Applejacked

Using the towel from last night, Applejack worked to wipe off as much of the gunk as she could from her face and chest. When her brother next came to the door and knocked, she opened it only enough to reach through and grab the clothes, calling out a quick "thanks" as she did before shutting it again.

Getting dressed -- even with her brother's clothes -- wound up being a bit of a challenge. The flannel shirt Macintosh had given her fit... sort of. She was able to pull it on and do a few of the buttons, but that had been tough. The result had her ample breasts pressing against the fabric, stretching it tight across her chest. She could easily see the tips of her nipples poking through the fabric. Fabric which made it all the more difficult as the soft material rubbed against the sensitive nubs with even the slightest movement, provoking them into a perky state and sending small tingles of pleasure through her body. The main part of it was so strained that she was pretty certain it would tear if she breathed too deeply. The sleeves, however, were less fortunate, tearing apart in several places when she moved her arms.

The pants, however, were useless. Applejack could not even get them up over her thighs, much less even try to fit her ass into them. Especially after one hard yank where they tore along the inner seams. Instead, she went back through her own closet, looking for something that would cover at least part of her lower half. It took using (what had been in her original size) a floor length skirt, some scissors, and a couple of belts, but she was able to create at least a passable skirt for herself. It was a bit on the short side, not even reaching her knees, and parts of her sac and dick could be seen poking out from the bottom of it, but did cover it up for the most part. Hopefully as long as she was careful, it would be enough to keep her new equipment from being noticed by every pony she came across.

Too bad she could not do something about the boost in height and muscle, but at least this way she would not have to be arrested for indecent exposure.

Apple Bloom had stayed the night with her friends, so there was no need to try and explain to a twelve year old what was going on, especially one that could be extremely curious and kind of stubborn. Granny Smith was either in the kitchen working on breakfast, or in bed and still asleep. Either way, it meant that Applejack could get out without having to explain to her what had happened.

Big Macintosh, however, had been in the living room when Applejack came down and caught sight of her. The stallion's eyes went wide as he took in his sister, his gaze going from her chest, up to her face, then down along her entire body. Macintosh's gaze came back to Applejack's waist, staring at the skirt and -- it was probably safe to assume -- what was sticking out from underneath it.

A massive warmth spread across Applejack's face, making it feel like it was on fire. Her first urge was to grab the front of her skirt and pull it down to cover what was still sticking out. That seemed like a bad idea though. Considering what she did to get the skirt on and what happened with the jeans, one good yank would probably rip the whole thing to shreds. She would just have to keep calm, get past her brother and hurry to Twilight's castle.

Oh, Celestia! Applejack thought as her own gaze noticed the massive swell in the front of her brother's jeans. She could not believe that she was seeing him like that because of her. Why? What could possibly turn him on about this?

With a shake of her head, she pushed the thoughts aside. Moving as quick as she comfortably could, Applejack pushed her way past her brother and headed out the door. She had more important matters than the fact her brother was secretly a pervert.

Still being early in the morning, the day was nice and cool. There was even a slight breeze, which felt nice against Applejack's bare fur. It especially felt nice against the underside of her skirt. Normally, Applejack wore jeans, saving the skirts and dresses for formal events or when Rarity practically insisted on something more "dressy." Additionally, barring when she chose to sleep naked, Applejack wore underwear. Specifically, plain panties, although she had added colors other than white to it at her friend's insistence ("Well it's a start," Rarity said).

She had never gone out in a (relatively in this case) short skirt and no panties. It was actually kind of enjoyable. She would have to try it again once she was back to her normal self. What would it be like to feel the breeze across her vaginal lips? The whole thing would also be kind of naughty. Walking around, seeming like normal, but a part of her easily exposed for the world to see if she jumped, bent over, or got caught in a strong breeze, or some pervert pony could sneak a peak at her pussy and ass. The whole idea was kind of arousing.

A twitch from between her legs brought her mind back to the present. Looking down, Applejack found the front of her skirt rising up as the shaft beneath it began to grow hard and erect.

"No, no, no!" she cried out. "Not that! Not now!" Grabbing the front of her skirt, she pulled it down to try and cover the growing erection she was now getting. The fabric pressed down against the shaft before tearing, coming loose in Applejack's hand and leaving a gap in the front for her erection to be seen easily with.

"No, no, no. I can't walk through Ponyville like this."

There had to be something she could do. Something to get rid of it.

Maybe I don't need to do anything, she thought. Maybe If I ignore it, the thing will just go away on its own. I'll just keep going, ignore it, and it should be soft again by the time I get to Ponyville. Then I can just turn the skirt so the tear's on the side, and everything'll be fine and dandy.

Doing her best to follow her own advice, Applejack took a deep breath, slowly let it out, and then walked along like everything was perfectly normal.

The cock, however, seemed to have other plans. It stood out hard in front of her, bobbing and wobbling with each step. The length pulsed and throbbed, sometimes leaking a little bit of pre from the tip. No matter how much Applejack tried to ignore it, it just would not go away. If she did not know better, she would think the thing was being willfully defiant, refusing to do what she wanted and trying to get her attention.

By the time she had gotten close enough to see Ponyville's buildings, it was pretty clear to Applejack that her erection was not going to disappear soon. She could not make it to the castle without being noticed, especially with that sticking out in front of her. There would definitely be ponies up and about before she got there, and there was no way they would miss a seven foot plus tall Applejack in an overstuffed shirt and torn skirt sporting a massive rock hard penis in front of her.

Rarity.

Carousel Boutique was closer than Twilight's castle, and this early Rarity would be up but not opening yet, so there would be fewer ponies along the way. Plus, Applejack knew some of the back roads and alleyways that lead to the boutique. That would help keep her from being seen until she got there. She just had to hope that she could get there without drawing too much attention. Rarity was a clothes designer and friend. She could come up with an outfit that would hide the problem. Maybe even let Applejack use the bathroom to take a cold shower, see if that actually does anything about it.

Getting closer to Ponyville, Applejack stepped off the road and started to move toward the back of the buildings. Once at the wall, she pressed tight against it. Slowly, she moved to look around, making sure that nopony was around to see her. Certain that she was safe from view, she sprinted to the next house. There, she repeated the process. As she did at the next, and the next, and the next. Several times, she even found cover to hide behind. A few times there were ponies nearby, but she managed to get past them unnoticed. Until, finally, she reached one of the neighbors to Carousel Boutique.

Okay, Applejack though, just need to run for the door as fast as I can and hope it's unlocked already. And that no ponies suddenly show up.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed away from the building and ran for the door as fast her as her legs could carry her. The sound of fabric tearing reached her ears, but did not exactly register. Her shaft swayed back and forth with her movement, and her sac smacked against the inside of her thighs. Reaching the door, she grabbed the knob and gave it a twist.

Locked.

Of fucking course it is, Applejack thought with a growl. Well, there's only one thing to do now.

Raising a fist, she started pounding on the door as fast and hard as she could. It shook and rattled in its frame, but held, and it the pounding could probably be heard through the entire boutique and house.

"RARITY!" shouted Applejack. "Open up! It's an emergency! A..." she swallowed. "... A fashion emergency!"

As she pounded on the door again, it popped open, causing Applejack to stumble forward and smacking her face against the framework. Quick as she could, she crouched down and darted inside, slamming the door behind her. Safe inside the boutique, she let out a sigh of relief, her body relaxing.

As she looked down, it dawned on Applejack that her shirt had torn open and her breasts were now exposed as well.

Good thing I came here, then, she thought as she tugged at the tatters of fabric.

"Applejack?" Rarity's voice called out from upstairs. "Whatever is matter, darling? You never come visit so early, and I don't recall you ever using the term 'fash...."

Reaching the entrance to the main room, Rarity stopped. Her mouth fell open as she stared at Applejack, eyes wide. She let her gaze drift up her friend's body to her face, then down along her body.

"Oh, my," Rarity gasped out, taking a step back. "What did you do to your skirt?!" She then stepped forward. "And what is... Oh..."

Turning away, the white fur of Rarity's face took on a deep pink.

"Eyup," Applejack sighed out, moving away from the door. "Need to get to Twilight's so she can fix this, but can't exactly walk through town like this. So if you could whip somethin' up quick as you can, I'd really appreciate it."

Rarity looked at Applejack again, hands on her hips as her eyes narrowed.

"I do not simply 'whip something up,'" she stated. "I put a lot of thought and effort into my work, as you are well aware." Her anger faded and features softened. "However, I can see the need for urgency in such a matter. I should be able to create something basic for you to wear in a few minutes."

Turning around, Rarity left the room once again.

"Come along," she called out. "I need you to take off those rags and get some new measurements if I am to make something for your current... attributes."

Applejack followed after the other mare, leaving the main room and heading into the boutique's workshop. It was much more crowded than the front, in a disarray that Applejack would call "cluttered" and Rarity referred to as "organized chaos." There were more bolts of various cloths and colors than Applejack could even count or name. Against one wall was a drawing desk covered in multiple sketches, with more surrounding the floor below. Dressing dummies stood near a sewing machine, several wearing outfits in various states of creation.

Rarity moved toward the desk, horn glowing with the pale blue of her magic. Her energy took a hold of a measuring tape from beside the sewing machine while she grabbed a notepad and pencil from beside the drawing desk. She also grabbed her glasses and put them on before returning to Applejack.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Rarity asked, raising one of her eyebrows. "I told you to take those off. They are not exactly providing you with any sort of modesty as it is."

"Right," Applejack said as she worked to undress. Since it was pretty much torn apart, she went ahead and just ripped off the rest of Macintosh's shirt. Surprisingly, the buttons were still attached, it had been the seam right next to them which had torn for some reason. Then she undid the buckle that held the two belts around her waist together, letting them fall to the floor as well. The remnants of her skirt fell from her hips, catching on her tail and erection. With a growl of frustration, Applejack tore the skirt in half, letting it fall away.

With Applejack now standing there completely naked, Rarity started measuring her. As the large farm mare stood there, she took in the details of her friend from the new angle. At the moment, Rarity came up to Applejack's breasts, about eye level with her nipples. The smaller mare was dressed in a rather basic outfit, a white blouse and black skirt. It was an outfit that Rarity wore pretty regularly, especially when her plan for the day was primarily to work at the boutique. Except this time, Applejack noticed something more than she before about her friend's outfit.

Her cleavage.

From what Applejack understood, Rarity was very close to the unicorn ideal of feminine beauty. She had breasts on the large side of medium, wide hips, a "heart-shaped" butt, and toned thighs. She also had a little bit of fat to her, enough to give her curves and a smooth stomach instead of a plush build like Fluttershy, or extremely lean and muscular like Rainbow Dash.

It was something that Applejack had kind of known about her friend, but had never really paid much attention to it. Now, however, she could not help but notice. As she stood there, her gaze was primarily on that soft looking, ample, white cleavage. It looked so inviting. So warm and soft. Perfect for groping, kneading, suckling, or planting her--

"Applejack," Rarity whined out, "can't you do something about your... thing? It's making things rather hard... er... difficult for me."

Brought back to the present by the request, Applejack looked at Rarity who seemed to be looking at her erection. The thing was sticking out, fully hard and proud. There was even a glistening wet spot on the head, starting at the slit, and running down to the edge. The length gave a twitch, causing a gasp from Rarity.

"Sorry," Applejack said, shifting her weight. "Can't really seem to control it. Swear that if I didn't know better, the thing had a mind of its own. or something."

"Hm," Rarity replied. "A common complaint I recall hearing from many a young stallion." She reached out, placing a hand against the underside. "Still, I suppose that I should take some measurements. For your outfit, I mean."

Her grip tightened against the underside of the cock and stroked up toward the head. The motion caused Applejack to moan out in pleasure, her length twitching as more pre-cum formed on the tip. Rarity's other hand then gripped the shaft at the medial ring, pressing gently and lifting the length. The measuring tape held in her magic moved to the shaft, running along the upper side of the length. It then moved to the underside, Rarity's hands moving out of the way to let her get an accurate measurement from sac to head.

"Oh, my," Rarity purred out as she looked at the number, writing it down.

"Uh, Rarity?" Applejack asked, shifting as she felt the small hands running along her length.

"Sshh," Rarity hissed out, taking a step forward. "I need to concentrate on your --" she licked her lips "-- measurements."

The measuring tape floated to the base of the shaft, wrapping around it to give an indication of the circumference. It then moved up along the length, stopping to repeat at the medial ring. The tape then moved up to just behind the head, and finally around the crown itself. Each measurement gave a squeeze around the shaft, and the tape stroked the length as it moved, eliciting a moan from Applejack.

"Darling, really," Rarity huffed out. "I can't take accurate measurements if you keep throbbing and twitching like that."

Applejack tried to apologize, but could only moan out as magic engulfed her scrotum, running across the surface and teasing the sensitive balls inside. It was then joined by the measuring tape. Applejack could only stand there as her sac was stroked, squeezed, rubbed, and massaged by Rarity, letting out small whimpers of pleasure. Each touch, gentle or rough, caused the length to twitch, more and more pre leaking from the tip and now dripping onto the floor. Every drop made a larger and larger puddle on the floor, and filled the air with the aroma of Applejack's musk.

Finally, she was released from Rarity's grasp, causing her to let out a sigh of relief.

"Now that we have that taken care of," Rarity said as she took off her glasses, "we should see if we can get it into something more... manageable." Bringing her hands up to her blouse, she began to undo the buttons.

"Uh...Rarity?" Applejack asked. "What are you doing?"

"I don't want to get my blouse messy," Rarity answered as she took her shirt off and folded it up. Her magic took hold to set it down while she reached back to undo the clasp of her white bra with pink lace.

The sight of her friends bare breasts left Applejack speechless. She stood there, staring at the soft white mounds and erect pink nipples. She wanted to touch them. To lick them. To watch them as they bounced back and forth as Rarity moaned with pleasure while riding--

No, Applejack thought with a shake of her head. No. This ain't right. I should stop this. I should do something. I should... Her thoughts grew fuzzy as her shaft was gripped and stroked again.

"Such a big, beautiful cock you have here, Applejack," Rarity purred out as she got onto her knees. "It would be quite a shame if you did not get at least some pleasure from it before it was gone."

Leaning forward, she pressed her nose against the underside and took a deep breath, a moan escaping her.

"What a lovely aroma. So masculine. So virile."

Closing her eyes, her dainty tongue slipped out from her mouth. The tip pressed against the shaft, rubbing the medial ring before slowly sliding up along the length. At the same time, her hands gripped the side, slowly stroking down toward the base. One hand stopped at the base, squeezing gently, while the other stroked down over the sac, feeling one of the balls inside. As she reached the tip, Rarity licked up some of the escaped pre before leaning in to give a kiss on the slip. Strings of the clear fluid ran from the head to her lips as she pulled away. Opening her mouth wide, she moved forward again. her lips pressing against the top and underside of the cock. Slowly, she moved up, running her mouth over the head to the top before pulling away.

"I can't fit it in my mouth," Rarity declared with a slight pout. "Such a shame." Her tongue slipped out to clean the fluid from her lips. "A cock as magnificent as this deserves to be properly pleasured."

Okay, this is getting weird, Applejack thought. Well, weirder. Rarity ain't usually like this... although I've never seen her with a stallion in a situation like this.

Crawling closer, Rarity pressed her chest against the massive dick, pressing her breasts against the underside. She gripped at the upper side of it with her hands, pulling it against her. Slowly, Rarity raised and lowered her hips, moving her entire body up and down. Her hands squeezed and stroked along the medial ring as her chest and breast ran along the length, warm body and soft fur teasing along the sensitive flesh. Each time she got as low as she could, Rarity would press her tongue out, running it along the head and slit as she slid up before pulling it away again.

The sensation was incredible for Applejack. This entire thing was still new to her, so she had felt nothing like this before. Yes, she had done something similar to herself earlier, but for whatever reason, that had been nowhere near as good as what Rarity was doing to her now. Every stroke, every lick, every squeeze, sent pulses of pleasure through her body, especially the teasing of her cock head. She could now understand why stallions seemed to like it so much.

It disappointing when it suddenly ended, Rarity's body pulling away.

"I just can't resist it any more," Rarity declared as she stood up and took a step back. "I simply need that thing inside me."

Her hands slid down her body to her hips, then stroked along the waistband of her skirt, moving toward the back. Her back arched as she undid the button and zipper, her breasts pushing out in the process. The skirt fell away to reveal her white and pink lace panties, wide, curved hips, and toned legs. The front of her underwear were soaked to the point that they were practically see through, and clung to her vaginal lips.

"Mmm," purred Rarity, "like what you see, do you?"

Her grin grew wider as she slipped her thumbs down into the waistband. Slowly she pushed the panties down, the fabric peeling away from her stomach and hips as it rolled down her thighs. Slowly, they revealed her purple pubic hair trimmed into the shape of a diamond and her swollen vaginal lips before joining the skirt on the floor.

Magic lit up from Rarity's horn, her aura engulfing Applejack. It lifted the larger mare up off her hooves and set her down on her back.

"Uh, Rarity?" Applejack asked as she found herself being laid down on the floor.

"Just lie back and relax, darling," Rarity said. "I assure you that we both shall enjoy this."

Hips swaying back and forth with each step, Rarity made her way toward the now prone Applejack. Her tongue slipped out to like her lips as she looked down at the other mare. Standing above Applejack, Rarity crouched down, the muscles in her thighs flexing and the movement spreading her nether lips apart enough for Applejack get a flash of her inner pinkness. One hand reached out to press against Applejack's stomach, feeling the muscles and helping Rarity steady herself. The tender nether lips touched the underside of the large, erect shaft.

A moan escaped Rarity as she pressed down against Applejack. Leaning forward, she pressed both hands onto Applejack's stomach, bracing herself. Rarity then shifted and rocked her hips, stroking the sensitive opening along the warm underside. Each movement left streaks of her warm fluids along the length.

Applejack closed her eyes and threw her head back. The feel of Rarity grinding against her felt wonderful. She could feel the warmth, the wetness, the softness. Each stroke made her shaft throb, pre spurting out of the tip and onto the chest. It was especially intense when Rarity slid over her medial ring and the crown.

"Are you ready?" Rarity asked.

Lifting up off the shaft, her horn started to glow again. Her hands gripped onto Applejack tighter as Rarity lifted her hips up. The magic gripped the length, raising it and lining it up with her opening. Taking a deep breath, Rarity pushed back, pressing herself against the top of the cock, shifting and wiggling to work it in.

Moans of pleasure escaped both of them as the head slid in with a wet pop.

It was like nothing Applejack had ever felt before. The feel of Rarity's vagina gripping the head of her cock was so tight it was almost painful. At the same time, it also felt incredibly wonderful. A part of her did not want it to end. Another part of her wanted to push up hard, to force as much of her shaft into Rarity as Applejack could get. To pump and thrust, listening to the mare moan and feel her squirm until pumping her full of thick, fertile seed.

The image of Rarity's stomach swollen with foals -- with her foals -- caused Applejack's shaft to throb, spurting a glob of pre-cum into Rarity's depths.

A slight gasp escaped Rarity as she shifted, twisting against the head and sending new pulses of pleasure. As she pulled forward, the walls tugged at the trapped part of the length, seeming to hold onto it so it would not get away. Just as it felt like it was about to slip free, Rarity pushed back hard, sinking more of the shaft into her.

Before Applejack could get used to the sensation, Rarity pulled up and thrust down, taking more. Slowly, the smaller mare continued her work, lifting her hips before pushing them back again. With each backward thrust, she took more and more of the length into her depths, working her way down. Small squeaks of pleasure escaped Rarity each time she pushed down, forcing more of the thickness into her.

Another gasp escaped the two of them as Rarity's nether lips touched the top of Applejack's medial ring.

"Oh, my," Rarity said as she shifted to rub against it. "This might be a bit of a challenge, but I do believe I'm up for it."

She pulled up and pushed down hard, grinding her hips and pressing her lips against the bulge of flesh.

"Al...most..."

There was a wet pop as the ring forced its way into the warm wet depths. As it did, the head of the shaft struck something, causing Rarity to grunt out.

"Well," she panted out, "it seems that we have managed to reach bottom." She looked down. "Shame really. I was hoping to take more." She then grinned at Applejack. "Still, at least I was able to take half of it.

"Now the real fun can begin."

Before Applejack could ask what she meant, Rarity's walls clenched, squeezing down hard on the part of the shaft she had and causing Applejack to moan out in pleasure. The length pulsed in reaction, spurting directly against Rarity's cervix.

Slowly, Rarity lifted herself up. Her walls gripped and squeezed the ring, tugging at it before letting go with another wet pop. Thick lines of feminine fluid slid down the shaft as she moved her way up, her inner muscles squeezing and stroking as she went. Halfway up from where she had been, the muscles relaxed as she pushed her way down again. The return trip was easier, letting her sink down to the ring easily until pressing down on the ring and taking it in once more.

Leaning up, Applejack grabbed at Rarity's hips, her fingers squeezing to dig into the soft flesh of shapely white ass. Her own hips tensed and lifted as Rarity's raised up, pulling the shaft from her depths. Applejack did not want Rarity to pull up, she did not want to slip out. She wanted to grab Rarity tight and pull her down, to thrust and pump until finally reaching her limit. She wanted to fuck the hot little mare and breed her.

Instead, she gripped the base of Rarity's tail with one hand, stroking at it, while the other stroked along the crack of that shapely ass, teasing the skin and sensitive little pucker in between the cheeks. Her own hips stopped as Rarity pushed down again, letting the mare take as much as she could once more. Applejack then started moving in rhythm to her partner, pulling back as Rarity lifted, and thrusting up as she came back down. She also gave a little extra push with each thrust, pressing hard against the cervix. The action would get a squeak from Rarity and cause her inner muscles to squeeze down and make the hard shaft throb with desire.

Neither of them heard the door open and close, nor did either of them notice a yellow pegasus poke her head in and letting out a small squeak before leaving the boutique again.

As the movement became easier, Rarity picked up her pace. Her legs flexed and shifted as she raised and lowered herself, meeting each of Applejack's thrusts. With each downward movement, she pushed her butt back against the large hands gripping them, rubbing the soft flesh and teasing herself. Rarity's breasts bounced and swayed with each movement, the motions hypnotic, tempting. It made Applejack want to grab them, squeeze them, suck and lick on them.

A sensation began to build up in Applejack's balls that she had felt earlier that morning. Most of her was too caught up in what was happening to notice, but a small part of her was aware of it and conflicted. She did not want this to end yet, but wanted to keep going, to keep enjoying this for as long as possible. At the same time, she wanted to climax into Rarity. To fill the fertile mare to the brim with plenty of potent seed. To breed her and have her filled with future foals.

The decision was made when Rarity reached her own limit. Pushing down hard one last time, she threw her head back and cried out as she hit her orgasm. Her entire body tensed as vaginal walls clamped down hard and the massive shaft inside her, stroking and milking the length for everything it was worth.

Having Rarity orgasm around her cock sent Applejack over the edge. Grabbing Rarity's hips, Applejack pulled her down hard as she pushed up, sinking as deep into the other mare as she could. The shaft swelled and pulsed, and for a moment, Applejack could swear that she could see the bulge of the shaft through Rarity's abdomen. Before she could be certain, however, her full orgasm overtook her. Applejack's eyes shut as she gave one last upward thrust, pressing the massive shaft as deep into the unicorn as she could and directly against the cervix. The crown swelled up, plugging the depths as thick white ropes of fertile cum pumped out from the tip. With every spurt, there was a moment of pressure that would suddenly fade as Rarity cried out.

As the climax came to an end, Applejack collapsed against the floor, panting heavily. The orgasm had been intense. A lot more intense than when she had sucked herself off that morning. It also felt like it lasted longer. She must have released something like a gallon or so.

"Oh, my," Rarity said, drawing Applejack's attention. The smaller mare was still straddling the larger one, shaft still inside her. Her eyes were wide and hands were resting on her stomach, which was sticking out. It was large and round, looking like Rarity was halfway through a pregnancy (or early on with multiple foals). The thought and sight caused Applejack's softening cock to give one last twitch, making Rarity jump slightly.

"This was certainly unexpected," Rarity stated as she continued to look at her stomach, stroking across it. She then blinked and looked up at Applejack. A blush started to form across her face. Slowly, she pulled away and stood up, the softening shaft slipping free of her with a wet sucking sound and a pop.

"I... I'm sorry, Applejack." Closing her eyes, Rarity rubbed at her head. "I don't know what came over me. I'm normally not as promiscuous, unprofessional, or aggressive as that. It's just." She sighed. "I'm not entirely sure. I just saw it, or smelled it, and all of a sudden, I felt a desire for it. I needed it. More than I needed anything like that before. I didn't mean--"

"Hey," Applejack cut in as she moved to stand up. "It's alright. I enjoyed it myself."

"Well that's a relief," Rarity said, as she shifted, horn lighting up to get her bra and panties. "Still, I feel rather guilty about it." She looked at her stomach again.

"And how in Equestria am I going to explain this thing?"