While walking through the open, cobblestone streets of Ponyville, you spotted a vibrant poster on the wall of a small house, one-story house. You approached it, raising your right eyebrow in attention. The colour of the advertisement was bright and brash. It was almost like it was crying out for you to view it with up most interest.
It was a glaring red and yellow, and in bold text it said: "a social gathering is taking place on August 8th, 1856. Come for your interest, stay for r-"
The last part of the bold writing was torn off, and so you figured it was something like... 'radicalness.' The ponies who usually held parties didn't advertise, but you figured it had something to do with the theme of the party being held. After all, the ponies who hold the parties DO have some sort of theme to follow. Usually it's seasonal, or something...
You didn't care, though. You got free shit. Free shit truly is the best shit...
The poster also listed that the party was taking place in a shack on Applejack's farm. It was a strange location, but you were perfectly okay with that. Must be a lot of booze if it was located in the central location to get alcohol in Ponyville. Usually, the Apple family produced apple cider, wine, and beer. Primarily apple cider, though.
The poster even listed the hosts as Fluttershy and Applejack. That was strange as they usually didn't hold parties, but you didn't pay any attention to it. You figured Pinkie also had something to do with it. It also made you question what the last word was... 'rabies?' If you get rabies from one of Fluttershy's animals for this... you'd be pissed, and you'd also have rabies.
You figured you'd go just home and drop off all of your stuff before heading over to the location of the party. The party was only in two hours, after all. You didn't have too much time to kill though, so you figured you'd make it a quick run. You wanted to have a shower before you went to the meeting. It had been three days since your last shower, since you've just been too busy to have one.
You quickly walked through the same path again, towards the location of the party instead this time. You hadn't realised that you were already almost late. You thought you might've had at least a bit more time once you woke up. You even tried to fit in time for a shower, but you vaguely remember how that all went down.
Humming a little tune as you finished rubbing down your body, you reached to turn off the water for your shower, but you immediately slipped on the wet fiberglass bathtub and yelled in surprise, "shit!"
Your face slammed into the metal handle in front of you and you fell to your side, blood dripping from your forehead. You were unconscious for then an hour, with water slamming down onto your passed out form for the entire time. Your humming ceased, and instead your moans and cries of pain began. You imagine you also turned yourself around before going unconscious as you had awoken facing upwards. You also didn't drown, so that must've been the case.
By the time you awoke, you had ten minutes left until you had to leave. Once you woke up you weren't sure of what time it was, but you figured you had wasted a lot of time being... well, unconscious and all.
"Shit!" you yelled once more, clambering out of the shower and turning it off without looking back, running straight to a towel to dry yourself off. You even remembered to get a really tiny pony-sized band-aid on your forehead! (It was very small -- made just for ponies! Racists...)
You looked at your hands, and sighed deeply. You looked like a fucking raisin now too. Maybe Applejack would make you into wine? Or... no, you don't think that's how it works.
It doesn't matter.
Once you arrived at the small barn, you opened the door and found red balloons, red carpet, and a circle of chairs with books in the middle. You walked forward, looking for alcohol. There wasn't any.
"I was lied to," you immediately conclude, and so you turn around to leave the room.
The door to the small barn opened, and you jumped slightly. Applejack, Fluttershy, Big Mac, and Scootaloo walk into the room.
"A-Anon?" you hear a meek voice mumble out.
"Yeah, hi. I was lied to, I want to leave now. There isn't any alcohol."
"Who told y'that? Hell n'aw there's no booze! We're here to read," Applejack says with a chuckle.
"What?" Reading? At a party? You're supposed to be rendered incapable of reading by the effects of alcohol, not reading specifically!
"So, what kind of party IS this, then?" you vocally inquire.
"I don't really know what 'communism' is, but it sounds pretty nice. I can't afford to get my wings fixed, so... apparently I'd get actual treatment in it! Magic treatment is only for the rich, and I need it too if I wanna accomplish my dreams of having sexual relations with Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo quickly says with a big smile on her face.
"Communism? I'm at a communist meeting? Are you fucking serious?" you yell, your jaw dropping. No alcohol, books, and just now you're told it's a meeting for communists. You have no idea what to say and you gurgle out a sound of displeasure and boredom.
"Anon, please don't yell... come on, take a seat. We're going to be continuing on a book we started to read last week." Fluttershy said, finding a spot on a chair. The rest of the crew take their spots too, and urge you to join them.
"Okay, y'know what? Fine," you figured it was best to just stick around. You risked death in a shower before coming, so you'd best come and see how this turns out.
Fluttershy picked up a book with her wing. You read the cover of the book, which was titled "SOCIALIST PRINCIPLES explained."
"Applejack, do you want to start us off? We left off on page ten, the section on "The wages system.""
"Ah can't read, so... maybe y'ought to pass it on." The Equestrian literacy rates for Earth Ponies were terrible, so you're not surprised. Most of the time, unicorns did all of the literary work. Pegasi had to learn to read to plan out production and military strategies. Most Earth Ponies just used symbols or small words and statements. Numbers and specifics were usually given. It wasn't a good system, but hey... it was interesting to observe.
"Oh, okay. Big Mac?"
"Eeenope."
"...alright, Anon?"
"Uh...I'd prefer to not?"
"Please?" Fluttershy gave a cute facial expression your way that you could not resist. You never understood it. You even think she could murder someone and get away with it, just by giving that look.
"Okay, ugh... fine," you say. She passes the book to you, and everyone is now staring at you. They clearly expected you to read.
You shook your head in disapproval of the current situation, and looked down at the book.
"The wages system explained..." you sighed, and began to read the rest in a very bored and tiresome manner,
"Through the competitive market, the capitalist pays workers just enough to keep them going from one week or month to the next, whilst the lifestyle they are encouraged to aspire to is usually out of reach. Capitalists, on the other hand, use their profits to reinvest, and to expand their wealth and power. As time goes on, therefore, the dominance of the capitalists as a class..."
You stopped reading, and looked straight up. You said, "I think I've read enough. I'm gonna go."
"Anon, wait!" Fluttershy said, trying to call out to you.
You stopped, and turned around with a stiff body. Your eye twitched.
"What," you simply say, staring her in the eyes.
Fluttershy flew up to your ear, and mumbled into your listening ear, which focused intently to what she was about to say...
"Is communism your fetish?"
You began to shake as you turned back around, saying, "No. It is not... just, what? political ideologies are not fetishes..." in an extremely pissed off tone.
You approached the wood-plank door, looking back at the disheartened Fluttershy, who was now landed on the floor, only once before walking off. "W-well... anarchism, then? Or... or is it capitalism?"
You shook your head and repeated, "Political ideologies. CAN NOT be fetishes. Seriously, just stop."
You stopped and turned around and tilted your head, opening your mouth to say: "Did you set this all up JUST so you could ask me that question?"
"O-oh no, we have these meetings quite often..." Fluttershy responded, looking shyly at the ground, clearly disappointed that... well, communism 'wasn't your fetish.'
A moment of silence over took the building, and you all stared at each other for a few minutes.
"I live here, you know..." Scootaloo said. Everyone looked at her, almost in surprise, "... it gets lonely, a-and cold at night."
You opened your mouth to say something but instead just quickly turned completely around to walk out the front door. As you reached for the rusty handle, the door was banged into, and was burst down causing your head to be struck -- again -- by the falling door.
You began to bleed from your forehead once more, though you hadn't fallen unconscious this time luckily. Or maybe it wasn't very lucky at all. You didn't know anymore, you were fucking bleeding... again.
"What the hell?" you mumbled out, opening your weary, tear-filled eyes.
Royal guard had run into the room, jumping over you. You didn't like the 'view' you received, but you couldn't... well, no... wouldn't close your eyes as everything was blurry and you wanted to try to make sense of everything around you.
"Freeze! You're under arrest for conspiracy against the Royal Sisters, and the state!" yelled a unicorn, aiming his horn at Scootaloo. Of course, they aim at the little crippled kid first.
"I'm innocent, I swear!" you yell. Holy shit, what the fuck was even going on anymore? The unicorn who was aiming at Scootaloo, had now turned his attention towards you. What is with these ponies and aiming at the least dangerous people? Honestly...
The moment they all turned away, everyone else got up and ran out a backdoor. A pegasus and a unicorn ran after them, leaving only you, Scootaloo, and another member of the Royal Guard.
"Don't lie to us, kiddo. We know of your egalitarian-commie desires..."
"What the FUCK are you talking about?!" you shout, quickly trying to get up and off the ground.
"Stay down!"
The moment you got up onto your feet, ignoring his orders, you saw a blast of purple magic flying towards your face. Your head immediately caved in, your last thought being...
"Fuckin' Fluttershy."
"Shit, we'll just have to say he assaulted us," your killer said, stepping back.
"Just like last time, with the last ones?" a younger pony asked.
"...yeah, just like last time... and the time before that, I guess."
Author's Note
Written for fun, due to boredom, and as a complete joke. Plus, I've had this idea in my head for ages. Both as a... serious thing, and a comedic and silly thought.
Things that will piss people off about this: communism/socialism, Flutterrape (except rather than Fluttershy coming to Anons house every morning, she asked at the meeting,) the quick pace of the story, the bad comedy that isn't that funny but might be to some people, it's an anon/second person story, and probably more.
Probably not that funny, but I don't know. That's up to the readers to decide.
Also, fun fact: the book they read out of is an actual book published by the Socialist Party of Canada. I'd know, because I'm a member, lol...
