A Heckin' Fun Time

by Malory

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Main 6, Original Character, Mystery, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 1882

My name is Spanned Works and a few months ago I came to Ponyville for... some reason. The very fact that I'm writing this should tell you that things got out of hoof. Read my memoir!

I'm Spanned Works, and I've got a story to tell.
I woke up on a train arriving at a town called Ponyville a few months ago, and I couldn't remember how I got there aside from my name and the vague sense that there was something that needed doing. My notebook had notes regarding similar escapades all over Equestria and even in places I'd never even heard of before.
I left the train and began going through my things to investigate, but when I finally found a lead, it was stolen from me. I was left picking up the pieces and I was a little bummed out.
Then there was something about me being killed by a foal. That's just the start of it.

[Cancelled for revision]

Published 2016-07-07 03:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-10 10:09:25 UTC

"Pleasant Arrival" or "Hayburgers, This Town Sucks"

I was woken up by the train whistle as it slowed its approach into the station. In spite of being suddenly roused, I didn't feel tired at all. Instead, I felt the oppressing sense of forgetfulness as I looked around the cabin I was in (first class with bunks but no company on the upper one). Not knowing where I was or what I was doing triggered something in me: I began to brainstorm. Who was I?

My name is Spanned Works. I am twenty... something years old. There it was, the first thing I wasn't certain of: my age. Maybe I had an ID in my luggage. A simple brown traveling suitcase sat by the bed. I was wearing a jacket, and something was in the pocket. I'm a unicorn, so fishing that out was simple enough. It was a small notebook; I decided to take a look in a bit. Speaking of bits, I had a few in the other pocket.

I held the notebook in my magic and opened it up. Many of the pages were written on. Something bugged me while I was going through them. The writing was scratchy cursive that I just barely recognized as my own (it had to be, logically) and the content was suspect. I could barely read some of the entries and what I could read was brief and devoid of detail. Flipping to a random entry, I read:

HOLLOW SHADES - VACATION

Mar. 20 Arrived in Hollow Shades. Dark little town. Woods. Bat ponies POLI. INC. Thestrals.

Nice

?

Mar. 22 Leaving. Blacklist. Never return.

A few months ago I had gone to a place named Hollow Shades. I racked my brain for some information and remembered it was a not very well-known town hosting Equestria's more nocturnal inhabitants. It seemed that my vacation was cut off, and the entry was vague on the blacklist part. Was the town on my blacklist, or was I on the towns? What did they/I do? I flipped through the pages again.

NORTHERN EIRE

WOOD WALKS

May 11 Arrived.

May 15 Something. Bitey.

May 16 Here, there were several lines that were covered in black ink. I wondered whether or not it was actually me who put them there, considering what I had in the next line. It made me uneasy. I wasn't alone, but my companion was here.

May 30 Covered, learned me. By morning I'll be wiped again. Don't know what's next. It's done.

My eyebrow quirked at the name of the location. "Eire"? I had never heard of such a place. Did it actually exist? I flipped to another page, the very next one actually. The most recent entry, and one that had something different. Very different.

PONYVILLE
Hkzmmvw Dliph: R szev ml wlfyg blf'oo urtfiv gsrh lmv lfg vevm ru lfi nfgfzo drkvh blf. Gsrmth xzmmlg yv vzhb, ru blf ziv dlmwvirmt dsb blf szw gl tl gsilfts gsv gilfyov lu wvxlwrmt gsrh. Gsrh lmv rh lu rnkligzmxv. Wl dszg blf wl yvhg. Gsviv rh z kzizhrgv sviv. Gib gl hgzb zh rmgzxg zh klhhryov.
1 <
Zs sgd bdmsdq ne hs zkk.

So not only were there ponies apparently following my every move, but they were writing gibberish in my notebook. In a red pen too. Red pens are so cool, and I didn't have one. Mine had the standard black ink. Whatever the scratched into my notebook went over my head, but it definitely seemed familiar. Still, after staring at it for a while it just made as much sense as leaving horseapples on the kitchen counter. I stashed the notebook away.

Items Added: Pocket notebook, ballpoint pen, 30 bits
Objectives Added: Get your bearings, then look through your things for information.

I picked up my suitcase and existed the compartment, cautiously heading towards the exit. Ahead of me, I spotted a couple of rich-looking ponies briefly regarding an attendant and making an exit with their bags. They seemed to be a pair. He was a posh-looking one, yet he carried himself with a dignity that seemed to separate himself from the images of the upper class I had in my head. She was slender and almost irritated me just at a glance with how she behaved. I sensed someone who wasn't as refined as her male companion. It was strange to think of them as an actual couple, however. The stallion was wearing a monocle and seemed twice her age.

I thought of sugar. I thought of my father.

I definitely had a father somewhere close, I realized as I considered my thoughts for a moment. Shaking my head clear, I stepped forward and regarded the same attendant.

"Ponyville?" I said, just to confirm something.

"Yes, Mister..." She glanced between myself and her clipboard. "Works?"

"That's me." I nodded. "Spanned Works. You wouldn't happen to know what day it is."

She gave me a curious look for a second. "It's a sixth."

"Ah! Right." I nodded some more, my smile becoming tighter until it transformed into a tiny grimace, a bead of sweat forming on my temple. "Of what month?"

Her look of concern worsened. "Are you feeling alright, sir?"

Thinking quickly, I shook my head. "No, not really. I might have bumped my head." I winced and rubbed a hood under my mane. "Gonna need to see a doctor. Not the train's fault."

She took pity on my poor, pained soul. "Oh! I'm sorry, sir! It's the sixth of July. Ponyville has a clinic; I'm sure you'll be able to find it quickly. This is a small town, after all."

"I'll avoid falling rocks from now on. Thank you." She nodded her farewell as I exited the train.

Completed Objective: Get your bearings

The Ponyville Station was practically barren. Small town, no joke. I remembered that a member of the royalty lived here. I guessed she wasn't liked very much, otherwise the town would have gone through a boom in prosperity. She was probably very unpleasant. Whatever happened from here on out, I would try my darndest to avoid meeting her. Didn't need that drama added to the pile.

I found a bench and dropped my suitcase on it. I opened it up and began looking from pocket to pocket. There was some reserve cash in one of the pockets that I left alone. Most of the other pockets were empty except for one that had strange bag. Looking through said bag, I found the refills for my pen and a straight razor. I ran a hoof along my chin and felt the budding of a little bit o' chin fuzz. I wasn't a fan of the style, so having one of these made sense.

I sealed the compartments and opened the main part of the case. There was an extra jacket (sort of like a leisure suit one) and a scarf, on top of which lay a card. My ID. I got a good look at my handsome mug from a few years ago. The card also showed me that I was, in fact, twenty-four. Good to know; I could drink legally and not much else.

Item Added: ID Card

I could see a book under the jacket. Pushing it aside, I found what I had been looking for. Finally, something was going my way with this marble notebook. On the cover were the words "In Case I Forget". It had to be something the censor in my little black book couldn't reach. Did I get the crap past the radar?

Completed Objective: Search your belongings for information.

The whistle of the train startled me and I jumped back from the case. A few things were muttered under my breath as the train began to depart. After a moment of calm, something moved in the corner of my eye, and it wasn't the train. Someone was rooting around in my stuff!

"Stop!" I yelled, but it was too late. The mysterious pony, dressed head to hoof in gray garb, tore pages from the book and took off galloping. Was that the censor? I went after them, hooves beating against the wood of the building, but just as I believed I would catch them I slipped and stumbled. They had dropped a page that I accidentally stepped on. I was glad it was just that and not some random banana peel. In this case, it's because it meant I had something to show for my trouble at least. I picked up the page and read it while on my way back to my suitcase. Unfortunately, it was a single line.

B likes > r likes AZ

More gibberish, this time in my writing. Perfect. Just perfect. Everything has to be the right amount of cryptic or else the character's life would be so boring. No one ever considered the latter to be tedious, right?

My life was going to be tedious. And short, as it were.

I shook my head as I trotted along. I needed to mull things over for a while, so I looked for a quiet place to take a break. I had just arrived in town, and things had already gone south. Taking a seat under a tree by the woods, with nobody else in sight, I quickly whipped out my notebook and jotted down the date.

Jul. 6 Arrived in Ponyville. Stuff taken. No direction.

Thinking that oughta do, I put away the notebook. I heard small steps next to me and looked up.

Then, I had a knife sticking in my chest. That's right. A knife. I looked up and saw this little orange filly shove a damn knife in my chest. I yelled in pain, sort of. As much as I could with a knife in my lung. There was a moment where I believed that this was an accident. Well, she clarified that it wasn't when she removed the knife and then kept plunging it into my side over and over well I fell over, sputtering blood as my vision went dark and life left my body. The last thing I saw was the perfectly calm look on her face as she kept at it. Then there was nothing.

"Hey dumbass," you may be wondering. "How are you writing this if you got killed, I'm calling horseapples on this. Faker than Changeling pin-ups."

Considering what happened next, I definitely know I died and was very much dead for a few days. Apparently, the permanence of such a "life changing" experience didn't take.

My name is Spanned Works, and all I can say is that this was going to be a heckin' fun time.

Author's Note

Items so far:
- Pocket Notebook
- Ballpoint Pen
- 30 bits
- ID

Clues so far:
Torn page from "In Case I Forget"
Ponyville Page in the notebook
Orange filly (unknown)

Submitted with little to no editing. This story is for fun and also because I wanted to experiment with first person and mystery stories. And some different formatting.