In the Shadow of Love

by Bronysins

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy, Queen Chrysalis, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Tank
Length: 1221

What is it really like to be a changeling, to experience true hunger, hunger for others' love?

The queen of the changelings has a change of heart, and may not live to see the day when she can make up for what she has done.

Published 2012-06-23 09:24:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-23 09:24:03 UTC

I: Away from home

-Day One-

Dear reader, My name is Chrysalis, and It's cold. Very cold. I have conjured a quill and much parchment. I am inside of a small cave, and it gives me a sense of home. I realize my mistakes at the castle. What I did was wrong. I finally understand that. I intruded into the lives of every pony in Canterlot, and almost ruined two of them. If I could see them, or talk to them, I would tell them I was sorry. As if it would do any good. To tell you the truth, I will probably never be forgiven by any of the inhabitants of Equestria. I worry about finding food, love to feed off of, but after what I did, I couldn't ever steal love again. I just want to starve, and try to make up for what I did, although, I know that nothing ever can.

-Day three-

Dear reader, I wish I could give you a name, if only to give myself some comfort. May I call you Philista, the name of my youngest sister? Oh, what's the point of even asking. If she ever even reads this, it won't be because she found me. Maybe by luck someone will wander out here, but then, how will they get back?

It's been about two hours since I wrote the last paragraph. I'm starting to feel the onsets of hunger, but I know that I have at least another three or four weeks before I will starve. The noise of the wind is starting to gnaw at my consciousness, and I don't know how long I can take it. I know that It will simply become a background to my slowly draining life.

-Day seven-

Dear Philista, a whole four days since I wrote last. There was a break in the storm for about three hours earlier, and I went to explore during it. I saw something beautiful. It started off as a spark in the distance, then rapidly expanded to a massive ring of rainbow, and it swooshed past me, lightning fast. I can only assume, that it has taken them this long to re-plan the wedding of Cadence and Shining Armor. It made me feel so much worse about what I had done. I'd stared off at it, knowing that those two were now happy. I was happy for them, but I ran into the cave and cried. The former queen of the Changeling civilization, broken, crying in the depths of a small cave, hundreds of miles from anyone who may be willing to call me a friend, after everything I had done. I was lost, and I had no hope.

-Day fourteen-

Dear Philista, another week has passed, and no help has come. I have been able to purge the wedding from my mind, but I still bear that guilt, if only I could apologize, and try to make their lives better. I'm starting to feel real hunger pangs, but I have never felt such before, they are so intense, as if I wanted to share any food with my people, the Changelings, but I know that they are all dead, except you, as you are also a princess. There is no way that they can survive while disconnected with my mind. I feel sorrow, that I brought my people to wrought, and there is nothing I can do. They are all dead. That menacing thought is still lingering, and I can't get it out of my head.

-Day twenty one-

Dear Philista, today, I fear, is the last day for me, I barely have energy to pick up this quill, let alone stay alive for much longer. There is no way I can survive, this land is devoid of life, and a piece of grass cannot love me.

I am writing this paragraph a few hours later, and I am still alone. No hope. No hope. I keep saying it aloud, repeating it every few seconds. I am afraid my mind has left me.

No hope, no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope...

-Day twenty two-

Dear Philista, I can no longer move, without causing the most severe of pains. There is no food here, and no hope. I saw a small bird fly staggeringly towards the direction of the rainbow that I had seen two weeks earlier. I knew it would not make it, it was going to die, just like me. Wait, the storm just stopped, I will return to writing after exploring for a few minutes.

I was outside for more than a few minutes, It has been two or three hours. I was hurting so much, and a small piece of snow did falling on my back did nothing to help. I looked around for the bird, but I wasn't able to see it. I did see one living tree off in the distance, but what good would that do? That made me remember something. What good could I do? I always came back to the conclusion that I couldn't. What if I was destined to die here? I couldn't bear to think of it, I ran inside, to write again, to calm down, and I am now here.

-Day twenty three-

Dear Philista, I have found a ray of hope. It's not much, but it could save my life, and his. I went outside again, to lie in the snow and die my rightful, dishonorable death. I saw a green dome sticking out of the snow. I went over to it, and picked it up using the little energy I had left, and I brought it to my cave, I suppose I could call it my cave, I have been in here for almost a month. When I got it back, I saw that it was a tortoise, with a bent propeller on its back, and a pair of broken goggles over its eyes. It was probably dead. Then, it moved. It raised its head to get a better look at what had saved its life. I took off its goggles. When it saw me, it got frightened, and ran to the other side of the cave.

At this point I decided to talk for the first time since I came here. "It's okay, i'm not going to hurt you, even if I could, I wouldn't, not any more." I didn't care that it wouldn't look at me, I understood, I am a changeling, a hideous creature, with holes in my body. I heard whimpers from the tortoise, and I looked at him with hurt eyes, "I know, it's cold, and you're hungry, I would help, but I'm in the same situation." It looked at me, for the first time. I felt something I'd never felt before, I was full of sympathy, and I truly wanted to help. "What's your name?" It set it's head down again.

I finish this entry now. The tortoise is still in the other corner of the cave, and it's shivering, I can hear the shell tapping against the wall. After I finish writing, I will lay my hair over it and try to keep it warm, at least preserve it longer than myself.

This may be the last entry you ever see to this diary.