A US Marine in Equestria

Contact

Well, it was serene at least. The area was, not the situation. No, indeed, the situation was really bad and weird. I mean, the last thing I expected to happen to me was being blown away, waking up in a beautiful area, finding a unicorn, and then giving it a candy bar in an attempt to make peace and not get speared by it. Indeed, this was a weird situation.

I mean, come on! What was this? Dragon's Dogma?

Oh, wait.... that would be wicked sweet.

I sat there under my shady tree, the one opposite the trail, with my back resting up against the bark. I sighed in annoyance, fully aware of the predicament I was in. I was lost. I not-so-long ago determined that this was reality. After all, i'm sure if you pinch yourself hard enough that your skin goes black and blue then that means your awake. I gripped my carbine and held it close, ready to fire at a minutes notice.

Being lost in the USMC was a bad thing. It could cost you your life, or your job if your found alive before death drinks coffee with you. When your left behind, your supposed to stay put until they realize your MIA and come back for you, but if you wander off, then, not only is being found slim, but death is certain. I heard a story about a Marine being left behind when the US Forces abandoned an outpost over in the Middle East. The Marine, instead of following code, wandered off into the desert to find help. I'm pretty sure they found his bones a few months later. A fucked up story.

Now, think Crouse think.... You have a radio, and you can pinpoint your location with a map and the knowledge of the nearby areas.... but... I have no knowledge. There is no sand. No large ass rocks. Only grass and trees. So the only viable option is the radio. I reached for it, but stopped myself when I glanced up. My eyes landed on blue eyes. Blue eyes belonging to a blue unicorn. It was standing over at the trail, looking at me. It didn't seem as scared as it was when I first made contact, but it seemed very cautious. It recoiled slightly when it realized I was returning its gaze. I smiled under my bandana as I noticed a small chocolate smudge on her (I assume its a she because of the feminine scream she emitted earlier) cheek. I kept my eyes on it as I reached for the radio and I clicked it on. That static noise greeted me.

"Hello? This is Sergeant Crouse of the United States Marine Corps. 11th Marines, Alpha Platoon, Echo Company, First Squad. Service Number 28101. Does anyone copy?" I asked into the radio. I got no reply, and this caused annoyance to surge into my mind.

"Hello?! This is Sergeant Crouse of the United States Marine Corps. 11th Marines, Alpha Platoon, Echo Company, First Squad. Service Number 28101. Does anyone copy?" I repeated. Still no reply. I grunted in anger before noise made me react instinctively and reach for my rifle and look to the source. It was the unicorn, and she was approaching, slowly. She stopped however, and I assume its because I was looking at her. I brought my rifle closer to me and brought my radio back to the my mouth, ready to speak into it again.

"Hello?! This is Sergeant Crouse of the United States Marine Corps. 11th Marines, Alpha Platoon, Echo Company, First Squad. Service Number 28101. Does anyone copy?" I asked again, raising my voice and keeping my eyes on the unicorn. She cocked her head and rose an eyebrow as I spoke.

What the fuck? Unicorns have eyebrows too?

I was about to repeat my previous utterances into the radio, but stopped myself and carelessly tossed the radio to the side. If it didn't work the first three times, why would it work the fourth time? The unicorn continued to stare at me, occasionally blinking. As if it was studying me. Determining if I was any threat to it. I was. I have a carbine with five magazines, I have a Beretta with three clips, and, to top it all off, I have a Ka-Bar strapped to to my left leg, right above my boot. Not to mention the fact the unicorn was half my height.

Minutes (Funny, she had a picture of an hourglass on her ass) passed by as she watched me. I, in turn, watched her. We both were a good distance away from each other, I couldn't reach her and she could get away from me before I even had my sights trained on her. I was very uncomfortable. Like, seriously, I was staring at a unicorn. A unicorn... I really hope i'm in Scotland.

The thought that this was all a figment of my imagination did come to mind... but, as I've stated in the past, I have determined this is reality. The unicorn must be real too, as it telekinetically levitated a candy bar out of my hands. Seeing is believing, right? I finally made the first move after our stare down.

"Listen, unicorn thingy.... I don't know if you can understand me... possibly not... but... can, uuhhhhh, can you go away?" I asked, calmly. It recoiled slightly when I spoke, and it cocked its head once again. Great, not only had I startled it, but it cant understand me. Nice job dumbcunt.

I lowered my bandana and narrowed my eyes. "Please, your freaking me out. Go away, mythical creature." I said, making a "shoo" gesture as I spoke. It didn't comply, and this caused me to facepalm. This was giving me a headache. I tried to shoo it one last time (unsuccessfully) before reaching for my M9. I unholstered it and brought it up and cocked it, making sure the clip was in and that the bullet was in the chamber before looking back up at the unicorn. It was still looking at me. I sighed and looked away to continue inspecting my pistol when a voice broke the silence in the air.

"What....what are you?" The voice asked. I froze. My eyes remained locked on the firearm in my hands and I said not a word. Did... did that thing just fucking talk? I darted my head up and looked at the unicorn. It backed up slightly at the unexpected movement. My eyes met hers.

"Did you just fucking talk?" I asked. No... of course not... animals can't talk... how silly of me....

The unicorn did scream very human-like earlier though...

"Yeah... I asked you a question." It said. It.... iiiiit spoke. No fucking way.

"No fucking way." I muttered. So... not only do unicorns exist... but, they can also talk. They have human like eyebrows, and they are half the height of a fucking grown-ass man. I holstered my M9 and stood up fast. It must slightly startled as I did that because I noticed its pupils shrank... The fuck?

"There is no fucking way." I said once again. "No fucking way... No way. This is not real." I said. She looked uncomfortable.

"Uhmm..." She said, one foreleg raised like a horse would when taking thinking about taking a cautious step forward. Her eyes darted around as I debated my next move. What could I do? Shoot it? For what reason would I have? Its a talking unicorn, why should I shoot the damn thing? Seriously, this takes the cake, man. Beautiful, happy and fake colors. Magic. And talking unicorns... I've seen everything. I approached the unicorn slowly, and she...it... whatever, backed up. I kept advancing till she stopped retreating and knelt.

"Ask me that again." I said, narrowing my eyes. I had to confirm this... It had spoke! I need confirmation that it really was it that spoke, and not my imagination.

"Oh...ah...hehehe...Uuhhh.. What are you?" She stammered, looking away in a frightened manner.... Ok. Talking unicorns. Confirmed. I gasped and recoiled, reaching for my M9 (as I was one to do since boot camp after getting scared). I had my hand on the grip but pulled it back when I realized that it would be useless to use it. I doubt the damn thing even knew what a Beretta was. I turned away and went back to sit under my tree, refusing to give information away to the talking animal..

Talking animals... I used to wish for that as a kid... Mmmm, not so much anymore.

My eyes remained focused on the unicorn as I sat down, it looked very uncomfortable but also very curious. Curiosity killed the cat, dude. But seriously, if I were it, I would run away and never come back. But yet she remained and watched. Minutes passed as she watched me, and minutes passed as I dug through my pack for my canteen. I finally found it an opened it, taking a swig and replacing the cap before stowing back in the pack.

"Ok, unicorn. Since you can talk, tell me. Where am I? Scotland? Please tell me i'm in Scotland." I said, looking up at it. It rose an eyebrow at the word "Scotland".

"Scot...land? Scotland? A land of scotch? What?" She said. I resisted the heavy urge to facepalm. "No... Equestria. We are in Equestria." She said, slightly cocking her head again. This was starting to annoy me.

"Stop cocking your head." I demanded. She complied and her head went back to the normal angle. Equestria? What was that? Where was that? Sounded heavily made up, but she seemed so sure of herself.

"Equestria?" I asked. She nodded. Hmph, yep. This is one funny reality.

"Ok. Equestria. That's where we are, eh?" I said, she nodded once more. "You have a name, unicorn?" How silly of me to ask. But, names are usually an important thing. I don't want to keep referring to it as a unicorn.

"Minuette." She said, smiling slightly. Minuette? What the hell, man! What is going on?

"Minuette? Ha, they call you that because of the hourglass on your ass?" I joked, chuckling at my choice of words. "Minuette" blushed real red on her face, but a quick dismissal gesture turned it off. "Relax, Minuette. Its just a joke." This is fucked up. And by "fucked up", I mean stupid. I have been blown away and now I am talking to a unicorn that goes by the name "Minuette". Sounds french. A french unicorn? Oh ho! That's a thought.

I sighed and pulled up my bandana and stood up. The beast, in turn, stepped back. I slung my pack over my shoulders and grabbed my carbine.

"Ok, I've had enough of this bullshit." I said as I started towards the trail, passing Minuette. "I'm talking to a unicorn. This is fucked. Goodbye. And do not follow me." I said. I heard Minuette attempt to say something, but stopped when I was outta ear shot. And, before you even ask, i'm leaving because this is bullshit. It feels like its reality, but... no.. it isn't. Equestria? What the fuck was that? That was not a real place! I must be in a coma, or hell, or heaven.... limbo?

Look at me. Narrating everything, even if its just for myself.

Most people would piss with excitement about seeing a real live unicorn, others would piss in fear if they watched The Cabin in the Woods. I know Kelley would piss himself in glee. Him and and his fucking pony loving mind.

And I know he likes ponies too, just because I don't pay attention when he is talking about that shit doesn't mean I don't tune in occasionally to hear what he has to say.

I kept putting one foot in front of the other as I moved along the dirt trail. It was neatly trimmed, none of the dense foliage had spilt out into the trail. Must mean its a park or something, or maybe rangers had kept it neat so passersby would not be bit by snakes. Wait? Would... does this "Equestria" even have park rangers for places like this? Hmmm. I don't know. I have been here for seventy minutes and the only thing of note here is the unicorn and happy/fake color scheme of the surrounding...everything.

The cool autumn breeze was a nice touch, though. Very calming and soothing.

I looked up into the sky and saw that time had passed quickly as I walked along the trail. I hadn't gotten far from the clearing, so I know the unicorn was still nearby. But that didn't concern me. Not at all.

It concerned me that it was getting dark.