Flirt salad...Yummy,Yummy!

by Sense of Humor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Second Person, Romance
Length: 3130

In which you, through hypothetical scenarios of all kinds, romantically interact with The Mane six and multiple other ponies.

A healthy series of scenarios that all involve you, the reader, and most of your favorite characters. Pretty much all of them though. Yep, pretty much.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-05 17:31:08 UTC

Asking Out: Twilight Sparkle

What on Equestria was that word?

What was that word that described that horrific emotion that all strived not to encounter? What was that dreaded feeling one got when they tried to harvest honey from a random wasp's nest and realize that Wasps did not make honey? The feeling when leap off a diving board more than fifty feet over the surface? When you add too much sugar to a recipe for cookies? When you stretch too hard in the morning?

Oh yes. Regret.

It's what you're feeling now, as you travel across the dirt roads of uptown ponyville and past the unsuspecting ponies around you. It's dug itself into your heart and it won't get out, because it was your idea to travel out here and do what you felt you had to do. You're regretting what might happen when you finally do it; the reactions you could get from it.

Now you're approaching the castle, towering over you like a judgemental teacher or a looming vulture, if vultures were made out of crystals. A swallow rolls down your throat but you don't hesitate to trot up the steps of the castle and push your way inside the royal building. From there, you pause in the lobby and nervously tap your hoof on the floor. A mare wanders into the room with her coat almost the color of periwinkle, and you recognize the familiar hairstyle with relief...not to mention the lack of wings.

One of your best friends, Starlight Glimmer, halts before you with a ghrin you wish that you had. "You're actually here to do it, huh? I thought you'd chicken out."

"Well, I didn't." You say through clenched teeth and inhale before sighing. "She's in the library?"

"When is she not?" Starlight asks you teasingly, which starts to fuel your usual fires of annoyance. "I still can't believe you want to date ."

"SHUSHUSHUSHUSHUSHUSHUSH!" You frantically waves your hooves in front of her and look towards the opening of the hallway. No peeking eyes await you, thankfully. "Geez, You wanna ask her while you're at it?"

She giggles but apologizingly nods. "Sorry, Sorry! I'll be on my best behavior! Promise."

You ignore her and slowly start towards the hallway, but regret hits you again; it formulates a whole bunch of scenarios, especially the likely one. It shows your crush laughing in your face and explaining that she's a princess and you're... Well, not royalty. Luckily for you, Starlight notices your hesitation.

"Go on! You didn't come this far to give up!" Starlight inches closer. "I can push you in, y'know."

"Thanks, Pal. But I think I'll be fine. Just wish me luck..." Were your famous last words. Then, you carried yourself down the hallway with determination and fixed your worried expression. There was no turning back for you now, because you were entering the library.

Just as you expected, Princess Twilight Sparkle was inside and wrapped up in a book.

Your eyes widened the same as they always had as she took notice of you. The beauty had her mane in a stylish sort of ponytail(the irony of it all), and it had stripes of red violet and pretty much the best shade of purple known. Her coat was just as purple as fresh grapes, which was perfect just as the rest of her. Your heart skipped a beat when you caught sight of her dark magenta colored orbs; hypnotizing circles that looked straight back at you.

"Hi!" Twilight swiftly picked up a bookmark from...somewhere, and placed it on the current pay of her book. She stood up just as you finally dragged yourself over to the alicorn. "Wasn't expecting to see you today! How ya been?"

"Er...Fine!" You told her with a slightly squeaky voice, before you coughed. "I'm fine. I see you're fine too! Not fine as in good looking, which you are but...uh...you look okay."

"Eh, I feel okay. Just me relaxing in front of a few new book series I got!" Twilight explained, holding up a book for you to see. Something called 'Maze Runner', not that you would really remember it to begin with. "While Spike deals with an egg incident that may or not have occurred in bedroom..."

"Egg incident?"

"You're better off not knowing, Trust me." She nervously chuckled about it while starting to hover above the ground with the aid of her wings. She was obviously about to put the book back on the shelf. "Anything you needed? Or was this just a friendly visit?"

This was it: the moment of truth. You could feel your heart as if it were some kind of sugar fueled hummingbird in your chest, banging against your lungs spastically. "Uh...Well...it's kinda both."

"Both? Oh do elaborate!"

"Alright...So, there's this question that I was going to ask you for the longest time..." You managed to spit out. Only about a thousand more letters to go. " not like, years or anything...just a few months! Yep, just a few months."

Twilight pushed aside two specific books in an attempt to put hers back in place. "...So? What's the question?"

"The question? Oh right! The question. The question is...It's... Would you like to, by any chance...go eat somewhere nice later on?"

"I couldn't hear you. Can you say that a little louder?"

"*sigh*...Would you like to go out to dinner later on?"

"Finally!" Twilight pushed the book the book in neatly and proudly looked at the organized rows. "You were saying?"

Exasperatedly, you speak just a bit louder. "Do you want to go out somewhere and eat later?"

Twilight tapped her chin with a hoof and shrugged. "I dunno. I have tons of food here, so I'd be fine at home."

So it was going to be one of those talks, huh? You could hopefully handle the suspense. "Well, suppose that...somepony was willing to buy you food? Just to...begin to show you how ...perfect you are?"

"It sounds like a nice gesture." The Princess declared with a smirk. That smirk, unlike most days, gave you a strange sense of dread. "But I have no idea who'd be willing to do that for little old me?"

"...you know I'm asking you out, don't you?"

"100%."

"And it was Starlight who tipped you off?"

"Right again."

You sighed hopelessly and started to make an embarrassed beeline for the door, not bothering to look behind yourself. "Well...Bye. I'm off to kill my former friend."

"Alright. You can pick me up aaaat...7:23? I'll have the rest of the books reorganized with this new algorithm I made up by then!"

"Sure thing." Before you could fully exit the room, the meaning of the words hit you like a swat from a manticore. You turned around to see the Alicorn smiling at you calmly, as if she hadn't said a word. But you literally heard them seconds ago. "Waaaaaaaaait...Are you saying that you actually want to...?"

Twilight nodded almost enthusiastically, which meant she was excited to some level about the whole thing herself. That multiplied your shock infinitely. "Even though it doesn't really matter...Why did you think I wouldn't say yes?"

"Heh heh...For starters, you're a royal magic weilder. Who happens to be an alicorn." You nervously smile, ears folding back against your head. The fact that she agreed to the date is still shocking. "And I'm just...Me. Were two opposites in a way, right?"

"Right. But opposites attract, something that should be proven when we go that resturaunt you were referencing." She turned her head ever so slightly and delivered an impressive, sultry wink free of shipping charges. Your eyeballs pretty much fell out of their sockets at that. "Besides, I've gotten along with you for nearly a year so far...and may or not have found you just a little bit cute. This will hardly be different, unless you're the kind of pony who counts better as different."

"I always took you for that kinda pony! Heh heh! And I promise you will not regret this night at all!" You promised her happily and turned to make your way out of the library with a polite farewell. As soon as you came into the hallway, your eyes took in the sight of Starlight Glimmer giving you a very innocent grin.

"So, did she say yes?"

"I still hate you." You smirked softly, raising your hoof towards her. She bumped her hoof with yours casually. "And I owe you the best thank you gift ever."

Fireworks

The setting sun would have been a very nice thing to look at right about now, if you weren't so busy following a certain pony. The natural splash and blending of colors was a spectacle beheld by pretty much all of Equestrian at varying times, and who would ever tire of seeing such glowing hues above a fading sun? Darkle purple descending into blue, blue descending into red, red descending into orange and yellow, and all of it descending into the blazing semicircle. Artists and photographers alike envy the perfect picture that is the sunset.

But you're not an Artist or Photographer. You're a pony dragged along for one of Trixie's adventures.

Yep, The Great and Powerful Trixie was leading you up a series of rocky outcrops this special night to perform some eye catching trick for all of ponyville to see some two miles away. The plan that she gave you somehow managed to slip your mind, so you often sighed and asked the same question. "Remind me what we're doing in this dangerous spot again?"

"You should really work on your memory. " The Aqua blue mare spat out a very big firework and turned to face you, a sultry smile aimed at you. Are there any better moments in the day besides that? "The Great and Powerful Trixie plans fire this baby into the sky, and it's magnificence will dwarf all the other fireworks. Then, Ponyville buys more of these fireworks and everyone has better products!"

You eye the firework again, and notice how homemade it is: made up of paper towel card board, cut out triangles and a cup. "Yes...All of Ponyville will love your design."

"Thank you. Took me half an hour to perfect, you know." Either she was deaf to sarcasm, or she was the master 'sarcasmist'. "And all that's left for me to do now is find the perfect spot to fire it from. But we're close to that spot, I can feel it."

"Sure. Right..." You sit down on the rock you've stopped above and gazed at what was once behind yourself. Ponyville was illuminated perfectly by the sunset, and you could spot ponies getting their own group of fireworks ready to be blown up. "Well, I'll just sit here and watch them then."

You could imagine her narrowing her amethyst, extremely attractive eyes at the back of your head. "Y'know...A good coltfriend would help Trixie find her perfect spot."

"And a Great coltfriend wouldn't." Was your retort. "Besides, if you do most of the work, you'll go down in history for such a good thing."

"Good point...but you're still only getting 10% of the profit...maybe 11%."

Your eyes roll in your head sarcastically, but you don't turn your gaze away from the town below. The fireworks setup looks like it's going to turn out nicely below you; they've got things in a circle and a star shaped setup within the circle. You couldn't tell how cool they'd look like from your distance, but some were big enough to rival your marefriend's homemade display. Speaking of whom, you hear a series of high pitched screams behind you that warrant your attention.

Trixie is prancing around helplessly, wide eyes focused on a tiny eight legged creature near her hooves. "SPIDER! EEEEW! IT'S SO HUUUUGE!"

You would've snickered at the never ending tradition of females being scared of spiders, but Trixie backed up away towards the edge of her rocky outcrop and she didnt notice it. You gasp and start to rush over to her just as she stumbles backward in surprise. You leap after her but feel a sick drop in your stomach when you see the sheer height that you're falling from. Once you both are close enough, you hug her tightly to minimize the amount of damage she'll take. It's eight seconds before you both bounce off a rock your back, which feels like somepony kicked you in the spine.

Several tumbles later, you stop flat on your back with an echoing thud and silence reigns for a few seconds. Trixie hyperventilates slightly and looks up from your chest, inspecting you closely. "A-Are you okay?"

"Ow..." Your spine pops in various places.

Trixie sighs angrily. "What is wrong with you?! You could have killed yourself!"

"You have an excellent...ow...point there." You move to your hooves as soon as she steps off you. "I am so sorry I saved you...ergh...won't happen again."

She was just about to angrily say something in response but she bit her bottom lip instead;She's cute when she's angry of course, and this only proves it. Eventually the expression softens."...Perhaps Trixie was...a little rude. Thank you for that...and sorry. Perhaps I should work on my spider issue? Heh heh..."

"Maybe." You offer with a wince. She gingerly touches your back with a hoof and it inadvertently stings you a little. "I'll be fine. Just my bones and muscles... They'll heal."

Trixie still looks a bit guilty about it, but she now turns her gaze to where you both came in. The nearest ledge that would allow either of you to climb is a good thirty feet up, and the opening to this cave suggests that you fell a lot further than you realized. "Please tell me you know how to levitate?"

"Are you crazy? Of course I do!" She gestured to herself with a hoof absentmindedly and tossed back her stylish lock of hair. "The Great and Powerful Trixie must know how to levitate for her performances."

"So you can get us out?"

"I can barely get myself two feet off the ground, let alone us both."

That was what you were afraid of. However, your search of the hollowed out part of the cave makes you notice a hole created by several conjoined and heavy rocks. It doesn't look that big, but it might be big enough for your marefriend to get out of. "Maybe you could try getting through that hole?"

Trixie eyed it curiously before she shrugged; she would at least give it a try. The unicorn frowned at you as if you should be doing something obvious. "I'll have to take off my cape. Maybe you should turn around?"

"I'm naked too, but I don't see you complaining about it." Just before you comply you spot her blushing, annoyed face. One sound of capes rufflng later, and Trixie was wiggling her upper body through the hole. She doesn't move forward very much as soon as she's about to get her hips through, something that starts to frustrate her.

"I'm stuck."

"I can see that from here."

She pauses for a second. "Are you staring at my flank?"

"...No. I'm looking at your hooves..." You say less than convincingly. Even if she couldn't see you, she could tell when somepony was looking...always. "And given our relationship, I thought it was okay to do that?"

"Not now! We're still in the middle of business! If this were some romantic mishap, then maybe...wait, I'm not going to discuss that right now. "Trixie kicked helplessly against the rocks, and you began to walk over with a sigh. "Just get me out of here please...and I swear, if touch my flank-"

"I'm not gonna touch it! Geez!" You hooked your forearm under the part of her stomach that was left slowly to avoid causing her pain, and she squirmed randomly. Biting back a sigh, you grimly frowned. "What now?"

"That tickles!"

Your strength eventually manages to pull her loose from the hole, and soon you're left to think of something else. You're close to ponyville, but not enough to really be heard if you scream. However, you were close enough to be seen by somepony with just the right attention-grabber.

You looked at Trixie with an intelligent grin. "Trixie, Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

The unicorn blinked, obviously confused. "I think so, but Twilight never uses mascara to begin with."

"No, Trixie!" You rolled your eyes and pointed at her firework. "We'll use this to signal the others that we're here!"

"Well...I suppose I wasn't really going to make a profit off of these, huh?" Trixie questioned, her voice dripping with gloom.

"I promise I'll buy ten of these things later." You set it up near the opening you both fell from, so that it should rocket out of this place. Trixie lit the fuse and stepped back to wait on it's destined explosion. The firework is finally ignited and rises up five feet into the air, where it explodes into the dimmest light as well as a huge cloud of smoke.

You turn to share at Trixie slowly. "That...was your firework?"

"Sorry..." She mutters. The mare trotted over to rest her body beside the small hole, which was shining less light. The depressed look on her face makes you cringe, but slowly go to rest yourself next to her.

"It could've been worse." You offer slowly. "We could've gone alone and been trapped here alone."

She pouts at you, but you can tell her spirits have been slightly. "Trixie agrees with that...But we still have to wait a little longer for somepony to find us. We're still stuck down here."

You shrug as best you can and smile softly. "There's no pony else that I'd rather be stuck with then."

"Don't start making mushy love sentences..."

"Come ooon! I know you liked that one. I can see you blushing."

She turns her head away from you. "Now you can't."

She reluctantly scooted her body closer to yours, and you can feel the smoothness of her coat;how warm it was. The mare rested her hat nearby, allowing the rest of her perfect platinum blonde hair to be seen. You must've been gazing a little too long because she narrows her eyes at you. "What? Something on my face?"

Your cheeks heat up, something that you really hate. "No, it's just...you know..."

Trixie rolled her eyes with a perfect smirk shaping her lips...just before those lips pressed against yours for the most of five seconds. It could have been ten minutes of this blissful feeling and you both might still not get enough of it.

Your marefriend pulls away slowly and shyly grins. "I know. I love you too."