Ponies on Drugs

by Zeydarxx

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 938

What happens when ponies get together and take a crapload of drugs? This, I guess.

What happens when ponies get together and take a crapload of drugs? This, I guess.
Rated Teen for drug use, suggestive content and just complete stupidity.

Disclaimer: Endorsing drug use is one of the last things I would ever do. Drugs are obviously bad and can cause you massive problems. And be honest, do you really want to end up like the ponies in this story? No. Be sensible. Don't do drugs.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-17 23:20:01 UTC

The story

It was a boring day in Equestria. The weather was just plain crap; wet, cold and grey. Twilight was fed up.

"Rrf," she grunted, annoyed. "I never thought this day would come, Spike, but these books have finally become so boring."

"Really? I never thought that reading the same books 234,927 times would get boring." The baby dragon sarcastically retorted from behind his comic. He was sitting on top of a pile of spell books Twilight had finished re-reading...again.

"I know!" Twilight got up so quickly that Spike jumped and fell backwards off the book tower. Twilight ignored him. "Spike, send a message to the girls!"

Spike rubbed his head. "Saying what?"

"Tell them to come to the library for a...good time..."

The other five of the Mane Six showed up one by one. Fluttershy arrived first, then Rarity, then Dash, then Pinkie, and finally AppleJack.

"Mornin' Twilight, Spike," The farm pony greeted her hosts. "May I ask why y'all invited us here?"

"I thought we could all have a party-" The alicorn was cut off by Pinkie Pie.

"A party?! Why didn't you say so?! I-"

"No! This party will be better than that...not that your parties are super awesome and fun!" She added when the Earth pony's face dropped faster than Drama Alert's subscriber count.

"Anyway. Spike, push that book on the shelf near Fluttershy - the one on Alicorn History...no, left a bit...the one above it...no, volume III of Alicorn History...that's volume II! The green one...there we go!"

Spike pushed the book into the shelf. Seconds later, a whole stand of books moved back then to the right to reveal a hidden cupboard. Inside the cupboard were numerous bags of white powder stuck to the walls. There was a large green, yellow and red tin with a black and white image of the famous rapper Snoop Horse with a smoking stick in his mouth. Underneath that were stacks of Tupperware containers with diamond like crystals inside (Rarity liked the look of them in particular). There was a shelf with a half empty box containing rolled up white paper with a box full of lighters next to it. Above that were six neatly polished bongs, ready to be hit. But the main attraction was in the centre of the room. Under a heat lamp were at least six large cannabis plants.

"Fillys," Twilight proudly spoke up. "I present to you...my family drug stash!"

When she managed to get her jaw off the ground, Rainbow Dash spoke up. "How...how did you get...this?"

"Well, Shiny and I discovered this when we were going through dad's stuff after he died. We smoked a lot of it then and there, but what we didn't take we split between us. Shining smoked all of his before his wedding. That's the reason why he looked like he was in a trance. When he's high, he'll believe anything anyone tells him."

Well what are we waiting for?" Pinkie yelled. "Let's get lit!"

It was chaos in the library after that. Books were torn and tossed about.  Fluttershy was shoving several blunts up Spike's arsehole whilst the dragon was smoking meth out of two different bongs at the same time. Rainbow Dash had set fire to one of the cannabis plants and the two earth ponies were doing something unspeakable to a picture of Celestia. Twilight was 'dancing' (if you count swinging her fore hooves around out of time to a Bob Poney song as doing so) on the table, a bong up her Arse and no less than SEVEN blunts in her mouth.

"He was the pheonix soldier, in the heart of Equestria." Went the Bob Poney song playing in the background.

Cocaine was all over the floor. Rarity covered herself in crystal meth and tried to set fire to her fur. Luckily, there was no gas in the lighter she was using and no one was injured. Instead, she went off to join Pinkie Pie and AppleJack doing...acts...to a now slimy picture of Celestia.

What a night.

The letter to Celestia

A/N: This is written by Twilight to Celestia, just to avoid confusion.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Yesterday, I learned that spending time with those who matter the most to you is one of the most important things you can do. It is just so much fun to enjoy yourself with others.

I also learned that smoking cannabis, snorting cocaine and blazing methamphetamine is...how you have one hell of a good party! I got high, Pinkie Pie got high, Fluttershy, Spike, err...Applety, Rarijack...the other one...we all got wasted. In fact, I am blazing some weed as I'm writing you this message.

Remember Princess, stay in drugs and don't do school.

Yours dearly,

Spilight Twarkle.

From Celestia to Twilight.

My dearest Twilight,

I am writing to tell you how upset I am with you that you had a drugs rave party with your friends...and didn't invite me! As your princess I am disappointed with you and I would punish you if it wasn't for your brother. He had a wagonload of crack stored in his mattress. In fact, there was no mattress, it was just coke. It wasn't very comfortable lying on the bed afterwards, but at least he knows how to show a girl a good time on it. Of course we didn't want Cadance to find out, so we teleported her to the middle of space! What a night! Even my sister Luna joined in. She showered in cocaine and then sat on Shining's face. He must feel so lucky.

Hoping to hear from you soon,

Celestia.