What Are These, And Why Are They In My Face?

by dirty little secret

Rating: mature
Tags: Fetish, Romance, Porn, Sex, Discord, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6698

After irking the very spirit of chaos, Celestia gets shunted off to a new universe and meets a different version of herself. And also for some reason she's male now. This leads to its natural conclusion.

After irking the very spirit of chaos, Celestia gets shunted off to a new universe and meets a different version of herself. And also for some reason she's male now. This leads to its natural conclusion.

Contains: selfcest, rule 63, interspecies, unintended impregnation, and gratuitously unjustified interdimensional intercourse.

Cover Image adapted from artwork by newyorkx3.

Published 2016-07-12 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-12 17:00:01 UTC

Or, Why You Should Never Insult Discord

The final banquet of the night had gone swimmingly: another flawless – and therefore boring – Grand Galloping Gala. All I had to do now was give the closing toast, and the festivities would be over.

It wouldn't have been so unbearably dull if I hadn't been restraining myself for Princess Twilight's sake. But I had to suck it up and acquiesce to my former student's wishes. She had yet again saved the world, so this Gala was being held in her honor. Predictably, she had wanted everything to go absolutely perfectly, not the slightest flaw. Unfortunately, I owed it to her, so I didn't partake in any of my usual diversions, I didn't do anything at all to ruin the Gala. My hooves were clean of any mischief.

I thought for sure Discord would have done something. He was invited, and he was the very spirit of chaos, for pony's sake! And yet, he had been on his very best behavior, using his chaotic powers only in harmless little ways that delighted his fellow party-goers. How had Princess Twilight and her friends managed that? What threat had they come up with to coerce him so thoroughly? I wished I could have the same effect on him.

But the drearily perfect affair was almost over, thankfully. One insignificant speech left, and I could finally escape.

The moment I rose from my place at the table, a hush fell over the crowd. Again, predictable enough that I had to force myself not to roll my eyes. When would these ponies ever realize I was no different than them? “Thank you, ladies and gentlecolts,” I began, “for helping make this one of the most pleasant Grand Galloping Galas in living memory.” The inevitable delay for obligatory applause – the stamping of hooves seemed to go on forever. “It has been wonderful, and I'm honored to think of each and every pony present as my friend.” I raised my glass, but stopped when I heard a squeal of outrage from midway down the table.

“Pony? Each and every pony?” With a flash, Discord popped into existence right in front of me. “It's bad enough you seat me halfway down the table with these simpleton nobles as if I weren't by far the most powerful being here! But then! But then you deliberately exclude me from the toast? I have had it up to here”— his clawed hand detached and shot upward, indicating a level just below the high ceiling —“with the way I've been treated at this ridiculous party!”

I struggled, quite successfully, to contain my sudden glee. Finally, something interesting was happening!

Outwardly, though, I kept my face serene and my tone thoroughly apologetic. “I am deeply sorry, Discord. I didn't mean for anyone to be excluded from—”

“Excluded? Excluded! Why don't you try being excluded from your entire plane of existence!” Discord slashed open a glimmering hole in reality with a swipe of his claws.

“Discord!” a soft voice yelled out, probably Fluttershy's. “Remember our agreement!”

Grinning, Discord shook his head. “Oh no, it's far too late for that. Goodbye, Celestia – enjoy your banishment!”

As I began to inexorably float toward the gaping hole in the universe, I began to have second thoughts about my 'every single pony' comment. Perhaps this was getting too interesting. But as Discord had said, it was far too late for that. The hole swallowed me, and the scene was gone.

Who can say what happens outside of time and space? All the pony physicists tell me that things cannot change without time, but they're wrong. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that things cannot stay the same without time. Everything seemed to be changing, everything fluid, but there was no reference frame to tie it down to. Every moment was different, but each difference seemed like it had been that way for all eternity. After what felt like a millisecond that had a few too many millenia stuffed into it, I fell through another hole and landed roughly on a polished marble floor.

I blinked, and I was aware of my eyes closing, then opening again, and I could even remember them each way. So I was out of that terrible vortex of time and space, at least. Things changed here, and they also stayed the same, and I could recognize the difference. That was a big improvement.

The marble floor was white, streaked through with veins of actual gold, just like the floor in my own personal chambers. Had Discord merely banished me to my room, as if I were a disobedient foal? That would be hilarious, but rather underwhelming, and it wouldn't require a hole in reality. Had anything else changed?

I still had four hooves, a horn, wings. I was still pure white and my mane still fluttered its many colors through an ethereal breeze. I was still – wait... I took a closer look at myself. I was a little thicker than I remembered, my muscles a little better defined, my snout blockier.

Oh no! Had he...? I rolled onto my side and took a good look. Yes. Yes he had changed my gender! There was quite clearly a pale pink sheath and two bulbous balls lolling toward the floor behind it. I stared for a good long while – longer than I had stared at any set of genitals in quite some time, in fact – before I could finally begin to believe it. “Well, world,” I muttered to myself, “say hello to Prince Celestia.”

“Did someone say something?” The voice came from the next chamber over, which was connected by an open doorway. If this was anything like my own bedchambers – and I was far from sure about that yet – that doorway would lead to my private bath. The voice came closer, along with strangely paced hoofbeats. “There shouldn't be anyone here... If this is another one of your pranks, Luna, we're going to have to—”

She stepped into the doorway, and we were both shocked into silence.

She was tall – even taller than me if I was standing – she was bipedal, with two legs and two arms, wearing clothes much like Twilight had described from her excursions into the Crystal Mirror. But this creature also had wings and a very impressive horn.

And despite our great differences in shape, she was quite obviously me.

She was the first to speak, probably because she wasn't laboring under the additional shock of suddenly becoming male. “You're... you're me! But you're a horse!”

“A pony, actually.” I lifted myself up off the floor and shook my head clear.

“No, I'm fairly certain you're a horse. You're too tall to qualify as a pony.”

This alternate me would have a broad base of knowledge and an equally broad streak of pedantry ... of course she would. I rolled my eyes, seeing no reason to hide my disgust now that the only other person in the room was me.

She held a hand over her mouth. “My apologies! I haven't offended you or something, have I?”

“No, no.” I looked around. It was almost exactly like my own bedchambers, but there were subtle differences. The bed was a different shape, the doors were narrower and had oddly round handles, there was some strange machine on the desk instead of my quills and scrolls. So, the same, but subtly different – it must be her native world: the same as mine, but with strange differences, just like she was the same as me. “Where are we, specifically?”

She glanced back and forth, and her cheeks reddened slightly. “We're in my private bedchambers.”

I knew that, of course. “Or, I suppose what I truly meant was where are we non-specifically? What do you call this nation, this universe?”

“We're in Equestria.”

She would think that. I sighed. This was going to take a long while to figure out.

“I like your jewelry. I'm a little jealous, honestly.”

I laughed a little, just slightly. Of course she would like it – in another universe, she would have specifically designed it for herself. One compliment deserved another, though. “And I like your...” She was wearing one broad strip of fabric over her hips and the top of her legs, and another more complicated garment on her upper torso that wrapped around her, cupped the two strange protrusions on her chest, and was held up by two thin straps. “I like your ... clothing as well,” I finished lamely.

Giggling, she brought her arms in close and pressed her palms into her cheeks. This mashed the exposed curves of her chest together in oddly interesting ways. “Oh, of course! I guess a horse wouldn’t know what these clothes are called.”

“Pony,” I corrected.

She ignored it and pointed to the fabric wrapped around her hips. “This is a skirt, and this—” she pointed the the upper piece “—is called a tank top.”

“Ah, I see.” Not that it particularly mattered, but at least I was learning things. “They're nice.” Really, they were. The bold yellow color of them went quite nicely with her white skin underneath, giving nearly the same effect as my gold regalia over my white coat.

She smiled ... then suddenly jumped slightly. The way that made the big lumps on her chest jiggle drew my eye for some reason. She raised a hand and wiggled the fingers on it. “I'm sorry! I was so shocked I neglected to introduce myself properly. I am Princess Celestia; pleased to meet you.”

“Princess ... er, Prince Celestia, pleased to meet you as well.” Not sure what to do, I raised my hoof to match her hand.

That seemed to satisfy her. Maybe it was something like waving hello?

“So,” I said, “I'm probably going to be stuck here for quite some time, until an immortal named Discord back in my universe calms down and gets over a rather irrational grudge.”

“We could talk to my universe's Discord ... perhaps he could set things right?”

“You reformed your Discord as well?” I smiled. This universe was feeling more and more comfortably familiar. “Ah... now that I think about it, no. If he's anything like my Discord, trying to get his assistance may lead to more trouble than help.”

Princess Celestia nodded sagely. “And we wouldn’t want to end up playing the two against each other. The last thing we want is an interdimensional war between chaos demons.”

“So... what are we going to do in the meantime?” I pursed my lips and looked around again.

Leaning to the side, she propped a hand against one curvy hip. “Come now, could there possibly be any doubt?” There was a look in her half-lidded eyes that indeed left little doubt.

I stared studiously at the floor, the walls, anywhere but at her. “I'm sure I have no idea what you mean...”

“I'm female, you're male, we're both entirely new to each other, we have this bedroom entirely to ourselves, and we're both ... us. I think we both know what's going to happen.”

Was this bedchamber much warmer than the one in my universe, or was that just me?

She walked slowly toward me, her hips swinging in wide circles as she moved, her skirt swishing over her oh-so-long legs. I wasn't an expert, but I didn't think that much motion was necessary for her to walk. The little strip of skin where the tight curves of her midriff were exposed writhed back and forth, and above her clothing, those round fleshy things bounced and wiggled. Why couldn't I look away from it?

When she stopped right in front of me, those round things were at eye level. And still I couldn’t look away. They were mere inches from me, and for some reason, the way their circular curves disappeared behind the thin fabric of her tank top was disturbingly enticing.

“They're called 'breasts',” she said pointedly.

“I-I wasn't staring at them!” Finally tearing my eyes away, I looked up into hers. Why had I felt the need to deny it?

“Or tits, titties, boobs, boobies, jugs, knockers ... we have quite a lot of names for them. You can look all you want, go ahead.”

I glanced down, then quickly back up. Why was this strange me-creature causing ... such feelings? She wasn't anything like the well-experienced stallions I normally found attractive. Was it because of the changes to my body? Had Discord changed more than just my gender?

“Oh you're so shy! But if you're me, I know what it is that you truly want.”

I gulped, halfway hoping she was right. If she knew what I wanted, then at least one of us knew. At the moment, I had a very unsettling lack of knowledge about my own motivations and desires. Did I want ... those?

“Come here...” Leaning toward me, she reached out and wrapped her hands around the back of my head, pulling me toward her. “There, perfect!”

My muzzle was pressed between the mounds of warm flesh. Those things pressed against my face as she held me ... and there was nowhere I would rather be. These 'breasts' were incredible! Somehow, I just couldn't get enough of them. I reveled in the smooth feeling of their soft skin, the slight firmness that yielded to an utter pillowy softness within.

“Do you like them?” she asked.

I nodded, my face still buried in her cleavage. That made her boobs jiggle, and I loved it! My breath came in hot snorts against her skin.

She pulled my head back away from her. “Do you want to see the rest of them?”

“More than anything!”

With a knowing smile, she grabbed the bottom of her tank top with both hands and slowly lifted it. More and more of her scrumptiously smooth belly came into view for the first time as it rose, making me lick my lips in anticipation. I paid rapt attention as the hem of the strange garment came up high enough to actually matter, but she was going even slower, prolonging the moment. She didn't stop, though, and soon I could see the undersides of each breast straining upward as the cloth caught against her skin. After a heart-stopping moment, one fell and then the other – they bounced down and came to a stop, proud pink nipples jutting outward from each one.

And then I knew what they really were. “They're teats!” I paused for a moment, as if expecting some reaction to this great revelation, but of course she didn't think it was all that surprising. I hadn't expected that they would be so high on her body. “But they're so big and swollen ... are you nursing? I have a foal in this universe?”

“No, no. I've never been able to conceive.” She laughed a little and grabbed one, giving it a healthy squeeze that made me wish I also had hands. “They're just always like this.”

It was so strange. I was feeling an inexplicable urge to... “Can I suckle them?” I immediately covered my mouth with a hoof and cringed away. How could I have said such an embarrassingly stupid and perverse thing?

“Oh please do!” She cupped a hand under my chin and guided me closer – was this really happening? “Just be gentle, and it will feel amazing.”

So I let her hand guide me to the tiny nipple on the big round curve of her right breast, as if it was the natural thing to do and not the fetish of a manic pervert. I only kissed it at first, brushing my lips over the surprisingly hard point of the nipple. But when she let out a sharp breath that sounded suspiciously like a moan, I started to realize... When she said it would feel good, she meant it would feel good for her. That was a weird concept. I'd heard of mares enjoying the feeling of a suckling foal, but it wasn't something ponies talked about ... and it certainly wasn't something ponies admitted to doing for the sake of pleasure!

Emboldened by her reaction, though, I tried a little more, giving it a lick, then wrapping my lips around the firm nub of skin. That earned me an actual moan, and she pulled my head toward her, smushing my lips and her breast together. Her nipple stuck into my mouth further, and I let it, opening my lips to take it in, and letting my lips spread over a good portion of her soft breast at the same time.

“Mmm!” She stroked a hand down my neck. “Yes...”

She sure seemed to like this a lot, so I tried really going at it, slathering my tongue back and forth, pinching the nipple between my lips, flicking it back and forth with the tip of my tongue... It was all going great, and she seemed to be enjoying it more and more. But then I tried truly sucking on it.

She yelped and pulled herself away from me. “Ow! Not so rough!” Despite having gone too far and caused her pain, all I could do was watch her rubbing the sore nipple with a couple of her dextrous little fingers. After just a moment, she seemed to forgive me, and she turned her body a little bit to offer me the left breast. “Now be gentle this time, okay?”

“I promise.” And I did. This time, her moans grew and grew under the tender ministrations of my tongue and lips. Her body writhed around but never so far as to take her deliciously sensitive breast away from me. A strange desire was coming from deep inside of me, lighting a smoldering fire that began to grow faster and faster. I wanted more of this, somehow – more of her.

With one last gasping breath, she pulled away from me, leaving me pursing my lips for more. “Goodness, you’re adorable! ... But you want more than this, don't you?”

How could she know me so well? Oh right, she was me.

She leaned to the side and craned her neck down. “Yes... you definitely want more. And for all that you say you're not a horse ... you certainly are hung like one.”

Glancing between my legs, I saw what had drawn her attention. I'd sprouted a truly massive erection, one of the biggest I'd ever seen in the flesh, and it was impatiently bobbing under my belly. I stopped, looked again, and stared for a long moment. Goddess above, that thing was magnificent! Long and elegantly thin for its size, its upward curve neatly matched the curve of my belly, and every contour of it was beautifully defined. Why couldn’t I find a stallion like that back home?

“How about I show you the rest of me?” the other Celestia asked, drawing my attention back to her, back to the reason my new cock had become so excited. The eager way I stared at her must have been answer enough, because she fiddled with a few buckles and buttons, then let her skirt slide down her unbelievably long legs.

Under her skirt, she wore something else. It was tiny, just a little triangle of fabric between her legs and over her crotch, and it clung so tight to her I could see every curve right through it. This was the strangest yet! “What is that?” I asked, pointing to it.

“Oh these?” She coyly hooked a finger under the waistband of them, then let the stretchy fabric pop back with a little snap. “These are panties.”

“But there's only one of them.”

She waved it off with a flick of her hand. “It's just a weird language thing, like scissors or thanks. You cant have just one scissor or give just one thank ... and you can't have just one panty. It's always plural.”

“Oh...” This world was really quite strange, and it gave me pause. There was so much I didn't know. “But it covers you up completely. How do you ... you know, relieve yourself?”

She rolled her eyes. “They have to be taken off first.”

“That sounds exhausting! How do your non-unicorn pon— uh, people cope?”

She simply waved her fingers in front of my face until it hit me. Of course they didn't need magic to do things like that. Those fiddly little fingers might be quite useful, though it must be wearying to walk on one's hind legs all the time. Come to think of it, how did they even do simple things like stomping their hooves? Those delicate hands would never stand up to...

My attention was recaptured when she touched me again, running her fingers through my mane and down my neck, across my chest and back. “Your tongue felt wonderful, dear. It's only fair I repay the favor...”

One hand trailed down my back leg, and the other slid across my belly. When she first touched my cock, it sent a jolt right through me. Was this how stallions felt? No wonder they were always so eager for it!

“Mmm, it's so heavy and warm...” Her wonderful fingers brushed up and down across my length, and I could feel them fluttering over every vein and ridge. My hips thrust forward all on their own, pressing my cock against the palm of her hand. She just smiled and cooed, “Oh my, aren't we eager?” Her hand on my back leg caught my rump and encouraged another push from my hips. “Do you want me to use my mouth?”

Did I ever! “Yes! Yes please!”

Giggling at my enthusiasm, she leaned down farther and tucked her head under my belly. Now that she was on her knees, I could finally get a view of her backside. Her back was all gracefully smooth curves, and they all led to the other side of her panties, which was barely more than a strip of fabric extending down from her tail between her ass cheeks. And she did have quite an ass, much better than I had expected – almost pony-shaped. Watching her tail swish back and forth above it, I was sure any stallion in Equestria wouldn’t hesitate to get a piece of that.

But then her warm, wet mouth touched my cock, and my eyes rolled upward. This... This was unbelievable! I'd never 'gone down' on a stallion, not once in my life. Such are the perks of being a princess. But now I understood why every single stallion I'd ever been with had wanted me to!

And she didn't stop with just pressing her lips there, oh no. She licked me, sliding her tongue up and down my length. She rubbed her whole face against the roundness of my shaft. She came to my tip, opened wide, and took the head of it completely inside.

I couldn't believe it! It was sort of like when I'd had stallions licking and sucking my clit ... but this, this was something entirely different. It wasn't the same electric sizzle I was used to as a female, instead it was a slow rolling wave of pleasure from every point where her hot mouth touched me that snaked up through my spine, through my whole body. It made me want to... Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't we? What could possibly come of it?

“Turn around,” I told her. “I want to—”

She pulled her mouth a way with a wet pop. “I thought you'd never ask!” Standing up, she walked away from me, sauntering over to her bed. I couldn't help but follow after her, my cock swinging below me and my eyes locked onto the twin curves of her ass as they flexed with every step. When she reached the bed, she spun, her tail swishing in a circle around her. Then she laid back against her bed, legs dangling from the edge.

I closed in hungrily, but stopped when she raised her legs up high. Good Goddess, those legs were so long and so shapely! Her bright pink panties covered a neat little bulge down where the legs met together. I licked my lips when I noticed the darker wet spot in the middle of that little bulge.

She reached down and hooked each hand under each side of the strange little garment, beginning to peel it off. I watched, strangely fascinated, as the thin straps of fabric pulled and popped up over the curves of her ass. As the middle of it began to lift off of her, I finally got a look at what she'd been hiding all this time. It wasn't anything like I'd expected, and it bore little resemblance to any pony vulva I'd seen, which surprised me after how similar the shape of her ass had been.

As the panties pulled away entirely – trailing a thin clear strand of liquid arousal – I could see that her strange little pussy was divided into two thick lips separated by a thin hint of inner lips between them and the dark, thin line of her slit. Her clitoris, or what I could only assume was a clitoris – stood completely exposed on a little ridge of pink skin just above, and it was so tiny; it was even smaller than her nipples! It was weird, seeing it out in the open like that, even though she didn't appear to be winking. In fact, as I watched, I began to think she didn't wink at all. If any pony mare had been turned on enough to be producing that much fluid, she would be winking like mad, but her little pussy just stayed put and slowly drooled out her juices.

When my companion managed to pull the panties off from around her strangely shaped ankles, she let her legs fall back down and open wide. This changed the shape of her pussy substantially, letting it open to show the inner lips and a swath of delicate pink flesh inside. It was so strange, and yet so ... enticing. I found myself moving closer without thinking about it.

“Come on, you big stud, you.” Beckoning me onward with a wave of her hand, she used the other to knead at her own breasts. Her back arched against the bed.

As strange as she looked, as strange as it felt to be called a 'stud', my body knew exactly what to do. I reared up, placed my hooves on the mattress, and thrust my hips forward until I felt something wet and amazingly warm at the tip of my cock.

She looked up then, looking into my eyes. Her heavy breathing made her well-endowed chest heave up and down at the edge of my vision. Slowly, she reached up and curled her hands around the back of my neck, then pulled herself upward until she could press her stomach against my chest. Her face came so close I could hear even her slightest whisper. “Give it to me,” she said. “Give me all of it.”

As I began to press forward, she rose just a little higher and pressed her lips against mine. Her tongue pressed into my mouth at the very same moment the tip of my cock slipped into her welcoming inner heat.

I'd never felt anything like it. Not the tongue – I'd had stallions do that before. It was the strange new sensation of being on the giving side of intercourse, of feeling my shaft gradually slide farther and farther inside as I made tiny thrusts back and forth. It felt incredible, something akin to slowly diving into warm water, except that it squeezed tight around me and blew a geyser of carnal pleasure through my core.

She moaned and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me to her tightly. I could feel the soft twin pressures of her breasts against my fur as I pressed myself into her more and more.

When my tip hit an extra resistance and she squealed, I knew exactly what that squeal meant. I'd given ones just like it – precisely like it – on the few occasions I'd managed to find a stallion who was too big for me to take his full length. I backed off the pressure a little, pulling out a few inches and giving her a moment to breathe.

Recovering quickly, just like I always did, she grinned fiercely. “Do it!”

I stopped completely and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Do what?”

“We're the same; you know what I want!”

Once I thought about it a moment, I did know. It was obvious, really. She would want it fast and rough, just how I liked it.

So that’s what I gave her. I slammed my length into her, as much as she could take. Every back-thrust brought me up and completely out of her tight little pussy, only for my flared head to be pounded mercilessly back in. She let out a little 'unf' every time, and each time her body would shake a little, but I kept going at it. I simply kept giving it to her harder and harder ... because I knew that if she was like me, that's exactly what she would want.

It didn't take her long, just as I knew it wouldn't. Well before I even began to tire, the sounds she let escape grew more and more desperate. Her pussy clenched at me hard, as if begging for me to just stay put inside, but I gave her no mercy. I kept going, wincing a little at the amount of pressure it took to push myself into her each time. She was definitely going to be sore in the morning, but if I knew myself – and by extension, her – any moment, she would...

Her whole body jerked, and she grabbed my ass, forcing me to stay deep inside. Her inner walls pulsed against my shaft pulling me in even deeper, milking me for the seed I wasn't yet ready to give.

“MMMM-Aah!” she yelled, squeezing her hands tight around my ass cheeks. Her legs trembled and jittered up and down underneath me as she rode through a shockingly intense orgasm.

When she finally relaxed, she relaxed completely, flopping down backward onto the bed. The only movement was her heaving chest and my cock impatiently twitching, still deep inside her.

Aware of what she must have been going through, I gave her a moment to recover. It didn't take long. By the time I'd caught my own breath, she was sliding up on the bed, letting my cock fall free. She rolled over and got up onto her hands and knees, her ass and her odd-looking pussy on full display for me under her tail raised high and to the side. As if the way she looked over her shoulder at me wasn't enough, she said, “Do me like a horse!”

“Pony!” Not that it mattered at this point. We both knew I would gladly do what she wanted. With a little flap of my wings, I hopped up onto the bed behind her and mounted her just like a pony stallion would mount a mare. Her tail slid up under my belly as I pushed forward, and when our nether bits met, I slipped into her easily, without the slightest resistance. She rocked forward a little as I pushed her, but she soon pressed back against me, taking more of me inside.

Now this was more like it! And with her legs together like that, she was all the tighter. This I could really enjoy!

And from this angle, she could almost be mistaken for a pony. The only thing that really gave it away was the strange shape of her shoulders, and that was mostly hidden behind her flowing mane.

I gave her everything I had, relishing every inch I was able to slide into her, savoring every sensation. I wasn't going fast and hard anymore. No, that had been just for her benefit. Now I did what came natural to me in my new male form. I slid my dripping-wet shaft slowly into her, relished how deep inside I reached, and pulled back just enough to experience it all again. This was pure bliss!

Soon, the effect it was having on me grew. And my cock also grew. I could feel it stiffening and swelling – I could feel the extra tightness around my tip as it flared wide inside her. She could feel it, too. She cried out, and I couldn't tell if it was from pleasure or pain. Not that it mattered; there was no going back now.

A couple more jerking thrusts, and then I pressed myself into her as deep as I could, making her gasp for breath as my tip butted up against her innermost barrier. And then that pressure, that roiling, tingling feeling deep inside me that seemed to radiate from the base of my cock ... it let loose. Incredibly, I could feel the wave of it roll up through my length deep into her body. As it reached my tip and gushed into her, I threw my head back and gave an instinctive, primal grunt.

At that moment, it seemed my whole purpose in life. My whole universe revolved around that connection between us. Each shuddering pump put more of me inside her, brought both of us closer together than any two could possibly ever be, even when they were each other. And it kept coming and coming! I emptied myself into her, giving her my all and then some, filling her until a splatter of sticky white gushed out around the base of my cock, coating both of us.

In the space of a few desperate breaths, I was completely spent, and I pulled out of her as the last few emissions of my orgasm dribbled out. I watched in fascination as the head of my cock – swollen easily three times as wide as my shaft – squeezed out from her entrance and popped free. As my cock swung downward, dribbling a mess onto the bed, her pussy gushed white, spilling all over her thighs.

Both of us collapsed onto the soft bed, holding each other close and struggling just to breathe.

Slowly, I came back to myself. What had I done? What had we done? How had that happened so quickly? Despite basically being each other, we had only just met. And we hadn't used any sort of protection, magical or otherwise! We were different species, so that meant it was safe, right? I knew I had always been infertile... But interdimensional travel could be tricky sometimes, and one never knew if—

A hole in reality opened above me ... very familiar looking hole! No! Yes! I had just gotten to this world, barely begun to explore it or even figure out what I'd just done meant. I had so many questions that needed answering; I had to stay and find out! But no, I had to get back home – that had to be my first priority, right? Discord had to pay for what he'd...

The hole sucked me up, and I was once again trapped in a timeless netherworld. At least this time I knew what to expect, and I was less terrified. Soon – if 'soon' had any meaning here – I would be back home and able to give Discord a piece of my mind.

And then I was. I stood on the banquet table, immediately in front of Discord himself. It happened so suddenly I was caught off guard, having not yet prepared myself to berate him.

“Discord,” Twilight's voice came from behind me, “is there anything you'd like to say?”

He nodded. “I am really quite sorry for my earlier outburst, and I'm certain that your saying 'every single pony' was merely a figure of speech, not specifically intended to exclude me. Can you ever forgive me?”

Ugh, great... With an apology like that, there was no way I could give him the dressing down he deserved without making myself look vindictive and small-minded. So once again, I took on a ruler's burden and let it go. I had to be the bigger mare. “Of course. I wouldn't want our friendship to be ruined over some silly misunderstanding.” I bowed slightly, very slightly. “Let us put it behind us and not speak of it again.”

Discord grinned, steepling his fingers together. “Wonderful!” But the way his eyes looked at me, it was as if... He knew! That bastard knew exactly where he had sent me, and he probably even knew – or at least guessed – what had happened there. Okay, that crossed a line! Whether I'd enjoyed the experience or not was immaterial; this called for payback, and he would pay for this sooner or later. He wasn't the only trickster around, and I had the luxury of centuries to set up the ultimate revenge prank.

* * *

Discord, demon of chaos, fiddled with his tie and ran his hands down the lapels of his tastefully mismatched brown blazer. Even when one was the spirit of chaos, even when one's sole purpose was to gloat, one had to look one's best when appearing before royalty.

He knocked loudly on Princess Celestia's door. It was mere moments since he'd helped his counterpart in the pony universe retrieve the other Celestia – the pony Celestia, whom they had conveniently made male. Cross-universe transportation took more than just a single spirit, even if he was all-powerful within his own universe. He chuckled to himself as he waited for her to answer. With any luck, he'd find her with mane disheveled and still dripping with her other self's spooge ... all according to plan.

The hum of magic came from the other side of the door before it opened. When it did open, Celestia met him fully clothed in her formal best, and the entire room had been scrubbed perfectly clean. But the overwhelming musky smell of sex still lingered.

He smiled. “I trust you are having a pleasant evening, my lady?”

“Very.” Good Goddess, that woman could keep her composure! Her face hadn't given the slightest hint that she'd meant more than she said. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“Oh, just checking up, you know.” What she didn't know was that he was at this very moment twiddling his fingers behind his back. His magic reached into her cum-soaked womb and found exactly what he was hoping for ... but it would need a little help. Nothing a chaos demon couldn’t handle: he tweaked a little bit here and there and ... done! Now that incompatible seed would bring forth fruit. Celestia would soon be the proud mother of this world's very first centaur. Who would she publicly claim the father was, he wondered. She couldn’t very well go around claiming she was impregnated by herself from another universe, now could she? He grinned. Oh yes, this was going to be wonderful!

Celestia held her arms at her lovely hips. “Well, thank you for that. But if you'll excuse me, I have some urgent business to attend to.”

“Of course, of course.” Discord's grin only grew wider. “Please, don't let me keep you.”

She didn't; the door closed roughly in his face. Did she suspect what he had just done? How could she? Ah well. Either way, it was too late for her to do anything now. Soon – nine months from now, to be precise – she would learn not to start a prank war with the ultimate master of pranks!

Author's Note

This story is brought to you thanks in part to my Patreon supporters! They're invaluable for keeping me focused and motivated to write with the power of the deadline.

If you'd like to help keep me writing, please check out my Patreon page.