Twilight of a Wacky Man

It was a rather wet morning. It had been raining throughout the whole night because her friend, Rainbow Dash, was too lazy to do anything about the rain situation. A good thing too, considering the flowers had started to bloom brighter than they had in quite some time. Twilight Sparkle and her assistant, Spike, had gotten up early to practice some spells they had been working on. One of those was time distortion. Essentially, having time speed up or slow down around whoever the spell was cast upon.

"Hey Twilight, don't you think these spells can really hurt people?", Spike asked sheepishly, slightly frightened by the idea of having everything in time and space slow down around him, which would be their next test.

Twilight giggled at that statement before saying, "Not really, as long as they're used by the right people for the right purposes." She charged up a purple beam of light and her horn before asking "Ya ready?"

"Yeah, I guess so.", Spike replied, "Might as well get this over with." ZAP

Within barely half a second, Twilight saw Spike disappear out of the room and come back in the door, seemingly moving at normal speed. His eyes were wide and he was panting heavily. All he said was, "Twilight, you will not believe the adventure I just had!" Twilight was generally uninterested. So many bizzare, random events happened to her friends on a regular basis that she had practically become desensitised to it.

"Could you tell me about it later? I'm just going to pracitce some of the solo spells, now." Spike left the room, thoroughly disappointed.

Twilight looked at her beautiful, beautiful checklist. It was the only thing that ever made her heart throb blissfully. However, it was typical for ponies to fall in love with inanimate objects, and one wouldn't really classify this case as "love" as much as it was "strong affection". The 54th thing on the list was "Compoundable matter demonstration". Seeing as how only eggheads would be able to understand this stuff, I'll just get right to the chase. After mixing some gapholium chloride with some sodium hydrohephsade to create a steaming yellow tunnel about 200cm deep and 150cm wide, she felt a feeling of satisfaction and cheered herself on. However, she lost control of her horn and accidentally launched the previous spell, "time distortion" into the tunnel.

Suddenly, the tunnel became twice as big and twice as wide, and opened up revealing a blue portal. Twilight had had her share of going inside portals, so she knew that this wasn't going to be the most pleasant day she's ever had if she went inside. However, she couldn't resist herself because it was something she had made herself. She quickly levitated a pen and piece of paper and wrote on it, "Dear Spike, I'm in this portal. If I don't come out by tomorrow, get some help from Celestia, Luna, Cadence and/or the Maneish 5". With that, she puffed out her alicorn wings and jumped into the portal.

She found herself in a small pink house. There was a calendar on the wall which read "April 1987", alongside a small table with a potted flower on it. Coming down the hall was a slightly overweight man with lemon yellow skin who seemed to be in his mid 30s and had a bald spot covering almost his entire head, save for two strands of hair that stuck up like arches. He had a trim brown beard and a massive overbite, small black eyes that rested atop his nose, and wore a white polo shirt, indigo jeans and grey shoes. When he saw the purple alicorn, he was in a slight state of shock. He didn't know how to react to it- with fear? Anger? Happiness? Sadness?

Twilight spoke to him saying "There's no need to be scared. I just want to know where I am." The man was confused.

"Then how did you get into the house?", he asked with a voice remeniscent of Walter Matthau's.

"Oh that's easy. I just came in through this portal.", she pointed to the big bright portal that was still existent in the corridor. The man couldn't see it.

"What portal? All I can see is the way to the bathroom." He wasn't even mad. Although she was some kind of magic horse, she looked beautiful to him, and hearts started to pop out around him…almost like a cartoon.

Twilight put together quickly that he couldn't see the portal and that made her want to go home and not meddle with him, a mere human. After all, the caldendar implied that this was decades before her time, making her not want to meddle with history…again. But for a mere human, he looked pretty handsome to her. There was something about him that made her feel more than just "strong affection". It was a feeling of love! Romance! The kind of ecstacy that her friend, Rarity, wouldn't be able to describe using her widest vocabulary!

"So uh, you wanna hang out some time? Like…go on a date?", Twilight asked, her hormones clearly overtaking her intelligence for the first time in her life.

"Well uh, that would be nice.", the man said back, then he stopped smiling. "Wait a minute! I don't even know your name!"

"Oh uh, my name is Princess Twilight, but you can call me "Twilight Sparkle". What's yours?"

The man replied, the smile returning to his face, "My name is Captain Wacky, but you can call me "Homer Simpson"".

Twilight felt like introductions were out of the way. "Okay, see you soon", she said as she jumped back into the portal, but to Homer, it looked like she had jumped into, and disappeared into, thin air.

He heard his wife calling, "Homer, you wanna watch TV?".

Homer replied, "Certainly, my dear!", however, Marge Simpson wouldn't be the only one that he would be calling "his dear" in his lifetime. As he sat on the couch with his family, consisting of his wife and three children, he started to ramble in a lubby dubby voice,

"Well here we are, the whole family. All together, sharing, getting to know each other, exchanging ideas, stories and laughs, snuggling up, bonding together as only a tightly-knit family can. Why we're more than a-"

He was rudely interrupted by his oldest child and only son, Bart. "Dad, you can stop, now! Commercial's over and the show's back on".

His concentration returned to the TV as they prepared to watch "Married…With Children", and he replied "Oh...oh yeah", saying enough to assure his son that he listened to his statement, but not enough so as to cause any more disruption to the family viewing experience.