A Clopfic by...Spike???

by Page Flipper

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 5667

Follow the journeys of a clopfic page as it finds itself traversing across Ponyville...

When Fluttershy finds a page of a clopfic containing Spike and a certain white mare, the page finds itself in the hooves of many ponies it's been kept from. All of the clues seem to point to Spike, but is there more to this page than meets the eye?

Author's Note: Contains lines of some saucy material. Nothing to clop over, but it refers heavily to something you'd find in a clopfic. Don't read if you're offended by this sort of thing. I only rated it teen because it's pretty tame and there's very little of it, but if it's too much I can rate it mature and add up a "sex" tag.

Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!

Published 2012-06-22 07:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-23 01:04:34 UTC

A Clopfic by...Spike???

A Clopfic by...Spike??? by Sabre Blade

“My dear, I cannot thank you enough for taking Opalescence off my hooves again.” Rarity says, her horn glowing. A needle and thread are suspended in mid-air, encompassed by a light blue glow. Half finished dresses lay on tables scattered across Rarity's Boutique while designs pepper the wall above her desk. Sunlight is streaming through a gap in the curtains and caressing the fur of a white Persian cat napping on a table.

“Oh, it's no problem at all.” Fluttershy responds. “In fact, I love caring for Opalescence. She does everything I ask her to, and she's never a bother.”

“Nevertheless, I am very grateful. I just had a large order come through and I simply can not work with so many dresses when I have to be distracted by the constant needs of a cat all weekend.” Rarity says, now working the thread through the needle.

“Um, big sis, you know, I can look after Opalescence.” Sweetie Belle offers, peeping out from behind a mannequin.

“No thank you!” Rarity says, levitating a square of fabric from one of the nearby tables.

“But I'll be out of the way, and-” Sweetie Belle insists before she is interrupted.

“No, just, keep standing there, not ruining anything.” Rarity says, her eyes now focused on stitching a red fabric and a green fabric together. Sweetie Belle sighs.

“Alright.” Sweetie Belle says, sitting down dejectedly.

“Um, Rarity? If you want, I mean, if it's no trouble, I can look after Sweetie Belle too.” Fluttershy offers. Rarity gasps, a smile forming on her lips.

“Darling, that would be fantastic!” Rarity says. “Thank you ever so much!” Sweetie Belle looks up, her spirits lifted.

“Ooh, Fluttershy, can Apple Bloom and Scootaloo come over too? It'll be just like last time!” Sweetie Belle says, leaping up from the floor.

“Oh, um, I don't know. If it was just like last time...” Fluttershy says, remembering the Cockatrice from the previous sleep over.

“We won't be any trouble! Pleeeeeeaaaseee???” Sweetie Belle pleads, dashing over towards Fluttershy in a blur and scattering spools of thread. She puts on her cutest sad face and looks straight into Fluttershy's eyes. Fluttershy can see herself reflected in those big, shiny balls of sight.

“Now now, Sweetie Belle. Fluttershy has hyperactive, havoc-wreaking creatures to look after. You wouldn't want to be adding another three to her workload.” Rarity says, running some fabric through her sewing machine.

“Oh no, it'll be okay,” Fluttershy says. “Just as long as-”

“Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Sweetie Belle shoots out, wrapping her hooves around Fluttershy's neck and hugging her. She lets go and races off to her room to pack.

Within seconds, she is back with Fluttershy and Rarity, standing in the doorway wearing a cape and holding a bag of belongings in between her teeth with the biggest smile.

“Once again, thank you for taking Opalescence and Sweetie Belle for the weekend. Don't forget to take Opal's grooming kit!” Rarity says, plonking a small, blue case in front of Fluttershy, who picks it up with her teeth.

“Okay Rarity, I'll just, um, leave you to your work then. Unless of course, you don't want me to go-” Fluttershy starts, but spots a book lying open on Rarity's table she hadn't seen before. The pages are dotted with the most beautiful designs Fluttershy had ever seen. “Oh Rarity, these are just lovely! Is this a new book you've just gotten?”

“Hmm?” Rarity says, looking up from her sowing machine. “Oh, that. No, it's actually a book from Twilight's library about all of the vintage fashion trends from Trottingham. I have a copy myself, of course. Well, I had a copy, until Opal decided to make book spaghetti out of it. Now, I'm so sorry, but you'll have to excuse me. I must get back to making these dresses. ~~Toodle-ooo~~!!!” She pushes Fluttershy out of her boutique and onto the path outside, throwing the grooming kit after her. Fluttershy looks down at Sweetie Belle grinning at her like some scheming devil and sighs.

“Okay then, let's go.” Fluttershy says before bending down and picking up the case with her teeth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now remember girls, I have to groom Opal, so I want you to be on your best behaviour while I'm brushing her. I'm trusting you to be on your own, so please don't disturb any of the animals here.” Fluttershy says through her teeth, opening the door to her cottage. She walks inside, the girls trotting in after her, all wearing red capes with a blue patches shaped like a shield. Inside the cottage, small animals scurry about, squeaking to each other and observing the new arrivals. Bird cages stand on stands around the room and mouse holes dot the walls.

“Don't worry Fluttershy, ya won't even know we're here!” Apple Bloom says.

“Yeah! We'll be super quiet!” Sweetie Belle agrees.

“Super quiet and super un-hyperactive.” Scootaloo adds in.

“That's not even a real word!” Sweetie Belle says.

“Here we go again...” Apple Bloom sighs to herself.

“Yeah, so? I could make a new word if I wanted to!” Scootaloo says.

“No you can't! You can't just make a new word!” Sweetie Belle argues.

“Of course I can make a new word! Do you think all the other words just made themselves?” Scootaloo argues back.

“Girls!” Fluttershy calls. The three fillies all look towards Fluttershy.

“Yes Fluttershy?” All three say in unison.

“I thought I told you to be on your best behaviour?” Fluttershy reminds them. The fillies heads all droop.

“Sorry Fluttershy.” They say. Fluttershy nods in satisfaction.

“Good. Now, I must tell you, please stay away from the documents on my desk. They're filled with my animal caring remedies and they're all very important.” Fluttershy says.

“Of course, Fluttershy!” Sweetie Belle says.

“No problem, Fluttershy!” Apple Bloom says.

“You can count on us, Fluttershy!” Scootaloo says.

“Thank you very much, girls.” Fluttershy says, walking towards the upstairs bedroom. “Opal! Come with me, it's time for your grooming.” Opal, who had been quietly observing one of the mouse holes, looks up. With a meow, she follows Fluttershy upstairs. Opal curls up on the blue framed bed, cuddling up against the orange and tan butterfly patterned bedsheets as the door shuts behind Fluttershy. The upstairs bedroom is a cosy little room, with a few logs of firewood sitting unlit inside of a stonework fireplace. A bookshelf sits in a corner containing books on various types of animals, while paintings of flowers adorn the walls and bird houses hang from the roof. Fluttershy sets the case down on a blue chest in front of the bed and looks at Opalescence with a gentle smile.

“Okay Opal, let's get you nice and-” Fluttershy starts before a loud roar comes from downstairs.

“COMMENCING CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SLEEPOVER AT FLUTTERSHY'S TAKE TWO, YAY!” The fillies downstairs yell at the top of their lungs. Opal leaps into the air, startled by the noise and hissing like a snake.

“Um, nice and comfy?” Fluttershy says as her bedsheets get torn to shreds by Opal's startled frenzy. “Don't worry Opal, I know what will get you calm down. A nice brushing.” Fluttershy opens the case with her nose. To her surprise, as piece of parchment lays on top of the comb. Hmm? What's this? She thinks as she picks the parchment up.

Her snow white hooves caress my purple scales, sliding them through my green spines and bringing me closer into her loving embrace. Taking my wrist with her hoof, she lays my hand on her belly and starts to move it downwards towards her-

Fluttershy lets out a squeal and drops the page.

“Ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodness!” Fluttershy whispers to herself as she eyes the parchment now lying on the floor. What was that doing there? Was I meant to have it? Why does Rarity even have such a thing? She could never write something like that! Oh, maybe she didn't write it. Who else would write a first person erotic story about themselves and Rarity? Fluttershy gasps and her eyes widen as the answer hits her. Metaphorically, of course. Spike wrote this? But he's such a sweet little baby dragon! I could never imagine him...Well, I guess I could. Fluttershy sits down on the bed, the parchment in one hoof and her chin on the other. After all, he's almost 13 now. Fluttershy looks down at the parchment. It's probably not serious. It's just the hormones. But what if it's not hormones? What if it's actually-

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PROFESSIONAL PAPER AEROPLANE THROWERS, YAY!” Comes a loud voice from downstairs, jolting Fluttershy out of her thoughts.

“Paper aeroplanes?” Fluttershy says to herself, getting off of the bed and heading downstairs, parchment still in hoof. The door stands wide open, the girls are nowhere to be seen, and her stack of documents is missing. Then, the answer hits her, quite literally this time. A paper aeroplane hits her on the nose, causing Fluttershy to shriek in fear. After backing away to the other side of the room, she takes a careful look at the aeroplane now sitting on the floor. It looks familiar to her...

“Oh my goodness!” She cries and runs out the open door. What meets her gaze is a massive storm of paper aeroplanes, circling about in the air. “No girls, stop! Girls!” Fluttershy says, dropping the parchment and running over to the aeroplanes to regain her precious documents. While Fluttershy is preoccupied with the task of catching the aeroplanes, Apple Bloom finds a piece of parchment on the ground. Without a second thought, she picks it up and folds it into an aeroplane. She brings her leg back, but before she can throw it, a gust of wind tears it from her grasp, carrying it on the wind...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now this recipe goes here! Or does it go here?” Pinkie Pie says, holding a folder in front of her. Pinkie Pie is sitting at a desk in her room in Sugarcube Corner, while Gummy is sitting on Pinkie Pie's bed, wagging his tail absent mindedly. Inside the folder are all of her newest apple baking recipes, labelled in order from yummiest to un-yummyiest. Naturally, all of the recipes fit under the “yummiest” category (After all, they are all her own recipes) so she is having a hard time figuring out which recipe goes where. She isn't doing this folder just for herself, though. The recipes are for Applejack, for she had requested a list of all of Pinkie Pie's baking recipes containing apples. Pinkie Pie is very intent on her task, her eyes squinted almost shut and tongue poking out between her teeth at the utmost length.

“No no, wait, this recipe-wecipe goes here!” She says to herself, reorganising the same recipe for the 37th time. “Or maybe...” Pinkie Pie finally gives up and drops the folder onto her desk, laying her head on it in defeat. “This is boooooriiiiiing!” She says, looking out of her bedroom window. Something catches her eye, and she sits up in confusion. A large, white cloud seems to be rushing towards Ponyville. It doesn't look like a cloud, however...

Pinkie Pie gasps and runs to the window, opening it and staring out towards the cloud. Sure enough, it is what she suspected. A large white mass of paper aeroplanes is flying across the wind, landing all over Ponvyille like over-sized snowflakes. Pinkie Pie holds her hooves out of the window, hoping to catch one, when a slightly larger, more darker coloured aeroplane lands in her hooves.

“Huh?” Pinkie Pie says, her curiosity piqued. For it is not a paper aeroplane in her hooves, but a parchment aeroplane. It looks like there's a letter inside! Ooh, maybe it's from a pirate pony who didn't have any spare empty bottles! Maybe it's some sort of secret mission from a secret government agency! Positively shaking with excitement, Pinkie Pie unravels the aeroplane and starts to read.

Rarity gasps and moans in ecstasy, her outbursts more captivating to me than the sweetest love song. I lean in to kiss her, feeling my scaly body rub against her fur as I go deeper inside her-

“EEEEEEKK!!!” Pinkie Pie cries, stuffing the parchment from sight in the quickest place she can find. She curls up on her bed holding Gummy, and is now shaking from shock.

“Who could write such a thing, Gummy?” Pinkie Pie says to her pet. Gummy proceeds to clamp down on Pinkie Pie's ear. “Oh no, not Spike, he couldn't, he wouldn't, he'd never!” Gummy clamps down on Pinkie Pie's nose. “Well, now that you raise that point, he is nearing his thirteenth birthday. Just starting to learn about- Ooh, that reminds me, I have to plan him a party! No, bad Pinkie Pie! I have to focus! Should I tell Twilight? Or maybe-”

“Hi ya'll, Mr and Mrs Cake!” comes a voice from downstairs.

“Hello Applejack. How may I help you?” calls another voice, who Pinkie Pie recognises as Mrs Cake.

“Oh, I'm just here to see Pinkie. Hey, did you see that massive storm of paper planes jus' before?” The first voice says, belonging to Pinkie Pie's friend Applejack. Pinkie Pie gasps. Oh no, I can't let her know about the page! She'd probably go nuttier than a walnut at Spike! Pinkie Pie picks up the folder and races downstairs.

“Hi Applejack! Here's the recipes now bye!” Pinkie Pie says, thrusting the folder into Applejack's hooves and pushing her out the door.

“Uh, Pinkie, what-” Applejack says before the door slams in her face. “Pinkie, what the hay?” She yells through the crack underneath the door.

“Sorry Applejack, but I'm very busy. Busier than a bee could ever be, especially since he could be whatever a bee could be, so I've gotta be busier than that bee or that bee will take my job!” Pinkie Pie says, rushing up to her room and closing the door behind her. Now, where did I put that page? Pinkie Pie thinks, darting around the room for the parchment. She looks behind her desk, under her bed, and even in Gummy's mouth, but she can't find it anywhere. Oh no, I've lost it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I wonder what in tarnation that was all about.” Applejack says to herself. The folder containing the recipes is lying in her saddlebags, jostling along to the rhythm of Applejack's walk. She opens the gate to Sweet Apple Acres and walks inside towards her house. Granny Smith is sitting on her rocking chair outside, dozing in the sun.

“Afternoon, Granny.” Applejack says, walking by. Granny Smith jolts awake with a snort.

“Wah- Uh, good mornin' sweetie! Or afternoon! Or, uh...” Granny Smith says before falling back asleep. Applejack chuckles to herself as she opens the front door. Applejack is surprised to find Apple Bloom sitting at the table, her face creased in a frown.

“Apple Bloom! Surprised ta find you here. Weren't you going to a sleep over with the girls?” Applejack asks her little sister. Apple Bloom sighs.

“Yeah, we were. But then Fluttershy sent us home so she could gather up her research documents. The ones we, uh, turned into paper planes.” Apple Bloom replies.

“You caused that big storm a' paper planes back there?” Applejack asks, astounded. “Why, no wonder Fluttershy sent you home! Takin' her stuff like that! I oughta send you to buck the whole apple orchard by yourself right now! Except for the fact you can't buck 'em down anyway. Go to your room, you'll be getting no supper tonight!”

“Sorry, Applejack...” Apple Bloom says, walking to her room with her head hanging in shame. Applejack heads into the kitchen and drops the folder down on the kitchen bench.

“How could she? She's a good filly and all, but I never thought she'd ever do somethin' like that! Especially to Fluttershy!” Applejack mutters to herself. She opens up the folder and starts to flick through the various recipes. “Hmm, some of these look mighty good.” She stops in surprise when she finds a piece of yellow parchment, standing out from the white paper.

“Wonder what this is?” Applejack murmurs to herself as she picks the paper up and starts reading.

I run my fingers through her mane as our tongues meet in a dance of love. A shudder of pleasure runs up through my scales as she rubs my-

“Whoa nelly!” Applejack cries, dropping the parchment back onto the folder. What the hay? Who wrote this? Pinkie couldn't have- Wait a minute! Applejack scans the page. Spike? Why that little- Hang on, why the hay did Pinkie have it? Applejack spins around and starts out towards the door. Flinging it open, Applejack starts to angrily trot to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie, you got a lot of explaining to do!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apple Bloom watches Applejack trot off down the path from her bedroom window.

“I wonder where she's goin'. She's already been ta Pinkie's place. Maybe she's goin' ta Rarity's to talk about me.” Apple Bloom says to herself. She slumps down on her bed. “Why did I listen to Sweetie Belle? Why didn't we just leave them papers alone?” A thought sparks in Apple Bloom's mind. “Wait, didn't Applejack leave behind a stack of recipes? Hey! Maybe that's our special talent! Bakin'!” Apple Bloom leaps off of the bed in excitement and races down the stairs to the kitchen. She picks up the folder and hefts it onto her back. Looking out the window to make sure that Big Macintosh is still busy ploughing the fields, Apple Bloom tip-toes to the back door. After making sure nopony is watching, Apple Bloom races out of the farm to find Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You really think baking is our special talent?” Scootaloo asks Apple Bloom. They are sitting under the shade of a tree near the Ponyville town centre. The rushing of the water from the fountain makes a soothing sound, and the song of chirping birds fills the air.

“Sure! I mean, maybe. Why not?” Apple Bloom says.

“Apple Bloom, we already tried cooking, and that turned out to be a total disaster!” Scootaloo says.

“Yeah, but that was just normal cookin'. This here is bakin'. There's still a whole lot more potential to be found!” Apple Bloom replies.

“Well, when you put it like that, sure! Let's do this!” Scootaloo says.

“YAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER BAKERS!” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shout in unison.

“Uh, should we be doing this without Sweetie Belle? I mean, shouldn't we wait until she isn't grounded any more?” Scootaloo says.

“We can't wait, Applejack will probably want this back tonight. Besides, we can discover her cutie mark for her!” Apple Bloom says.

“Then let's get started!” Scootaloo says. She takes the folder and lays out the recipes. “So, which one should we do?”

“Ooh, that one looks important!” Apple Bloom says, pointing to a yellowy page.

“Yeah, it must be important if it's colour coded to be different from the rest!” Scootaloo says. Apple Bloom slides the page out and begins to read aloud.

“I press ma' scaly lips to her chest, lightly scratcin' her white coat, workin' my way down until I start to rub my tongue against her-”

Apple Bloom stops and looks closer at the page.

“Okay, I can't even pronounce that word.” She says, scratching her head.

“It doesn't even sound like much of a recipe.” Scootaloo says, looking over at the page from upside down.

“Hey girls, watcha doin'?” Asks a voice from above. Both fillies look up to find Rainbow Dash floating in front of them.

“We thought that maybe baking is our special talent!” Scootaloo says.

“Yeah! I found these recipes in the kitchen, but this recipe looks a little weird.” Apple Bloom says.

“Oh really? Let me take a look at it, I might be able to help.” Rainbow Dash offers, holding a hoof out. Apple Bloom hands the page over to Rainbow Dash, who starts to read aloud.

“I smile seductively at her, flashing my sharp teeth in a grin. I climb towards her, rubbing against her as I start to slide in my-”

Rainbow Dash jerks her head back in shock.

“What the-? Why do you girls have something like this?” She asks, astonished. Whoa, is that Spike? Why is he in the story? Did he write this?

“I dunno, I just found it after Applejack left this folder behind. Why, is it bad?” Apple Bloom says.

“Wait, did you say Applejack had this?” Rainbow Dash says, looking up from the parchment.

“Yeah, it was in the folder she got from Pinkie Pie.” Apple Bloom says. Rainbow Dash's jaw drops.

“Pinkie Pie?” She says. “Okay girls, have fun with your recipes, I gotta talk to Pinkie about this.” Rainbow Dash speeds off, leaving behind a rainbow trail. The two fillies sit in silence for a while.

“What was that all about?” Scootaloo asks of nopony in particular.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gotta find Pinkie. Maybe Applejack too. Twilight as well. Wait, not yet. Spike might not have written this. Rainbow Dash thinks as she flies around Ponyville to find Pinkie Pie. No, scratch that. Spike definitely wrote this. How could he? Oh, and I gotta make sure Rarity NEVER sees this. She'd hate Spike so much! Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? Rainbow Dash is so absorbed in her thoughts that she forgets to watch where she's going. Before she can even register that she's flying downwards, she slams into something purple, scattering parchment everywhere.

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash cries as she rolls over and over with the purple thing she collided with, eventually coming to rest in a cloud of dust on top of it. “Whoops, heh heh, sorry about that.” Rainbow Dash looks down to find herself sitting on top of Twilight Sparkle.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash. Lovely to see you.” Twilight says sarcastically.

“I, uh, kinda lost track of where I was going.” Rainbow Dash explains.

“Could you get off me, please?” Twilight says, grunting as she tries to pick herself up. Rainbow Dash flies up off of Twilight and lifts her up with a hoof.

“Thank you.” Twilight says, sighing and starting to pick up the blank pieces of parchment on the ground and put it back into her saddlebags.

“Hey Twilight, why do you have all of this parchment? And why do you look so glum?” Rainbow Dash asks.

“All of my parchment has gone missing. Also, my favourite quill is covered in ink, and my last inkwell is nearly empty. Not to mention that Spike is home with a cold, and I now have a few new bruises to go with my very bad day.” Twilight says. Missing parchment, a used quill and an empty inkwell? That reminds me. Rainbow Dash thinks.

“Well, good luck with that.” Rainbow Dash says, speeding off towards Sugarcube Corner. The air rushes past Rainbow Dash's face as she zips past ponies going about their day, startling quite a few of them. Just as Rainbow Dash is skidding to a halt in front of Pinkie Pie's door, she gets the feeling she's forgotten something. What could it be? There's nothing I really need to- Rainbow Dash thinks as she looks down at her hooves. She gives a cry of surprise. She's left the page behind!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight Sparkle takes in a racking breath and gives a loud cough. She waves her hoof in front of her face to clear the dust cloud left behind by Rainbow Dash's sudden disappearance.

“And she didn't even offer to help.” Twilight grumbles to herself. “Urgh, could this day get any worse?” She spots the last piece of parchment on the ground and levitates it with her magic. But hang on, it isn't blank...

“Huh? What's this?” Twilight says as she levitates the page in front of her.

She starts riding on top of me, sitting on me like a cow pony and scraping against the soft scales of my belly. Her purple mane bounces up and down with her, her mouth giving vent to a soft moan. I bring my tail up from underneath me and start to lightly probe her-

Twilight lets loose a massive gasp and her magic fades from around the page in her surprise. She catches the page before it hits the ground and continues to stare at it in shock. What is this? Twilight thinks. Is that Rarity it's talking about? And Spike? Twilight looks up. Spike! Did he... Well, it seems the most logical choice, given that it's from his point of view. I never knew he could think such things! Twilight continues to read.

“I... I love you...Rarity...” I say as I lie between her legs.
“I love you too, Spike.” She says.

I knew it. Spike better have a good explanation for-

“Hey Twilight! What do you have there?” says a young voice behind Twilight. Twilight spins around.

“Sweetie Belle!” Twilight says, greeting the white filly. “What are you doing out here? I thought you were grounded?” Sweetie Belle lowers her head sadly.

“Well, I still am. But Rarity sent me to go pick up some simple groceries. She's nearly wrapped up her work, and she wanted to have a little celebratory dinn- Hey! I've seen that page before!” Sweetie Belle says, noticing the parchment in Twilight's hoof.

“This page?” Twilight says, holding the page up. “Oh no, you must be mistaken.”

“No I'm not!” Sweetie Belle insists. “I saw it at the boutique!” Twilight's jaw drops.

“This was at the boutique?” Twilight asks. Sweetie Belle nods her head.

“Yeah! I found it hidden in that book you lent to Rarity.” Sweetie Belle says. “I thought that Rarity had hidden it in the book-” Rarity? More like Spike. “And I figured it must have been important, so I hid it in a better place nopony would find! I mean, nopony ever opens up Opal's grooming kit anyway, well except for perhaps Fluttershy, but I don't think she'd read anything that obviously hidden, I mean she's so nice, she would never pry-”

“I'm sorry Sweetie Belle, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to get back home. Bye!” Twilight says before taking off towards the library.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What were you THINKING?” Twilight says as she barrels through the door into the library. She is greeted with the empty bottom level of the library. Books lay scattered about the floor as they usually were, while Owloysius is perched on top of a ladder.

“Hoo.” He calls to Twilight, but she rushes past him to start climbing up the stairs. She finds Spike huddled in a blanket on his bed, sniffing.

“Oh, hey *sniff* Twilight. Did you-” Spike starts but Twilight interrupts him.

“What...is THIS?!?” Twilight shouts, shoving the page into his face. “You should know better! I thought you knew how to control your feelings! And also, hiding it in a book? What were you thinking? Anypony could have borrowed it out!” Spike leans back and takes great sniff before starting to read.

“Oh Spike, harder!” Rarity says. I happily oblige, thrusting faster and deeper, watching the way my-

“Whoa, Twilight!” Spike says. “Did you write this?”

“-So no nap time for an entire month, no gem snacks, and- Wait, what?” Twilight says, confused. “Of course I didn't write it! You did!” Spike jerks back in shock.

“Me? Write this?” Spike asks. “Twilight, I don't even know what half of these words mean!”

“Don't play me for a fool, Spike. The missing parchment, the used quill, the empty inkwell! I know you wrote this. And to top it off, you ruined my favourite quill while writing it!” Twilight says, now breathing heavily through her nose.

“What? I didn't write anything! Well, aside from an apology to Princess Celestia when I accidentally sneezed and sent the half of the empty parchment to her!” Spike says.

“You...what?” Twilight asks, now genuinely confused.

“Yeah! I sneezed and sent the parchment to Princess Celestia, so I wrote a heap of apologies to her! I kept sneezing in the middle of writing it, so I had to keep starting over again until I'd used almost the entire inkwell!” Spike says. “And besides, I wouldn't be stupid enough to hide something in a boo-ooh-ah-AAAHHH-CHOOO!” Spike lets go a mighty sneeze, sending a small streak of flame out of his nose across the page. Before Twilight can react, the page gets carried along the flames and out of the window.

“AHH! BRING IT BACK, BRING IT BACK!” Twilight shouts frantically, running to the window to watch the page spiral away.

“I can't! Not until she sends it back!” Spike says. “AH-CHOO! AH-CHOO!” Spike sends two more jets of flame out, luckily not hitting anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why, how art thou, sibling?” Princess Luna says in her Royal Canterlot Voice, entering Princess Celestia's royal bedroom. The ceiling has Princess Celestia's cutie mark, the eight pointed sun, painted across it, while a thick, lush carpet covers the floor. The afternoon sun is just starting to kiss the horizon, reminding Princess Luna that she will have to raise the moon soon. A large, queen size bed sits off to one side, draped with lace curtains coloured a brilliant violet. A large, thick cushion lies in the middle of the room with the same violet colour and has a long golden headrest on one side in case an emergency power nap is ever needed. On this cushion lies Princess Celestia, who is just finishing a report for the royal chefs.

“Hello Luna. You're still putting on the whole “Banished for a millennium and can't talk properly” thing, aren't you?” Princess Celestia replies, sighing. Princess Luna gives a hearty chuckle.

“Yes I am. Honestly, how else am I going to get to yell at somepony? Yelling opportunities are very rare when you're the leader of such a nice, polite nation.” Princess Luna says, talking without her Royal Canterlot Voice. Princess Celestia gives a light chuckle.

“Maybe, but isn't it about time you started to pretend to adapt to our way of speech? You've been back for a year now and ponies are getting suspicious.” Princess Celestia says.

“Oh, let me have my fun, Tia. I've been gone for a thousand years and I had precious little of it on the moon.” Princess Luna says, smiling to let Princess Celestia know that she's just joking.

“Well, I can't argue with that.” Princess Celestia says, just as a letter comes out of the mail hole. “Ah! A new letter from my student. Let's see what she's learned today...”

I wrap my arms around her neck, rubbing my fingers through her mane and our lips lock in a passionate embrace. Fur and scales meet as I press her closer to me, pushing myself deeper inside of her, making her shudder with pleasure-

“Oh my me!” Princess Celestia says. “Why in Equestria would Twilight send me this?” Princess Luna looks over Princess Celestia's shoulder to read.

I can tell she's close to climax. She holds me closer to her and starts to breath faster, letting loose little gasps or moans every few seconds. We both reach breaking point at the same time and our tides collide in a massive frenzy-

“... Well... That most certainly is an... Interesting lesson...” Princess Luna says, raising an eyebrow. Princess Celestia's mouth is still open in shock.

“How could she ever write such a thing?” Princess Celestia says.

“I'm not so sure she wrote this. It looks more like her assistant, Spike. See?” Princess Luna says, pointing to a spot on the page.

“Oh Spike, I never knew you were that big!” Rarity says, sliding off of me.

“It is pretty big, isn't it?” I say, sliding my hands under my head as I lay next to the mare I never thought I'd ever get a chance to sleep with.

“Hmm, now that you point that out, It does look more like Spike wrote it.” Princess Celestia says. She starts to roll it up. “Well, I'm going to send it right back to her and tell her that Spike-”

“Um, sis?” Princess Luna interrupts. “I was, um... I was actually wondering if I could just... keep it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait...” Twilight says, looking at Spike, confused. “If you didn't write that page, then who did?” The door opens below and somepony steps into the library, their hooves clopping against the hard wood floor.

“Yoohoo! Twilight?” Rarity calls from below. “I've finally finished that order from Trottingham, so I thought I'd come and return that book you lent me! Oh, and by the way, I've lost a very important piece of parchment. If you see it, could you return it to me? It's just a little something I've been working on and Sweetie Belle said she hid it, so now I can't find it anywhere!”

Author's Note

This was just a short two day job after inspiration struck whilst thinking up crazy ideas in bed one night. Strangely enough, it's the same way I came up with The Sorrow of a Blueberry. My mind must think up some weird stuff when it's tired.

I apologise if there are any mistakes. I edited it myself but something might have slipped through. If you see anything that needs to be changed, please let me know!

Anyway, I'd just like to thank you for reading my story. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it!

EDIT: I just went through and fixed a few mistakes some of my readers found. It doesn't make too much of an impact, however. I also added in a few words and lines I forgot to add in earlier. It's not too big, nothing worth re-reading over.

EDIT 2: Okay, just fixing some major plot holes. Big thanks to Periphery and awesomespike for spotting them!