“So, you’ve got me sitting down, and you have my full attention. What is so important?”

The question was aimed at Twilight Sparkle, who was sitting down across from me. A few times during the day, when I was out doing important things, she had called me to warn me about something. Twilight was known for being especially… exaggerative when she described an important occurrence. Once, she said the end of her life as she knew it was becoming bored of reading a book. I’ve learned to take everything she says with a grain of salt.

“Well,” she said, twiddling her thumbs. “Could you do me a favor and lock yourself in your room tomorrow night?”

“That’s an odd request,” I said, folding my arms. “Explain.”

“Today is the 31st,” she started. “Tomorrow will be the first.”

“Good to know you’ve learned the calendar system,” I said, teasingly. When she gave me her signature glare of annoyance, I cleared my throat and dropped my smile. “But please, continue.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ll be staying here,” she continued. “However, this is the first time that you will experience...my heat cycle.”My heart stopped for a second, then restarted when I coughed.

“The first time… I will experience your heat cycle?” I clarified. “So, just to be sure, let me get this straight… I’m going to go through heat!?” Twilight broke into laughter, which made me both upset and relieved. I knew she would be joking.

“No, no, that’s not it,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “I am going into heat and, therefore, would not like you to get wrapped up in the lustful rampage that may follow.”

“L-Lustful rampage?” I asked. “What, dare I ask, do you mean by that?”

“Well,” she took a deep breath and allowed magic to flow to her horn. A few seconds later, a model of me and her both appeared. “At around 6 o'clock PM on the first and 15th of every month, I go into heat.” Her model burst into flames. “While in this state, you could say I will be obsessed with…”

“Sex?” I asked.

“I like using technical terms,” she answered. “Like coitus.”

“Is it because it makes you sound professional?” I asked. She gave me another stare, and I gave her permission to continue.

“You are my friend, so I think we should keep a healthy, platonic relationship.” The two models shook hands. “However, when in heat, that concept will go out of the window.” Twilight’s model picked me up and slammed me onto the ground multiple times. “So, to protect our relationship, I ask that you lock yourself in your room tomorrow night and stay in there until tomorrow morning.”

“Question,” I said. “So, have you done it with a guy before?”

“I… I'm not sure how this is relevant,” said Twilight.

“Well, we are talking about coitus,” I said. “I’m just asking, if you are so well aware of heat, then have you slipped up and done it with a guy by accident?”

“Hmph,” she said, placing her hands on her hips. “I’ll have you know, I have never once slipped up.”

“Do you know anyone who has?”

“W-Why do you want to know that?” Then she gasped, really loudly. “You don’t plan on exploiting anyone during their time of heat, do you?”

“Of course no—”

“Because if it is proven that you coerced someone into having coitus, you can be charged with a capital offense.”

“That’s why I won’t—”

“You will be sent to the sun,” she said.

“I p-promise,” I said. Twilight and I exchanged a smile, meaning that we were just playing around. Honestly, I had no intention of breaking my promise. I’d just have to go to sleep, dream of sheep, and wait until the next morning.

It wouldn’t be hard, right?”

“You’ve made sure to eat right? Used the bathroom and everything?”

“I can’t get over how much you sound like my mom.” I couldn’t help but smile as Twilight gave me a tired sigh. “But yes, I’m pretty sure I’ve got everything down. “

“Okay, okay,” she said, fidgeting everywhere. “I’m pretty sure that’s everything. What time is it?”

“It’s around 5:30,” I reported, looking at my phone screen. Twilight physically jumped in fear.

“Ah! It starts around now!” She started pushing me into my room. “I’ll see you in the morning!”

“Have fun with your heat!” I said, before closing and locking the door.

“S-Shut up!” called Twilight. “Remember! Don’t come out for anything.”

“Gotcha!” I answered. Seriously, Twilight’s over worrying was downright cute sometimes. I don’t know if she’d like to hear that now, though. Knowing her, she’d get really paranoid and put me under even heavier security. I yawned and realized that I was pretty tired. Apparently, making witty jokes and having witty battles of sarcasm can really affect a person. I turned off my light and made my way to bed. As I laid down on the bed that I’d made my own, I started to drift away to sleep.

After a few hours of sleep, I was interrupted. I felt a pang around my bottom half. I tried to ignore it, but after it grew to a dangerous level, I opened my eyes and sat up.

“I have to pee,” I said with a growl. I fiddled around with my pockets, guided by the moonlight that seeped in through the window, and found my phone. I checked the time and saw the bright white numbers flash in the darkness. “It’s 3:30 AM. I’m still in the danger zone, huh?” I laid back down, but the pang made me sit right back up. Finally, I decided that if I just didn’t run into Twilight, I’d be fine. She’d probably be in her room, anyway.

I cautiously opened the door which led to a long crystal hallway. Every time I stopped and thought about it, I realized that Twilight lived in a castle. As a princess. It takes a really selfless person not to take advantage of that.

My bare feet felt cold on top of the marble floor. The bathroom was right next to this long hallway, so all I’d need to do was take a right and I’d be in the bathroom, another safe room… hopefully.

I inched closer and closer to the end of the hallway and looked both ways. Twilight had no guards that patrolled the halls, yet I still felt like I was performing some kind of great heist. Once I made sure I was in the clear, I moved towards the bathroom

“Good, the light is off,” I said. “If Twilight were to be in here, she’d need the light on… hopefully.” I grabbed the knob and turned it slightly, the creaking sound a little too loud for comfort. Once I was inside, though, I closed and locked the door, giving me the peace of mind I needed.

I used the bathroom (not going into details, guys. No way) and washed my hands. Once my goal was complete, all I had to do was escape.

I was so close to being home free I could nearly taste it.

“Hell~oooooo?” The voice froze me in place. Twilight. She was outside. Her sing-song voice continued. “Whooo’s iiiiiiin there?” Don’t answer. Don’t answer. I pleaded with my lungs to stop making any sound as Twilight’s hand wrapped around the doorknob. When she turned it and found it locked, she laughed. Loud and broken. “Come out. I won’t bite… alot.”

She continued twisting the knob and pushing as if she was trying to break the door down. I couldn’t help but think I was done for.

“Whoever’s in there better have something to give meeeee,” she said. “Something big and long.”

“You are my friend, so I think we should keep a healthy, platonic relationship.”

“Something that you can stick… inside… me!”

“However, when in heat, that concept will go out of the window.”

“I’m starting to see the value in staying in my room…” I thought as she continued. Just as I was sure that she was going to break the door, she paused. The silence was somehow more frightening than the noise. I checked the time on my phone

“3:35” I thought. “Slow. So, so slow.”

“Hold on… Stay in there… I’m going to check something… much more important.” And just like that, I heard her footsteps get quieter and quieter. Soon, they were nonexistent. In that moment, I felt as if I hadn’t taken a breath in a few minutes. I gasped for air and dropped to my knees. My hands were shaking, and I smiled in what I thought had been ages. When I finally got back to my senses, I realized that she would be coming back. I had to leave. Now!

“Check the hallways,” I whispered to myself. Once I opened the door, I poked my head out just for a second, checked both directions, and saw that I was clear. I turned off the bathroom light and snuck back into my hallway.

It was only now that I realized I had a question.

What was so bad about having sex with Twilight?

I wouldn’t say she was ugly. In fact, she was one of the cutest girls I’ve ever seen. We had become buddies because of our mutual love for books. Even so, I’ve only known her for a few weeks, no more. I couldn’t love her. She was, if anything, a crush. I didn’t want to have sex with her because it would ruin our relationship…

“Yeah, it’d ruin our relationship,” I said, walking into my room. I locked the door with a click. “I respect Twilight. I should follow her orders from now on.”

“Aw, how cute.” I whipped around and found Twilight laying upside down on my bed. She was wearing a near transparent purple blouse with nothing underneath. My face lit up.“But I think it’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?”

“T-Twilight…” I said, choking the words out. “B-but my door—”

“—doesn’t lock from the outside,” she finished. I gulped as she got down onto the floor. “Hey… don’t you want to have some fun with me?”

“Twilight… I can’t…” She pressed her entire body against me. I didn’t know until know that she was this well defined. She pressed her breasts against my chest, with none of the shame I’d known her to have. “You’re just imagining things. You’re being taken over by your lust.”

“But look,” she ran her hand up my leg and stopped at the base of my shaft, grasping it in her palm. “You’ve got a problem you can’t fix. A true, true friend helps a friend in need, right?”

“You know… that’s not how… that works…” I felt my pants loosen as Twilight worked it’s button and zipper with her magic. Once I was in my underpants, she used her own hands to strip me bare. “Twilight, please—”

“Shhh,” she said, placed her finger on my lips. She slid down and knelt down, next to my erection. Then she gave it a small kiss on the head, making it jump in excitement. “Just sit back and relax.”

“I can’t relax like—” It was the first time someone had ever touched me this way, much less lick my head. I could help but yelp. “—Gah!”

“Doesn’t it feel good?” she asked, licking the small slit on top of the head. There was no way I could continue like this. I put my hands on Twilight’s shoulder and slowly pushed her away.

“Stop it,” I groaned. “You’re making a mistake…”

“Oh, no, no,” said Twilight, taking in the entire shaft. I couldn’t stop myself, and gave the final push, sending a small jet of white liquid down Twilight’s throat. She seemed to be ready and swallowed all of it, even licking it off of the head. When she retracted, I pushed my head back and relaxed my neck. At least it was over. Twilight must have known that guys can only cum once.

“You look so peaceful,” commented Twilight. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Later, you’re going to kill me,” I said. “Actually. I might as well be good as dead. I’m going to be banished to the sun because the moon is so 1000 years ago…”

“I’m not going to kill you…” said Twilight, calmly getting up. “I’m still Twilight from this morning. I’m just really, really horny.”

“What happened to using the proper terms?” I joked. “Like… aroused?”

“It isn’t appealing to say it when you’re actually doing it,” she said, grabbing both of my hands. She slowly led me to my bed, but I couldn’t tell why. I stumbled along as she climbed onto my bed. I stopped before climbing in with her.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “There’s nothing more that we can do… I’ve already—”

“—Cum? Oh don’t worry about that,” she said. “You know, I’ve studied magic for quite some time now. I can make you cum buckets… literally.”

“No,” I said, backing up. “I won’t do it.”

“Oh come oooon she said, pulling me closer. “Besides… you’re stronger than me. If you really wanted to,you could have stopped me giving you a blowjob.”

“That’s—”

“—A fact,” she completed once again. “So let’s go the extra mile.”

“B-but…” I stopped her again. “I may have already ruined our relationship, but I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t what kind of damage I might do to you…”

“Since you’re so adamant, let’s ask your body how you really feel.” I was lifted into the air and dropped on top of Twilight. She put her hands up and shed herself of her only garment. Then, she placed my hand on her breast. “See? You’re already so hard...”

She was right, although it hurt, I was already erect. Twilight closed her eyes and wrapped my erection in magic. After a few seconds, not only did it not hurt anymore, it felt like I was pent up. I had too much cum, and I had to give some of it to someone else.

“Ah, so ripe,” said Twilight, taking my dick (I finally said it) in her hand, and guiding it towards her own opening. “So, do me a favor… and fuck me.”

I was silent for a while, tossing and turning the same question around in my head. What was so bad about having sex with Twilight? She was already being so inviting. If I pushed forwards, our entire relationship could change. We would never be the same.

I put my hands on either side of her head, gripped the sheets that lined it, and thrust forwards.

“Mmmm,” hummed Twilight as she bit her lip. “Ah! It’s in there…”

“D-Did I hurt you?” I asked frantically. My first time, I really didn’t want to mess up.

“It’s in so deep… mmm,” she said. “No… it doesn’t hurt. K-Keep going, and don’t stop...” I pulled my body out and shoved it back in, bringing a loud moan from Twilight. I moved my hands to her hip and thrust back and forth quicker than before. With each thrust, Twilight moaned louder and louder. She felt amazing. Her insides felt just as good as her tongue.

“Twilight…” My throat felt constrained. “I’m cumming! Soon!”

“And don’t you dare take it out!” She yelled. I opened my eyes in shock.

“B-but I’m not wearing a condom!” I reminded her. “If I cum inside…” Twilight pulled my body onto hers, bringing me into a passionate kiss. That marked the end for me. With one final push, I emptied myself in a much more grandiose fashion than before. I couldn’t help but moan as my entire shaft was covered in cum. It started to spill out of Twilight and soak the sheets that she lay on.

For a few seconds, I felt nothing but pure ecstasy. Then, as if I hadn’t been asleep in weeks, I fell into the bed, next to Twilight, and closed my eyes.

“Oh yeah… I forgot to say,” said Twilight. “The magic might give you extreme fatigue. Hehe. Sorry about that.” The only thing I could do was chuckle as I fell unconscious on the bed, completely drained of all energy.

Maybe Twilight being in heat wasn’t something to avoid.

When I woke up, all I could think of was a single phrase.

I am so screwed!

I opened my eyes and searched for any signs of a scalding ball of plasma, but found none. I took a shaky breath and got out of bed.

“Her meeting room. She’s probably just enjoying some breakfast in her meeting room.” I assured myself before reaching for my bottom half.

I was already dressed in pajamas. A little confused, I walked out of the room and slowly made my way to her meeting room, taking short breaths to calm myself. Once I reached the door, I bravely (as bravely as I could, anyway) opened the door.

Twilight looked up at me and froze my blood. She shook her head and returned to reading the book in front of her. I turned around and headed for the door.

Twilight picked me up in her magic and sat me next to her. As she pulled her chair closer to mine, I couldn’t help but shiver.

“Listen, Twilight, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to do it, I swear.”

“Do what?” she asked. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” She turned to me. “Did something happen recently?”

“Uh…” I stopped. Did she really not remember? “Oh, nothing. Just some ramblings of a madman.” I put my hands on the table. “Anyway, I’ve got places to be, and things to do.”

“Hey,” said Twilight. I turned my head slightly. Just enough for Twilight to lock her lips with mine. For a few seconds, I sat there and got kissed. I couldn't think of anything else to do. After Twilight pulled away, she returned to her book.

“T-Twilight?” I called. “I’m sorry for last night.” She didn’t respond as she got a cup of coffee from a few feet away. She took a sip.

“Sorry?” she asked, handing me the cup, a smile on her face. “For what?” I sighed and took the cup from her, looking down as I took a sip.

“Nothing.”

Author's Note

Usually, I'd thank everybody for reading this fic (and don't get me wrong, I'm still thankful) but instead, I'd thought I'd make a joke to lighten the mood.

So, there are three different types of people who would read this or anything on the site. People who have no idea you exist, people who know you exist but haven't followed you, and people who know you exist and have followed you. As a treat, here's how I thought each kind of person would react:

Person who doesn't know I exist (When they see the story):
"Eh. Just another clop fic. I'm gonna put this in my Read Laters/Downvote because I dislike clop fics.
(After they read[if they did in the first place]):
"Whew. That was decent. Not too good, but not too bad."

Person who knows I exist, but hasn't followed(When they see the story):
"Hm. This guy... I'm not so sure about this guy. Doesn't he write, like, crackfics only? I'll check it out...maybe."
(After they read):
"That wasn't that bad. I guess it could've been better. Still, it was okay. I should like, but not favorite."

Person who knows I exist, and has followed me(When they see the story):
"... (Clicks follow button, which unfollows) You get nothing."
(After they read[if they are so merciful{thank you pplz}]):
"Eh, I dunno. Don't quit your day job. Also, where is the next installment in Remnants of Equestria/X Challenges Me To A Rap Battle/ The P-Cubed series?"

Soon, I swear.