Another cold night, after another disappointing evening where I'm left going home alone again. This isn't the first time I've had to do this, and I can bet that it won't be the last. Walking through the streets of Ponyville with my head held low, and constant heavy sighs escaping my lips, reflecting on how bad tonight was, and how much of a failure I have become.
I'm ashamed of myself, when I really shouldn't be, I should be happy for how lucky I am, I can get a date with anypony I want, all it takes is a single bat of my long eyelashes and they would tend to my every beck and call, willing to fulfill my every wish and desire, however that isn't never enough for me, no matter what they do, or say to me, I am never satisfied. They can call me beatiful, stunning, breathtaking, a true Goddess, it doesn't matter to me, I never can take them seriously, after all when it all comes down to it, I'm nothing but a fraud.
I petend to be happy when I go on these dates, but in reality I'm dying inside, all my smiles and laughs are fake, I can never take a compliment, ponies just think I'm being modest, when really I can't bear to hear them say those things about me, I guess that's probably because they aren't the ones that I want to hear that kind of thing from.
Tonight's date was another nice stallion...or at least he seemed nice I guess, I didn't talk to him much, but then again I never do talk to any of them for very long, that's because they aren't the real pony that I want to be talking to I guess. Tonight's date was tall, dark and handsome, most definitely my type, with a long blue mane...or maybe it was brown now that I think about it. His coat was a nice grey colour...or was it a dark shade of burgundy I can't quite remember? He had good looking eyes at least, let's see what colour were they again?
Oh just listen to me I can't even remember what the stallion I was with tonight looked like, and forget whatever his name might be, I'm lucky to even remember that he was indeed a colt to be honest. I sigh heavily again as I slowly go on to make my way back to my home, feeling the cold night air nipping at my fur, while the only light to guide me is the dim glow of Princess Luna's moon.
This is how a lot of nights end for me, it's something that I've actually gotten used to, it's always the same thing, go on a date with somepony, hardly remembering what we talked about or what they looked like, before we part for the night and I make my way home alone, I'm not even sure why I do this, maybe I should just stop already, nothing's going to change and I just have to accept that.
I reached my glamorous boutique (which is now shrouded in darkness), that I call my home, I entered through my front door, looking around the dark room, not bothering to turn any of the lights on, while I try and make out the unfinished ideas for outfits I have planned and started on. There at the very far right of the room is a mannequin only wearing a very dull looking hat and a few layers of boring fabric hung around its legs, I said I was going to get back to it once I got home from my date tonight, but that was a lie, all I want to do right now is sleep.
I turn away from the doll, not really even remembering who that unfinished dress is for, before heading up the stairs slowly, my head still hanging low as I know that home isn't really the place that I want to be right now.
I slowly walk past a few rooms, one of them being the small bedroom that Sweetie Belle uses when she comes to stay round here with me, however tonight her room is dark and empty, just like the rest of this house, or at least that's how it feels to me on these nights. I always make sure that I only go on dates like I did tonight when Sweetie is with our parents, that way I don't have to worry about being home late, but I can also just let loose and try to relax, not having to think about tomorrow until the morning would come.
Finally I make it to my own bedroom, switching on the light as I walk through the door, although not really seeing the point of it, since I'll be turning it off again soon enough. I walk over to my dresser, and gaze into the mirror standing by the side of it, in the reflction I see a pony that I don't recoginze as myself. I see a pony wearing way too much make-up, with her long mane styled beautifully, and macthing her regal light blue dress that shines brightly with the small red rubies, of which I decided to cover it with. Honestly I'm not even sure why I bother dressing myself up whenever I go on one of these dates, the nights are always going to end the same way, so it doesn't really matter what I wear.
The pony in the mirror looks just like me, but she's not me, the only thing about her that is like me, is the fact that she has the most depessing expression on her face right now. It doesn't match the rest of her look, she should be happy, she just had a nice enough date with a kind colt who was nothing but polite to her all night, but still she looks so upset, now that's starting to sound a lot more like me.
I would normally go for a relaxing soak in the bath on these nights, but tonight I don't feel like doing that, and so instead I just undress, put my outfit away, and wash all the heavy makep-up off my face. When I look at the mirror again I see a pony that I recognize immediately, no more mask to hide behind, with her hair now slightly out of place, and a disheveled appearence, yep that's me alright. Not beautiful, not even good looking to say the least, absolutely nothing special about them at all, just an ordinary pony who's had a really rough night. I wasn't stood up or anything, although now I really wish I was, then I guess I would have a real reason for feeling the way I do right now.
I guess the big reason why I come home feeling so disappointed, and depressed like this is because, I never can find myself really enjoying any of the dates I go on, the ponies I met and get to know (athough nothing about them seems to stay in my memory) are always very kind and polite, and I like them I guess, but I've never felt anything for them really.
I get no butterflies, or nervous jitters when seeing them, I feel no spark when we're together, I have little to no interest to even make small conversation with them, no matter do anything else with them, sometimes I can't even bear to look at them for long periods of time. It sounds stupid but no matter who I may go out with, I never do feel anything for them, and I mostly just end up wanting to leave before the date has bearly started.
So why do I keep going on these dates if all I feel by the end of it is disappointment? I often ask myself this question, and as I walk over to lay on my bed, snuggling into the warm bedsheets, I remember my reason for doing all of this in the first place, after all it's not something I can forget that easily.
There was a time that I loved somepony, I thought it was just a silly crush, I would get over it soon, and there was nothing to worry about, but that's not how things turned out. After all this time I thought I was over you, I thought that I had forgotten about how I felt whenever you were near me, but I was wrong, because the truth is...I never have stopped loving you.
When I first met you, I thought of you as just another pony, that's all you were to me. We became friends and have been like that for years now, there are sometimes when we don't really get along I know, after all we don't have that much in common to be honest, but still there was always something about you, I never used to know what it was back when I first started having these feelings for you, I just always knew that I was drawn to you somehow.
However as time went on and I grew closer to you, I realized that I stopped seeing you as just a friend, in truth you meant a lot more to me, but I never felt the need to tell you as such, after all I've had plenty of crushes before, and they always went away quite quickly before it would become a problem for me, I thought you would be the same, but I was wrong.
In fact I couldn't be more wrong. You see, you were so different from all the other crushes I had had before you, first you weren't the type of pony that I would normally find myself having these kind of feelings for, sure you were attractive, and kind and loyal, but there was also a few things that I never really liked about you.
Your big ego, the fact that you hardly did anything to make yourself look presentable, and yet I still could find myself constantly staring at you, I always did think you had quite breathtaking eyes, and the more I looked the more I saw how beautiful you really were. There's also the fact that you were always so competitive, even when there was no competition. You were a big show off who always hated to lose. I used to wonder what it was that I ever saw in you, but whenever I was around you I would lose myself.
I would feel nervous whenever you were around me, I would never show it, and would just pretend like I was fine, when really I was trying to slow down my racing heart, and stop myself from losing my composure. I never did understand what it was that made me act so unlike myself when I was around you, but you can't choose who you fall in love with I guess...
Love? I thought over that word carefully as I lay my head on my bedsheets, smiling slightly as images of you came into my mind. Yes I loved you, I never felt like that with any other pony, you were the only one that made me feel that way. Still back then I believed you were nothing but another crush that I would get over in a couple of weeks or so, I was in denial for a long time, thinking that there was no way I could ever fall for a pony like you. I tried meeting new ponies, and going out on countless dates with them, telling myself that you would disappear from my mind as soon as I met somepony that I liked more.
And even though there were some ponies that I did sort of like, none of them made me feel the way I did when I was around you, and no matter who they were, or how nice they were to me, they could never make me forget about you. You were still on my mind all the time.
It's been a year or two since I finally realized my feelings for you, and yet I have found out that I still feel the same, I'm just better at hiding it now. I'm not as nervous around you anymore, and it's much easier for me to act normal around you now, but there are still times that I realize that I can't lie to myself about the way I feel about you.
I still go on these disapointing dates to try and forget about you, but it never works. There have been times where I did think I forgot about my feelings for you, and I think I have finally moved on, but then I see you again, and remember how happy I feel to spend time and talk with you, even if it is just as friends. That's what I really want, it would seem.
I don't want other ponies to be the ones that I'm going on dates with all the time, I want it to be you. I want to talk to you instead, I want you to call me 'beautiful' and compliment me on my outfit that I spent hours putting together, just for you, I would much rather spend time with you than with anypony else.
But you would never care about those things, and you would never treat me the way my dates do, after all I'm nothing but a friend to you, I'm not somepony special or anything like that, I'm just another one of your friends. I never did tell you that this was how I felt, because I was always so scared that I would be rejected or laughed at by you, I still am.
And so like every one of these nights, I'll lay on my bed, thinking about you, and wishing you could be here right beside me, I'll be like that until the morning comes and I have to work on those unfinished dresses, I won't get any sleep, I never do on these nights. I won't cry over you, because I know that there's no point to that, it won't change anything, or make me feel better in anyway, it'll probably just make me feel worse actually. So instead I'll just lay here, thinking about you until the morning comes.
I love you, I loved you for a long, long time, but I can never tell you, for it would only cause me more pain, and who knows what troubles it may cause for you, so I'll stay quiet, and you don't need to know about this secret of mine. I don't want to ruin our close friendship and make things difficult, so I'll keep these feelings from you.
And I might just stop going on these depressing dates, they are only making things worse for me, and I need to face the truth that I'm never going to forget about what I feel for you. After all I guess it doesn't matter who I meet, they aren't you...
They aren't you, and they will never be you...Rainbow Dash.
Author's Note
Poor Rarity 
Thank you ever so much for reading 
KillerChainsaw ;)
