The Ruler of Hell! The Review Team Vs. Satan!
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RT Ep.4: For the HELL of It!
The Ruler of Hell! The Review Team Vs. Satan!
Previously on the Review Team...
Blah, blah, blah, killer Justin Bieber clone, blah, blah, some stuff happened, blah, blah, mysterious voice calls Sir, blah-wait.
Sir, deep inside, prayed that what he heard wasn't true. This could not have been the voice of...him. He remembered him. Hated him. Feared him. He knew him by many names. The one he remembered the best...
...Satan.
The fallen angel, the ruler of Hell, among other titles. Sir dropped his communication device in disbelief after the call was finished. He sat down, looking defeated. This should have never happened. Except that what was happening now almost felt right.
It all began many years ago....
While Sir was fighting the "Great Evil", he came across a strange sort of man who looked bored out of his mind. Sir approached the man and suddenly, the man looked giddy to see him.
"Excuse me, sir!" The man spoke in an extremely cockney accent. "I was wondering if you could lighten my spirits with a little game of chess! Who knows. If you win, you could get yourself a prize. I've got plenty up my sleeve."
Sir felt cautious, but it was these times of unimportance did he concede. The game was long and challenging, but ultimately, the man won. Sir was quite frustrated inside that a mere mortal defeated him, but he kept his temper at bay and shook the man's hand. The hand suddenly felt hot to the touch.
A transformation took place before the startled knight's eyes. When the mass of flames that engulfed the man cleared, there left an image that would scar the bravest of individuals.
It was a humanoid, half devil, half angel. The left half was demon. It had evil eyes, horrible skin, a large horn, a dragon wing, a terrifying metal shoulder-plate, 2 clawed arms, and a tattered black fauld. The other side was angel. It had a beautiful male body and face, a swan wing, and a nice white robe. It was so terrible that it caused Sir to cringe only slightly.
"Who are you, creature?" Sir asked.
"An angel." The creature replied in a voice that would resemble the Legion.
"That does not tell me anything." Sir shook his head as he said that. "Could you be specific? Your name, perhaps."
"...Satan." The creature replied in a deeper and more serious voice.
Sir raised his sword in defense. "I have no business with you!" he shouted. "You might as well leave me be! If winning is what amuses you, Hellspawn, then you have already accomplished it with that game! Be gone!"
Satan just shook his head and said, "Look. I said I would reward you if you won. But since I have won, you must give me something. Something important."
Sir clenched his sword even tighter as he replied, "I shall never partake in your plans of world domination!"
Satan shook his head. "The world is too big of a prize for me. Perhaps a soul will do. I shall give you many years to consider. I suggest you do it early." And with that, Satan vanished in a wall of fire and brimstone.
Sir just walked away in worried silence. He knew this monster had such power, but he would never give someone's soul away. Not ever.
Now...
He rushed to the control room and called everyone in. Like a herd, everyone flocked over to see what was the deal.
"Good morning. I see everyone has finished watching Dante's Inferno. Classic, I will admit." Sir began.
Marceline, who led the main team to watch that movie, smiled while the other members of hers cringed from what they had to see.
Sir continued. "But it appears Fate has chosen irony to be the sincerest form of attack. An evil being from the distant past hungers for at least one soul of my company. Since you all are my friends-"
"No, we're not!" yelled Godzilla and Megatron. The 2 of them looked at each other in confusion.
Sir cleared his throat and continued. "Ehem. Since you all are my ACQUAINTANCES, I want to make sure everyone is safe and sound. In the event that this evil come for your souls, be prepared to hide or fight. I suggest hide. I shall sacrifice my life if need be. Maybe. I have not put much thought into it."
"And what 'evil' are you talking about?" Twilight asked.
Sir loomed over and said, "The one they call...Satan."
While some characters were confused, Godzilla and Mr. Freeze shot looks of concern. "Wait. The old fart that lost his ownership of the Nightosphere?" Marceline asked.
Godzilla face palmed and retorted. "Look, I don't know how your world works exactly, but this is the devil he's talking about! You know? Lord of all evil? Prince of a 1000 lies? I mean, what?" He then looked at Sir with a distrustful look as he continued. "Did you make a deal with him and he's coming to collect his due, you jackass?"
Sir slammed his fist on the table and shouted, "NO! I was dragged into it by mistake and now YOUR soul could be in danger!" He then pointed to Finn. "Or you!" Then to Basil. "Or you!" Then finally to the computer screen. "OR YOU!"
"Dude, that fourth wall joke was weak." Z-Squared stepped in as he said that.
"Sorry." Sir said as he calmed down.
The rest of the day was essentially bunkering up. They had no idea what they were up against, but while Twilight and Marceline's team stayed locked up away from any danger in their rooms, Megatron was adamant about defeating this being they called Satan. He would not run away from a battle so easily.
That night, a bubbling noise could be heard. Everyone started to notice it got louder and louder and louder and-
BLAM! Everyone was blasted out of their places and into the control room. Those who weren't knocked out looked up to see who did this. What they saw caused some to scream. The visage of Satan was looming over them.
"I have come for my pay. Now, I had not expected to see such...beings in front of me. But perhaps one of your souls will do."
Godzilla got up from the pile and blasted some thermonuclear breath on him. Satan just stood there as he was blasted and even tasted the after burn with his long tongue.
"Mmmmm....tastes like...death and destruction." With those words said, he unleashed a massive fireball from his ands to knock Godzilla back into an approaching Mothra. Both were K.Oed.
In a fit of indulgence, Satan grabbed Basil's recovering body and flung it at the approaching Twilight and Fluttershy, knocking all 3 out.
Mr. Freeze and Discord were next as they rose up and were ready to fight. Freeze was kicked into Godzilla's body with a force that nearly shattered his suit.
Discord then poofed next to the juggernaut. "Look, buster. I'm sure there's some sap out there who'd LOVE to have their soul stol-HURK!" Satan grasped his hand around Discord's throat and they were now eye to eye.
The demon eye of Satan began to glow "Maybe instead," he said, "You could relive the pain of those you have laid harm to."
"NOOOO!!! ARGH!!! MAKE IT STOP!" Discord could only utter those words and much more as the chaos and misery he caused to so many ponies came flooding back to him like a painful electric shock that never seemed to stop.
Suddenly, Satan let go of the clearly traumatized Discord and noticed Megatron's blade and Marceline's axe bass stuck in his back. "Hey, creep!" Marceline said as her weapon dug deeper into him. "Might as well pack your bags!"
Satan used his angel arms to create a wind gust to blow the weapons out of him and send the 2 offenders flying. While Marceline was knocked unconscious from hitting an approaching Sir and Z-Squared, Megatron turned into a jet and he flew against the winds. Nevertheless, it failed and the Decepticon was also sent flying into the 3. Sir had to admit this was quite humiliating for he and Z-Squared. And pretty much everyone else.
Now, only Finn was left. He was hiding behind a monitor, and he was about to stab Satan, only for the hellspwan to conjure up 4 swords, 2 evil-looking ones for the demon hands and 2 holy ones for the angel hands, and deflect the blow.
Overpowering Finn's sword, he made his swords disappear and he grabbed Finn by the throat. "NO!" Sir shouted.
Satan turned his head. "Ah. Sir. I see you have made quite a few allies. Be lucky you could not watch them burn today. This soul, however..." He began to sniff an already uncomfortable Finn. "...hmmm...It will do nicely!"
Finn gave out a muffled scream as the fires of Hell engulfed the two. It doesn't take a smarty or a nerd to guess where Saint Nick was taking the boy.
Sir looked on to the end, ashamed of his own folly.
Everyone was staring to wake up, but Marceline and Z-Squared were in an...awkward position after Megatron's body forced them into place. When they realized it..."GAH!" they both screamed.
"So sorry!" Z-Squared defended himself.
"Ugh! Whatever! Where'd that lughead go?!" Marceline shouted as she looked around for Satan. Everyone started to notice that someone was missing...
...Finn.
Moments later,
"I can't believe it. Finn's gone." Basil sorrowfully said.
"HOW COULD I LOSE TO SUCH IMPUDENCE!" Megatron bellowed. "I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"
"Oh, shut up!" Discord snapped spitefully. "At least he didn't give YOU that...look. Brrr..."
"What are we going to do!?" Mothra cried. "The poor boy must be suffering in those pits!" Fluttershy also cried.
"ENOUGH!" Sir shouted. "No more yelling at each other! This is all on my head. I promised I would protect you all, but I arrived too late. Now, we can all just remember this brave hero in good memory. I shall sing a song of-"
"Doesn't your teleporter go to alternate planes of existence as well?" Z-Squared inquired. Everyone looked at him.
"What?" Sir asked, looking interested.
"Well, the teleporter may be faulty, but we can send one of our own to not fight him, but negotiate with him." She pointed out further.
Mr. Freeze shouted "Negotiate?! Are you thick in the head?! When I looked into his stone-cold eyes, I saw pure evil! This is a suicide mission!"
Z-Squared shot him a look and continued. "Yes, I'm aware this is a bit of a stretch, but while he may be evil, he always rewards whoever beats him at something. Sir told me once that only a handful of people won against him in several things and they were rewarded. While some were sent to Hell due to how selfish their wishes were, the selfless ones wished for truly beneficial things. Or they just didn't wish at all."
Sir thought for a moment and then pointed to Twilight Sparkle. "Perhaps we could send you to do the task."
"What?" Twilight replied. "Why me? I mean, I want to save Finn but-"
Sir leaned over to her and patted her head. "Listen to me. You are strong, but you are also intelligent. Why else did the Princess appoint you as her student. Oh, wait. There is also your heart. Not even the Devil could pierce it. Yes, he did beat you in combat, but in the field of knowledge...he will never break you."
Twilight smiled as Sir reassured her. The teleporter was then turned on and already, the team heard the screams of the damned.
"Hey, Twi!" Twilight turned to see Marceline, who said "Tell Finn he owes us big time!"
Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes as she bravely entered the realm of the damned.
When she got there, she found herself in an empty throne room. Pillars of lava were lined up left and right. The large cave-like structure was built upon brimstone and magma, and when she turned back, there was an open door that revealed some souls freezing in Lake Cocytus.
"Welcome to Hell, creature. Location: Treachery. Why do you descend to look upon Heaven's Bane?"
That voice startled Twilight and there on the sinister-looking throne was Satan. He seemed bored and Finn was no-where to be found.
"Satan, where's Finn!?" Twilight yelled at him.
"Ah. The horse breaks her voice for the soul of thy rider. Not knowing it is far too late for his departed soul to be reached." Satan replied.
Twilight walked closer to him. "He didn't ask to be here! You took him away from us all because-"
"Of the fact that your leader could not pay his dues." Satan interrupted. "When one defies the inevitable, the result rains woe upon his or her loved ones. Hate and disbelief follow before the isolation of misery."
Twilight had just had enough of his ramblings. She stamped her hoof and declared "I challenge you to a chess match."
Now, Satan got out of his throne and walked towards the pony. "I see. One wishes to challenge a god. You are the flea with the most bold of aspirations. Those...aspirations will fade into nothing when I show you the icy grip of reality." He then sat down and conjured up a chessboard. "Shall we begin?"
The game was long and hard. Satan was indeed a master at the game, having played it with Death several times, but Twilight was determined and focused, never letting fear get the best of her. Satan was also telling her stories of people who would give their souls for the most ridiculous or exotic of things, only to be swiftly punished by the hands of Fate. The game went on and on and on.
In the end, though, no one would win. Actually, Twilight did, but not in the way anyone expected.
Just before Satan was going to put Twilight in checkmate, a loud, thunderous boom that shook the frozen lake was heard. Satan and Twilight rushed outside to see a large silhouette of a large, red, robotic eye looming over the denizens of this circle.
It then spoke. "Do you dare defy the laws of the universe, demon? Do you dare insult the threads that bind us all together?"
Satan, who know looked serious and attentive, replied "And who might you be?"
"I am Kronos. The be-all and END-all of the Cartoon Network universe. And you have one of my children locked away in a pit of torture. I must make something clear. He has not died yet and even if he did, he would be sent to the eternal storyboard in my universe. I ask of you. Release him or there will be war." The God spoke sternly.
Twilight was very shocked that Cartoon Network had its own god, who could transverse dimensions at that! Satan, meanwhile, knew that a war would destroy both Heaven and Hell, so he made the wise decision.
"Alright. I concede. Finn shall return to the last place he was in a minute. I shall merely take the next soul that is condemned here as my payment. This dispute has come to a close." He calmly said.
Twilight wiped the sweat off her forehead as the silhouette disappeared.
Satan was about to send Twilight back, but then he leaned over to her and said "It was a pleasure playing with you. Not all mortals are so lucky." And with that, Twilight was sent back.
Moments later...
"And there were like 12 of them! Giant goat-things with giant metal tongs! They were gonna split my head wide open!" Finn was still a bit hysterical over being sent to Hell. Everyone was just glad the terror was over. "I can thank a really brave mare for saving my behind." Twilight smiled at that compliment.
Sir, meanwhile, was writing a long list of apologies that he was going to send to Kronos. He had learned the great god had taken action and he felt the need to make amends for the trouble.
"So, this is your new lease on life?" Z-Squared remarked. "Being more careful of what you do?"
If Sir could smile, he would. "Indeed." He said.
Z-Squared piped up and replied, "Will you end this whole insanity, then?" Sir then chuckled "Now, you know I cannot do that."
Z-Squared just groaned and went to check on the group. 'Well,' He thought. 'Worth a shot.'
The end.
Author's Note
Cast:
Sir and Z Squared-Themselves
Godzilla 2000-Patrick Siez
Twilight Sparkle-Tara Strong
Finn-Jeremy Shada
Megatron-Frank Welker
Discord-John De Lancie
Mr. Freeze-Arnold Schwarzenegger
Marceline-Olivia Olsen
Fluttershy-Andrea Libman
Basil-Billy Zane
Mothra-Christina Valenzuela
Satan-Kieth David
Kronos-Tony Jay
Music:
Sir's disbelief-Gigan's theme from Godzilla Unleashed
Satan appears in flashback-Goyagma Boss Theme from Metroid Other M
Vs. Satan-Plastic Night from Arc Fes 2th Concert
Mourning over Finn-Mad World Instrumental from Gears of War 3
Hell-Betrayal from Silent Hill 2
Kronos-Cartoon Network Promo Theme (Pick One)
Finn's Back-Onnet from Super Smash Bros Brawl
Credits-Night Falls from Tekken Tag Tournament 2
Only Sir, Z-Squared, and the design for Satan belong to me.
See you soon!
