Eviction Epidemic

by Prince Conjure

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1304

Celestia is evicted by Luna for being a bad roommate.

Luna is absolutely fed up with Celestia's bad roommate skills. She decides that she will teach her big sister a lesson or two.

Published 2016-07-06 03:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-06 03:50:01 UTC

No 30 Days Notice

Luna and I had a very detailed past. One that was riddled with mistakes and failures, but one we learned to get over nonetheless. Besides, me and Luna had been through it all. Now, we’d been shaped into rulers. I am known for being the more lenient of the two of us, while Luna is known for being the all serious business type.

“Celestia,” said Luna, walking up to me. “Get out of the castle.”

She was never particularly famous for her jokes.

“What do you mean?” I asked, relaxing in my chair. “If you wanted me to take you out somewhere, you could have just asked.”

“No, no, no,” she said. “I want you to leave the castle. Like, for good. You’re getting evicted.”

“I… I don’t understand,” I said. “Why are you kicking me out?”

“That’s easy,” said Luna. “You’re not the best of roommates, if I do say so myself.”

“Nonsense!” I said, leaning back in my chair. “I am a great roommate. Remember those times I made you brownies?”

“I remember the time you attempted to make brownies and ended up burning the west wing,” said Luna. “The floor is still hot, Tia.”

“W-Well, remember the time I cleaned your room?” said Celestia. “You actually said you loved the remake!”

“I liked my old room just as nice,” said Luna. “Also, my old room didn’t smell of bleach.”

“I’m a good roommate!” I pleaded. I really did not want to get kicked out. “Who’s going to watch Better Call Saul with you?”

“You spoiled Breaking Bad for me!” she said. She wasn’t wrong.

“How was I supposed to know that you didn’t know that Walter killed Hank?”

“We watched the beginning of season 5 the very day you spoiled it!” said Luna. “I literally begged for you not to watch ahead! Not only did you completely disregard my wishes, you spoiled it for me!” I thought it over for a bit.

“In a weird sort of way…” I started. “This is mostly your fault.”

“You know what?” asked Luna. “Let us hear it. How exactly is this my fault?”

“You should know I’m not to be trusted,” I said. “After all, I watched Breaking Bad ahead of you and spoiled it.” Luna sat in silence for a second before grabbing me by the hair in her magic. As I struggled against her, she tossed me out of the open window and sent me crashing to the garden below.

“You’re evicted,” said Luna, slamming the window shut.

Of course, I knew she would be bluffing. How could she kick me, her elder sister and fellow ruling princess, out of her own house? I wore the pants, I paid the bills. I did what I want.

I tried to open the door and found it locked. I tried to open it with my magic, but Luna had already cast a spell, negating my magic as I cast it.

It seems I was incorrect in saying I wore the pants. In fact, I felt quite bare. Well, I only had one choice as to what I could do.

Hopefully Twilight had some cake and high-speed internet.

“Oh… my… gosh!” said Twilight or the literal twelfth time. I couldn’t say it was annoying, though. “I cannot believe the Princess is staying with me! It’s an honor, no, more than an honor.”

“Oh, Twilight,” I said. “It’s no big deal. We are equals now. There’s no need for all this hospitality.”

“Yes, yes, of course,” she said, still a bit fidgety. “Well, you may take any room in the castle that you want. Any and all rooms are open to you, well, except for my own, of course.”

“Thank you,” I said. “But, after the long trip, I am quite famished. Where is your refrigerator?” Twilight pointed to one of the rooms down the hall.

“Third door down,” said Twilight. “Oh, and make sure you don’t drink my Dr. Pepper! I’m saving it for tomorrow.”

“I will try,” I said, walking off.

“Wait, what?” she asked. “Y-You will try?”

“Don’t worry,” I assured, opening the door to the kitchen. I strutted over to the fridge and opened it. Inside, there was a few miscellaneous items, but none more important than the Dr. Pepper right in the front. To my knowledge, it hadn’t been claimed yet. I grabbed it, popped it open and slurped it down.

As Twilight walked in, I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to pop it open and slurp it down. As she watched me, I watched her back. Slowly, the fizzy liquid poured down my throat. After a few seconds, I stopped, wiped my mouth and gave Twilight a small smile.

“Sorry.”

“No, no,” said Twilight. “It’s no big deal. I still have my burgers.”

“Tomorrow I promise to get you another one,” I said, tossing the can in the trash. “Now you said something about burgers?”

“Uh…” Twilight sighed. “They’re in the fridge…”

Twilight and I had a very strong bond and relationship. Since the very first day I set my eyes on her, I saw a near infinite amount of potential. She would make a great student. She proved time and time again that she was to be trusted with dealing with crises. Twilight was extremely organized, and a very punctual person.

“I was talking with Luna earlier, and I’ve made my decision, Princess,” said Twilight. “Please, get out of my house.”

She was never particularly famous for her jokes.

“What do you mean?” I asked, sitting in Twilight’s living room. “If you wanted me to take you somewhere, you could have just ask—”

“It was 3 months ago that I asked you to buy me another Dr. Pepper,” said Twilight. “I even volunteered to go with you.”

“N-Now, now, Twilight,” I said. I could tell I was getting dangerously close to be double evicted. That couldn’t be good. “What about all the times I did… the thing?”

“What thing?”

“You know,” I said. “The thing, the thing!” I gulped. “I even made you brownies! I didn’t even burn them!”

“I was glad you offered them to me,” she said, with a smile. “But then you ate them all.”

“But you were taking so long to eat yours,” I argued.

“I went to the bathroom!” she snapped back. “Luna told me all about your shenanigans back home. I’m very close to sending you back there.” Before I could answer her, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Instinctively, I pulled it out and opened the conversation I was in, laughing at the conversation before typing back.

“Silly Cadence,” I said. “Jean-Luc is way cooler than Kirk.”

“Out of my house,” said Twilight.

“W-What?” Twilight grabbed me by my hair, which still hurt, then threw me out of the front door.

“Get that blasphemy out of my house,” said Twilight, slamming the door. I scrambled to my feet, then pulled at the door. It was locked. I cast a spell to blow it open, but Twilight already had the banishment countermeasures up. I sighed.

Well, I had only one more choice I could make. Even though I’d rather live on the streets…

“Well, well,” said Discord, opening his door fully. I growled at him. “Would you look what the cat dragged in!”

“Listen, I did not come here of my own volition,” I explained. “I just need a bed to sleep in for a little while.”

“I’d be happy to give you one,” said Discord, leading me inside. I grumbled.

“Is there any way I’d be evicted soon?” Discord laughed.

“Not a chance.”

Author's Note

Well, I'm going to college soon...

What if I have a Celestia as a roommate? What is I am Celestia?!

I'm not ready to share a room...