Except Cadence, Cause She's Already Married
Discord was having a relatively normal day. Well, as normal as you can get for a god-like being of chaos. Until, of course, three of Equestria's princesses started hanging around. But, for sake of clarity, let's go in order.
It started with Twilight.
Now, Discord was bored. So he thought to himself, why not hang around with Twilight? Why he thought that, and not of dear Fluttershy, nopony knows. Maybe he knew what was going to happen. Maybe he just wanted to annoy Twilight. Maybe both. Whatever the reason, he chose to walk for seemingly no reason at all. But before he could get to her castle, she found him first.
“Oh, h-hey Discord,” Twilight said nervously, her eyes darting from left to right.
“Twilight! Fancy meeting you here. In fact, I was just looking for you,” Discord said nonchalantly.
“You were? Why? Why would I possibly be the interest of somepony like you? Not that you're special to me or anything. Why would you be eheheh...”
“Twilight, are you alright? You seem nervous,” Discord asked her, concerned.
“I'm fine. Absolutely peachy! I was just uh... Going to tell the um... Stallion, yes definitely a pony stallion, that I have a crush on, that I have a crush on him! I just... I don't know how?” Twilight responded, still jittery. She wished her last statement didn't sound so much like a question.
“Oh, that's easy! Just tell him exactly how you feel, and if he doesn't feel the same way, it won't be the end of the world! See? Easy as-”
“Discord, I love you!” Twilight blurted out before Discord even finished speaking.
“Wait, me?!”
“Uh... Yes?”
“Why in Equestria would you have a crush on me?!” Discord demanded. He wanted an answer. Especially since he could've sworn she liked that one pegasus... What was his name? Clash Century? He couldn't remember. He'd look at the character list later. Right now, however, he had to deal with a mare who was apparently in love with him.
“Because, to be honest... You're kinda cute. Not that that's the only reason... You're also fun to hang around. Is that... Do you not like me that way?”
Crap.
“I uh... Oh look at the time! I have a meeting with Luna that I forgot about until just now and it's at... Right now o'clock! Sorry, Twi. Gotta go!” he jabbered, snapping his talons as he finished.
He vanished.
Reappearing with a 'poof' in Canterlot, he figured he might as well go see Luna. Deciding he might as well take the scenic route (and perhaps stop for a snack), it took much longer than Discord wanted.
“Excuse me? I don't care when I get there. Change that immediately!”
(Ugh, fine)
...it took Discord a while to get there.
(Happy?)
“Yes. Now. Continue.”
Luna saw him coming a ways off. But, since Discord was taking his time, she had time to prepare for his visit. And she prepared... for something special.
When Discord arrived, Luna immediately opened the door and pulled him inside.
As soon as he was inside, Luna shut the door. Discord observed his surroundings.
Luna's bed had been set up as a table. There was a covered dish close to the edge of it, between two plates. There was a bottle of wine resting in some ice next to the bed. A blue aura (obviously Luna's) lifted the lid of the dish to reveal a large bucket of ice cream.
“Really. Ice cream?”
(Would you prefer something less random??)
“Mmm no, just thinking you could do better.”
(I swear if you make me bump this to teen I will strangle you)
“Sorry. Ice cream works. Go on.”
...a large bucket of ice cream.
“Discord, who were you talking to?” Luna asked, confused and feeling slightly like she was just robbed of something.
“Oh, just the author. She's being rude.” Discord replied waving her off. “Now, could you explain to me why your bedroom currently looks like one of you ponies fancy pants restaurants?”
“Ah. You're breaking the walls again. Well, uh, tell her I said hi,” Luna nodded. “And as for your question, I was just trying to give you a treat. Do you not like ice cream?”
“No, no. Ice cream's fine. Just a bit cliché. And that's not what I asked. I asked why your room was made to look like a restaurant. Not that I mind. I love what you've done with the place! But why'd you do it?” Discord asked, getting uncomfortably close to Luna for her.
“Oh uh... Eheh... No reason!?” she wished it didn't sound so much like a question. Discord still eyed her suspiciously.
“No reason? Or have you caught a case of the 'Let's all suddenly develop a thing for Discord we didn't have the day before!' like dear Twilight earlier?”
“Twilight has a thing for you toooo- Iiiii mean, Twilight developed a thing for you?”
“Luna.”
Said mare sighed. “Yesss... But at least I tried, right?”
“I can't believe this. I would think you of all ponies wouldn't even care. Where's your sister? She's the only one who acts like a sane pony,” Discord grumbled, snapping his talons.
Luna laughed. “'Sane,' ha! If anything, she's had it much longer than Twilight or myself!”
But Discord was already gone.
Poofing into existence in Celestia's throne room, Discord was surprised to find Celestia alone. He figured it must be around six in the evening, when the day court was closed for the day, and Celestia was having dinner. That would explain Celestia's surprised expression upon his appearance.
“Discord? What in Equestria are you doing here?” she asked, calmly despite her shock, centuries of practice coming into play. “Not that I don't mind the company, but-”
“Oh, no reason,” said draconequus answered, quickly continuing. “Except perhaps that I came to tell you that I fear not only you student, but also your sister has gone a bit... Crazy? Insane?”
“Discord, I fear you aren't making any sense. Could you describe how they're acting so, as you put it, crazy?”
So Discord told his tale, leaving out the parts where he argued with the author, and Celestia looked crestfallen as his story came to an end.
“...and then I came to see you about it, and you know what happened next.”
“I... see. Are you sure you don't know how you feel about them?” Celestia asked, choosing her words carefully.
“Pretty sure. Why do you ask?” Discord questioned, squinting at Celestia. When she didn't answer right away, Discord facepalmed*. “Don't tell me. You like me too.”
Celestia seemed to shrink a bit. “W-Well, you could say that, b-but it's just an old feeling I had th-thought ceased a long time ago...”
She was shaking.
Discord didn't even think. He just went in for the hug, causing Celestia to gasp in surprise.
“I'm not mad, Celestia, just confused. Why would anypony, let alone you, love somepony like me?” Discord whispered in her ear, causing her to bury her muzzle into his chest.
“I-I don't know. It just h-happened...”
“Celestia, I need you to take a deep breath. Can you do that?” Discord said, surprisingly calmly. Celestia nodded, starting to calm down after doing so. “Much better. Now, why don't you try to talk without panicking again.”
“O-kay. Thank you, Discord. I guess I needed that.”
“Oh no, don't get sappy with me. Please I beg you!”
Celestia laughed. She didn't giggle lady-like, she laughed. “I think we are long past sappy. Probably at cliché if anything.”
“Darn you fluffy! I told you no clichés!”
(And I told you not to swear.)
“What happened to being unbiased, then!”
(I can't help it)
“Discord, are you breaking walls again?”
“Of course. What do you expect me to do when I'm put in a cliché event?” Discord pouted.
“Tell off the wri...” her mouth formed an 'o.' “Well then.”
“Fluff, could you please just finish this? This is getting boring and repetitive.”
(What about Cadence? I haven't done her yet!)
“Leave her. She's married anyway.”
