Welcome back. With us we have Mrs. Evening Sparkle. Now, first question that is on the minds of everypony is this; ‘what’s it like working with your husband, Shining Armor, as your brother?’
“W-well, it’s awkward when we’re on set together. I mean, sure, we have chemistry, but to act like my husband is my brother? Having him call me by my childhood nickname? To act like we don’t have children together… To see him marry another mare, even as a part of the show; it gets tough. Especially to this new character.
“This Mi Amore Cadenza? Lunar Cadence chose the name herself! It’s in the contract she signed and showed us all. She could have chosen her name, like the rest of us, but she had to be complicated. A nopony who probably had mommy and daddy buy her the spot, just because her mom plays Luna... She won’t last the season, I’ll make sure of it. I mean… I won’t make sure of it. Can we, just, edit that last part out?”
I’ll have to ask the editors about that... Now, Mrs. Sparkle, I understand there’s been a little tension on the set between you and Miss Dash?
“Oh, Rainbow? She’s alright. I’d say that on a scale of one to ten for how close we are as friends outside the show… I’d have to give us a six point seven three. That’s one of the highest in the ‘group’. It would be higher if she didn’t do that thing with my mane in the first episode… and she got mud in my… mare places. She improvised that scene and it sucked for me on so many levels. Eighteen to be exact, starting with eighteen which was...”
“Twilight? Wh-what’d she say about me? Sh-she’s not m-mad at me over that little slip-up last season still, is she? It was the first episode and I was told to ‘wing it’. I paid for her grooming and doctor’s bill. Please tell me she isn’t still mad.”
Miss Dash, on the show you’re cocky, confident and proud. What is your secret to the complete change in your personality from the anxious mare I see and the ones the foals and stallions see?
“Uh. Uhm, well. Th-they b-based the character of Fluttershy on m-me and that k-kinda helps. I got to be normal me on the Rainboom episode-”
And, is there an answer to the question I asked coming?
“Yeah, I take medicine. Lots and lots of medicine before shooting. Th-there’s a sh-show I’m starting with Applejack and… Oh, I’m not supposed to talk about that. I-I’m sorry.”
Hmm, indeed. So, this ‘medicine’ you take-
“M-my doctor, Charlie Horse, prescribes them to me. I o-only have to take them when I n-need to.”
I see. So, no illicit drug use on set, then?
“Oh, I n-never said th-that…”
What will she reveal? Whom may or may not be using performance enhancing drugs or enchantments? These questions will be answered, in two and two, after we return.
With the first season complete, we found that stallions were equally interested in the show. More than mares, by far, but nearly the same as the target audience. ‘Foalnies’ is the term that’s being used at the moment; referring to adult stallions who like foal shows, such as My Little Pony. The Foalnie movement began in the real Ponyville.
Welcome Back to the show. Here we have the first, by claim, Foalnie. Mister Davenport Loveseat. Mister Loveseat-
“Davenport. You may call me Davenport, only my close friends call me by my last name.”
Very well, Davenport. You claim to be the first Foalnie, would you care to explain what it means to be a Foalnie?
“Of course! It’s easy really. You see how I’m wearing clothes, just a front suit, right? Well, if I… unbutton… Darnit. Muddy? Darling, can you help me? It’s such a hassle wearing clothes, sometimes.”
“All the better to take them off, love.”
While Davenport had his partner undress him I had time to think about what the show meant to me and how I didn’t think that the show was worth a following of grown stallions. The self esteem these ponies have must be magnitudes greater than mine.
“There we go. Now, see the undershirt I currently have on? It’s of my favorite pony and local star; Evening Sparkle! Oh my gosh, when she moved to town from Hoofington to be the librarian we didn’t pay her any mind. Now, she’s super famous and a close, personal friend of mine. This shirt, and others like it, is on sale this week only at Quills and Ink, located-”
Next, we were able to find the mare who plays Rarity, in an unlikely place. Canterlot is home to nobility elite, class, refinement, and it seems a seedy underground. The lower district’s pub is where we found the grey unicorn mare and what we found was unexpected to say the least.
Miss Gilded Mane? Rarity? Ah, yes. Hard Truth, from the show ‘Hard Truth with Hard Truth’. I’m here for an interview with-
“Hey good looking. Buy me a beer and we’ll talk about the ‘interview’.”
Could this be her? Truly? A mare of the night in her off time? I have to find out more.
Miss Mane? I’m here about the show you’re on, My Little-
“Oh horse . I’m, uh, give me five minutes to clean up… I didn’t know you were you. Be right back.”
Perhaps a misunderstanding?
While we wait, here’s a clip from the show I wish to discuss with Miss Gilded Mane.
"I used to be somepony. I used to be respected! I made dresses. Beautiful, beautiful dresses. But now, everypony is laughing at me. I'm nothing but a laughing stock! ...Leave me alone! I want to be alone! I want to wallow in, whatever it is that ponies are supposed to wallow in! Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me! I don't even know what I'm supposed to wallow in! [sobbing] I'm so pathetic!"
Gilded Mane.
“Please, call me Rarity. I prefer to stay in character whenever I can. Before you ask, the mare you saw a moment ago was, most certainly, not the true me. I am, afterall, an actress first. I have a roll upcoming wherein I play a mare of the evening and my coltfriend falls for me.
“I can’t give you the title, but it’s going to be quite the smash hit.”
So, you aren’t really a mare of the night?
“Only for my real coltfriend.”
So, I was wondering about this line from the show. What led you to improvise that line during the episode ‘Suited for Success’?
“Oh, darling. It’s the tale of my life, to be honest. While I don’t know how to sew in real life, I do know how to act. There was a time when I couldn’t perform my talent of acting because I broke a leg. My hind right, to be exact. I believed my career over and reflected on that as inspiration for the crowning jewel of the season’s improvised lines.”
I see. So, I assume you’re referring to several years ago when you were in a fight-
“That was no fight! It was an assault by a lesser mare who will remain nameless to me until someday in the future that only the true Goddess knows.”
So, you are still on bad terms with Flutter Storm?
“The punk hired a pony to break my knee so I wouldn’t steal her roll in a play she had no chance of being in.”
“Yeah, that was awesome. Totally paid a goat to trip her, and she trips over her own legs for two whole pony lengths to a step stool. I didn’t get to see it, but rumor is she tried to stop her stumble by pulling it to her and her leg got caught in it. Snap, boom, suddenly it’s my fault for laughing at the story!”
So, you didn’t hurt her?
“Nah, she’s a klutz and everypony knows it. Why do you think she’s always got a few other gigs on the side? I play Fluttershy as a single roll and job, I don’t have to have my agent keeping my busy ‘just in case’ something happens.”
Something? As in-
“She’s a klutz, and don’t get me started on the saltlicks.”
Salt licking? A serious problem, especially if abused with alcohol. Could this be the reason she was dressed as she was when we first met?
“And I was totally into the show when she was all salted up. I mean, c’mon; Gilded even havin’ a chance of hangin’ with a bad flank mare like Flutter Storm? I almost want to pay her for the honor.”
Heh-heh. I was just thinking of how contradictory you are to your character. Is there trouble playing a mare as timid as Fluttershy
“Heh, it’s as tough as it is for Rainbow Dash to play me. I was a hair away from getting the roll she got, but the mane is what did it. Sure, I have a pink mane, but I was wearing it blue and red at the time. I had these cool tats colored across my forelegs and chest. I was in a goth mood when I auditioned. I mean, who woulda thought they’d choose me at all?
“Then to get the part of a wimp? Oh yeah, I got a raise after the fifth episode or I was gonna fly.”
So, you were going to leave the show based on your character, alone?
“That and the yokel.”
“Dearest, me. A ‘yekal’, she called me?”
‘Yokel’, is the term. And yes, she did. How does that make you feel?
“Upset, darling. Quite. You see, being born an earth pony in Manehattan had it’s ups and downs. I based my character, Applejack, off a distant cousin I had once been close to. Now, before you ask ‘but Orange Blossom, what about the accent?’, let me reitterate that it is a show, not real life.
“If I showed up to a family gathering with ‘mah accen’t a’goin then whoo-wee’ I’d be ridiculed for years. Dear, listen to me when I say that the show doesn’t portray any of us as we are. The foals even think the dragon is real. The dragon. A whelp that’s been enslaved and housebroken? If a dragon could be hatched in the first place they’re totally feral until they turn a hundred, every pony with sense knows that.”
Well, I guess getting an interview with Spike is out of the question then?
We shared a laugh, but it was true. The puppeteer was unavailable during the time of this shoot. He offered a manedresser but that’s not what I, Hard Truth, am here for.
I have a question about the character you play, Applejack.
“Proceed.”
Goodness, those eyes are like pools of pure love and desire. How can any pony not fall in love with her?
Uh, yeah, a-are you in a relationship? I, uh, mean how’s your, uh, personal life been affected by the show?
“Well, my wife and I don’t get much alone time, for one. I mean, Rainbow does her best to be there for me; she’s my rock in the ocean. But, all the stress has put quite the weight on her anxiety. Did you know she was going for the roll that Flutter Storm has but lost it due to her mane color, of all things?
“Honestly, I was aghast. Never before had I been so overjoyed and disappointed in the film industry. Those Flim Flam brothers are worse than they are portrayed on the show.”
“Well, dear brother, it seems we have another interview about the show.”
“Indeed and that we do! Mister Hard Truth, we’ve heard so-”
“Much about you that it’d be a shame to not answer a single question-”
“For you, but make it count since our time is precious.”
“Right you are, brother-o-mine.”
I only get one question? We had this meeting planned for weeks, how could you not have more time scheduled for this?
“And what-a-question it is, Flim.”
“That is was, Flam. The answer is simply this-
“We don’t answer questions about our money making machine!”
I had never seen a door close and slam so loud in my life. And this has been a long career. With only one mare left, I made haste to Ponyville to get the last of my questions answered.
Here we are, outside Ponyville and by the cottage that is protrayed as being ‘Fluttershy’s cottage’, where the mare that plays ‘Pinkie Pie’ lives. She’s typcially portrayed as being quite the energetic mare that defies sense, magic and physics with every motion. We’re here to see her in real life.
Miss Pie? Are you home? Hill Climber, check around back, in case she’s out back.
Rumors of her depressive state abound. We’re hoping to catch her on a good day.
The door’s opening! Miss Broken Rocks? Hello, can I have a moment of your time?
…
Thank you for letting us into your home, Miss Rocks. You look… well.
“Well enough to be alive on such a glorious day.”
Well, it’s nice to hear something so positive from you. We’d heard you were a bit of a loner-
“I have mine pets, mine gardens, mine peace of mind, and mine home. Mine life is certainly blessed by the earth goddess.”
“Yeah, I may h-have pr-problems w-with st-st-stuttering a-and anxiety, but Rocks is a pebble short of an avalanche. Don’t mention her accent, and tell her I said ‘hi’, she doesn’t really speak to us off set.”
Earth Goddess? So, you don’t believe in monotheism, like most ponies?
“Mine beliefs are the same as mine parents before mineself came to be. Thusly, thy one Goddess is merely your belief. As such, only for thy show must I use thy language and wear my hair up and then I get to bounce and pronk and have a superduperfuntimeandthenIgettoPARTY!
“Oh my gosh, I forgot how much fun it is to be in character! I don’t wanna go back! Pinkamena is here, world! Where’s Twilight? I have the funniest joke for her and Rarity! Oh my gosh, I have to plan her ‘good job making a dress’ cupcake! Then-”
So, it seems she may have multiple personalities. We’ll have to report on this at a later date.
“-’it wasn’t me, I had tea’! Bwahahaha! Isn’t that the funniest joke you’ve heard all day?! It was having tea, and… ya know the answer. Oooo, who’re they?”
They?
“The, things with the weird faces looking at us. It kinda looks like they’re reading something. Maybe they can’t hear and it’s subtitles. H-e-l-l-o. C-a-n y-o-u h-e-a-r m-e?”
Miss Rocks-
“Pinkie Pie!”
Okay, Miss ‘Pie’, if somepony can’t hear, speaking louder wouldn’t really help.
“But if they’re reading they just read slower and then they hear me in their heads! Like this, and this, and this. Oh! And this one time I had Gummy on my mane and he bit and held on while I was bouncing through town and then he fell into Diamond Tiara’s mane. It was gold, because she started screaming for some ‘director’ to help get Gummy off her, then my name was supposed to be something Rocks.
“I tried to ask Rainbow Dash but for some reason she was all ‘Fluttershy-ie’ and said--”
“Oh yeah, I remember when she dropped Gummy into Color Mane’s mane. Totally ironic, given the scene was being shot during episode six and had to be, subsequently, scrapped. For a filly she used more words that don’t belong in Mareian’s Dictionary than I’ve used in the past two hundred and sixteen days, combined.
The most startling was the filly that was with her has a concurrent fear of reptiles so, as you can imagine, she wasn’t able to finish the scene. What was her name? Silver Spoon? C’mon, Evening, you know this. Oh no, what if my IQ has fallen? Hurry, I need a test, pop quiz, ANYTHI--”
“What do you mean I need to calm down? I love baking cookies, cupcakes, and pies at the same time. One time I was helping Applejack… hey, where’re you going? Come back! Don’t leave me… please… Th-thy must stay, lest I regress to, uh, what were mine words a moment ago?”
I think this portion of the question will have to take a break until a further time.
Uh, on that note I have to close the episode out, but know that we will return soon with more from your favorite ponies, next time on the set, recapping season one.
This is Hard Truth; I’ll see you, next time.
