Friends Help Friends
The phone rang.
I picked it up.
This is how it always goes.
“Thank you for calling Friends Help Friends. My name is Lifeline. How may I help you?”
There was breathing on the other end. The caller sounded hesitant, as if he, or she, were about to do something none too pleasant and were fearful of getting caught.
“H-Hello?” It was a stallion, young. His voice shook with each breath. He was…afraid. No. Anxious, perhaps? Yes, that was it.
“Yes. How may I help you?”
“Um…I’m sorry but I was told to call this number if I…if I ever needed help.” His voice cracked at the end. I could tell something was really bothering him. I imagined a poor figure huddled inside a phone booth somewhere, or perhaps at home, his hair disheveled and his coat ragged. He sounded at his wit’s end.
“Yes. This is Friends Help Friends. We’re here to help you,” I quoted the company motto. I had done this a thousand times and knew the rhetoric like I did the words of my favorite song. When you’ve been doing this as long as I have it all becomes second nature.
“I…I think I may need help.”
“You’ve called the right place. What’s your name?” I waited. When he didn’t respond I added, “I’m sorry. Are you hurt? Can you talk?”
“Y-Yes. It’s just…I don’t really know what to say.”
This was common. A lot of our callers were just confused ponies in desperate need of guidance. I was that guidance. “Just relax. I’m here to help you. Why don’t we start over? My name is Lifeline. What’s yours?”
He hesitated before answering, “Lucky Seven.”
I smiled. “Sounds like you’re one lucky guy.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath. “Please don’t. Everyone says that but the truth is…”
“Yes?”
“No one knows how hard my life is. Ponies hear my name and they just assume that I’m fortunate but it’s not true. It’s NOT TRUE.”
Tension. He was raising his voice. “OK. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to make you upset. Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong and maybe I can help you?”
“No one can help me.” I heard him bite back a sniffle.
“Of course not. Not if you don’t let them try.”
“I’m not lucky. I’ve never been lucky.”
I waited. “Go on.”
“I…I don’t know. I just think that life really sucks. I hate everything about it.”
“Tell me.”
Lucky Seven snorted. “You seriously want to hear my life story? Are you patronizing me?”
“No, Lucky. Can I call you that?”
He was silent. “I guess.”
“Lucky, I want to help you. But first you have to explain to me what exactly the problem is. I can’t do anything for you unless I know what’s bothering you. I want to help. But you need to help me too.”
There was fidgeting on the other end. “This is a mistake. I shouldn’t have called.”
“Why? Did some pony do something to you?”
“Why does everyone assume I’m weak? I’m not a foal!”
Tension. Easily jumps to conclusions. He was showing the signs. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to make you angry.”
“I’m not angry.”
“No?”
Silence.
“I didn’t want to call you,” Lucky said. “I just wanted to be left alone. Can you understand that? Can any of you understand that?”
“Any of who, Lucky?”
“Everyone!” He snapped. “Everyone is always telling me what to do. How to feel. What to think. How to act. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of everything!”
“Why do you feel this way?”
“I don’t know. That’s just it, don’t you see? I DON’T KNOW!” There was a loud sigh as Lucky, presumably, looked away from the telephone. I couldn’t hear any background traffic. He was likely someplace private, a home or an apartment. His room perhaps? Were he shouting in a public place surely some pony would have come to check up on him. “I just…I don’t know.”
He sighed. I waited. After what I felt like was a long enough silence for him to collect himself I asked, “Are you home?”
“I’m at my cousin’s place. He’s letting me stay here while I work.”
“And where’s that?”
“Manehattan.”
“Really? That’s where I’m from!”
He said nothing to that.
“So where are you from originally, Lucky?”
“Does it matter?” He sighed loudly again. “Some piss poor town at the ass end of Equestria. You wouldn’t know it.”
“Is it far?”
“Does that matter?”
“No. I’m just curious is all.”
Silence.
“So how are you liking Manehattan?”
“It sucks.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s my home and it makes me sad when others don’t feel welcome here.” There was a slight whimper at the end of my voice. I tried to sound hurt, to evoke some kind of sympathetic response from him.
It worked.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”
Well at least he wasn’t a total jerk.
“It’s not what I thought it would be.” Lucky breathed heavily into the phone. “This is supposed to be the city of dreams. But all it did was crush my dreams. Just like everything else.”
“What happened?”
“Look. I didn’t really want to call you, alright? Some pony thought you guys could help me and I thought I didn’t have anything to lose. I’m not talking to you because I want to.”
“That’s okay. But since you have, why don’t you tell me what’s going on? At least you wouldn’t have wasted your time, right?”
I could picture him mulling it over. I had to give him the power over the situation less his insecurities rebound and force him to hang up the phone. He has to feel in charge, to feel confident enough to trust in me. Otherwise, I could lose him.
“I’m sad all the time.”
“What makes you sad, Lucky?”
“Everything. I just can’t feel happy anymore.”
“When was the last time you were happy?”
“I don’t know. Back home, I guess. When I was a colt. Everything made sense then. Things were easy. Now life’s just a load of shit!” I heard something shuffle on the other end. A desk? A table? “Sometimes I just want it all to stop.”
Here it is.
“Lucky, are you contemplating suicide?” I asked hesitantly.
“No.” He answered. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t want to deal with the crap, the lies, the ponies…it’s all shit!”
“What is?”
“This! You. Me. Equestria. Everything. All the harmony. Friendship. Love. Peace. This whole country is fucking full of it!” There was the sound of furniture banging against the wall followed by a thump. “It doesn’t make sense. Every pony is just so happy. Everyone has friends and love. They all spend time together and doing things. They all smile and greet every day with excitement. They enjoy being who they are. I don’t. No matter what I do I just can’t be happy.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because I…”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know. I wish I could feel happy. I want to feel happy but…” Another thump. “I just can’t! Everyone is happy but me.”
“Do you feel like this all the time?”
“Yes.”
“And have you spoken to anyone else about this? A doctor perhaps?”
“Yes. And all that prick ever did was prescribe some antidepressants. They don’t work.”
“What do your friends have to say?”
He hesitated, “I don’t have any friends.”
“Why not?”
“Because I DON’T, okay?” I cringed on my side of the phone and was about to apologize when, “Because I don’t want any. No pony cares about me. They act like they’re all about loving each other but the truth is they all think I’m shit. Well guess what, I think they’re shit. I think everyone they know is shit. I don’t need them because…they’re all SHIT!”
“What about your cousin?”
“He hates me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he spends all his time away from me. He’s always working or going out with his marefriend. I never see him!”
“Maybe he’s just busy is all. I’m sure he loves you.”
“Don’t patronize me!”
“I wasn’t, Lucky. Listen, I have a sister who I almost never see. She just had her second foal and between raising her kids, her job, and her husband, we can’t hang out like we used to. I wish I could see her more. I miss her. I know she misses me too. But just because we don’t spend time together doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”
I waited for him to respond. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah.”
“So have you told your cousin how you feel?”
“He’s the one who gave me this number.”
“Really? Has he called us before?”
“I don’t know. Why do you care about him so much?”
“Ponies call us when they want help. If he did, then he might have been where you are now. Maybe he’ll understand.”
“He won’t. No one can.”
“Maybe I can.”
“No you won’t. You sound just like every pony else I’ve met. You’re all just so damned happy. You prance around in Celestia’s Sun all day long and party in Luna’s Night. You don’t have a care in the world.”
“That’s not true. Everyone has something that bothers them.”
“No. You don’t get it.” Lucky’s voice grew grim. “I’m not talking about jobs. I’m not talking about bad neighbors. I’m not talking about working late or dealing with rowdy kids or the crowds, or lines, or cheating spouses. I’m saying that every pony in this whole damn country is just too fucking happy. It makes no sense. It’s driving me insane!”
“What do you mean?” I leaned forward.
“I can’t be the only guy who feels this way. Everywhere I look, every pony I see, is just so…content. Even the grumpy ones, the ones having a bad hair day or who have stubbed their hooves. Sad ponies. Mean ponies. Angry ponies. They’ll all be smiling again soon enough.”
“Maybe they realize things aren’t that bad.”
“Then why can’t I feel that way?” Lucky cried. His breathing was becoming erratic. “Why can’t I just think like they do? Why do they get to feel better at the end of the day while I…I just wind up feeling like shit?”
“Do you think you’re the only one who feels this way?”
“Of course I am! I know I’m pissed off. I know I have no right go be this mad. But I can’t help it! They say I’m depressed.”
“Who says that?”
“Everyone! Aren’t you listening to me?” He growled. “Everyone thinks I’m just in a bad mood all the time. I don’t get why they’re in a good mood all the time. Friendship? Harmony? What does that have to do with not being like every pony else? Maybe I want to be bat-shit angry! Maybe I don’t want to make friends!” His voice rose with every word. “Maybe I just want every pony to back the fuck off and leave me alone! I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want to get to know you. I don’t want to socialize because I have to. I just want to be left alone. Why doesn’t every pony just…” He was seething now, “Fuck off!”
Breathing, Lucky Seven was on the verge of a full-fledged meltdown. I knew he was on the brink.
His next words, however, were much softer, as if he were a train that had lost all its steam. “I just want to be left in peace. Can’t I just…take a break? Can’t everyone just back off and let me be me? I don’t want to be mad. I don’t mean to be so angry. But I hate feeling like I should be like every pony else because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want fifty friends. I don’t want to go out every Friday night. I don’t want to be happy just because society expects me to be. I just…I want…I don’t…”
“What Lucky? What do you need?”
“I need to feel at peace.”
Silence.
I glanced at the side for a moment, nodding.
“Lucky…I think I can help you.”
He sniffed. “You can?” He sounded hopeful.
“Of course. It’s what we do. Friends Help Friends. I’m your friend, Lucky. This is the land of friendship, after all.”
“But that’s part of the problem. I don’t mind having friends, I just don’t want to be pressured into trying to befriend every pony around me. It’s not natural. I shouldn’t have to feel forced to be happy.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Oh I do. You see, Lucky, I once tried to kill myself.”
I heard him gasp on the other end.
“I was sad. Depressed. Kind of like you. I didn’t think I could go on in this world. I hated it. I hated myself. But then I called Friends Help Friends and you know what? I got the help I needed. Now I’m happy, but not because society expects me to be happy. Do you know why that is, Lucky?”
“No.”
“It’s because I have to be.” On the other end, I heard a knocking.
“I think there’s someone at the door,” Lucky said.
“I know. You see, Lucky, while we were talking, a couple of specially-trained agents were sent to your location. They’re with me, or rather, with Friends Help Friends. They’re here to help you, Lucky.”
“What?” I could hear the confusion in his voice. “I don’t…you sent them over here?”
“To help you, of course.”
“I don’t understand. What are they doing here?” The knocking sound came louder. “What do they want?”
“Open the door, Lucky.”
The agents were practically knocking the door down.
“No!” I heard Lucky cry out.
The door broke open. I heard gruff male voices followed by Lucky’s scream as the two agents entered the room. There was the sound of a struggle, things falling on the floor, cursing. “Get off me!” Lucky was screaming. Something hit the ground hard. I listened. “Stop! Who are you? Why are you…ow! Help!” Something heavy hit the floor. “Help!” Lucky’s voice sounded hoarse. He gurgled, “Sweet Celestia! Help me!” A final thump and all was silent.
Satisfied, I said, “Thank you for calling,” and hung up.
Ironic how he called out to Celestia at the end. Considering how he was belittling the kingdom she had built all those centuries ago, through tireless pain and struggle, through blood and sacrifice, it was nothing short of sacrilegious to call out to the goddess he had shunned. I made that mistake once. Oh I wasn’t as vocal about it as Lucky was. But my actions spoke for me. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry sometimes, but only for a short while. This was the land of friendship and harmony. Every pony was supposed to be happy.
Celestia wanted it that way.
This is why no matter where you went in Equestria it was almost impossible to find a pony who wasn’t content with life. Sure you had a few bad apples here and there, but that was to be expected. The real bad apples, the ones who were so sour they spoiled things for all else…those had to be taken care of.
Celestia wanted it that way.
Things were difficult at first. Having agents scouring the whole of Equestria for malcontents like Lucky wasn’t easy. There were a lot of towns and cities in Equestria. Even the benevolent goddess couldn’t have eyes and ears everywhere. But now technology had finally caught up with necessity. Now troubled ponies could simply just call the Friends Help Friends hotline and expose themselves for the troubled ponies they are. Now they could find the help they needed. Friends Help Friends would make them feel happy…whether they wanted to be or not.
Celestia wanted it that way.
Time for a water break! Grabbing my cup, I stepped out of the cubicle and entered the labyrinthine cellar deep within the Canterlot Palace. Rows upon rows of cubicles went as far as the eye could see, each filled with helpful ponies like me. We were all doing our very best to make Equestria a perfect and wonderful place to live one troubled individual at a time.
After having a drink of water, I marched myself back to my cubicle. All this helping sure was draining work and I was grateful that my superiors had seen fit to shave my head. It really did keep me cool in the stifling chamber, though it didn’t do much to hide the nasty scar across my head. Oh well. My bosses knew what they were doing. I am happy now, right?
I sat down just as another call came in. Putting on my best smile, I pulled on the headset.
“Thank you for calling Friends Help Friends. My name is Lifeline. How may I help you?”
Author's Note
I was feeling depressed today. Really depressed. Didn't get good news from the doctor so I needed an outlet. I often suffer from fits of depression, nothing serious mind you, but enough that I can empathize with Lucky Seven. It felt good to get this off my chest.
