The Stress of Socializing
Starlight Glimmer put her hooves to her forehead, reeling with frustration, glaring at the arrogant suggestions of the book she laid upon the cold table, trying to learn the magic of friendship.
It had all seemed so simple at first: become a nice pony, learn to care about others, and make some friends. Now she didn't even know for sure if this was what she really wanted.
Maybe power and control was the better way after all, Starlight thought to herself, clenching her teeth in bitter resentment. 'Always greet your peers with consideration and compassion', gloated the moralizing passage she was reading, an entire book filled with proverbs of social kindnesses.
“I thought it would be easy to become a normal well-adjusted pony,” Starlight sighed loudly. “I just want to fit in with society again! Is that so hard?”
“It's never easy,” Twilight Sparkle assured her pupil, the princess of friendship trotting into the castle library study room. “No change for self betterment ever is.”
Starlight Glimmer looked up from her studies, frowning. Twilight Sparkle had a knack for intimidating truths. She seemed to always know what to say, her words striking as thunderbolts in Starlight's mind.
At first Starlight hated the alicorn princess, with all her heart. She wanted to stop her from speaking, from revealing the truth of her soul.
“Well, maybe I'm tired of how difficult it is!” Starlight huffed, slamming the book on Social Etiquette shut with her magic.
Twilight Sparkle reached out with a hoof, ignoring Starlight's flinch as she recoiled. She reached further with a wing, gently putting it over Starlight's shoulder, the unicorn relenting and accepting the gesture.
“There was a time when I felt as you do now,” Twilight gently conferred. “I was not always capable of interacting with other ponies. All I cared about were my books and knowledge.”
Starlight sighed and averted her eyes, sullen. “Yes, you've told me before. That doesn't make me feel any less envious of you, Princess Twilight.”
Twilight was the one to flinch now, frowning as she looked into Starlight's sad eyes. She only ever addressed her as such when she was feeling particularly melancholy.
“How about a break then?” Twilight offered with a quirky smile. “You can research whatever you like in the library for the rest of the day.”
Starlight looked up at the books, rising up towards the ceiling. “Really, you'd allow that?” she asked curiously, feeling oddly guilty for falling behind in her friendship studies. “What about making more friends? I still have to-”
Twilight giggled and hugged Starlight close, nuzzling her cheek, the unicorn shuddering with surprise. Starlight didn't mind too much, but she found herself still shocked by the suddenness of Twilight's affections, never expecting it.
“You need to pace yourself, Starlight. There is no rush. I am sorry that I began our studies with the implication that you had to hurry. You can take as long as you need. This is your journey, not mine.”
Starlight found herself squeezing the slightly larger alicorn close, hugging her as her mouth quivered, close to tears. “It's so difficult. I try, but I'm so broken. I am so terrible at having friends.”
Twilight felt a tear slide silently down her own cheek, sympathizing as she gently stroked her soft feathers along Starlight's back. “You will find your way. I know you will.” She did not add how very much Starlight reminded her of herself when she was younger, with all her social incompetence. They both knew it anyway, they were intelligent enough ponies to perceive how they shared patterns on social quirks.
Starlight pulled away, staring at the books and scrolls lining the shelves, suddenly very tired of all this learning. “I could just betray you at any time you know,” she grumbled moodily. “You know I can. You know I have the power.”
Twilight felt tension in her heart, beating faster for a moment. Starlight was never actually defeated, after all, but convinced through Twilight's diplomacy and offer of friendship to stand down. “You can, but then you will have done all this for nothing. You will have served as my pupil for nothing. You should not give up, Starlight Glimmer. I know you are stronger than that.”
Starlight stomped a hoof, turning to give Twilight an icy glare, a sociopathic coldness in her eyes for one split moment, reflecting her old days as a callous brainwashing cult leader. This alicorn princess, so clever with her words and supposed compassion, who did she think she was?
Twilight stood her ground though, frowning, her own eyes calculating. “You don't have to play these games with me, Starlight. I acknowledge you could still defeat me. But is revenge truly something you still crave?”
Starlight laughed softly, shaking her mane, a rueful smile on her face. “No. I just hate you sometimes, Twilight Sparkle. For how you always know what to say, to pierce into my heart. You know me better than I know myself. That is why I must submit to your will.”
Twilight sighed, sitting down upon the cold floor of her crystal tree castle. She gazed up at the plethora of books arranged, spread across like widespread wings, reaching up towards the ceiling. A small tree stood between the shelves, branches caressing the tomes of knowledge.
“Life isn't always serious and grim, Starlight,” the princess assured, ignoring Glimmer's glare. “I've seen your happiness and peace of mind too. So has Spike and the others. That is why I still believe in you.”
Starlight stomped a hoof again, pouting. It wasn't fair. Maybe she could beat Twilight in a magic duel, but she could never defeat her where it really counts: in the heart and the mind. “You would make a better cult leader than I ever did,” she grumbled.
Twilight Sparkle found herself rising to her feet at that challenge, her wings spread wide, angered by the suggestion. “Excuse me. Just because I have a way of reading ponies' hearts, doesn't mean I intend to abuse that power. Do you really think I'm just using you?”
Starlight Glimmer lifted a few books off the shelves, coolly ignoring Twilight's demand. She creased her mouth into a petty smirk, enjoying this brief moment of social power over her mentor. “Why not? I'm your pet project, I'm here to prove you're a true element of friendship,” she snapped, rapidly flickering pages of books and tossing them aside.
Twilight Sparkle folded up her wings, closing her eyes and letting out a heavy sigh. “Do you really think I do not care about you?” she asked. “That educating you as my thesis is all that matters?”
Starlight dropped the books, lifting up a hoof and shaking it in frustration. “No... no, I don't.” she admitted, while her mind screamed at her to deny everything, anything, just for another moment of power.
“All living creatures use each other, Starlight Glimmer, even if they care for each other,” Twilight Sparkle elaborated, walking closer to her pupil, reaching out to gently touch Starlight's shoulder with a hoof.
Starlight turned her head, searching Twilight's eyes. “We both have our own selfish reasons, but I know you,” her teacher declared, making her heart jump anxiously. Is this how Twilight felt around Celestia at times? “I have studied you, I have learned you. Yes, you are my thesis, but you are also my friend.”
Starlight laughed softly at that. “So, you admit that manipulation is alright sometimes,” she accused, trying to pull away, but Twilight's wing grasped her flank firmly.
Twilight smiled. “Teachers try to manipulate their students into being good little ponies, so I suppose so, yes.” She gave Starlight a gentle swat on her forehead with an outstretched wing. “There isn't a negative ulterior motive to everything in life, Starlight. You will learn that in time.”
Starlight nodded, touching her own forehead lightly, blinking. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. You might be the best thing that's ever happened to me,” she found herself saying, too impressed and stunned by her teacher to avoid such praise, biting her lip in embarrassment afterwards.
Twilight Sparkle giggled like a little school-filly, blushing a little. “I appreciate the compliment, but I hope that by the end of our studies, you'll find yourself to be the best thing that ever happened to you.” She poked Starlight firmly in the chest. “Friendship starts with being your own friend, after all.”
Starlight nodded numbly, overwhelmed again by Twilight's words. “I think I will go to my thinking place, in the castle gardens.” she replied softly, walking past Twilight, her shoulders hunched over and eyes to the ground, mind swimming. So much to learn still...
Twilight Sparkle let her student leave, watching her walk her own path for now. She had learned her own lessons too, knowing better now when to give Starlight her space, and when to deny it to her.
“I hope you find happiness someday still, Starlight... for longer than fleeting moments of joy,” the princess of Friendship whispered softly as the unicorn left her library, off to find some solitude, a need even the princess of friendship understood personally.
