanda’s POV

Luna’s night sky was glittering with stars by the time we arrived back at the farm. As we approached the farmhouse, a couple of lights flickered on. After a couple moments, a small, yellow filly with a cherry-red mane and tail with a matching bow in her mane burst  through the front door. “Applejack!” She cried. “Yer home!”

Applejack nuzzled her. “Yeah, I’m back. We had to take a quick trip to Canterlot.” She explained, not going into details.

The filly looked at Applejack for a moment. “Well,” she said. “Alright. Hey, who’s this pony with ya?” She added, noticing me for the first time.

“This mare’s name is Modpony. She’ll be stayin’ with us for a while.” Applejack introduced me to the small filly.

“Nice to meet ya Miss Modpony!” She said, shaking my hoof. “Mah name’s Applebloom. Ah’m AJ’s lil sister.”

“Nice to meet you Applebloom.” I smiled, looking back at Applejack. “Should we get going inside?”

Applejack nodded. “I suppose so. Should probably introduce ya’ll to the rest of my family.” We headed inside and found an elderly green pony sleeping on the couch.

“Granny Smith?” Applejack said, waking up the mare. “Wake up fer a moment. I’d like to introduce ya’ll to our guest, Modpony.”

The elderly pony approached me slowly, with a welcoming smile on her face. “Oh hello there! I’m Granny Smith. It’s nice to meet you, Mudpony!”

“Modpony.” I politely corrected. “And It’s nice to meet you too, Granny Smith.”

Applejack led me up to my room to avoid a long story on Ponyville history. She opened the door to reveal my room. There was a small window on the opposite side of the room, looking out over the expansive, tree-covered hills of Sweet Apple Acres. There was a small, but not too small, bed, and a large dresser in the room. There was also a door in the room which I could only assume led to a closet.

“I’m mighty sorry that it’s a bit cozy in here, but I hope you’ll be comfortable enough.” She apologized.

“It’s alright Applejack.” I assured. “It’s nice enough for you to offer hospitality to me anyways.”

“Well, ah hope you get enough sleep. We wake up early ‘round here.”

“I’m sure I will. Thanks again AJ!”

Applejack exited the room to leave me with it. I settled down on the bed to get some sleep. I wonder how Mike’s settling down with the bookworm.

Twilight’s House, 9:15 P.M.

Mike’s POV

“And we’re here! Spike?” Twilight called. “Spiiike?”

There was a faint thumping, followed by the small purple dragon walking down the stairs.

“Hey Twi!” Spike said. “Where have you been?!”

“I was taking care of some sudden issues that arose with the Princesses.” She explained. “You remember Mike, right?”

“Yeah.” He said, turning to look at me. “Why is he back here?”

“He’s going to be staying with us for a while. I hope that’s alright with you.”

Spike seemed unsure at first but then he turned and extended a fist to me for a fistbump. “Alright, seems good to me.” He said. I accepted the fistbump. Twilight turned to head upstairs, claiming she needed to take a shower.

“So Mike,” Spike said, looking up at me with folded arms. “Don’t think you can go be trying any funny business with Twilight, you hear?”

I was taken aback at this. ME? Hit on TWILIGHT? Not really my kinda mare. I looked down at Spike and held up my hoof. “I solemnly swear that I will not try any funny business with Twilight Sparkle.” I said, half-mockingly, but mostly serious.

“Alright bro, I trust ya.” He said, extending his fist once more. “C’mon, I’ll show ya around the library real quick.” He said, leading me over to the main room.

Rainbow Dash’s House, 9:00 P.M.

My POV

As Rainbow’s house came into view, I was one hundered percent amazed. The pictures in the show just didn’t sell to the looks of her house. For one- IT WAS HUGE! It had to be the largest place of residence next to the castle. The rainbow waterfalls were absolutely glorious, and once you landed on the cloud, it was like standing on a giant, sumptuous marshmallow. She led us into her home, opening the door. The interior was nothing short of incredible. “Well guys, here we are!” She announced to us. Mocha and I could only stand there slack-jawed. “Impressed?” She asked, giggling a little.

“Its… beautiful” I stammered, finding it hard to take in the surroundings. It was just so incredible!

“Alright then… uhh… I only have one guest room, so one of you will have to sleep on the couch or something. Sorry.” She said, obviously meaning it when she said she was sorry.

“Uh, you can have the guest room Mocha. I slept on the floor all the time anyways.” I said. It was true. I really do only sleep on the floor anyways because my mattress at home was broken and my mom was too lazy to get it fixed.

“Oh, alright. Thanks Dash!” Mocha smiled.

“No prob.” Rainbow and I said at the exact same time. Rainbow Dash just kind of looked at me sideways. I chuckled and slowly backed towards the living room. Before I had to explain anything, however, there was a knock at the door. Dash went to go answer it. Mocha and I both followed her to the door.

“Oh, hey Blue!” Dash exclaimed. At the door stood a cobalt blue Pegasus stallion. He had a neatly combed yellow mane and tail, and a tornado cutie mark. He was average sized, if maybe a bit larger than me. I immediately recognized who this pony was. It was Blue Breeze. I knew plenty about him. He is the main character of a series of fan fictions I read. And he was standing right in front of me. Well, right in front of Rainbow Dash. But then something clicked in my head; Blue was Rainbow Dash’s coltfriend. After a couple moments of putting two and two together, I realized that this meant I couldn’t date Rainbow Dash. I don’t know what sparked it, but something made my blood boil.

“BLUE BREEZE!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

He calmly turned towards me and asked, “Yes? Who are you?”

“My name is Flare Runner and I think I might like Rainbow Dash a bit more than you do, you jackflank!” I growled, leaping at Blue.

Queue fight music.

Before I get into the fight, I should explain that Blue Breeze has magical powers despite being a Pegasus. More specifically, he can use ranged attacks involving wind. I knew of these powers (of course), and knew that I’d need to keep my distance, lest I not be able to move out of the way.

My forehoof struck his face, sending him tumbling out the front door. He sprang back up, wings glowing with a white energy. Usually his opponents would be confused and just kind of stand there, allowing themselves to get blown away by sharp blades of wind. I was not confused. No, I was prepared. As two white blades of wind had just shot out from his wings, I rolled out of the way, behind a pillar of clouds.

“I know what you’re capable of Blue.” I called out. “And its not going to happen.” I darted from pillar to pillar to avoid the blades slicing through the air. But after about two minutes of this, I finally peeked out and kind of died a little inside. Standing next to Blue Breeze was a black Pegasus stallion about his size with a black and red mane and tail, a tri-colored lightning bolt for a cutie mark, and a MASSIVE black Pegasus stallion with a black yellow and red mane. The former was Dark Lightning, a Pegasus pony who could do pretty much whatever he damn well pleased with lightning, right from his hooves. The latter was Drax, who didn’t have any special magical abilities, but he could kick anypony’s ass any day. If there was thing I knew right then, it was that I was mortally fucked. I backed myself right into a pillar. Yup. I was fucked. Before I could surrender, Dark Lightning flew directly towards me, a hoof crackling with electricity. I closed my eyes and prepared to meet a shocking death. It never happened. I opened my eyes slightly to see Drax and Blue looking sideways. I looked to where they were looking. I saw a knocked-down Dark Lightning and Rainbow Dash standing near him.

“Dash, what was that for? We needed to kick the shit out of him!” Dark yelled.

He was kind of right. I did need an ass-kicking, yet for some reason Dash had saved me.

“Look guys, here’s the deal. Nopony needs a flank-kicking, and Flare, you should be ashamed of yourself. Somehow you knew that I was dating Blue, but I’m not going to question it for now. Blue got here first, and he deserves having me. And Blue, you shouldn’t have gotten sucked into this. Flare, I can tell that you love me, but I love Blue right now. I’m sorry to break your heart bro.” We all looked at the ground.

After about half an hour of apologizing and stuff, the group of friends I knew of went home, and Dash, Mocha, and myself went to go get some much-needed adrenaline-fueled sleep. There was only one thing I knew: I had barely avoided getting my flank kicked. Hard.

Interrupted Plans

The next morning

MY POV

Rainbow Dash’s House

“Yo! Flare, get up!”

“Huh?” I shot out of bed. Rays from Celestia’s sun were shining through the windows of the living room, glowing with a warmth that felt like a blanket, tenderly surrounding the body. “Ah crap.” I could tell by the sun’s height that it had to be about noon. I turned to Rainbow Dash. “Sorry I didn’t get up earlier. I kinda have a habit of sleeping… a lot.”

“I think we’ll get along pretty well Flare.” She joked. We both had a little chuckle at that.

“So where’s Mocha?” I asked.

“She headed out to Sweet Apple Acres to go pick up Modpony and AJ. We were all going to show you guys around Ponyville.” She explained. “I was gonna head to Twi’s and pick up her and Mike, then grab Fluttershy. You think you can head over to Rarity’s and grab Rarity and Keynote?”

“Sure.” I said. Finding the boutique would not be a problem due to its sheer size. “Where are we meeting up?”

“We’re meeting up at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Alright. Once again, thanks Dash. I’ll see ya there.”

“Cool. See ya Flare!” Dash took off towards the library, leaving me to fly over to Rarity’s and pick up the two there. I stretched my wings and took off towards the boutique. It wasn’t as hot as it was yesterday, but it was warm outside. Small, puffy clouds dotted the sky here and there, providing a moment of shade when I passed under them. As I passed over the town, I saw the bustling market streets and the quiet neighborhood streets. The faint breeze from  flying calmly over the town was soothing. However, I did have to leave that to make my descent as I approached the boutique. My hooves touched the ground, and I approached the door and knocked. After a few moments, the door opened to reveal an incredibly tired Keynote.

“Sweet Celestia dude, what the hell is with you?” I asked.

“Rarity wanted me to help her out with stallionwear. Needless to say, the fitting went all night.” He explained. Well, it IS His fault for staying with Rarity. I shrugged and said, “C’mon man, the Mane 6 want to meet up with us at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Alright, let me grab Rarity, and we’ll be going.”

After a couple minutes, Matt emerged with Rarity and we headed on towards Sugarcube Corner. We trotted along the cracked cobblestone streets for about three minutes until we reached the gingerbread house-designed bakery. Pinkie Pie was standing outside waiting for us.

“Hey Pinkie!” I called.

Pinkie turned towards us and immediately smiled a really goofy grin. “Heya Flarey! Hey Key! Oh, and hi Rarity!” She bounced over to us and hugged us. “None of the others have shown up yet. We have some muffins inside for you guys!”

I was about to turn down her offer on the muffins until my stomach growled. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything since the burger I’d eaten in the hotel before I was shot through parallel universes. (No, I did not throw that burger across the room) “Thanks Pinkie!” I said, practically bouncing inside. But not literally like Pinkie would. We walked inside and were immediately assaulted by delicious smells; chocolate cake, cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, donuts, and of course muffins. There was already a large table with a crapton of muffins in the middle. As we approached the table, a thought suddenly occurred to me.

How the hell are we supposed to pick stuff up with our hooves?

We sat down at the table and I nervously extended a hoof to the middle of the table to grab a muffin. This effort was slapped away by a white hoof.

“Darling, it’s proper manners to wait until everypony has made themselves comfortable at the table; you should know that.” Rarity scolded. I just kind of made an “okayface.jpg” face.

After about five more minutes of waiting, Amanda, Applejack, and Mocha all trotted inside and sat down by us. Applejack and Mocha made the same mistake that I did. Mocha did exactly what I did while Applejack just kinda scowled at Rarity. Shortly thereafter, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Fluttershy and Mike all filed to the table, closely followed by a bouncing pink earth pony. While eating our muffins, I found out that there wasn't really anything to think about with the hooves; it just happened. But during the meal, there was one thing which concerned me more. I kept on catching my eyes floating towards Rainbow Dash. DAMMIT! Why can’t I take my eyes off of her? She was so beautiful. Her slender, cyan shape was perfectly complimented by that glossy, multicolored mane. But each and every time I tried admiring her, I had to remind myself that if I tried anything, I would be turned into high-end pet food. To try and take my mind off of her, I decided to ask the day’s first question.

“So, uh, what exactly will we be touring today?” I asked.

“Well,” Twilight began. “We were going to take you by each of our houses, then take you by some lo-“ Twilight’s plans were cut short by Pinkie Pie suddenly having full body spasms. From what it looked like, she was bouncing up and down at an incredibly fast rate.

“Pinkie?” Amanda asked. “What’s with the… jumping?”

“I…think I know what’s going on.” Twilight said. I had a pretty good idea of what was going on too. “Even though I accepted this a long time ago, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… Pinkie… has this ability to-“

“Sense when certain events are going to happen based on certain body spasms or series of body spasms?” Mocha finished. Twilight nodded numbly.

“And it’s a REAL doozy!” Pinkie exclaimed. This statement was shortly followed by a low rumbling in the distance, which was progressively getting louder.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but all I know is-“ Matt never got to finish the sentence, because he was cut off by a loud roar which confused everypony except for me; I was frozen stone cold in fear, for I knew all too well what it was the moment it was said.

“SAAAAAAAAAXTOOOOOOON HAAAAAAAAAALEEEEEEE!”

SAXTON HAAAAAALE!!!!

“Yo Flare?” Rainbow Dash said. “What the hay is wrong wi-“

“We’re all bucked.” I said blatantly. Everypony just turned and looked at me. I sighed and told them all about Saxton Hale. “Essentially, he’s the Buck Norris of our dimension.” I explained. He can take pretty much any hit he wants to. It’ll take more than just the princesses and all of the Royal Guard to make a dent in him.” Everypony was now scared shitless.

“I say we go out there and pound him into the ground!” Rainbow Dash announced. Okay, so almost everypony was scared shitless. Before she could make it out of the door, however, a certain group of ponies burst in through the door. It was Blue Breeze and his gang of friends. I guess I should describe those who haven’t been described yet.

First one I will describe is Ice. Ice is a stallion earth pony with a dark blue coat, slightly less saturated than the color of mine. He has a black mane and tail, and small white-ish blue-ish horns. He has the ability to do pretty much what he damn well pleases with ice. Hence the name.

The second one is Zephyr Verve, or Zephyr. Zephyr is a stallion pegasus pony with a dark sand coat and a royal blue mane and tail. He doesn’t have any superpowers, but he’s quick as all hell. Hence his special talent is going fast.

The other one is Vineton, or just Vine. She’s a plant-green pegasus mare. She has the ability to control plant life, and make vines shoot out of wherever she damn well wants to. (And before anyone asks, she HAS raped somepony with them. Not leaving anything to speculation.) Hence the name. ( OH overusing that phrase)

“Ahem.” Blue walked into the room with the rest of his friends. “Gentlecolts?” Out of seemingly nowhere, a small trumpet riff played, and then nothing else really happened. “Do any of you know what’s going on here?”

I sighed and went through explaining Saxton Hale…again. After the explanation, the only thing I could see on the faces of the new arrivals was that of “LEEROOOOY JENKIIINS!”.

“Look guys, I know you just want to save the town…again…” I looked at each one of them in dismay. “But the fact of the matter is Saxton Hale is strong enough to survive through 154 of Dark’s lightning grenades. If you even want a chance at taking him down, you’re gonna have to hope that you can get some support.”

Blue approached me. “Flare, we DO have backup.” Before I could even ask who that backup was, he just looked at me and said, “YOU’RE our backup.”

I stared at him in shock. “Wh-What?! Are you crazy? Even if I was able to shoot flames out of my hooves, I-“ I took it by the fact that everypony was looking at me with wide eyes that something had gone wrong. I looked down at my hooves. They were on fire. I looked back up at Blue. “How long did you know I could shoot flames out of my hooves?”

Blue Breeze shrugged. “I didn’t. That just makes this situation better. Let’s go!”

I turned around to face everypony else, only to see Amanda with a frying pan in between her teeth and Twilight with her horn glowing. I could only gather that Twilight was getting ready to heal all of us while Amanda was going to hit Saxton Hale with a frying pan. Status update? We are the nine members of Team Fortress 2. Allow me to explain.

Zephyr, with his blinding speed and pretty much having nothing else except useless attacks at his disposal, represents the Scout. (Not to mention he also has a Boston accent; how fitting.)

Dark Lightning, with his ability to aggravate everypony in sight, charge right into battle, and having the most damaging attack of all of us, represents Soldier. Not to mention that he’s borderline insane.

I would represent the Pyro, For obvious reasons, while Amanda represents the spirit of Demopan.

Drax, with his juggernaut type of stature and power, would clearly be Heavy Weapons Guy.

Vine represents the Engineer almost entirely because her attacks are more indirect, not to mention she has a lot of tools at her disposal.

Twilight, with the healing spells, represents the Medic. No argument there.

Blue Breeze I have chosen to be our resident Sniper, mostly because of his cool, collected attitude, and his ability to throw devastating attacks from a long distance with pinpoint accuracy.

And finally Ice represents the Spy because he… um… you get my point.

We rushed outside to be met by the lumbering mass of muscle we all know as-

“SAXTON HAAAAAALE!”

I guess He’ll go ahead and finish my thought for me.  However, in knowing that I was the only pony here with experience fighting Saxton Hale, I decided I should take charge.

“Blue, go get yourself set up somewhere that you can take long-distance shots at Saxton with!” Blue gave me a salute and set off to find a sniping perch.

“Ice, I want you to try and find his weak spot and start pelting it!” With a curt nod, he set off to get a good vantage point.

“Vine, find a place to set up and start whaling on him!” She hesitated for a moment before dashing off to set up shop.

“Drax, I hate to say it, but you’ll be able to take more hits than most of us will. I kinda need you to take Saxton on. Head on. Twi, make sure he doesn’t freakin’ die.” Both ponies were hesitant at first, but finally gave in and charged forwards.

“Zeph, I think you know what you gotta do.” He rolled his eyes before zipping off towards Saxton Hale to create a distraction.

“Amanda, I want you to stick with me. I’m not letting him put a single scratch on you when all you have is a mediocre melee slot weapon.” I began my charge towards the rampaging Saxton Hale.

“Wait! What the buck do I do?!” Dark called after me. I turned to him.

“You know damn well what to do.”

Fight music? YES.

The moment I charged in to throw my flaming balls of flame at Saxton, I could already hear Zephyr shouting random Scout taunts that didn’t even make sense. Had my hooves not been on fire, I would have facehoofed. I rolled behind Saxton Hale and began torching him on his back. As he turned around to punch me (which would kill me), there was a loud CRACK as Drax connected a very solid punch to the back of Saxton’s head. Blinded by the stupidity of himself, Saxton turned to chase and then punch Drax, which was quickly denied by a well-placed vine from, well, Vine. Saxton Hale fell flat on his face, leaving Blue a perfect opportunity to connect two direct hits right onto his skull, followed by a quick flurry of icicles from Ice. As he attempted to get up, he was quickly barraged by a fortuitous flood of frying pan smacks from Amanda. And just as Saxton thought the day couldn’t get any worse, Dark Lightning flies in, launching four electric grenades at Saxton Hale’s head, followed by a punch to the face briefly after he’d gotten up from his fall. Saxton Hale was incredibly angry at this point. He was blindly swinging his fists everywhere, forcing us to retreat to Blue’s sniping perch.

“What the buck do we do now, destroyer of Saxtons?” Vine asked sarcastically.

“I think I have a good plan here, but it’s going to be incredibly cliché.” I said. After I told them my plan, at which they groaned for its clichéness, we all lined up for the shot. Amanda, Zephyr, and Drax had all retreated to Sugarcube Corner, since their close-quarters-only skills would not be needed. I began forming a fireball in my hooves, letting it grow larger until it was about the size of the MMMM cake. At this point, Dark began pouring lightning into the flame, while Twilight began focusing her beam of healing on the ball. As Twilight’s horn began crackling with purple lightning, I gave the signal. Vines shot out of the ground, holding Saxton Hale rooted to the ground (no pun intended… okay pun maybe intended). Ice began forming a sharp, thick, rotating ring of ice around the fireball, the beam from Twilight keeping the ice from melting. On the final nod, Blue Breeze punched a Double Hurricane Hoof right into the middle of the ball as Twilight released a massive burst of magic, sending the fireicelightningball crackling with critical energy. Saxton Hale turned to look at what was flying at him. His mouth unhinged like a snake; swallowing the entire ball whole.

Everypony associated with the attack looked at me and said “Are you bucking kidd-“ I cut them off with a hoof in the air and simply stated, “Wait for it…” which was followed by a BANG and something which looked very similar to a Sonic Rainboom right where Saxton Hale had previously been standing. Nine ponies had just defeated Saxton Hale. I trotted up to where there was previously a Saxton Hale standing and looked at the ground. I only had one thing to say-

“Aww, it looks like they’re going t’ have to glue you back together.

IN HELL!”

I then trotted over to Sugarcube Corner where everypony was standing, slack-jawed; save for one pink earth pony.

“You know what this calls for?” She asked cheerfully.

“A PARTY!”

Settling Issues

“Oho, shit’s about to go down” I noted, seeing the Princess of the Sun appear right in front of us.

“Shit IS about to go down!” She snarled at me, charging up her horn to teleport all twelve of us to Canterlot Castle. The white glow of her horn engulfed the entire small area.

We appeared in the throne room, Celestia and Luna staring down on the five of us former humans, the Elements of Harmony behind the two Princesses.

“We know what you were!” Celestia growled at as, sending fear down our spines. Why was she so pissed off at us? Suddenly, a banana appeared in Amanda’s hoof.

“Hey Celestia, do you like banan-“ She attempted to ask, but was cut short by Luna.

“QUIET!” She bellowed in her signature Royal Canterlot Shout.

“Okay, okay, geez.” Amanda said, backing away.

“What is your business in Equestria, humans?” Celestia inquired, visibly calmer, yet still angry.

“As a certain doctor says; I have NO idea!” Mike quoted, also visibly in a joking mood.

“Well,” Matt began “Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha, I hurt people.”

Dammit guys. Guess I’ll join the bandwagon.

“I’m an Engineer partner.” I said confidently. “That means I solve problems. And not problems like ‘What is beauty?’, because that would fall under your realms of philosophy. I solve-“

“Would you jackasses stop quoting the Team Fortress 2 ‘Meet The’ videos?!” Mocha yelled at us, fuming. We looked at her confused. Of all the people here, Mocha was not the person we expected to be the voice of wisdom. Not to say she was the last one we expected to; that was my job to be stupid.

“Your Majesty, I apologize for my friends’ idiotic behavior. We would appreciate it if you would hear us out on this.” Mocha smiled weakly and then continued. “We are from a planet known as Earth, populated by bipedal creatures known as humans.”

I decided to be serious and helped her out. “Essentially, while we were talking on a chat over something known as the Internet, which we urge you not to research for your own good, and a message appeared asking if we would like to be teleported to Equestria. We all accepted the offer, and a few minutes later, a human named Lauren Faust appeared in our-“

“Hold it right there for a moment.” Celestia interrupted, holding up a hoof. “What was this human’s name?”

“Um, Lauren Faust, your Majesty.”

“Faust…” Celestia trailed off. “Ponies, could you inform me more on how you know about us?”

We all panicked and looked at each other. This is EXACTLY what we were hoping wouldn’t happen. But we had no choice. Amanda stepped up to the plate, the banana having somehow disappeared.

“Well, your Majesty, this human known as Lauren Faust created something called a television show which was called ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’. A television is essentially a magical box which allows us to watch certain parts of different places and dimensions’ daily lives. ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’ was the program which allowed us to look into the interesting bits of the days in Equestria, specifically mostly revolving around the lives of The Elements of Harmony. That is how we know about you.” Amanda finished, breathless. The rest of us were astounded. There was no way any of us could have described the situation better.

“I believe you entirely.” Celestia stated. “In this case, I will allow you to reside in Equestria until a method of getting you back to your proper dimension is found.” She turned to the Mane 6. “Would you offer hospitality to these ponies?” She asked.

Rainbow Dash was the first to step up, to our surprise. “I have a spare room or two in my cloud house. I can take a couple of pegasi.” She offered. Both my eyes and Mocha’s eyes immediately lit up at this. “OOH! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!” We both shouted at the same time. Dash couldn’t help but snicker a little at our enthusiasm. “Alright, I guess you two fanatics can stay with me.” She said. At first Mocha and I were going to bounce around, but then we decided to keep our cool, and act awesome. Well, I decided to keep my cool. “Yeah, sweet.” I said, acting like it was nothing. “YAY!” Mocha squealed, hopping around faster than FOX News can produce lies.

“Ah guess one of ya’ll could stay at the farm if ya’ll’re willin’ to help out with work.” Applejack said. Of course Amanda would be the one to claim that spot. One, she was an Earth Pony, and two, Applejack is her favorite pony (I think).

“And I suppose the one with the glasses could stay at the boutique… so long as you don’t make a mess.” Rarity said, looking over at Matt.

“Hold on, what’s wrong with me?” Mike asked, clearly feeling insulted.

“Not that I have anything against you, darling, but he keeps his mane in check, not to mention his glasses are absolutely RAVISHING. I must find out how to make some myself.” She admitted, feeling a little bad that she had unknowingly insulted Mike.

“Well then where am I supposed to stay?” Mike asked.

“I guess you can stay with me.” Twilight offered, putting a hoof around Mike. “I have a spare room in the library. Besides, I think you and Spike will get along fine.” She added, noticing his skeptical look.

“Then it is decided. Please move along to your respective homes.” Celestia announced quickly, before hastily making her way to her Royal Chambers.

“Alright. Come on Mike, lets get going.” Twilight said, leading Mike towards the train station.

“Ah guess we should get goin as well, Modpony. C’mon, lets go meet Twi at the train station.” Applejack said, helping Amanda to the train station.

“Come now, Keynote. Let’s not keep them waiting.” Rarity said. At first Matt didn’t move, but didn’t really have a choice as Rarity started dragging him with her magic.

“Lets go guys. We can just fly to my house.” Rainbow Dash suggested, walking to the open balcony, preparing to take off.

“Uh, about that. Um, Dash, considering we JUST got turned into ponies, we don’t really know how to fly…” Mocha pointed out. Dash thought about that for a moment before I made a suggestion. “Mocha, from what I hear in fanfics, flying is like flapping our arms. Find those muscles that feel like arms on your torso, and start flapping them.”

Mocha, eager to be able to fly, tried this theory out. I was right, apparently. But I should have suggested gently flapping, as she immediately shot up and slammed into a chandelier, sending small pieces of crystal and glass everywhere. Did I mention Dash was the only one on the balcony? I sighed, and followed Dash outside, Mocha, having just ruined yet another piece of furniture for the day, pursued us.

As we ascended and prepared for the flight to Dash’s house, a breeze blew through our manes. The cool, night breeze was relaxing, and even purer on the mountain. As we flapped through the crisp, refreshing air, Dash’s mane flowed mesmerizingly in front of my face. It fluttered lightly, just over the cerulean coat on her sleek, athletic body. Her tail was drifting in her slipstream, allowing fleeting glances at her smooth, beautiful- whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on a second. Why was I trying to get a look at her plot? She was my favorite pony, and her slender figure was certainly beautiful. But was I seriously falling in love with Rainbow Dash? I tried to shake it off, yet every time her tail fluttered, I realized my eyes were drifting back to her plot. I couldn’t admit it to myself, but a part of we knew it was true. I was falling in love with Rainbow Dash.