Plague

by Even Evil Has Standards

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, Thriller, Original Character, Apple Bloom, Spike, Other, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 9777

Pinkie Pie is having a dream when she's interrupted by 3 vile villains who blackmail her into becoming Pinkamena.

Pinkie Pie is thinking about asking out Percy as a bit of a cheer up after the events of the third ending in the prequel. But her plan is put on hold when Lady of Chaos Eris, resurrected Timothy, and warlock ram Screwtape blackmail her into turning "this jolly land a place they long to leave" via Screwtape's library.
But when an unexpected ally sends Thomas to Tartarus, Twilight follows. Now they must brave the dangers of Equestria's Hell, but at what cost will the ruler let them go? He won't make it easy.

Based (somewhat) off of the Deviant Art comic "The Six Winged Serpent", only cleaner.
Rated T cause that's as close I can get without rating it M. Gore is mentioned, doesn't happen.

Fan made (sort of) song: Welcome to my Library.

Published 2016-07-15 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-26 09:19:57 UTC

How It Began

Rainbow Dash tried to get up, but couldn't. She opened her eyes and looked around; what met her sight shocked her. She was in a dark room with a hanging lamp the only source of light. But even the gory decorations (that's as far as I'm going) couldn't compare to what was truly devastating (though they did spook her...who wouldn't be?) "Pinkie Pie, how could you be the one behind all this? I never would've guessed."

Said pony was a few feet away in her...Victor Zsaasz dress, if you catch my drift, clutching a skin knife. She giggled, "I'm full of surprises, as you can plainly see. I don't find being surprising all that hard. Catchy tune, that".

"But why?" Rainbow Dash sounded like she was going to cry. "Why would you do something like this? This isn't the Pinkie Pie I know."

Pinkie Pie dropped the knife as uncertainty flared up inside her. As she studied it, she forced a giggle. "What can I say? I'm a good actress." She forced a grin that didn't last long. "Or AM I?"

Rainbow Dash fought back her tears. It wasn't easy. "You mean you've been like this the whole time? You've gone and tricked us all?" She was losing the tear battle. "I've always treasured the good times we've had. But after all the challenges we've faced, you'd kill me over some stupid cupcakes?!? What's wrong with you?!? How would it be if I had said something similar?!?"

Pinkie Pie's uncertainty grew, so much so that it began to show. "I don't like the way you're talking."

"Oh yeah? Well I don't like your acting."

"I'm not acting! I'm serious!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes! Yes! YES!"

"NO! NO! NO!"

Pinkie Pie's mane blew back from the force of Rainbow Dash's voice. "Don't make me angry."

But Rainbow Dash said something that got an unexpected result. "What would happen if Percy's number came up?"

Pinkie Pie dropped the knife again. "P... P... Percy?"

"You might not have noticed, but we did see the love in your eyes as we got acquainted with the Sudrians. Plus, you've been leaning on each other ever since Thomas died. Forget about what might happen if he saw this. What would happen if he was to be a part of this?"

Pinkie Pie's mane and tail deflated as she fell to the floor, sobbing. "You don't understand. He's the reason why I'm doing all this."

Rainbow Dash was confused. "How could some pony like him get you to do something like this?"

"It's not what you think. Thomas isn't dead."

"WHAT?!?

"It all started in the days that followed the day we set Thomas' body adrift in the longboat. In the dark of the night, I was tossing and turning. The nightmare I had didn't start out as bad as can be, but it took a turn for the worse."

CUE FLASHBACK

Pinkie Pie was having a lunch break at Sugarcube Corner. She had invited Percy who only ate a cupcake halfheartedly. Everyone had been in a gray spot since Thomas had "died". He would've returned to Sodor, but she had asked him to stay with her, offering to be his shoulder to cry on. However, she was beginning to see him as more than a friend.

"You know Percy-wercy, I've been thinking of a way to cheer every pony up after the series of unfortunate events..

"But how, Pinkie," sighed Percy, "Thomas was my best friend. Not even a party could cheer me up."

Pinkie Pie laughed nervously. "Actually, I've been thinking about a wedding."

This seemed to get Percy's attention. "A wedding? But who would want to get married at a time like this?"

"No pony!" hissed a Christopher Lloyd esque voice. Suddenly, ghostly white bats with a deathly green teal came out of nowhere and flew around and around. Everything in Pinkie's dream began to spin as well. When it died down, she found herself in a dark library.

"Hey, what gives?" she demanded.

The bats flew over to a ghostly reliquary that had serpents encircling the glass. As they flew into the skull at the top, it was pulled up by an elderly, six-fingered ram dressed in monk's robes.

Welcome to my library.
Screwtape is my name.
There are stories of which you will see
Will force you to play this deadly game.

He sent his minions to the crooked shelves. They returned to him carrying books, circling around the two. Each one was presented to Screwtape. As he named each plot, the book was passed to Pinkie Pie, who had no choice, but to skim through them. And boy, were they terrifying!

There was a gray mare who played an instrument,
But she refused to give it many flings.
She only did it because of an abusive parent,
Black magic, and bloody puppet strings.

Two ponies were lost from a princess friend.
After that, her other friends' lives were never a ball
Because to ensure that their lives would never end,
The princess pressed each of them into a separate doll!

Pinkie Pie was horrified. But it didn't end there. A fallen book was picked up by a female draconequus.

There once was a mare who taught fillies.
She decided to take up gardening, for the job wasn't at all very fun.
But she didn't plant begonias, irises, freesias, cry-manthesums, or lilies,
She planted the bodies of her students, each and every one!

There was another mare who wanted a child.
But all logical means she left behind.
For the means she did use weren't so mild.
She kidnapped a friend and psychologically broke her mind!

Pinkie Pie began cowering in terror. These stories were getting to be too much.
"Why would anyone want to write such sick stories? WHY?!?" she wailed.

Some do it for twisted fun.*
But when those stories they have hurled,
Others write their own to fight each creepy one.
It's their secret of survival in a very nasty world!
Is it really such a nasty world?
Oh yes. A very nasty world.

Pinkie Pie whirled around and was shocked to find a gray unicorn stallion enter the scene. He had wrinkles on his face, a 0 cutie mark, and seemed to be unaware that he was leaking blood, nor did he appear to be trailing any. "T... T... T... Timothy?"

"Yes," he growled. "It is me. My ego, Thomas, was found by Eris. She nursed him back to health and fed him and in return, he told her everything. When he made to leave, she showed him all sorts of visions of his so-called friends enjoying their lives without him, even ridiculing him. All because that prissy princess deliberately delayed a vital message just so she could have him to herself.

"But Twilight would never do anything like that," protested Pinkie Pie.

"ENOUGH!" Timothy then selected two other books from the shelves and began sing.

Enough about ponies, let's talk about trains.
This story was about their behavior, but first!
They had to undergo transformations because they was humanes.°
The processes went well until the end where they would cook until they'd burst!
HA!
Then there's my ego. They say he finds young ones fun.
But what they say is not what comes from their breath.
For here's a story where he does them in, every one.
When they get on a bus, he runs them over and squashes them to death!

Pinkie Pie felt like she was going to be sick. "Why are you telling me all this? What do you want from me." The 3 villains said nothing. Screwtape's minions flew of in 3 groups and each returned with a book, which they presented to their master and his allies.

These 3 are about a Pegasus who's both victim and vil-lain.
One where she has a dream that leaves her mentally askew.
She tries to perish the thought, but it was all in vain.
Until she resorted to killing the source which was YOU!

Timothy pointed a bloody hoof at Pinkie Pie.

Here's one where she ran a factor
Where rainbows were made of every pony that flies.
She put her job above everything, especially her family.
Her own sister failed, was done in, her last words were, "You have beautiful eyes".

Victim story's acknowledgement will never end.
This one's a nightmare that goes on, leaving every pony with mental aches.
YOU go and kidnap and torture a close friend.
It gets worse when it's revealed that every pony is ground into cupcakes!

Pinkie Pie was beginning to change her mind about why she was here. She found out anyway. It became clear that they were going to make the latter story a reality.

By doing this, we'll make this jolly land a place they long to leave.We'll be ridding them of goodness, loving, and cheer, see?
No more caring, kindness, or Hearth's Warming Eve.
Won't cooperate? We'll not only expose the book, but you'll say goodbye to precious Percy!

Screwtape's reliquary spewed green smoke that showed a moving image of King Sombra's defeat. Now Pinkie Pie was at a crossroads; a Hoofson's choice, if you will.She didn't want to be a serial killer. But if she didn't, one pony would die, and not just any pony, some pony she loved. It was all too much. It still sounded hypocritical to take so many lives or lose a very close one. Extremely reluctantly, she held up a hoof.

"And we are there! Bam." remarked Eris. She placed her eagle claw on the pink hoof. Screwtape followed suite with his 3-fingered hand as well as Timothy with his bloody gray hoof. Almost immediately, a dark glow followed. When it cleared, Pinkie and Eris were gone.

Sugarcube Corner-Basement

Pinkie Pie stared around. It seemed so...empty. That is, until Eris flicked on the only lightbulb. It was still empty, except for the tool tray. (Do I have to describe them?)

"Here's the deal," said Eris "I need you to this because I am doing this for sicker grins than my brother Discord. Screwtape is doing this because he's evil and wants to go farther than Tirek, as well as his brother Grogar, in world domination. Timothy is doing this because for him, it's another way of collecting pony souls that he needs to become that gargoyle ego. Basically, this tends to our needs. As for you, well, ask the sergeant what made that story."

Author's Note

*Emphasis on twisted.
°It had to rhyme.

Everyone has their own way of fighting a particular monster; in this case it's the infamous "Cupcakes" story. I happen to have 3 ways: one is Light and Soft, the other Dark and Edgy, and this one is a little bit of both. Why? Because this is one darkfic that actually HAS a happy ending. Name one that does.

Speaking of which, I do NOT-repeat NOT!-own ANY of the stories referenced in the song. Because if I did, I'd probably be on the lam, or worse. (Don't answer that.)

Speaking of the song, there is one thing wrong with it, aside from a made up just so it can rhyme: I have no idea how the tune goes, sans a few parts that sound like "A Crooked Man" from the animated film Babes in Toyland, with a hint of "Confrontation" at the last darkfic referenced. You'll have to use your imagination.

The Truth Revealed (Here we go again)

"So let me get this straight," said Rainbow Dash, "Thomas isn't really dead, but he was turned into his zombie ego by a female version of Discord, and they have formed an alliance with a ram named Screwtape-"

"Who is named for a senior demon that sends letters to his nephew, dresses like a Russian lich who has an awesome song, and happens to be related to one of our G1 villains."

Rainbow Dash looked at Pinkie Pie. "Right. Anyway, they have a...mental library?"

"YES! Full of creepy creepy creepy creepy creepiest stories that any pony has ever read or seen! In fact, I don't think they were written by ponies at all!" She gasped. Maybe...Tirek wrote them!"

"Given how dark and disgusting those stories sounded, I don't think I want to know how they came to be. But they threatened to kill Percy unless you did all this?"

Pinkie Pie nodded sadly. "They also threatened to expose the "Cupcakes" book." she sniffled.

"That sounds kinda hypocritical," remarked Rainbow Dash hesitantly, "I mean, threatening to kill one pony to make another pony kill hundreds of other ponies," she shook her head in disgust, "all just for sick grins, the sake of being evil, and collecting pony souls?"

Pinkie Pie nodded again. "Now do you see why I had no choice?"

Rainbow Dash sighed. "I can sort of understand that. But I also understand that there IS a way out of these things, no matter how dark they are. That's why it's called eucatastrophe. I'll help you because I'm the Element of Loyalty. I'm sure that Percy would help you as well as as the others once they've listened."

Pinkie Pie looked up hopefully. "Do you really think so?"

"I'm sure of it."

The earth pony threw her forelegs around the Pegasus, now crying tears of joy. "I LOVE YOU DASHIE!"

"I love you too Pinkie, but bleagh! Take a bath. Cotton Candy and rotten meat don't mix."

As Pinkie Pie began to free her, there was a sinister glow and in the middle of the room, a bright yet dark glow appeared. When it vanished, there they were: Eris, Screwtape, and Timothy. "You have betrayed us!" roared Screwtape.

"It's a good thing she did too," retorted Rainbow Dash, "this isn't good for her!"

Eris snorted, "What's the mind and health of a pony to beings like us? We do it all because we're evil."

"Yeah right! Even Tirek wasn't that sick."

"Because he stole the magic from ponies, that it?" growled Timothy. Too bad. I need those cupcakes because to become King Onan. Then I will have my revenge on the Sudrians. As for these 2-" he looked at the draconequus and the ram "-I don't care to know their business, so long as they help me."

"Yeah? Well for putting my friend through such a sickening vision and making her a serial killer and doing Celestia knows what to innocent ponies, I'm going to give an EXTREMELY painful whoopin'!"

The warlock smirked. "I think not." He bent over and began to shake. Soon, he flew out like a rocket through the ceiling with Timothy telekinetically hanging on to the reliquary. Eris simply vanished in a bright light.

Rainbow Dash looked up at the hole. "Sunlight," she thought hungrily. She shook her head. "Come on, Pinkie. We have to stop them."

"Okie dokie, just let me get this stinky dress off."

MEANWHILE

"Come on Twilight." said Applejack with a hint of annoyance. "Y'all gotta do something."

Twilight spent most of her days inside the Friendship Castle sulking and brooding over the "death" of Thomas, the blue tank engine turned unicorn stallion. Recently, Thomas had run away from his home Sodor and befriended Twilight and her friends. His own friends had missed him and followed his best friend Percy who had stumbled upon here by accident. The Mane 6 had formed an alliance to save Thomas from Onan, although the alliance melted into friendship, and in some cases, crushes.

Likewise, Twilight had developed feelings for Thomas who didn't acknowledge this until he helped them by mentally battling the evil gargoyle. Unfortunately, some time after that, he had been struck by sickness and was presumed dead by it. Every pony attended the funeral at Ponyville and set him adrift in a longboat. Today, however...

"Please every pony. I want to be alone," moaned Twilight in a creepy sort of voice.

"But Twilight, you need to move on!" protested Percy. "Look at me. I was his best friend and moved on, thanks to Pinkie Pie."

Rarity smirked. "Sure, in more ways than one."

Percy blushed. "Well, you've been doing the same thing with James." Rarity went redder than the Pegasus as Percy went on, "And don't tell me you've been calling him "Jamesy" for the fun of it."

James went redder than ever, but managed to counter, "And why do you suppose Pinkie Pie has been calling you "Percy-wercy"?"

"Hey! Why don't y'all leave him alone?!?" demanded Apple Bloom.

"Besides Twilight, I got over Rarity," said Spike, "and there's many a stallion who's been giving you the look."

"How do you know they haven't been giving me the look just because I'm a princess?"

Before anyone could say anything else, there was a loud crash followed by panicking. They rushed out to find the streets filled with ponies running in terror. Sugarcube Corner was in a complete disarray. There was a large hole in the roof that was made by a strange, sickly looking comet that flew into the air.

"PINKIE!" yelled Percy. He rushed to the front door and was met by Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. He threw his hooves around the latter without thinking and then immediately drew back. "Yech! Why do you smell like you're dead?" He took in her current state more before looking concerned. "And why do you look like you're dead? Are you ok?"

"Not exactly," she whispered so quietly that it was impossible to hear.

"We'll worry about that later," interrupted Rainbow Dash, "right now, we have to worry about them."

She pointed to the street where what the ponies thought was a comet had landed. When the smoke cleared, the others were in for a shock. "TIMOTHY?!?"

"In bloody flesh."

A flash of light appeared on Screwtape's other side and the female draconequus was there. "Heeeeeeere's Eris!"

Screwtape stepped forward, brandishing his reliquary. "I have returned. Equestria shall know the true meaning of fear once again."

Twilight studied the ram suspiciously. "I know I've seen that ram before, but where?"

"What in the wide wide world is that?" demanded Gordon.

"Oh my," whimpered Fluttershy.

"Ew, the ram needs to see a tailor," groaned Rarity.

"I heard that!" thundered Screwtape, "First of all, this was fashionable in my day. Second of all, centuries in Tartarus can really take everything out of you. I'm practically a rotting corpse."

"Now I know who you are!" said Twilight. "You're the former counselor to Celestia!"

"That's correct! Equestria was always a happy place until I came along. I sold my soul to the dark forces for the ability to spread unhappiness and death to all of Equestria. What gifts I had received: this reliquary and a particularly interesting mind library. I handled the bloody stuff, teaching ponies the REAL meaning of cruelty, fear, bloodshed, and every bad thing."

"You should've been sent to Tartarus!" shrieked Rarity.

"I was," growled Screwtape, "and met Tirek. We pooled forces after I told of witnessing Cerberus leave his post. The fool abandoned me at the entrance when the thrice headed mutt returned. So I stayed there, stuck in limbo!" He threw out his arms to emphasize the point and his left hand flew off.

"Gross!" groaned Emily.

"Give me the smelliest job any day," agreed James.

"If you were banished there, then how are you here?" demanded Edward.

"My old friend." Screwtape showed them his reliquary. Ghostly bats flew out and picked up the 3 fingered hand. They all looked like they were gonna be sick as he snapped it back on. "I could feel the dark forces stirring. This came in with him clinging to it." He pointed to Timothy. "I was alarmed at first, but he told me of what hath transpired. This thing showed images that proved him correct. He recognized the advantage of pooling forces. We managed to escape via my powers slowly returning-"

"He could use dash of cologne for that smell," gagged Rarity. A snap of Eris' lion fingers zippered her lip, much to James' disgust. "You monster!" he snapped at Eris.

"I've been called worse, dearie." Rarity's nostrils flared as she thought that the sorceress was flirting with her James, but said nothing as Eris continued, "Anyhoo, they found me after their escapade. After I knew of his library, I came up with the idea of making some pony feel that her nightmares are real."

Henry shuddered, but managed to ask, "How?"

Timothy's horn glowed blood red and the ground in front of the trio shook as a small paperback book rose from the earth. It rose into the air, glowing, and flew open. Rainbow Dash averted her eyes and covered Pinkie's.

The other protagonists were not so lucky. They didn't burn up (this isn't Raiders of the Lost Ark), but they did look like there were going to be sick. None could say a word. Then Fluttershy looked at Pinkie Pie. "Um, we know you wouldn't do something like that Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie Pie said nothing. "Pinkie?" Twilight said in a hesitant, if not threatening tone.

"Aw no! Say it ain't so!" bawled Applejack.

"But of course!" sniggered Eris. "Where do you think all the missing ponies have disappeared to?" A plate appeared full of the deadly cupcakes appeared in her hands.

"Twist...is dead?" choked Apple Bloom.

"Not only Twist, but a big red stallion."

"NOT BIG MAC!"

Timothy selected the biggest cupcake: a red one with a green apple half. He ate it contently (for a zombie pony) and when he was done, a spooky glow encased him. He grew in size until he rivaled Big Mac. Then he selected a yellow cupcake with a blue shield.

"FLASH TOO?!?"

"I don't see what you're so upset about, princess," retorted Screwtape. "Some ponies don't like him." As if to prove his point, the reliquary spewed green smoke that showed Flash behavior from the EQG movies.*

Timothy munched on the cupcake and sprouted Pegasus wings. "Besides," he sneered, "it was like, 'Become a guard, win a Princess!' As if that deal wasn't tacky enough. But enough of that. You see," he continued, gleefully spreading his wings. "I needed a new way to gain power from pony souls. What other way to do so than from the inside, eh Pinkie?"

Apple Bloom couldn't stand it anymore. "How could ya?" she accused Pinkie Pie. "How could ya kill mah brother and mah closest friend before Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?"

"You're the one to have the gall to ask her that, filly," remarked Eris. "You're the one who mixed their innards."

Apple Bloom now looked like she might die. "What?"

"Don't you recall a red substance in the batter mixes from all the times you were helping her? Or should I say, us?" asked Screwtape.

"But...Pinkie Pie said that was strawberry jam."

"Wrong!" crackled Timothy. "Pony jam!"

The little filly couldn't take it anymore. She burst into tears and threw her forelegs around a momentarily stunned Spike.

Applejack turned to Pinkie Pie. "You knew all about this. You knew what was going on, you killed many background ponies, you used a pony Apple Bloom's age, and you said NOTHING? We are yer friends, fer cryin' out loud! Friends always tell each other when they have problems! Why didn't ya come to us?!? We could've helped!"

"Now Applejack, I'm sure she had a good reason not to," chided Fluttershy.

"Like what?"

Eris got up from her theater seat. "Oh don't worry. You'll find out. But in the mean time..."

A wave of her lion paw caused 3 bulls-eyes to appear: one on her chest, one on Screwtape's robe, and one on Timothy's head below the horn. "Let's see if you're still friends now." growled Timothy.

"Use your little rainbows, frenemies," hissed Screwtape.

Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Henry, James, Percy, and Toby faced the 3 and glowed...and then levitated for a moment only to drop to the ground with the glow vanishing.

"They...didn't work," whispered Spike. Apple Bloom let out a frightened squeak and hid behind him.

"They've broken!" screeched Derpy. "This is the end!"

"Evacuate! Evacuate! Run away run away!" yelled Doctor Whooves.

Every pony began ran this way and that, unsure of where to go or what to do. As Pinkie Pie continued to sulk, Percy walked up to her and placed his hooves around her. "I forgive you," he whispered. She was shocked by this but before she could say anything, she noticed the 3 villains chatting together.

"Ok boys, who's up for a little game?" asked Eris. "The rules are simple: I select a pony, Screwtape acquires him or her with his smoke people who throw him or her to Timothy who will destroy that pony in a such a grotesque way that any one reading this will want to stop."

The other two exchanged confused glances before Screwtape asked, "Alright, but how about a demonstration?"

"Gladly." Eris scanned the crowd of fleeing ponies and did "Eenie Meenie Miney Mo". Comet Tail was the unlucky stallion. "Seize him."

Screwtape held up his reliquary and his minions flew out to the yellow pony.

"NO!" yelled Pinkie Pie. She ran forward and was about to shove him out of the way, but the bats caught them both and took them to their master.

"Well well well," sneered Eris. "The cupcake killer. Sorry, but your services are no longer required."

"That's not why I am trying to stop you," retorted Pinkie Pie, "I'm doing this to prove that I AM NOT evil! And there's some pony who forgives me. The pony you would've killed if I hadn't done it!"

"In that case," growled Timothy, "you are now a second hor'dourve."

Percy was shocked; no wonder she did what she did. The others were speechless too. Applejack started to say something, but found herself in a sleeper hold. "So that's why," hissed Percy. "You should've let her explain herself." He threw her against a post that had a strange but familiar helmet. It had a horn and slits for peep holes. Percy noticed it falling to him. "And then there was trouble," he growled to the wall.

That said, the helmet fell on him and he let out a high pitched shriek.

Author's Note

*Spoil something for me. Did they make up after that?

A New Ally? (Extended)

Everyone stood still, petrified as Percy underwent a disturbing (though somewhat awesome) transformation, even the bad guys. His green fur became enameled by black, covering up every bit, including his cutie mark. He grew into a full grown stallion. And I don't mean, Big Mac sized, I mean the size of an actual horse. He got wings which was the only good thing about it; his face, however...no nose, no eyes, no eye sockets even. He did have a mouth, but that was the only facial feature, just a mouth with teeth. Razor sharp teeth.

He teleported to directly in between the villains and their victims. "Come not between a Nazgûl horse and its mate." Pinkie Pie did a :pinkiegasp:

"Out of the way!" ordered Screwtape.

"Get over, old fool!" snarled Timothy.

"WITCH KING TO YOU!" roared the beast. "This is my hour! Dost thou not knoweth death when they see it?"

"I'm already dead!" retorted Timothy.

"And we can't die," added Eris.

"But of course." sneered Witch King. "Your reliquary. Your own One Ring."

For the first time, the warlock looked frightened. "What do you know about it?"

"Thy life, thy very existence depends on it." The horn on the helmet glowed firey orange and a Morningstar mace and chain appeared. "Once, thou cease to live. Tis like thou never existed." He swung his mace, missing the triumvirate, but scattering them. In the turmoil, the reliquary flew over to Pinkie Pie.

"Throw it to me! Throw it to me!" It was Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie slung it into the air, but Eris extended her serpentine body and caught it. Witch King let out another terrifying shriek. Everyone in the vicinity stopped their ears, Eris had to drop the reliquary to do so. Gordon flew over and caught it in his hooves. But Eris landed on his back, forcing him to let go. Eris held onto it for a few seconds before Rainbow Dash rammed into her.

Spike picked it up and tried to run, but tripped over the string. Timothy snatched it up with his blood red aura, only to be tackled by Pinkie Pie and Toby, who weren't afraid to get covered in a little blood. The reliquary flew over to Witch King who brought his mace down on it with a roar.

As Screwtape writhed in agony, flames glowed orange then green. A hole opened up in the ground and a green vortex appeared, filled with deathly white bats. Out of the vortex flew a green comet that headed straight towards him. He screamed in pain as it struck him. His skin peeled off and his eyes went bugeyed.

Applejack covered her sister's eyes while poor Spike looked like he was going to throw up. He did when the cloak fell off to reveal an empty skeleton that tipped over and became ashes upon impact. A breeze blew the remains away.

"Wow" was all Twilight could say. Everyone else was shocked beyond words (except Spike). It was awhile before Pinkie Pie could ask, "But...what about Percy?"

"Merely asleep. Thanks to this helmet, I'm allowed to enter his mind, control his body, and use him to harm who broke thee." The horn on the helmet glowed orange again and Applejack found herself in a cage, trussed up in the same way from Boast Busters. "I'll deal with thee later," he growled.

Eris faced him , seeming more genuinely frightened than she let on. "Now I'm sure we could talk about this. Maybe we can make a deal or-"

"NAY!" thundered Witch King. "Thou hast done too much to make negotiations! The pink one had a good life before thee and thy entourage came! Thou hast broken her as well as him!" he looked at Timothy who had just finished a teal cupcake with a golden heart on it. "Thou hast fed him lies and used her to bring ruin to a populace considered friendly! Thee must take me on or else!"

"I'm going to a different sequel!" shrieked Eris. Before anyone knew what was happening, she tore in the air with her claw. A rift opened and she dove right in.

"COWARD!" shouted Timothy who had just finished a teal cupcake with a gold harp and now had gained gargoyle features. Unfortunately, he was the last triumvir left.

"And now for thee." growled Witch King. "The abomination of mine host's friend."

"He's not our friend!" hissed Timothy. "None of them are." He turned his red eyes on the others who backed away.

Henry-of all ponies-was the first to speak. "Now if this is about the schism between you and Gordon-"

"SHUT UP!" thundered Timothy. "This is about all of you now."

"What?" asked Edward slowly.

"Eris took us in and showed us things. You all prospering without him, that purple wannabe running his branchline, as well as wearing his number. Then she showed us your thoughts: how you all said your lives were better without him, you were happier with him gone. Finally, Eris showed us her," he pointed a bloody hoof at Twilight, sneering, "his precious girlfriend, being tricksy, plotting and planning, oh yes. She thinks that if she delivers message, she'll lose Thomas forever. But," here he put up an insane grin that could rival Pinkamena's (or Twilight Snapple's, take your pick), "if she changes message, then she keeps Thomas."

Twilight was stunned by this revelation and it was some time before she could say anything. "But...I would never do anything like that. I would never stoop that low."

"That's what you say," sneered Timothy. "But try and stop me now. I have eaten enough of the pink fool's pony cupcakes to start becoming King Onan again. When I've eaten enough to be him again, say your prayers."

BAM!

The cupcakes went to ruin as Witch King brought his Morningstar down on them. Icing flew everywhere and landed on the two demons, buildings, and practically every onlooker in the vicinity (except Rarity, shielded by James' wings). "NO!" roared Timothy. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"

"NAY!" thundered Witch King. "THOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT THEE HATH DONE HERE. NO MORE!"

The creatures fought fiercely, the sky growing dark with lightning crackling around them.

(NOTE: I don't know the name of the song that I wanted in the background, but I knew where to find a video that had it. Does anyone know what the name is?)

Timothy may have gained power, but it wasn't enough for an angry deity like Witch King, who both magic in the horn and a weapon powerful enough to break anything. On the downside, they're both darker sides of ponies who were friends. They fought and fought, Timothy firing his horn, Witch King swinging his Morningstar mace. With each blow, Timothy began to grow weaker until he was a zombie hybrid.

"Don't you go thinking this is the end!" he roared. "I'll still be at it! I will grow strong again! I will become King Onan again! When he is risen, he will hunt down Princess Twilight and drag her to ANY equivalent of Hell! And I'll kill ANY being that stands in my way!"

Witch King let out his loudest shriek. Everyone in the vicinity stopped their ears. Anything glass shattered in a matter of seconds. Timothy was blasted off his hooves, stunned by the blast. As he flew over the Mane 6, Twilight noticed a few things.

His face became less wrinkled.

The blood reversed into the body.

The 0 cutie mark faded into a 1.

If Witch King noticed any of this, he showed no acknowledgement. He approached the gray stallion and his horned glowed fiery orange. A rift opened in front of the wraith.

"What are you doing?" asked Twilight nervously. It became clear enough when he started to levitate the unconscious pony. "NO!" screamed Twilight and she lunged forward. She was too late; the body was casted into the rift. Wasting no time, Twilight flew after him. Never changing face, Witch King sealed the rift. Then he turned on Applejack.

"And now for thee." he growled. Applejack whimpered.

Twilight flew for what seemed like hours. In all that time, she never lost contact of the gray spot that got bigger as she got closer; at last she reached him. She threw her forelegs around him and encased them both in a purple orb that cushioned their landing impact on a rocky terrain. Once they landed, she hugged him and began to whisper:

"Thomas listen to me. Eris lied to you. I was devastated when we thought you died. I couldn't eat, sleep, or even come out of my castle. I almost became like Moon Dancer. Plus, why would I lie to make you mine? We thought you were dead for Celestia's sake! So please," she pulled him close to her again, "come back." And she kissed him.

He started so violently that she pulled back. Then he continued to twitch until his fur was the trademark blue. He got up and swayed alarmingly. Twilight caught him and begged him to say something. He shook, inhaled deeply, and mumbled, "Price check on prune juice Bob, price juice." He blinked open his blue eyes and looked around. "Wha...? Twilight...?"

"Thomas! Welcome back!" Twilight was so happy she pulled him into a bear hug, almost choking him.

"Can't...breath," he gasped.

"Oops. Sorry." She blushed and released him. He curled up into a ball and made coughing noises. "Better?"

"Better." He got up and gave her a confused look. "What do you mean 'Welcome back'?"

"It's a long story." answered Twilight. "But now, let's... Oh no."

"What's wrong?"

"We're in Tartarus!" whimpered Twilight. "And tho only way out is..."

"Is what? Is what?" demanded Thomas.

"Dangerous."

Malicious laughter echoed around the cavern. "That's correct, sister of mine! Now get ready for an exotic experience."

Poor Twilight felt like curling up and staying there, she was so scared. But Thomas nuzzled her and gave her a determined yet caring look. She got up and together, the self named Duumvirate of Friendship started on their quest out of Tartarus.

Author's Note

As you can see, this went through a major rewrite.

Dennis Hopper (1936-2010)

UP ABOVE-PONYVILLE

Pinkie Pie watched in horror as Witch King levitated the cage containing her hogtied friend. She couldn't believe that same horse used to be the green colt she had a crush on. Even after everything that had happened, she would never have expected Percy to get this angry for her sake, let alone THIS angry. She also couldn't understand why he would still want to be her friend, even after all she did. Pinkie Pie decided to go back and search a few memories.

FLASHBACK

A few years after they set Thomas adrift, most of the Ponyville denizens had moved on (sans Twilight). Percy had moved into Sugarcube Corner where he would help Pinkie Pie and the Cakes. On their days off, she would treat him to shakes outside at one of the tables.

It just so happened that one day Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon were sitting adjacent to them. "But Bon Bon, humans do exist," Lyra was saying, "Why do I have to stop going on about humans? They were my favorite stories as a filly."

"There was nothing wrong with liking them, but you heard one too many. Nowadays, you're STILL taking it a bit too far because you're acting like a filly. Honestly, don't you think you're a little old to believe in human tales?"

"Human tales?" Percy seemed to appear between them as if from nowhere. "Humans don't have tails." He got up on his hind legs and did a little...demonstration. "They have big, big bottoms that they wear with bad shorts. They walk around like this going 'Hi Helen!'"

Pinkie Pie couldn't help but laugh, he looked so cute.

A DIFFERENT FLASHBACK

A few months before Pinkie Pie had her nightmares, she and her four friends had invited the seven Steam Ponies to their picnincs. As they were enjoying a few of Granny Smith's muffins when Pinkie Pie began to explain her Pinkie Sense.

"How does it work?" asked Percy.

"Twilight tried to figure it out once," said Pinkie Pie, "and she went car-razey.Let me tell you a little story and it's all about-"

This surprised the Steam Ponies, except for Percy. "What are we dealing with? What are we dealing with?"

"Humans."

"WHERE?!? NO! NO! NO! LUCY!" Percy went onto the ground, cowering.

"Don't worry, Percy-wercy." said Pinkie Pie. "No scary humans here."

"They're long gone." said Rainbow Dash.

"Vanished." added Rarity.

"Definitely extinct." said Applejack.

James coughed. "Actually, that's not true we come from."

"Yeah, there's masses of homo sapiens on Sodor." said Percy. "In fact,why don't y'all ruminate whilst I illuminate the most hilarious of them all?"

"May he rest in peace." sighed Pinkie Pie. It may have been odd, but Pinkie Pie noticed that on "Why lookee here!" there was a wedding cake.

END FLASHBACK

That tore it. Pinkie Pie wanted her friend back and golly Bill was she going to. She marched right into the fray and stood between the two. "Let her go!" she ordered.

Witch King looked at her. "The last words she spake was to break her ties with thee. T'will be a very short time span before the others follow suite." He turned his head in the direction of the ponies. Although he didn't have any actual eyes, they still found it menacing...except Rainbow Dash.

"Bull!" she shouted, joining Pinkie Pie. "I have the best reason to break my friendship and I won't do it! She had a very good reason to do what she did as well a one for why she couldn't tell the others. YOU should've known that!" That was directed at Applejack who hung her head (if she could. "Besides, I'm the Element of Loyalty. I would never ever EVER abandon my friends. So what I'm saying is that," here she gave the poor pink pony a hug, "I forgive her."

Surprise rolled off Witch King in waves. But even he wasn't expecting Apple Bloom to follow Rainbow Dash. "She led me astray because she was led astray too. Ah might not get over this, but friends stick to each other to the bitter end. So ah forgive her too."

"Me three," Emily joined in.

"Make it four," added Edward. Slowly but surely, the rest all walked up and stood between the wraith and Applejack.

"And if you are really are my friend Percy," finished Pinkie Pie, "you're going to let Applejack go."

Witch King glowered at her. Then he turned to Applejack. After a while, he growled, "Very well if it is thy request." His horn glowed and Applejack was free. "Now I will return from my search for the Chaos spirit. Thou wilt have thy green friend back then." He flew off, leaving stunned ponies and a very traumatized Applejack.

BENEATH-RIVER PHLEGETHON

Thomas and Twilight continued to trek along the rocky ground. It wasn't easy; the ground seemed to prick their hooves as they went. "Oh my aching hooves!" groaned Thomas. "What the heck are these things?"

Twilight levitated one closer to her and peered closely at it. "Enameled crystals," she said. "Sombra must be nearby. Be careful."

They struggled on onto they came to a firey orange river. "What is this?"

"This is the river known as Phlegethon." explained Twilight. "It's one of the first things ponies encounter when they try to leave Tartarus. Rumor has it that even a lapful will make a pony stronger."

Thomas groaned. "The name sounds like an event in the Great Railway Show: go into dirty sidings and shunt out dirty freight cars."

Twiilight let out an exasperated sigh in response and touched the river with her tongue. Seconds later, she crumpled and fell.

"Twilight!" shouted Thomas. He started to shake her until he felt himself freeze.

"Try...some."

Thomas then felt less rigid. He glanced over at the river before repeating Twilight's action. He tipped over; it felt like his insides were on fire. Then, the pain was gone as quickly as it came. "How do you...feel?" asked Twilight.

"I feel...tingly." said Thomas. "Like I can take on anything. LIke I can lift the heaviest boulder."

"Good, now let's get going. We'll have to cross the river so we can-"

An explosion cut her off. The Phlegethon erupted like a Las Vegas water fountain, only hotter. When it calmed down, a stange looking pony stood in the middle. He wore apocalyptic clothing and had a sea green right eye. His left one was overed by an eye patch and and a bit of his left forehoof was missing. His mane resembled a crown and he seemed to have a breathing problem because every so often, a gas mask would appear and he would breathe through it. "If you want to pass, you will have to go through me."

"And who are you?" demanded Thomas.

"I am Death Head, guardian of this river. Attendent to the king of the Underworld. *"

"And we have to get pass you to get across?" asked Twilight.

"Unless you have a hearing problem, yes."

"Then think fast." A flash of purple light and Twilight was gone. The horns on Death Head's mane glowed. In an instant, Twilight was there beside him. There was a problem: her wings were bent at an odd angle and she was panting. Her purple (or lavender, take your pick) had a grey tinge to it and there was something on her chest. Thomas took a closer look.

"A BOMB?!?"

"Yes."

"Why you..." Thomas fired beam after beam at Death Head who teleported each and every time. "She's a good mare!"

"Shut the buck up." Death Head fired his own beams. Thomas teleported with equal stamina.

'I must be picking these up.' He thought. He found Death Head looking at him with a weird looking bazooka. "What the...?"

"My devolution gun." Death Head fired his gun. Thomas lept out of the way. As Death Head re-aimed his gun, Thomas ran over to Twilight. "Ohdarn, ohdarn, ohdarn, ohdarn!" He never had experience with bombs before (for obvious reasons). "How do I stop this?"

"You don't get it do you?" Death Head was by his side. The beauty of it. It's made to explode. That's its meaning, it's purpose. You're trying to stop it for who? For what? What's a bomb that doesn't explode? A cheap. Gold. Watch."

"You're crazy, you know that? You're bucking crazy!"

"What? You think that when you emerge from here with your marefriend's wings, you'd get a metal?"

"Awdry," grumbled Thomas. His horn ignited but Death Head punched him and gave Twilight a kiss. A deep kiss. A long kiss. A long sultry, ok seriously, let's move on.

"Death Head...please," panted Twilight.

"Don't say please, kid!" snapped Death Head. "Why?" he looked at Thomas. "What do you to see in her? What does she in you? Why pick her? There must be plenty of engines for you to be "steaming" after! Why her? An engine and a pony? That's barbaric! Why do you two want to be together? WHY?!?" Thomas thought for a moment.

"Maybe it's because we do have SOME similarities SOME ponies don't even care about. But she does things that involve friendship. You know what friendship means? It means that someone or somepony is always watching your back. ALWAYS! Friendship doesn't require anything more, give or take a few sacrifices. Love is more advanced. Two beings want each other because they LOVE each other. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, can comprehend love. But then what do I know? I'm not even a real pony. Just a tank engine."

"And...underneath all that...hard metal...a big soft heart," wheezed Twilight. "And...that's why...I'll love you...always."

They both looked at her...and Thomas inhaled. Instead of looking sickly and wearing a bomb, Twilight was looking whole and wearing, "Blue velvet."

"What?" asked Death Head, then, "Oh no. oh no! You can't mean-"

"Oh yes." sighed Thomas "Blue Velvet." With that, he started to imitate Bobby Vinton.

Death Head couldn't stand it. That song...that very song from his early days. Those days when he was living. Those were the days. He missed those days. He teared up. He couldn't help it. While he was blubbering, Thomas was able to levitate Twilight over the river. The bomb came lose splashed in and sank from sight. Death Head heard it. "Wha...?" He saw Twilight on the other side; his eyes narrowed. Then he turned on Thoamas whose horn was still lit. "You..." He roared in anger and the river went up again.

A FEW CUSS WORDS LATER

Thomas found himself on Twilight's side of the river. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." panted Twilight. "About earlier-"

"Let's worry about that later," said Thomas. "Let's worry about getting out of...here." Over yonder, was some fire, and it was forming into something. it read:

POP QUIZ HOTSHOT! A BOMB IS ON A BUS. WHEN IT REACHES 50 MILES AN HOUR, THE BOMB IS ARMED. IF THE BUS DROPS BELOW 50 IT BLOWS UP. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Thomas scratched his chin. "What kind of question is that? Well...first, I'd have to figure out what bus it's on. WHAGH!" The fire boomed again, leaving one, ashened word:

CORRECT

Then it sank into the ground. "Huh." said Twilight. "Mind if I...?"

Thomas knelt down. "Does this answer your question?"

Twilight gratefully got onto his back. As they parted, a voice could be heard from the river, hissing, "If I ever see him again, I'm going to cut open his head and I'm going to eat his brains."

Author's Note

*Also an avid lover of Dennis Hopper films.

There's a little sad-but-true nod to the fact that not everyone likes Thomlight pairings.

To be honest, the Death Head scene wasn't quite what I had in mind. But hey

My brain surprises even me.

-Albus Dumbledore

Just one more thing:

Death
Head

Dennis
Hopper

9. Jeremy Irons

UP ABOVE-SWEET APPLE ACRES

Pinkie Pie had decided to take the Apples home since they had a lot talk about. Once they got to the farmhouse, Granny opted to make em some apple fritters, which the three barely touched. There was a few minutes silence before Applejack spoke:

"So...ya like Percy?"

"Yep."

"And...he likes ya back?"

"Apparently."

"And the only reason ya couldn' tell any of us about about those killings...was because those varmints were...threatening to...rip him apart?"

"Afraid so."

Apple Bloom raised her hoof. "But how did ah figure in all that?"

Pinkie Pie thought for a moment. "I guess I just needed some pony to be with me and it couldn't be one of my bestest friends because they would get suspicious and endanger Percy-Wercy. I thought if I used a filly, they wouldn't say anything or no pony would believe them.'

"Ah would've believed Apple Bloom!" protested Applejack.

"Ya didn' even listen about Troubleshoes," grumbled Apple Bloom. That shudderup.

"Ah shoulda known. But the thought of you killing ponies willingly was so...and poor Apple Bloom."

"Ahm ok now, sis," said Apple Bloom although she didn't look it.

"Why don't ya go see if yer friends are at the clubhouse sugercube," said Applejack. Apple Bloom trudged out. Afterward, the two older ponies continued their conversation. "Ahm sorry ah went an accused ya of bein' a bad friend. Ah didn' quite know all the facts 'til they were pointed out by Percy and...his ego.'

"And I'm sorry I shanghaied Apple Bloom into making those killer cakes. I just wanted to see a genuine smile that would say that everything was going to be alright, no matter what happened."

"Ah should've thoughta that," sighed Applejack, "can ya forgive me fer real?"

"Of course I will, silly," answered Pinkie Pie, "we might be related, remember?"

The two hugged each other lovingly. Unfortunately, the moment was ruined when Apple Bloom burst in. "Ah saw him! Ah saw him!"

"Saw who?"

"The big horse that saved us! Ah saw him in the orchard! And get this: he's headin' this way!"

BENEATH

The Duumvirate struggled on. Twilight was still a little ruffled from their encounter with Death Head. "Thanks again, Thomas."

"Don't mention it, Twilight." answered Thomas.

"i had no idea other ponies would object to us like he did. I didn't think you would be THAT loving."

"Same here. Why can't they just let us be?" grumbled Thomas.

"If some of my problems had proved one thing, it's this," answered Twilight. "Friendship won't work on every pony or creature. Sometimes, when ponies see things they don't approve of, their first instinct is to attack those that do."

"Why those...that not only defeats the purpose of liking something, but it also devaluizes the morals of the ponies who like said thing!" shouted Thomas. "I'd like to teach those trucks a lesson."

"Ooh, i quiver with fear," hissed a voice.

"What did you say that for?" aasked Twilight.

"I didn't say that."

"Birds of a feather flock together, so do pigs and swine. As nice as your chance is, it will soon be mine."

"Now I know that wasn't you," remarked Twilight.

"Who are you?" demanded Thomas.

"Call me Simon."

"Well, "Simon" what do want?"

"I want to play a game: Simon Says."

"Simon Says?" whispered Twilight to Thomas.

"Children's game," Thomas whispered back. "I'll explain later."

"I'll explain now if you don't mind, pretty boy. It's simple: someone who is "Simon" tells some others what to do. If they fail to comply, there are penalties. If the person doesn't say "Simon Says" and the followers do comply, there are penalties. In this case, the penalties will be VERY deadly."

"What if we refuse?" asked Thomas.

"Instant death."

"I suppose we have no choice." grumbled Twilight. "I don't want to find out the hard way what happens after death in Tartarus."

"Excellent. In seven miles, you will find a lake with 2 jugs. Simon says head there and the rest will explain itself."

"Like you said, we have no choice." hissed Thomas.

SEVEN MILES LATER

"Oh my," whispered Twilight.

"Is that...?" gagged Thomas.

They had come to the lake, but forgot to ask "Simon" exactly what was in the lake. It was blood. On the bank were 2 jugs, one held 3 gallons, the other 5. In between them was a scale. Beneath the plate was a sign that read:

FILL ONE OF THESE WITH FOUR GALLONS AND PLACE IT ON THE SCALE.
IT WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY UNLESS YOU FAIL.

"Welp, let's get to it," said Thomas. "Even though it's blood. Yeech!"

"Hold on," said Twilight. "Let's think about this first. We can't use the 3 gallon one because 4 gallons is the requirement."

"But we have to be careful with the 5 gallon one because we can't use to much."

"Take your time. I'm in no hurry."

Thomas scowled. "No time like the present. So what do you think?"

Twilight thought long and hard. Then, "we could fill up the 5 gallon one.."

"Then pour one gallon into the 3 gallon jug..." said Thomas.

"Then we'd have 4 gallons!" they finished together. They tried it and then placed the jug on the scale. Almost immediately, a blue hole opened beneath it and the scale was sucked in, followed by a brightly lit pathway.

"Congratulations. Simon says follow the path for 90 blocks. Try and reach the next point in 30 minutes."

30 MINUTES LATER

"We...made it," panted Thomas.

"That..was a...run," panted Twilight. "Even those...tips from...the Running...of the Leaves...weren't as...much help."

"Aw, are the princess and her boyfriend plum tuckered out? No worries, so long as your brain cells aren't. On going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks. Each sack had seven cats. Each cat had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, and wives. How many were going to St. Ives? Two minutes."

"Oh dear," moaned Thomas. "That's a dizzy one."

"Not to worry, Thomas. Nothing a little mathematics won't handle. Seven wives with seven sacks...that makes 49. Can you guess the reset?"

"Hmmm...seven cats makes 343. Times the seven kittens makes 2401. Add them up, we get-"

"2793*!" They both said again.

Twilight grinned. "How long will we keep that up?" She started to speak. Twenty-sev-MMM!"

Thomas slapped a hoof over her mouth. "We forgot the man."

"Thomas, now's not the time. We only have 15 seconds left."

"But it's a trick riddle. The begininng said how many were GOING to St. Ives. The group met, but they ween't all going in the same direction. The man was the only one headed that way."

"If you're sure," Twilight was a little hesitant, but she spoke out. "Only one was going to St. Ives."

"Yes, but you are 5 seconds too late. You might want to run, late answers aren't acceptable." This was followed by a rumbling noise. The two tried to run as fast as they could again. They didn't get very far before a stalagmite appearerd, cutting them off. "HA HA HA HA HA! I DIDN'T SAY 'SIMON SAYS'."

"Twilight! Are you ok?" called Thomas.

"I think so!" called Twilight. "How about you?"

"I still have everything attached! What do we do now?"

"We'll see where our seperate ways lead and regroup when they meet!"

"Sounds like a plan!"

Twilight continued to trek along the ground. It felt like hours since she had entered a canyon-like area. Then again...time was always hard to tell in Tartarus. Better pick up the pace and get to Thomas pdq. He was the main reason she kept on going. Because she knew they would meet again soon. It was then she noticed the ground shaking. "What the...?" She looked up ahead and saw a cloud of dust heading her way. "Are those...HYENAS?!? IN TARTARUS?!?" Eyup, a whole cackle of them were heading her way. She started to fly away, but rocks hit her wings. She spiraled out of control and collided painfully against a ledge. She started to climb on, but the pain was too much and she began to slip. She noticed a silhouette of a pony, walking towards her. "Help me! Please!" she wailed.

The pony was revealed to be dressed in medieval black robes with a black stetson and hexagonal glasses covering a scar on the left eye. He had a black beard and straw colored mane. He strode calmly up to her spot then pressed her hooves against the cliff side. "Now's not the time," he mocked. "Don't mean there won't be a time. Do you understand princess?"

"I understand." said a voice. The stallion turned to see Thomas standing there. "I understand that you're a bucking wacko that likes to play foals games, that's what I understand, Simon, if that's even your real name."

"Hardly." He turned his head to Twilight and growled, "It's Iron Jem, court statistician, attendent to the king.^" With that, he thrust a screaming, wounded Twilight into the turret (Is that even a word?) of running hyenas.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Thomas. Iron Jem turned to deal with him...only to be tackled by the enraged stallion. "I ALMOST LOST HER TO THAT DENNIS HOPPER [censored]! I WON'T LOSE HER FOR GOOD!!!" With all his angry might, Thomas sent Iron Jem into the gorge where the hyenas were waiting for him. THomas rushed to the edge and called out out several times "TWILIGHT!" But she never answered. After a painstaking hour, he turned and went on, promising, "We'll see each other again Twilight. With Awdry as my witness and Faust as yours, we will meet again. I know it!"

But he didn't hear a voice saying, "Do you know what you'll go through, pretty boy? You have no idea."

Author's Note

*Most people say 2800, but they must estimate because 2793 is the product of 49, 343, and 2401.
^Also and avid lover of Jeremy Irons films.

I just saw Die Hard With A Vengeance. I had to watch the payhone riddle to get this right, plus a look on Google.

Iron
Jem

Irons
Jeremy