I Burn

Ruby/Ruby

Ruby was walking through Canterlot Castle with a medal in her hands. It was polished to a mirror-like finish, and was intricately designed. She wasn't really paying attention to where she was walking, she was so absorbed in the reflective award.

The sound of a door opening caught her attention. "Miss Ruby?" Luna called out.

"Yes, Princess?" Ruby asked.

"Would you kindly come in for a moment?"

Ruby went in with a smile, Luna gently closing the door behind her. "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like your opinion on this piece of legislation." Luna vacated her seat and let Ruby take it.

Ruby looked over the legislation. "This bill proposes to, in the name of protecting the public, increase all taxes on bakeries. The fact is that more ponies spend more time in bakeries and consume more sweets from them, thus they lead less healthy lives. This legislation not only acknowledges, but counts on the tax increase to cause prices to increase, and for ponies to be able to afford fewer bakery items.

"This tax primarily targets bakeries, with restaurants facing a smaller tax increase if they sell anything a bakery would. This legislation will not target those who grow, harvest, and/or ship the ingredients they use. Baking in one's own home for one's family, friends, and guests is not to be targeted.

"If somepony is suspected of running a bakery from a home or business that is not set up as such, they can be subject to arrest, fines, and jail time."

Ruby looked at the thirty unicorn nobles at the table. Only the two to her right looked sincerely friendly, so she turned to the mare right next to her. "Hey, I never understood economics, so can you translate this into Stupid for me?"

"Of course," the mare said with a Prench accent. "Sir Safehouse's legislation will make all bakery products more expensive, with the stated intent of making them less affordable so that fewer items will be purchased and consumed. This would drive smaller bakeries out of business and make it harder to start a bakery. This would also affect the suppliers that rely on bountiful bakery business for bits, and to cover their losses, they would have to increase their prices, so getting the baking ingredients would be more expensive for both the individual and businesses."

Ruby blinked at the explanation. "Okay, I think I got some of that. Do you have a Low Stupid translation?"

"Tax hike make cookies expensive and rare."

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

Fleur turned the upset Ruby to face Sir Safehouse. "He's the one that wrote it."

"YOU!" Ruby declared with a dramatic finger point, slightly corrected by Fleur's telekinesis.

"Me?" Sir Safehouse asked.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IMPORTANT BAKERIES ARE?"

"Umm. . ."

"DATES! DESSERT! RELAXING AFTER WORK! GETTING A BITE TO EAT ON THE WAY TO WORK! GAMES! MEETINGS! TALKING! PARTIES! REWARDS! CATERING! YOU KNOW NOT WHAT IT IS YOU MEDDLE WITH, AND YOU CLAIM IT'S FOR PONIES' HEALTH?"

"To keep them healthy and in good shape, of course."

Ruby took a moment to collect herself so she didn't shout any further. "That coming from the roundest pony in the room? I've had cheesecake that's not as rich as that, and they make it really good at Sugarcube Corner."

Prince Blueblood spoke up. "Excuse me, but who exactly are you to make these claims? The legislation is sound in its word and spirit. With all due respect, your lack of knowledge in these legal matters makes all your claims against it null and void."

"And your lack of knowledge in bakery matters makes all your attempts to legislate it stupid, dummy."

Luna grabbed a blank piece of parchment and cast a quick photography spell to capture Blueblood and Safehouse's priceless expressions and make a note of the dialogue. There was no way she could keep it to herself; Celestia had to see it too. And maybe the newspapers too.

"I'm going home." Ruby got up and left.

Pinkie quietly joined her walk through the castle. When they came to an intersection that Celestia was about to cross, she zipped ahead with her open cookbook, causing both to stop. "Iwae! Ruby has done a heroic deed this day! With great passion, zeal, and lemon zest, she struck down a terrible piece of hypocritical legislation from Sir Safehouse, tailor made to sour the lives of all who tread upon the welcoming and sacred grounds of bakeries across Equestria! In her final counterstatement, she even insulted anywhere from two to twenty-eight of the thirty nobles that make the laws of this nation! Surely, they will think more-"

"At all," Celestia corrected.

"Surely, they will start to think things through in the future! That is all."

"Thank you, Pinkie."

Ruby couldn't help but clap at the Iwae. "Very good job, Pinkie. I needed that."

"My pleasure," Pinkie said with an exaggerated bow.

"If I may ask you something, Pinkie?" Celestia asked.

Pinkie bristled for a moment. "I am not going to share the secret banana cream pie recipe!"

"If twenty-eight nobles were insulted, which ones would not have been insulted?"

"Fancy and Fleur, duh," Pinkie said with a casual dismissive tone and gesture. "Everypony knows that."

"I suspected as much. If you'll excuse me, I need to take some time to glare at the nobles. Nopony threatens Pony Joe's like that and gets away with it."

"You go, Princess!" Pinkie and Ruby cheered at the same time as Celestia walked away.

Miranda/Weiss

"What are you teaching me today, Luna?" Miranda asked as she walked through the halls of Canterlot Castle.

"You will be learning the fine art of politics, my protege," Luna said with pride. "How to negotiate and read the bills, seek out loopholes, and think deeply about the written words, for they have power. You will also learn how to talk smoothly, to let them fall without anyone feeling bad. I've already given them special directions for today."

"Special directions?"

"The bills for this session are stacked up and ready for you to read in the order of your leisure, instead of being examined as they are presented. If you have any questions, I will be by your side, and there will be others there to answer your questions in depth."

Miranda thought it over for a moment. "Yeah, I think I can handle that. It sounds easy. I should be able to keep things smooth."

"Obvious power grab through the healthcare system." Miranda skewered the five inch thick bundle of a bill on Myrtenaster, the rapier held firmly in place by a glyph around the hilt. The stack of junk legislation was already over a foot thick, and the stack of good legislation did not exist. "Whoever thought of that just wants control."

"My protege-"

Miranda skimmed the first few pages of the next one. "Renaming places because the name offends some small group of ponies is stupid, a waste of bits, and an affront to history. Whoever came up with this should be ashamed of themselves." It was skewered.

"Miranda-"

Another one. "Bits from the crown to struggling families is just an incentive for laziness." Skewered.

Luna sighed.

The last one, one page long, was much simpler. "One subject per bill, any deviations result in dismissal of the bill." She did not skewer it. "Well, if we add a judicious slap to the face of an offending bill's contributor later, it'll be perfect." It went to the side. "Stack's done, session's over, go ahead and go do whatever you want."

"What about the refused legislation?" A mare (not Fleur) at the table asked.

"Thanks for the reminder." Miranda pulled the trigger on Myrtenaster and sent a blast of burn dust through the skewered papers, setting it all on fire. "All done. Get going." Once all thirty unicorns left, Miranda turned to Luna. "So who were they?"

Luna promptly facehoofed.

Ally/Blake

Ally was making a beeline from the award ceremony to the entrance of the castle. She did not want to be there longer than necessary, and did not care to mingle with those who wanted to praise her for their ends, which seemed like everyone except Celestia.

The beeline wasn't as easy to make as she'd wanted, and she got turned around a couple times. In one of these halls, she came across an open door, revealing Luna and a bunch of rich looking unicorns. Luna noticed her. "Ah, the newest hero of Ponyville."

"No."

"Come in, please. I'd like your opinion."

Ally looked at the papers in front of Luna and made her decision. "No."

"You dare turn down a personal request from a Princess?" Lady Gold Leaf asked. "Dare I ask why?"

"It looks like politics," Ally said. "I don't want to deal with politics."

"It's not that bad," Luna assured as she gently and firmly grabbed Ally's hand with her magic and pulled her in.

Ally, realizing she couldn't just leave, went along with it, though she went no further than halfway to the table, the point Luna let go of her. "So what is it?"

Luna floated a few pieces of paper over. "These are details of an orphanage funding progr-"

Ally drew Gambol Shroud and cut through all the papers. "No."

"You didn't even read it."

"I want nothing to do with this, as I said. Will you let me leave?"

"Would you kindly read some of these bills and provide some critiques?"

"My critiques are ready." She held up Gambol Shroud. "And they all have a sharp tone to them."

"Well, if nothing else, she is honest," Fancy Pants softly stated. "Princess, I would like to withdraw my legislation at this moment."

"As would I," Fleur added.

Bloody Marey picked her legislation out of the stack and floated it over. "Maybe if somepony else-"

Ally sliced the bill to ribbons. "No."

"Your Highness," Prince Blueblood started. "If this pattern of behavior continues, and there is little doubt about it, I propose we let her leave."

Luna considered the normally arrogant noble's words. "Very well. You're free to leave, Ally."

Ally left.

Sandra/Yang

Sandra sat down in Luna's seat and looked at the bill on top of the stack. "Hmm. . . Mhm. . . Flowers all over hospitals to make them more appealing and promote an atmosphere of healing."

"Yes," Lady Primrose said. "The better the mood, the better the healing."

"I live and work on a farm. How would that help me?"

Lady Primrose and others were taken aback by the fact that a mere farmer was sitting at the table, but she quickly composed herself before continuing. "Well, it would be a guaranteed source of income, no matter what."

"We grow food. Lots of it. We have that covered. What else could it do?"

"Well, flowers are easier to, oh what's the word?"

"Grow?"

"No no, the other end."

"Harvest?"

"Yes, harvest! And grow. You can grow them in pots."

"And take up precious resources like water, space, fertilizer, and time?"

"Oh come now, farming is easy. Seed, dirt, water, and it grows."

Sandra was not amused. "Uh huh. You really think it's that easy?"

Lady Primrose, somehow, was keeping up the haughty facade in the face of the questions. "Of course it is. Common ponies grow flowers for decorations and snacks all the time."

"Yeah. By choice. Have you ever been to a farm?"

"Why would a noble, any of us nobles, go visit a farm? They're dirty and so, so painfully simple."

"Is that really what you think a farm is?"

"Of course it is." Twenty-seven of Lady Primrose's peers nodded in agreement. Three guesses to the identity of the pair that facehoofed at the revelation.

Sandra turned to Luna. "Princess, may I take her to Sweet Apple Acres for an. . . Extended educational vacation?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lady Primrose squirm in her seat a bit.

Luna made a note. "Now is not a good time for that. Discuss the matter with the Apples and we can decide the details later."

"Thank you, Princess. Permission to leave?"

"Permission granted. Have a good day."

Sandra left to go back to Ponyville with a devious smirk on her face. Luna hadn't said No, after all.