TAW in Equestria
TAW awoke with her whole body engulfed in not-exactly-pain. She couldn’t really describe the sensation in any certain terms, but her inner author said that if felt like she had been torn to pieces, sucked through a straw, and then put back together the wrong way around. TAW often felt that her inner author had a very vivid, if somewhat gruesome, sense of imagination.
Her thoughts were interrupted, though, by a strangely familiar voice. “I can’t believe it worked!” it exclaimed from somewhere nearby, “A complete quantum-wormhole trans-reality transfer!”
“Uhh, what exactly does that mean?” TAW wrinkled her brow; this second voice seemed familiar, too. If only she could figure out where she had heard it before…
“Oh, it’s actually very simple,” the first voice responded, “A quantum-wormhole trans-reality transfer involves breaking the subject into its component atoms, sending them one-by-one through a hole in space-time, and then reassembling them into a shape suitable for habitation on the destination world.” The awkward silence that followed proved that the second person in the room hadn’t understood a word of that “simple” explanation. TAW heard a sigh and the first voice continued, “We broke her up into itty-bitty pieces, sucked them through a tiny tunnel, and them put the pieces back together in a new shape.”
` TAW thought frantically, “A new shape?! What did they do to me?!”She pried open her eyes and looked down at her body, giving it a quick once-over; arms: check, legs: check, hooves: check, fee- “Hooves!? I have hooves!?” Indeed, her hands and feet were gone, replaced with tan colored hooves, and in place of her normal hair, was a red and green mane. However, the most interesting part of her new anatomy was on her back, where a pair of tan colored wings had sprouted.
Unfortunately, she had more pressing matters to attend to. There was a crashing sound from the next room over and TAW realized she had spoken aloud. She frantically clambered to her feet-make that hooves-and prepared for the worst. Luckily, her body decided to get “the worst” taken care of right away, and a massive wave of vertigo swept through her. She retched a few times before falling back to the floor, barely catching herself on her front hooves.
She was working on getting her balance back when a purple unicorn poked her head around the edge of a doorway. She saw TAW standing in the center of the floor and walked the rest of the way into the room. “Hi, My name is Twilight Sparkle- Are you okay? You seem a little-ahh! Dash, catch her!”
TAW opened her eyes and saw a purple face and pair of purple eyes, framed by a purple and pink mane, staring back at her. “Ah, I’m still here…Pity, I was really hoping I wasn’t crazy.”
“Are you okay?” Twilight asked, her voice tinged with concern, “You fainted as soon as I introduced myself. It might be a side-effect of the transfer, that magic is still largely untested….” She noticed that TAW was gaping open-mouthed at her, “Umm, hello?”
“Ah, what the hell, might as well go with it.”TAW exploded off the floor, jumping up and wrapping her new hooves around a surprised Twilight Sparkle. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! You’re the Twilight Sparkle! I’ve watched you on TV, I’ve read so much about you, I’ve written so much about you and now I’m actually meeting you! This is so amazing!” TAW hugged Twilight again, even tighter this time, before suddenly pushing her away. She held the unicorn at arm’s length, and narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Now that I’ve got that over with, how am I meeting you? I mean, I heard your explanation earlier, but, not that I’m ungrateful or anything, why exactly am I here?”
Twilight coughed nervously, her eyes sweeping around the room, looking anywhere but the pegasus’s face. For some reason TAW couldn’t even begin to guess, the unicorn was blushing. “Well, the thing is, the reason you’re here, I mean,” she sighed, “Let me start from the beginning. A few months ago, I discovered a spell that allowed me to view other worlds. The first world I discovered with sentient life was your own. For the first several weeks, I merely watched and recorded my observations of your planet. However, that method required a great deal of time and effort, but was providing very little useful information. One bit of information I did pick up, though, was the existence of the Internet. Eventually I figured out how to access it.” Twilight gestured to a laptop sitting on a nearby desk that looked remarkably familiar to the products of a certain fruit-related computer company, with the exception of the glowing pear logo on the back. “And everything was perfect! The internet was an amazing research tool! I mean there’s so much information just sitting out there, cross-referenced, searchable, and perfectly sorted! Have you heard of Wikipedia?”
Twilight didn’t bother to wait for an answer, “Well, after a few days I decide to tell my friends about the internet and let them have a look at it too. I figured that Rarity could research Earth fashions or Applejack could discover some new farming techniques and stuff like that. And they did! Everything was going great.” Twilight’s voice trailed off.
“So what happened?” TAW prompted.
Twilight shivered, “We discovered FIMFiction.net. It was scary seeing all of those stories about us, I mean all of these people we’ve never met writing about us! It was a bit of a shock, you can probably guess, but eventually we got over it. And then Fluttershy searched for stories about herself…” Twilight’s voice trailed off. TAW had no idea what Twilight intended to say next but she felt the bottom fall out of her stomach.
As it was, Twilight never got a chance to finish talking. The other voice from earlier cut in, this time filled with abject disgust “-and she found your bucking ‘clop-fics’.”
Now that she was fully awake, TAW recognized the voice, “Rainbow Dash?” She whipped her head around to look towards the other pony, which is why Dash’s hoof caught her in the muzzle instead of her side. TAW fell backwards, her hooves clamped over her nose. When she looked down at them, she saw that they were stained with a few spots of blood. Before she could think of anything to say, she was hauled upright by a pair of cyan hooves and forced to stare into a pair of rose-colored eyes that looked ready to kill.
“Let me set a few things straight for you,” Dash began, “First I am not into bondage, second I would never hit on one of my best friends, and thirdly, and this is the most important one, I AM NOT A LESBIAN!” She punctuated each of those words with a shake of TAW’s body, sending droplets of blood from TAW’s nose spattering against Twilight’s floor. Dash pulled back a hoof and probably would have hit TAW again, if she hadn’t been yanked away by a hazy cloud of purple energy.
“That’s quite enough, Rainbow,” Twilight replied sternly, “I know that you’re upset, we all are, but that’s no reason to attack our guest. Now, go and tell the others that we’ll be there soon.”
“But-“ Twilight narrowed her eyes at Dash “Okay, okay, I’m going!” Dash launched herself through an open window and with a few strong flaps quickly disappeared from sight.
Twilight helped TAW onto her hooves, and levitated a towel in front of her muzzle to control the bleeding, “I’m really sorry about that. Dash is very…particular about her image and extremely protective of her friends, Fluttershy in particular. That wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that she isn’t very good at controlling her temper.”
“That’s okay,” TAW muttered nasally around the towel, “I probably deserved it. So, I gather that the reason I’m here is because you found some of my more…adult stories?”
Again, Twilight blushed through her purple coat. “Y-yes. Most of the girls thought it was a little funny. I mean Rarity reads books like that all the time and I don’t think Pinkie Pie ever really takes much of anything seriously. Applejack and Rainbow Dash didn’t like it one bit, but they’re tough enough to deal with it themselves. But Fluttershy is different, she’s fragile. She hasn’t talked to us about it, but we can tell that she’s scared and hurt.”
TAW was too upset to notice that Twilight hadn’t mentioned how she felt about the stories, but if she had it might have brought up a few awkward questions. When you’re alone in a library all the time, you need a bit of ‘self-entertainment’. But she didn’t notice, and instead miserably replied, “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone…”
“Well that’s why you’re here!” Twilight exclaimed brightly, “You apologize to Fluttershy, explain that you’re really sorry, and everything will be alright! It’s a perfect plan!” She yanked TAW around with her magic and pulled her towards the front door. “Now come on, everypony is waiting for us! I can’t wait for all of this to finally be over!”
TAW stood alone in the front hallway of Fluttershy’s house. As was the case with many of Twilight’s ‘genius’ plans, she was far too optimistic about the prospects for success. In this case, when she and TAW had arrived at Fluttershy’s house, the pegasus in question was nowhere to be seen. However, there was no shortage of other angry ponies waiting for her. As it turned out, not everypony had agreed to Twilight’s plan. Rainbow Dash and Applejack didn’t want TAW anywhere near Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight wanted her to apologize, and all Pinkie Pie would say was that everything would work itself out.
That was twenty minutes ago and the arguing hadn’t let up a bit. TAW sighed to herself. Her legs were getting tired and she was bored of standing alone in the hallway. Glancing around furtively, she made her way through the large entryway at the end of the hallway opposite the front door. She emerged in what she assumed to be Fluttershy’s living room. It was filled with all manner of animal-related paraphernalia. There were birdhouses on the walls, many sizes and shapes of baskets spread across the floor, and even a few fishbowls tucked away in the corners. However, all TAW was interested in was the couch in the center of the room.
It was literally buried underneath a small mountain of pillows and cushions, unsurprisingly set out in a yellow and pink color scheme. She sank down into them with a sigh. After standing up for so long, it felt like sitting on a cloud. TAW idly wondered if she actually could try sitting on a real cloud, she was a pegasus after all. Maybe she’d be able to convince Twilight to let her hang around for a few extra days. She could visit Clousdale, or Canterlot, or AAAAPPLEOOSA! TAW lost herself in her imagination, envisioning all of the things she wanted to do in Equestria. If she still had thumbs, she would have been twiddling them. Instead, she lazily stroked her hoof against one of the many pillows sitting on the sofa next to her.
After a few minutes, a soft voice cut through the fuzzy clouds of her imagination like a hot knife through butter. “Ooh, that’s nice.” it murmured softly. The “cushion” underneath her hoof shifted slightly and TAW noticed in terror that it was upholstered in a familiar looking yellow fur. Her eyes travelled along the pillow until they met up with a pair of half-lidded bright blue eyes, partially hidden behind a pale pink mane.
TAW’s legs unconsciously spasmed in alarm, launching her off the sofa. Her body described a graceful parabola before she smashed into the floor headfirst. With a solid thunk, TAW’s world went dark for the third time that day.
Surprisingly, TAW felt really good. Her head ached a little bit, but she was warm, comfortable, and a soft hoof was stroking her mane. She opened her eyes to stare into a delicate pink and yellow face. “You’re so pretty,” she murmured.
TAW felt the pegasi holding her laugh softly and saw a deep blush spread across her face. “You’re pretty too.” She replied softly while continuing to stroke TAW’s mane.
TAW felt confused, “Why are you being so nice to me? Don’t you know who I am?”
Fluttershy lowered her hooves and helped TAW up before responding, “Yes, you’re TAW. You’re the pony who wrote those…stories… And part of the reason I’m being “so nice” to you is because I’m the element of kindness. It’s pretty obvious you’ve had a very rough day, and it never hurts to spread a little kindness to somepony who needs it.”
TAW looked at the other pegasus curiously. “Part of the reason?”
Fluttershy just smiled and shook her head. “Oh, it’s nothing important.”
The silence between them stretched on for several long seconds. TAW kicked her hooves against the floor awkwardly. “Um, do you-do you remember what happened before I, ah, fell off the sofa?”
Fluttershy smiled. “Of course I do! You were rubbing my back. It felt really…nice.”
TAW’s face was a study in shock and disbelief. “You were awake for that?! I thought you were asleep! Why would you let some stranger walk into your house and start feeling you up!? Aren’t you supposed to be the shy one?”
Fluttershy stared into TAW’s eyes and replied firmly, “First, I know Twilight and Rainbow Dash would never bring anyone to my house that would want to hurt me. And second, you are not just ‘some stranger’. I’ve read all of your stories, not just the one that they,” Fluttershy indicated the other room with a shake of her head, “caught me reading. And what’s a better indicator of a pony’s soul than what they write?”
TAW was caught off guard by Fluttershy’s sudden change in attitude and couldn’t think of a way to respond, but Fluttershy didn’t wait for her. “Nothing,” she said, “An author’s work is a doorway to their soul and your writing…” Fluttershy pulled TAW close and softly whispered into her ear, “...your writing is beautiful.”
TAW felt her wings begin to lift unintentionally and noticed that Fluttershy’s wings were similarly extended. The yellow pegasus put her hooves around TAW’s neck and pulled her head in close.
And then their faces met, Fluttershy’s soft and inquisitive tongue probing TAW’s stiff, confused lips. Fluttershy slid her hoof down from TAW’s neck and across her back before softly caressing one of her wings. TAW shuddered as the intense feeling of ecstasy rushed through her, and she melted into the other pegasus’s tender embrace.
Fluttershy broke off the kiss and pushed TAW backwards, sending her sprawling onto the sofa. She jumped up onto the sofa herself and straddled TAW’s body. She began to shower kisses on the other pegasus, starting with her lips before moving across her face, then her neck, and finally her wings. When TAW groaned loudly, Fluttershy left the wings behind and started to move her face farther downwards.
There are some phrases, which taken by themselves are perfectly innocent, but in context have approximately the same effect as dropping a large steel bar into a spinning turbine. Twilight Sparkle is about to demonstrate a perfect example of this phenomenon.
“Hey Fluttershy, there’s somepony here we want-“ the voice from the doorway jerked to a halt. TAW and Fluttershy looked up to see Twilight standing in the doorway with Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie clustered behind her. They were all staring open mouthed at the sight in front of them. Fluttershy gave a gasp and tried to hide herself, quite ineffectually, underneath TAW who was desperately trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t result in her getting punched again by a furious looking Rainbow Dash.
“Um, does this count as a self-insert?”
*Thwak*
