Double Trouble

(Dovah's Side)

“All right, let’s see... my Ed Hardy converse, check. My black skinny jeans, check. My shirt and black jacket, check. Handsome jet-black, Harry Potter-like hair, check. Black hipster-like glasses, check. Wallet... shit, where’s my wallet?”

As I was mentally checking for everything I will be needing for my movie night, I seemed to misplace my wallet so I started looking through my drawers for the damn thing. Me and and three of my friends were finally going to see “The Avengers” before they stopped showing it at the movies; better late than never, I always say. God help me if I ever started trusting those dick-wipes to pay whenever we go out somewhere nice, it’s usually ME paying for their broke, lazy asses. This time wouldn’t be any different, so I needed to find that fucking wallet or else I am not going anywhere tonight.

“Here you are, pedaso de meirda.” (I forgot to mention: my natural, lustrous Spanish, you know that shit is a check.)

After like two centuries of searching for my wallet in my room, I finally found the little bastard under my bed along with my Rarity toy I got from McDonalds. I, for one, never would have found myself liking a little girls show but, like one Canadian hormone-train wreck said, you should never say never.

“When did you get here? ...Whatever.” I placed the doll on my crappy coffee table and went into my bathroom to freshen up... again. I swear, I do this so many times I think I am turning into a girl! Regardless, I needed to comb my hair again due to the ‘epic quest to find the lost wallet of old’. I combed it to the side and rubbed some water from the sink into my hair. I never bothered using hair gel ‘cause of how sticky it got and the hassle to clean it off my hands; always thought water was a good alternative. “Damn, te ves guapo (You look handsome). Yeah, I know I do.” Not sure why but I constantly compliment myself in the mirror. Maybe it’s because my friends don’t give me much compliments; either that or I don’t pay attention to them when they do.

HONK, HONK, HOOOOONK!

It was 8:45 when my ‘movie buddies’ showed up. I tore myself from my framed Bachelor’s degree (in Video Game Programming) that I’ve staring at for the past ten minutes. Really don’t know what to do next with my life but I can worry about that later. Right now, I was going to see Iron Man and the Hulk kick ass! I rushed outside and locked the door. I gave them one of my official and respectful greetings.

“Yo, how you faggots doin’ tonight?” I asked them.. ‘politely’. They then proceeded to ‘flip the bird’ at me. My companions might have brains much more abysmal than mine, but they sure have manners.

“Thanks guys. I am so lucky to have friends such as yourselves... now are you little girls ready to see some Avengers!?” I asked rhetorically which earned me an ear-shattering “FUCK YEAH!”

My friend and ‘closet brony’, Joel, opened one of the back-doors of the car. I jumped in and shut the door, fuckin’ excited to see the movie. As I put on my seatbelt (God knows I’ll need it when I’m driving somewhere with these guys), I see my other two friends, Claudio and Andy, chatting about something. Joel was at my right dusting off his leather jacket; I swear, we all were jackets whenever we go out somewhere.

“So Hector, you ready?” Claudio asked me. “Yeah man! Been waiting for my schedule to clear up for the past two weeks,” I replied. Claudio was the resident ‘buff and black guy’ of our group. When we were in high school, he would do fifty push-ups and would bench-press one-hundred and fifty pounds immediately afterwards.

“What schedule? After you got your degree you haven’t been doing shit!” Andy had a good head on his shoulders. He shared my philosophical ideals and he always found holes in whatever I say. Which in turn, I come up with a not-so-clever comeback even if he was one-hundred percent right.

“Shut up, Andy! You’re just jealous ‘cause... ‘cause you're ugly and fat.” I replied.

“Whatever you say, Hector.” Andy turned on the radio and we all proceeded bang our heads to some deadmau5.

It was ten minutes into the drive when Andy turned off the radio for some peace and quiet. The rest of us decided to keep our mouths shut until we arrived at the theater; we were saving our breaths so we can scream and cheer uninterrupted during the movie. Andy was busy driving, Claudio was inspecting his muscles, probably thinking about how many push-ups he should do tomorrow, and Joel was looking out the window. I followed his example; I turned my gaze towards the full moon. What a beautiful sight it was. It almost makes me agree with Nightmare Moon’s motive for wanting to bring night eternal to Equestria... almost.

Honk, Hooonk! MOTHERFUCKER! HOLY SHIT!

“What the fuck?” I heard some honking sounds and Andy yelling at some other driver. Before I knew it, the car was spinning out of control! Claudio and Joel hastily tried to clip on their seatbelts. I held onto whatever I could as we spun out of the road and into-

“FUCKING BRACE YOURSELV-” The world was spinning. It was blurry and cracked like the windows next to me. I found myself upside down as I was sliding in and out of consciousness. Didn’t even know what happened; It was all too fast.

Hack. Cough, Cough.

I was hacking out this fluid from my throat, figured it as blood. There was a dull pain in my chest... So this is how I die, huh? In a car crash caused by a drunk degenerate and my friend’s inability to control the car; Andy, Claudio, Joel. They weren’t moving... Please Lord, don’t let them be dead.

“I’m sorry, guys... I-I’m so...” Darkness invaded my vision one last time. I’m leaving so much behind and I had a whole future ahead of me; Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.

I heard some sirens in the distance. It didn’t matter... The darkness took me...

I was gone.

I’m Hector, and this is my story...

(Shad's Side)

It was nighttime, and I had to hurry somewhat. “Damn, I hope I’ve prepared enough for the wedding..” I mumbled to myself, opening my closet and pulling out the lone tuxedo from the iron bar the hanger rested on. I ran my other hand’s fingers through my jet-black hair experimentally - while my hair was normally curly and very unruly, today I had gelled and brushed it to near perfection. Satisfied with the straight- and evenness, I changed into the tuxedo. While the monkey suit was pretty difficult to put on, I had to admit that the amount of coolness it gave me was quite immediate, and very refreshing. I had never seen myself look so good for quite some time as I strolled into the bathroom and observed myself in the mirror for a moment. Almost James Bond-y.

I can’t say I’m vain or narcissistic, but I really do like to see myself wearing more than shorts and t-shirts all the time. I like to experiment with lavish outfits and elegant costumes to suit my serious frame. While I’m often only serious on two things - my love for video games and my love for My Little Pony.. specifically Friendship is Magic - I do look like I could be a soldier or a football star, as odd as that may sound. I’m somewhere over 6 feet tall, with wide shoulder blades and some chub. Despite this, I’ve refused to join the Marines or play some pointless game where teammates feel the need to slap their allies’ buttocks every once in awhile, even at my father’s prodding to do so.

Speaking of my father, it’s his wedding I was going to. Not to marry my mother, don’t get me wrong, but to marry my mother’s third cousin. That’s right - instead of marrying my mom, he’ll marry a cousin of hers. However, this is because the two broke up a long time ago. We’ve already forgiven and forgotten. Mostly. Anyways, back to me. Slipping on my sleek new white-and-blue sneakers, I almost forget my car keys on the table as I push through the front door. Heading back swiftly, I grab the keys and almost fall on the round glass table in my rush, then sprint out of the door to my nice red Honda Civic.

Across the asphalt and concrete my demon-sped car roared - once the key was inserted at least - blaring out hardstyle electronic music through the open windows. An old bald guy with glasses pulls up the window in a house I’m driving by and shouts at me to ‘lower the fuckin’ volume’, but I merely flip the bird to him as I progress along the route to the church. Suddenly, I remember something I forgot at home and immediately hit on the brakes. The guy behind me, in a silver Chevy Volt, rolls his window down and curses at me to get moving again, but I do a U-turn and head back the way I came.

Ignoring the glare of the old man that I had flipped off earlier, I went backwards through the same route I took to head to the church. Luckily, I was leaving early to the wedding, or else I might’ve ended up being late because of this sidetracking. However, upon reaching my house, I notice that the door seems to have been forced open, having been left wide and with scratches on the paint.

Cautiously approaching my house, I sidle next to the doorway and peep inside. At first, I see nothing out of the ordinary, but then - in the middle of my small living room - I see a black-clothed guy rummaging through the leather bag I had forgotten. My most prized possession was in there - I couldn’t let the thief have it. So I pushed myself halfway inside and pulled out my trusty pocket knife from the black pants that came with the tux.

Quickly, I rushed the darkly-clad man, jumping on his back and fiercely swinging the knife into his chest and twisting it before the thief could utter more than a small gasp in his last moments. While it was true that I wasn’t a soldier, my father and uncle had insisted on training me in hand-to-hand combat just in case I changed my mind. Assassination is a little bit of something you should expect to do as a soldier - even if this was the first time I had actually done it for real.

While thievery had often occurred on my street, not so often was it as blatantly obvious as this encounter. The guy had to be stupid or extremely desperate. Not that it mattered anymore. Shaking with the notion of my first taking of a human life, I checked the leather bag. Sure enough, it still held the only two items I put into it - an Applejack toy and its case, signed exclusively by Ashleigh Ball, voice actress for Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Call me weird, but the signature and the pony itself served well as my lucky charms. I hardly leave anywhere without them.

I heard footsteps stomping down my stairs and froze instantly with the doll in my hands. I didn’t think that there would be more than one thief. Pausing and gazing at the stairway, I slid backwards to the back of my couch - which the first thief now laid his corpse on. Thankfully, the cotton was a shade of scarlet, so a stain wouldn’t be all that noticeable. I couldn’t see anything besides the front door and the top part of the stairs. I saw a few figures descending a few steps, and then I couldn’t risk peeking.

After a few terrifying minutes of silence, I raised my head above the couch’s top, wondering whether they had left. I found myself face-to-face with a .357 magnum revolver. Immediately, I tried to duck down again, but the bark of the gun, a swift jolt backwards, and a sudden faintness in my head alerted me that I had been too late. As I lay behind the couch in agony, the thieves ran out of the house shouting at each-other, red and blue lights shining off the door and into my eyes. I wasn’t sure exactly what could be making such radiance, but I couldn’t really think about it.

My head grew heavy and my breathing grew dim, though a man and a woman in blue suits came in and started to lift me up. Even with their urgent aural tones commanding me to stay awake, I couldn’t obey. I fell into a deep sleep, everything around me becoming misty and red-tinted. The last thing I thought of was how late I’d be to the wedding.

I’m Zero, and this is my story.